Millie needed her notebook. Her pencil. And fifteen minutes alone to lose her composure without an audience. But, she was not going to get any of those things, so she concentrated on the scenery. It was, well, beautiful. Absolutely breathtaking in fact.

Funny, when she made her long list of pros and cons for marrying a total stranger, the place where he lived did not ever cross her mind. She was looking for security. Safety. To feel like she could breathe again. She’d have been willing to take up residence at the bottom of a coal mine as long as she could have those things. Millie would never, ever forget what it felt like when she realized that she was, indeed, pregnant and homeless. And without the skills to find a job. Dependent on the kindness of strangers in a world that had never been very full of kind strangers to Millie’s eye.

She tried to suppress a shiver, tightening her muscles viciously. She didn’t want Adam to see and ask if she was okay. And he would. She had already learned some things about her new husband.

Millie slowly relaxed her muscles, and refocused her eyes on the scene in front of her. Beautiful was still the primary word she could find to describe it. Yes, it was the same blue sky that had been above her in Saint Louis. But, the rest was revelation.

Gold-and-green grass, at least four feet tall, swayed in the wind. She was looking at a never-ending golden-green sea, in fact. There were waves. Honest-to-goodness waves. In grass. The ground was so straight here that the dark spots on the horizon could well be hundreds of miles away.

Her first impression off the train was that Marrison was small and remote and quaint. A little settling trying to be a town. And now she was going to live almost an hour away from even that small civilization. It didn’t seem possible, but the landscape just got more and more remote the farther they went.

Millie was used to being on her own. However, she wasn’t used to being in a place that felt so foreign. The Keller ranch had been right outside Saint Louis. Knowing she was near the city had made the location feel close. Familiar.

Not now, though. Millie was far from the rivers and bluffs and the buzz of the city that she’d known all her life. A whole new start in a whole new land. It was both one of the scariest and one of the most comforting things Millie had ever seen.

Her plan for how she would act in this new marriage had not accounted for all the details of her new reality. How could it, though? She’d never been to Kansas. Never lived on a farm.

But, she would figure it out. She always figured it out. Millie just needed to gather as much information as possible. She would ask questions. Pay attention to what everyone else was doing. Take notes. And then, she could make her plan.

Millie sat up straighter as Adam turned the wagon off the worn trail of dirt that she assumed counted as a main road out here. The new path they had turned onto barely looked like a path at all. Instead of a solid width of light brown dirt, the way was designated by yet more grass. The grass was just shorter than the golden-green ocean surrounding them.

There was also a parting of the waves, so to speak. The moving grass gave way to rectangles of what had to be crops. Millie didn’t know what was growing, but she saw the neat rows of dark earth and the green plants seemingly shooting up out of the ground. She also saw cattle and horses.

Millie couldn’t contain her excitement. Though the large animals frightened her, they also thrilled her. She had never seen such creatures up close before. Sure, there were horses in the city, not to mention plenty of them at the Keller ranch, but these horses looked bigger. Rougher. More fitting to the wild frontier she’d been told existed once a person traveled past Saint Louis. She could hear them. And, though it was strange and perhaps unpleasant, she could smell them—a stronger odor than she’d noted at the Kellers’ home, where she’d rarely been outside. Instead of being a picture through a frame, they were very much real.

“This is our land. We’re only about ten minutes from the house.”

Our land. He’d done that earlier today, too. Millie wondered at how Adam seemed to have no problem moving from being a widower to being completely married. He acted as though he was pleased to share everything he had worked for with her.

Or else, he was very good at pretending. Millie had known more than one man who could put on a grand show of being generous and kind in public while being secretly stingy or cruel behind closed doors.

You’re too cynical, Millie. There are good people in this world, who genuinely want to help others without any strings attached. You need to have a little faith.

Mrs. Thompson’s words echoed through Millie’s head. It wasn’t the first time they had made an appearance. It seemed as though they had done nothing but ricochet around since the pastor’s wife had said them.

“Well, what do you think?”

Millie realized that she could see buildings now. A small house. A barn. A couple of other structures whose function she couldn’t place. The house looked sturdy. There was a porch and couple of windows out front. Millie saw two rocking chairs, and the whole scene reminded her of a picture she had seen in a book about life on the prairie. Seeing essentially the same picture now, in living color, with sunshine and a breeze on her face, and the ambient noise of animals was nicer.

She had a place to live. Food. Her baby would not be born fatherless and on the streets. No. He or she would have a home and a family and would never know the experiences that plagued Millie’s own youth. That was what she had wanted. What she had planned for. And what she had accomplished. For uneducated street trash, Millie had done just fine for herself.

“Millie?”

Again, Adam touched her arm. Again, it struck her as shockingly gentle and overly familiar. Again, Millie found that she really liked it. A lot. That touch was dangerously appealing, making her head spin when she needed to be calm and rational.

“It looks nice. Really nice.”

“It’s bigger than it looks.”

Did he think she found his home to be too small?

“It looks like the perfect size. I don’t know what some of those buildings are.” Millie hated her ignorance. It seemed she had spent the entirety of her life in situations where she did not know what she needed to know. What she should have been taught as a child.

“That’s okay. I know it’s a change from the city.” Adam did not sound concerned that he had married a woman unfit to survive out here.

“I mean, I recognize the house. And the barn. But what are the others?”

“The long one behind the barn is the bunkhouse. It’s where the hired hands live. I only have a couple right now, but I built it big enough to house ten or so. I’ll need them someday.”

He sounded so confident. It soothed the edge of the fear Millie had been shoving down into her belly for the past few months. If he planned on hiring several hands, then he planned on paying them. And, if he planned on paying them, that meant he had money. And if he had money, then he had security.

“What about the others? The smaller ones?”

“One is a root cellar, for storing food. The other is a meat house.”

“I do know what those are, so don’t be too scared. I’ve been told I’m an excellent cook.” She had tried to play up her assets in her letter to him, but it never hurt to reiterate them. Besides, that part was the absolute truth.

“I’ll give you a tour once we say hello to the children.”

“Where are they?”

“Probably inside. Napping I’d guess, based on the time. Edith, a neighbor, is watching them for me. You’ll be a bit of a change, so we wanted to leave everything else as familiar as possible.”

“Are they going to be upset?” Millie had not really worried too much about that. They were so young, and she had every intention of being a good change. Millie might not know about men like Adam Beale, but she knew about children. She had never met a child that she couldn’t eventually win over. In fact, more than one matron in The Home had put her in charge of the younger kids because of her way with them.

“I told them where I was going, so they know that I am getting married and bringing home a wife. A mother.”

“A mother.” Millie’s voice was soft as reverence washed across her heart. She knew she would be a mother, but it had always felt like some future event. Even with the life growing in her womb, the reality of actually being a mother had always been in the category of someday.

Someday had come. She was a mother now. Right now.

Help me, Lord. Help.

She still felt silly talking in her head to God, but it was becoming increasingly instinctual. Millie’s faith was getting stronger every single day, no matter how much she tried to reason herself out of it. It had already saved her. Literally.

Millie had walked into a church a year ago out of some kind of curiosity she couldn’t contain. After making her list and determining it couldn’t do any harm to just see what the church looked like on the inside, she’d forced her legs to go up those steps and walk through the doorway. Mrs. Thompson had been inside. That action had put into motion a chain of events that had led to Millie being in Kansas about to face her new children for the first time. The Lord sure had a way of doing things.

“This is still what you want, isn’t it? It will be much harder to change your mind once you meet the children. I—”

“No, Adam. Don’t.” It was hard to speak past the panic that put spots in her vision. He thought she had changed her mind? He was going to take her back. But, back to what? She was so close to having a steady, stable home, and now it was all going to disappear. Like the mirages she had read about.

This time it was Millie who reached out and initiated touch. “I’m sorry, Adam. I don’t know what I said wrong, but I haven’t changed my mind. Please, don’t make me go back. Please.”

She was begging. Millie had gone from awe at the thought of being a mother to sheer, humiliating desperation in the span of a heartbeat. She had to fix this.

Adam immediately pulled on the reins and stopped the wagon. Was he getting ready to turn around and take her back?

* * *

How had this gone wrong so fast? He had been enjoying the day, enjoying watching Millie take in her new home. Then, he opened his mouth and ruined it all. Like always. Apparently, he hadn’t learned a single thing from his first wife leaving him.

Adam dropped the reins and turned to Millie. What would he have done with Sarah? He would have tried to hold her. Comfort her. Yeah. He needed to do the opposite of that. His instincts had proven to be disastrously wrong. He needed to change his course or he’d end up in the same place.

“Millie. Calm down.” Adam infused his voice with as much authority as he could manage. It seemed to work, because she stopped begging him to let her stay. She seemed to stop everything. The new Mrs. Beale seemed to have frozen. Her eyes were still wide with panic, but she was no longer gasping for breath. Instead, her breathing had become too shallow. Too still.

“Millie, breathe. Please. Just calm down. I have not changed my mind at all. Not even a little bit. I did not marry you on some whim. I knew what I was doing, and I’m standing by that decision.”

Statue Millie did not so much as blink. His instincts were wrong and apparently the opposite of his instincts were not much better. Maybe Adam was never meant to be in a successful relationship with a woman. Lots of men went through life single. It seemed as though Adam should have taken that path.

But, he hadn’t. And he had two incredible children as a result. Children he needed to provide for. Meant to be a family man or not, Adam had a family. He had a responsibility to those children to give them a real home—including a loving mother. And he would. If he could just figure out how.

“I’m sorry. It was a stupid thing to say. Of course you’re sure. I know you’re sure. If I thought you might change your mind, I never would have married you. I don’t know why I said that. I’m sorry.”

She started breathing again. Finally. Finally, finally.

“Please. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I’m okay.” She didn’t sound okay, but she was moving and talking and that was more than statue Millie had been doing.

“It’s my fault, too. I overreacted. It was just a misunderstanding.”

Adam ran a hand down his face, feeling his body tremble slightly. This had spun out of control so fast. Too fast. Adam hated this feeling. He just wanted to move on.

“It doesn’t matter whose fault it was.”

Millie just looked at him with her dark brown eyes. Adam tried to give her as much time as possible, to be as patient as possible. Patience had never been his strong suit.

“Are we okay? Edith probably heard us coming. I’m sure she’s waiting for us.”

Millie breathed a small breath and looked at the house. Then she looked at him and nodded. “Yes. We’re okay. Let’s go meet the children.”

Adam picked the reins back up and flicked them. The horses were well trained and did not need any more encouragement to finish the trip. They were probably looking forward to the familiar barn just as much as Adam was yearning to be back home. Even though he’d only been gone since early this morning, Adam had missed this place terribly.

They came up to the area between the house and barn, and the front door opened. Adam saw Edith standing there, smiling. Her husband was a good friend of Adam’s, and they were good neighbors. She had been excited for Adam to go and fetch his new bride.

Edith was holding Genie in her arms. Caty was standing next to her, one little fist buried in Edith’s apron. Adam jumped down from the wagon and hurried to help Millie down. He should probably face the children with Millie by his side, present them as a united front, but he could not help himself. Adam bounded up the stairs and knelt down in front of his little girl.

“Hi there, Caty-girl. Did you miss me? I missed you a whole lot.”

Caty let go of Edith’s apron and stepped into Adam’s arms. Adam stood, relishing as always the slight weight of his sweet girl in his arms. She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face in his neck. Adam let her hide for a moment.

He looked at Genie and smiled. “Hey there, bud. Did you miss me?”

Genie nodded, still looking a bit uncertain. Adam reached out with his free hand and brushed it affectionately over the top of his son’s head.

Adam turned and walked down the stairs, murmuring to Caty as he went. “Are you ready to meet Millie, Caty-girl? Remember I told you that I was going to come back with a woman. A new mother?”

Caty nodded slightly, but still did not lift her face from Adam’s neck. He came to a stop in front of Millie.

“Caty, sit up and say hi to Millie. She really wants to meet you.”

Caty lifted her head, but she still looked down at Adam’s chest instead of in Millie’s direction.

“Hi, Caty. I’m so happy to meet you. Your daddy told me all about you, and I am so excited to be here.” Millie’s tone was just right. Genuine and friendly without being too condescending.

Caty looked at Millie, and Millie smiled gently. The smile made dimples appear in her cheeks. How had Adam not noticed the dimples earlier? He found he really liked them.

Caty bit her lip, but her face lost some of its wariness. Her death grip on Adam lessened. His girlie was definitely curious about Millie, but not scared.

That was good. Adam turned to look at Edith.

“Do you and Genie want to come and meet Millie, Edith?”

Edith came down the stairs at once, a huge smile splitting her face. “I thought you’d never ask. Standing back quietly is not something I’m skilled at, Adam Beale, and I think I’ve exercised a lifetime’s amount of restraint in the last five minutes.”

That was Edith. Cheerful and exuberant. But, also a good friend. Willing to help anyone she encountered. He had been beyond blessed to have the Potters as neighbors.

Still holding Genie, Edith came up to Millie, leaned in and hugged her. Millie looked surprised, but she returned the brief embrace. Edith then turned and stood so that Genie was angled toward Millie.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Millie. We’ve been excited all day, waiting for your arrival. My husband and I are your closest neighbors here, and I can’t wait to get to know you. I just know we’ll be friends.”

Millie’s eyes were wide, and Adam almost laughed. She had no idea what was in store for her now that Edith Potter had decided they would be friends. Though Edith was probably a year or two younger than Millie, she had the kind of personality that charged in and took control of things. Edith’s husband, Mike, had said more than once that his wife was a tornado.

Adam set Caty on the ground, not surprised at all when he felt her move as close as possible to his legs. He stepped up and took Genie out of Edith’s arms. “Genie, this is Millie.”

Millie stepped closer to Adam and smiled at Genie. Given Genie’s place in Adam’s arms, the boy and Millie were almost eye level with one another. “Hi, Genie. Your daddy told me all about you, too. I’m very happy that I finally get to meet you.”

“Well, I’ve got my things all gathered together and loaded in the wagon. I think I’ll be on my way.” Edith was still grinning like a fool.

“I appreciate all your help, Edith. You don’t have to rush off right away, you know.”

“It wasn’t any trouble at all.” Edith looked over at Millie and smiled an encouraging smile. “Millie needs time to settle. Both into the house and with the children. Don’t get too excited about me being gone, though. I’ll come back in a few days. Just to see if I can help.”

Adam had no doubt that Edith would be back. Neighbors were scarce enough out here and opportunities for socializing were few. A woman near her own age for a neighbor? That had to feel like treasure to someone as outgoing as Edith.

“I’ll get your horses and hitch them.” Adam set Genie down by the women and walked into the barn, pausing in the cool shadows inside. He turned to watch the group.

Edith was talking to Millie, her lips never seeming to stop and her hands moving in motions that probably corresponded to her words. Millie was watching, but was not talking in response. Caty and Genie were just standing there. The awkwardness seemed to reach out and blanket the entire front yard.

Well, it was done. He had a wife. His children had a mother.

Please, God. Don’t let this have been another mistake.

Chapter Three

To Do:

Wake up early

Gather eggs

Get water

Bring in wood for the day

Milk cow—well, try to milk the cow

Wash clothes

Hang clothes to dry

Churn butter

Make beds

Make stew for supper

Make bread

Beat dust out of rugs

Tackle mending pile

Weed garden

Work on knitting things to sell for extra money

Milk cow again?

Millie looked at her to-do list and frowned. She was hopelessly behind today. No, that wasn’t the full extent of it. She was hopelessly behind this month. Making her plans and lists was one thing. Actually doing them was a completely different thing. An increasingly frustrating thing, it turned out.

Between the two children outside her womb and the one inside, Millie was not getting anything done. At all.

Millie looked at her plans for the day and then scratched them out with a giant X. She hated that proof of her failure, right there for all to see. If she could, Millie would erase the always-uncompleted lists and pretend they never existed. But, she had used up all of her eraser doing that already. And, it hadn’t helped. She was still looking at a book of archived failures instead of a book of accomplishment.

“Miyi.”

Gene was awake. Millie closed her book and walked to the bedroom where the children were napping. She opened the door and was not surprised at all to see the little boy sitting up and grinning at her from the bed. Caty was still sleeping soundly next to him.

This had been their pattern for the past month. Both children would go down for their nap without a fuss, and both would quickly fall asleep. But, Genie woke up early. Every. Single. Time. Then, he grinned and charmed his way out of the rest of his nap. Millie supposed she should be firmer with him, but she just couldn’t. Not with that smile.

Millie came in and picked Gene up out of the bed. Holding him on one hip, she leaned down and adjusted the covers so they fully covered Caty. The girl would sleep for another hour or so, yet. Millie wasn’t too concerned about the difference in their nap time each day. Both children went to bed easily and on time. Both woke easily enough, too. Millie felt sure that each child was getting enough rest.

Millie left the door cracked as she went back out into the main room. She sat down in the rocking chair, adjusting Gene so he sat in her lap facing her.

“Well, Mr. Beale, did you have a good nap?”

“Yes!”

“Shh, you’ll wake your sister.”

“Blocks!”

Millie gave him her best mock-stern look. “May you please play with blocks?”

“Blocks, please?”

Good enough. Millie leaned forward and kissed his forehead before standing up and carrying him to the small area rug in the center of the room. She set him down and went to get the basket full of blocks from the corner. Genie would happily sit there, banging and making noises as he played, for hours.

He was a good boy. Actually, they were both good children. Millie had settled into life with them fairly easily. Compared to most of the children in The Home, Caty and Genie were amazingly well behaved.

Millie walked over to the kitchen table and eyed her notebook with disgust. No, it wasn’t the children’s fault that she was not getting things done. They took up some of her time, of course. But, they were not demanding children. And the time she spent with them was a joy.

She was the problem. Millie had been around women who were expecting before. She knew about the sickness that could plague the first few months of pregnancy. Or, she thought she knew.

It seemed that knowing and seeing were nothing like actually experiencing. Millie was past the first few months of her pregnancy. This feeling of illness should be over, but it wasn’t. Millie was tired. Really, really tired. And she was still getting physically sick every day.

The result was that notebook full of failed plans and more than one night spent obsessing about her failure. Just seeing it on the table made Millie want to go back to bed, pull the covers up over her head and hide from the world.

But, that wasn’t going to help anything.

Instead, Millie went into the kitchen and began cutting vegetables for the stew she planned for supper. She listened to Genie’s noises, pictured a sleeping Caty and looked at the main room of the house. Despite all her shortcomings, she had made her way to a nice place. A safe one.

The house was as charming as those two rocking chairs on the front porch had promised. The kitchen and family room were combined in one large room. At first, Millie had been surprised by the lack of privacy in the kitchen. She’d never worked in one that wasn’t enclosed in its own separate space.

But, she’d come to think the design was pure genius after only a few days with the children. Millie was able to work in the kitchen or sit at the table and still see exactly where Caty and Gene were and what they were doing.

Beyond the main room, the house had three bedrooms. Three seemed like a lot for this part of the country, and Millie felt almost spoiled. Adam had a bedroom, the children shared a room, and the third one was Millie’s.

Millie had never had her own bedroom before. She still felt a sense of wonder at the thought. Adam’s letter had made clear that he was seeking a mother for his children and someone to help with his home. Not for more intimate companionship. Even so, Millie never considered she would have a room of her own. At best, she’d hoped for a separate bed in with the children.

Even now, weeks later, Millie sometimes found herself standing in the doorway and staring at it. Making sure it was real. The room had a bed and a chest of drawers and too many small, comforting details to count.

The bed was covered in a gorgeous quilt. The care and love with which it was made was only enhanced by the softness that came from many washings. A vase of flowers sat on top of the chest. They had been there that first day, and Millie had kept fresh ones there ever since. The current assortment had been picked by the children. Especially for her. Curtains hung at the windows, sheer lace that let the light dance across the room early in the morning. A hooked rug lay on the floor next to the bed. And there was a rocking chair.

Millie had her own rocking chair in her own room.

When she’d commented on how beautiful it was, Adam had blushed. The man’s cheeks actually turned pink. He’d said that Edith was responsible, that it was all her doing. But, when Millie thanked Edith the next time she came out to visit, Edith had said it was all Adam’s doing. That he had requested a room for Millie that was both feminine and comforting.

Regardless of who did it, Millie loved her room.

She also loved this house. And these children. Really, it would be hard not to love Catherine and Eugene after spending more than five minutes with them.

Yes, things were going well. By anyone’s standards—with the exception of her failure to follow through on her carefully wrought plans for each day. Somehow, she could never seem to catch up...or escape the feeling of being on the edge of some sort of precipice.

Part of the problem was Millie’s sense of unfamiliarity with what was outside her front door. Inside the house, life was not too different from life in Saint Louis. Once she figured out where to find water, wood and food that was. But, outside was very different from anything Millie had ever encountered. And it intimidated her beyond belief.

Adam had tried to teach her what she needed to know. But he was busy every day. Between the fields from the farm aspect of the land and the livestock from the ranch aspect, he worked fifteen hours each day, coming home only for supper and an hour with the kids before bedtime. Edith said that was normal for this time of year. That things would slow down in late fall and winter and then they would have plenty of time together.

Millie didn’t know how she felt about that.

But, that was a worry for another day.

Despite his busy schedule, Adam had made sure Millie was comfortable gathering eggs and milking the cow. So far, those bare necessities and laundry had been the only reasons Millie had left the house. Until today.

Feeling like she had things inside the house under her control, today’s plan had included tackling the vegetable garden out back. It was in deplorable shape, largely due to inattention. Now that she was here, though, she wanted to get it back to its full glory. It wasn’t just aesthetic—they needed that garden for food.

Millie had some experience with small gardens, but had never tended anything as large as the monster out back. Of course, gardens in the city were meant to supplement food purchased from merchants. Here, though, the garden was supposed to be one of their primary sources of food. That made it a priority.

Millie glared at her notebook again. The one with the plan for her to work peacefully in that wreck of a garden while the children were napping. Too late for that now.

Well, it seemed that Millie was going to learn how to tend a garden and keep an eye on two small children at the same time. There was simply no other choice. Besides, the fresh air would probably do the children some good.

Two hours later, Millie found herself on her knees in the dirt. The plants here were definitely struggling, but they were not dead. Adam’s attempts at keeping the garden going around all his other duties had been enough to sustain life. Millie felt certain—okay, she really, really hoped—that the plants would flourish now that she was here to tend them regularly.

Oddly, the prospect excited her. Much like her room, this was a piece of earth that Adam had said was all hers. And, she wanted to do something with it. Make these dying plants and dark earth turn into a bounty of food that could feed them all year long.

“Am I doing it right, Millie?”

Caty and Gene had not hesitated to get down in the dirt with her. Genie’s chubby little fists were almost a blur in the beginning as he had just started pulling anything growing and tossing it in a pile. Vegetable or weed, if it was in his path it was yanked and thrown, all with an accompanying grin and nonstop chatter.

But, he was where Millie could see him, and was trying. Good enough. Besides, it took less than five minutes for Genie to decide playing in the dirt was more fun than dealing with pesky plants anyway.

Unlike her brother, Caty was taking her job very seriously. She spent long minutes considering the plants in front of her, fingering the leaves with solemn eyes and an intensity that almost made Millie sad. The girl looked so terribly fearful of getting anything wrong.

“You’re doing a great job, Caty. In fact, I’m watching what you do to make sure I get it right.”

Caty didn’t smile. “Really? I don’t think I am doing it the way I’m supposed to.”

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