Blackwood's Edinburgh Magazine, No. 404, June, 1849

BULLER

What's all this! Hang that Drone – confound that Chanter. Burst, thou most unseasonable of Bagpipes! Silence that dreadful Drum. Draw in your Horns —

SEWARD

Musquetry! cannon! huzzas! The enemy are storming the Camp. The Delhis bear down on the Pavilion. The Life is in danger. Let us save the King.

NORTH

See to it, gentlemen. I await the issue in my Swing-chair. Let the Barbarians but look on me and their weapons will drop.

BULLER

All's right. A false alarm.

NORTH

There was no alarm.

BULLER

'Twas but a Salute. The Boys have come back from Kilchurn. They are standing in front beside the spoil.

NORTH

Widen the Portal. Artistically disposed! The Whole like one huge Star-fish. Salmo ferox, centre – Pike, radii – Yellow-fins, circumference – Weight I should say the tenth of a ton. Call the Manciple. Manciple, you are responsible for the preservation of that Star-fish.

BULLER

Sir, you forget yourself. The People must be fed. We are Seven. Twelve are on the Troop Roll – Nine Strangers have sent in their cards – the Gillies are growing upon us – the Camp-followers have doubled the population since morn, and the circumambient Natives are waxing strong. Hunger is in the Camp – but for this supply, Famine; Iliacos intra muros PECCATUR et extra; Dods reports that the Boiler is wroth, the Furnace at a red heat, Pots and Pans a-simmer – the Culinary Spirit impatient to be at work. In such circumstances, the tenth of a ton is no great matter; but it is better than nothing. The mind of the Manciple may lie at rest, for that Star-fish will never see to-morrow's Sun; and motionless as he looks, he is hastening to the Shades.

NORTH

Sir, you forget yourself. There is other animal matter in the world besides Fish. No penury of it in camp. I have here the Manciple's report. "One dozen plucked Earochs – one ditto ditto Ducklings – d. d. d. March Chick – one Bubblyjock – one Side of Mutton – four Necks – six Sheep-heads, and their complement of Trotters – two Sheep, just slaughtered and yet in wholes – four Lambs ditto – the late Cladich Calf – one small Stot – two lb. 40 Rounds in pickle – four Miscellaneous Pies of the First Order – six Hams – four dozen of Rein-deer Tongues – one dozen of Bears' Paws – two Barrels of – "

BULLER

Stop. Let that suffice for the meanwhile.

NORTH

The short shadow-hand on the face of Dial-Cruachan, to my instructed sense, stands at six. You young Oxonians, I know, always adorn for dinner, even when roughing it on service; and so, V. and W., do you. These two elderly gentlemen here are seen to most advantage in white neckcloths, and the Old One is never so like himself as in a suit of black velvet. To your tent and toilets. In an hour we meet in the – Deeside.