“Why, Mr. Willing, good afternoon! How pleasant to meet you on the avenue like this. But what are you doing in the shopping district? Hunting bargain neckties? There, there, don’t look so utterly galvanized; I didn’t mean it. Besides, I know perfectly well why you’re here; you came on the mere chance of meeting me! Ah, ha, you needn’t look so embarrassed about it. I don’t mind being seen with you; I’m not a bit exclusive. Well, it was a shame to tease him – so it was. Now, as a very special favor, how would you like to go into Price’s with me, while I shop a little?

“H’m, you don’t seem awfully eager. What? Walk up the avenue instead? Well, we will, afterward. But let’s run in here just a minute while I buy a veil. It won’t take any time at all. And then we can go for a walk.

“Oh, what a crowd! I do think the people get thicker every year. Well, did you get through? I thought I’d lost you. When I saw you wedged in that revolving door with that fat lady you looked so funny. She was real cross, wasn’t she? But you were so meek, I had to laugh. You looked like a feeble-minded jelly fish.

“Now, now, Willy Willing, don’t peeve. Smile a ’ittle bitsy; yes, you do seem to be the only man here. But I’m glad to have you, it is so nice to have a man to pilot one through a shopping crowd. Oh, of course, the floor-walkers are just for that purpose, but they can’t go outside their diocese, or whatever you call it. Now, you can go ahead and blaze a trail. The veil counter is over that way, I think, anyway, it’s quite near the ribbons and catty-cornered across from the artificial flowers.

“Yes, here we are at last. Now, I’ll sit on this stool and you stand right by me. Don’t let women push in between us, for I want your advice.

“Oh, look who’s here! Why, Tottie May! I haven’t seen you since we were in Venice. Do you remember Venice? And those two long lines of Hoffman houses each side of the Grand Canal! Wasn’t it stunning? You, darling, how lovely to see you again. Yes, yes, I do, I do want to be waited on, but do wait a minute, can’t you? Yes, I want veiling, by the yard – there, that’s the kind I want. Oh! please don’t let that woman carry it off!

“Goodby, darling, must you go? Yes, the large meshed kind. Oh, no, not that one covered with little blue beads. I should feel as if I had turquoise measles. I want a sort of gray – the shade they call ‘Frightened Mouse’ – though why a mouse should ever be frightened when we are all scared to death of them – There, Mr. Willing, do you think this one is becoming? When I hold it up against my face, so. Where’s baby? Peep-bo. Oh, gracious, that floor-walker thought I peep-boed at him.

“Mercy me, I have rubbed all the powder off my nose. Oh, no, it won’t hurt the veil. I beg your pardon, madame, did I push you with my elbow? Indeed, I’m not taking up all the room. I’m fearfully crowded. And I rather fancy I can try the effect of a veil if I want to.

“Now, Willy Willing, how do you like this one, with the big polka dots? Yes, I know, only one dot shows, they’re so big and so far apart. But polka dots are so fashionable.

“Do you know the polka is coming in again – the dance I mean? They call it the panther polka? It’s awful sinuous – a sort of stealthy glide – makes you think of Sarah Bernhardt, or Elinor Weeks, but the best people have taken it up.

“What? you’re afraid they’ll get taken up? Oh, Willie Willing, how witty you are.

“There, do you like this veil? Don’t you think it suits my hair? Mr. Dow says my hair is a yellow peril. I don’t know what he means.

“You like my face better without my veil? Why, how pretty of you. Now, just for that I’ll let you select one.

“You’d select a bridal veil? Oh, fie, fie, Mr. Willing. You don’t really – Yes, I do want a veil. Please show me some of your other styles. And Mr. Willing, what do you think? At Gladys’s wedding next week, she is going to have – Certainly, my dear girl, I’m ready to look at your goods, but these are not the veils I want. Show me something newer, these are all – Why, Gladys said that Polly Peters said – do you remember Polly Peters? Well, you’d never know her now. Slim! She’s nothing but a spine – Yes, my girl, I’m looking at your veils, but I want the piece that lady has just picked up. Let’s wait till she lays it down.

“Now, Mr. Willing, you mustn’t get impatient. You men don’t realize what hard work shopping is, until now – Oh, my gracious! I have to be at our culture class by 4 o’clock. There’s a lecture on ‘Art Uplift in the Kitchen,’ and I know it will be fine.

“No, I don’t cook, but it’s such a satisfaction to know that one’s soup is made in a Greek-shaped jug, instead of a crude iron kettle – Oh, mercy, no! I wouldn’t wear a veil like that! Why, Mrs. Bailey had one like that once, and the very day I saw her wearing it I lost my amethyst hatpin. I’ve always considered a veil like that unlucky ever since.

“Well, I don’t seem to care for any of these veils, they’re not a bit distinctive. And a veil is such an important part of a costume – it dresses up the face so. These patterns are most uninteresting.

“Come on, Willing Willy, let’s go down to Storer’s and look at veils there – shall us?

“Why, you don’t seem to want to go a bit. Now, don’t go just to please me. I thought perhaps you were interested in —

“Oh, do you want to go? Do you know I believe you men just love to go shopping, and you only pretend you don’t.

“I am sorry, dear, that your veils don’t suit me, but, of course, I can’t buy what I don’t want just to help the store along; you couldn’t expect that, could you?

“And, anyway, I wasn’t exactly buying a veil – I was just shopping for one.”

A QUIET AFTERNOON

“Oh, how do you do, Mr. Willing? I’m so glad to see you! I was just saying to myself it’s such a dull afternoon I’d be glad to see anybody.”

“Even me!”

“Now, you’re just fishing for a compliment, but you won’t get it. Sit down in that big easy chair and we’ll have a nice, quiet, comfy afternoon, and you can talk to me.”

“I can do what?”

“Oh, well, I’ll talk to you, then. I want to ask your advice about something. I’m in a – well, a sort of a dilemma – and I want the judgment of a man of the world – an all-round knowing man – if you know what I mean. Oh, there’s the telephone – pardon me, Mr. Willing – I’ll just see who it is – no, you needn’t leave the room – it’s probably Tottie, or some of the girls. Hello! Oh, hello! Is that you, Jack? Why, you dear boy, I’m so glad to see you – hear you, I mean.

“What? Not really? Oh, the idea! Now, don’t you flatter me like that – oh, no, no – I couldn’t possibly! – well, maybe – if you’ll promise to be good.

“What, now? Oh, no, Jack, you can’t come up here now. I’m – just going out! No – you didn’t hear a man’s voice exclaiming! That was Fido! Yes, he has a human sort of a bark. Well, yes, it is a little like Willy Willing’s voice – he’s a perfect puppy! What! No! Of course, I mean Fido. No, Jack, you can’t come now; I tell you I’m going out. I have on my hat and coat already – yes, that was Fido again – he always makes that queer sound when anybody telephones. (Puts hand over transmitter.) Mr. Willing, you must keep still, or I won’t tell all these fibs for your benefit! But I don’t want our nice quiet afternoon intruded upon – Yes, Jack, come to-morrow. I have something I want to consult you about. I really need the advice of a (covers transmitter again) – Mr. Willing, please step into the library for a moment. Look at the new books on the table – Yes, Jack, truly, I need the experienced advice of an all-round man of the world – like you – oh, yes, you are – you’re awfully well balanced and all that – don’t talk when I am talking – wait till I ring off – oh, Jane is just bringing me a card – wait a minute, Jack – why, it’s Mr. Strong – I like that man awfully well – show him in, Jane. Goodby, Jack – no, I can’t listen now – good-by.”

“How do you do, Mr. Strong? Do sit down. Take this easy chair. I’m so glad to see you – yes, isn’t it dull weather? So good of you to come and brighten up an otherwise lonely afternoon. Excuse me, just a moment; there’s a new book in the library I want to show you. (Goes into next room.)

“Now Mr. Willing, you must stay here till Mr. Strong goes. Because, if you show yourself, you’ll have to leave here before he does – ”

“I won’t!”

“Hush, he’ll hear you – now, I won’t be a bit entertaining to him, and he’ll soon go – and then we can have our nice, quiet afternoon. Now, will you be goody-boy and stay here and not make a sound?”

“Yes, but I’ll eavesdrop everything you say.”

“I don’t care. I shan’t mean a word of it!”

“And if you don’t fire him pretty swift I’ll come in there and stir up a hurrah’s nest!”

“There! there! there! little one. Rest tranquil! Read a nice, pretty book or something, but don’t smoke, or he’ll know somebody’s in here.”

(Lilly returns to drawing room.) “Yes, I’m so glad you came, Mr. Strong – what book? – Oh, yes, I was going to show you a book, but I – it wasn’t there. Never mind, let’s just chat – I want to ask you something, something serious, you know. May I?”

“Oh – I don’t know – you see, it’s Leap Year!”

“Now Mr. Strong, don’t frivol. It doesn’t suit your iron-bound countenance. And, truly, I’m in earnest! You know, we women like to get the ideas of a man’s brain! A man of judgment and experience – a – well, what they call a man of the world – oh, yes, you are. I often quote your opinions – they’re so profound. Now, what I want to ask you about is – oh, there’s the telephone – excuse me – just a tiny minute – no, don’t go. Oh, hello! Is that you, Flossy? Darling girl, do come over, can’t you? – yes, now – right away – oh, I wish you could – I want to hear all about it! – only last night? – a ruby and diamond! – oh, heavenly! – well, come to-morrow morning, then – yes – yes, indeed, dearest – goodby – goodby – yes, I think so, too – perfectly horrid, but, oh, of course, yes – goodby – no, nothing of the sort – yes, I’ll come right over – goodby – ”

“Oh, must you go, Mr. Strong?”

“Well, yes, I did tell Miss Fay I’d go over to see her, but I meant after your call was over – please don’t go yet – you must? Well, come again, do – I always enjoy a talk with you – you’re so – so profound – if you know what I mean. Good afternoon, Mr. Strong.

“Now, come back, Mr. Willing! Didn’t I tell you I’d get rid of him in short order? But he’s such an everlasting talker it’s hard to make him go. Now, we can have our nice, quiet afternoon. Excuse me just a minute first – I want to telephone just the leastest word to Tottie May!

“Oh, hello! Is this you, darling? What do you think? – oh, you know already? Did Flossy tell you? – oh, no, not really! Well, for gracious goodness’ sake! – yes, coral-pink chiffon, in one of those new smudge designs – oh, yes – a black chip Gainsborough, with practically all the feathers in the world piled on it – no, Thursday afternoon – why, about five – violets? Well, rather! Oh, Tottie – and, yes, Mr. Willing is here, but he can’t hear what you say – no, he doesn’t mind waiting – oh, Tottie! I can’t believe it. Yes, she did! And she said that Billy said if she ever did such a thing again – Oh, Tottie, what do you think? Mr. Willing has gone!”