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Author’s Transformational Method by Uliana Sunny
“From Survival and Suffering Questions to Questions of Choice”

The Nature of the Method

What unites women who are tired of suffering is not the cause of the pain itself, but one common state: you have been living in survival mode for a long time…

For one woman, it is the loss of a loved one.

For another, it is a breakup, financial uncertainty, and the need to be strong.

For someone else, it might be an illness, a divorce, loneliness.

My method is a path of returning to yourself, forged at the intersection of three powerful forces: my life experience (hitting rock bottom and being reborn), logic (a mathematical mindset structuring chaos), and spiritual wisdom (working with energy, intuition).

The method is grounded in the core principle of my book *Whole: From the Loss of Self to Self-Love*:

Stop suffering and start choosing!

It is intended for women who:

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Are enduring suffering in solitude.

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Feel an inner crisis and emptiness, even when everything looks fine on the outside.

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Are tired of choosing pain and dissolving into their partners.

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Want to stop "suffering" and learn to live from a place of resource and wholeness.

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Are standing on "ruins," tearing themselves apart from within.

The method is built on the principle of "from foundation to summit": first, we reclaim our inner footing, and then we learn to build healthy connections with the world. A total of 7 steps toward matters of choice.

My Theory

Dear woman, you are holding more than just a guidebook in your hands. My method gives you a map. Structure emerges: "Aha, first I need to do A, then B." Chaos fades away, and a plan appears. This is the foundation from which 90% of successful people begin.

And so, this working tool was created not simply for you to read the text, but to live it through your body, your feelings, and your daily actions.

My method, "From Matters of Survival and Suffering to Matters of Choice," was born out of my own pain, losses, and a long journey back to myself. It has been tested by my own experience and by the experiences of women who have walked this path. I have also drawn knowledge from other books and methods. But I want to tell you about mine because I got results! This is definitely work on yourself and a journey (requiring time, energy, intention). You will find no abstract advice here—only concrete steps, exercises, and honest guidance that will bring you back to your true self.

Have a rewarding read! There will be plenty of practice at the end, so read all the way through.

You are tired of suffering…

I know this state all too well. I know what it is like to wake up in the morning and feel a heavy weight inside. I know what it is like to live with the feeling that every day is just like the last, while pain, fatigue, disappointment, and despair gradually build up within you. I know what it is like to promise yourself, "Starting tomorrow, everything will be different," only to wake up in the exact same state all over again.

But one day, I realized one very important thing. The source of my pain, my despair, and my suffering was not in the outside world. It was inside of me.

I did not come to this realization right away. It took time. A great deal of time. It took walking through my own mistakes, disappointments, losses, betrayals, fears, and moments when it felt as though I had no strength left. Sometimes life literally brings a person to their knees just so that, one day, they can finally rise as a different person.

If you are reading these lines right now, you might be tired, too. Tired of suffering, tired of the constant battle with yourself, tired of feeling as though life is passing you by. And if the thought has already surfaced inside you—"I don't want to live like this anymore"—then this is the beginning.

If you are truly ready to stop suffering, let us begin this journey together. I promise you, it will be real.

You are tired of making promises to yourself that you cannot keep. Every time, you tell yourself: "Come Monday, I’ll start a new life. Tomorrow I will definitely wake up earlier, exercise, change my diet, start learning a language, open my own business, write a book, quit my unloved job, end that toxic relationship. I will finally start living the way I’ve always dreamed."

Yet days, weeks, months, years pass by. And you find yourself back at that exact same point, feeling the weight of unfulfilled promises made to yourself. A dull exhaustion sets in from trying to seem clear, proper, and convenient to everyone around you except yourself. I know that feeling all too well—pouring all your energy outward, trying to adjust yourself to other people’s expectations, and ending up with a searing inner void. You are torn between the desire to change everything and the fear of taking a step into the unknown, continuing to walk in a vicious circle. But the truth is, this pain is merely a signal from your body and spirit that the old script no longer works.

My own path was not a smooth road. I am a Leo, my element is Fire, and in numerology, my soul and destiny numbers are marked by ones, the energy of the Sun. But even with this inner light and ancestral feminine power passed down from my mother and grandmother, I was lost in the dark. I kept silent when everything inside was tearing apart from pain, dissolved into partners, and trampled on my own desires. I have had the most diverse roles, professions, and sharp turns in my life, but today I see: every crisis I lived through, every mistake, and every tear were essential fragments of my unified mosaic. Life broke me not to destroy me, but so that I could assemble myself anew—already real and unbreakable.

It took time to realize a key thing: you do not need to earn love, become "better" than someone else, or curry favor with the world to have the right to happiness. You are already worthy of love by your very birthright. My method was born right here—at the intersection of having lived through personal rock bottom, mathematical logic structuring chaos, and spiritual wisdom. When you unite cool calculation with working on energy and intuition, a clear understanding emerges: it is time to stop choosing suffering. It is time to learn to lean on your own inner fullness, rather than searching for salvation in others.

I remember how my state changed when I began to live from my heart and body, rather than from fear. One day during a walk through the summer capital, a friend and I were simply dreaming out loud, speaking our desires down to the tiniest details. I remember that special feeling in my body when I said: on the fifteenth of October, I will be having dinner by the ocean with the man I love. This was no restless fantasy—it was the intention of a mature woman. And the Universe answered: soon after, a man appeared who was ready for a deep union, a shared home, and a family. When you stop clinging and pleading, your feminine energy begins to attract mature, deep, and respectful relationships without any need to lose yourself.

None of your past life cycles, breakups, losses, and doubts were in vain. All of it was leading you to today's point—to the moment when you take responsibility and make a choice. Ahead of us lies detailed work and practical steps that will guide you from survival to awareness. Step by step, you will understand how to reclaim your footing, rise from your knees, and enter into the state of being "whole." Do not be afraid if not all the fragments of your life fit into a clear picture just yet. Simply trust the process, trust my experience, and walk with me. I am right beside you.

And so, you find yourself back at that very same point… You cannot change your life.

Not because you are a weak person. Not because you are lazy. But because the habit of putting off your own life for later has been living inside you for a long time.

You compare yourself to those around you. You look at others' achievements and think that everyone around you has accomplished something, while you have been left far behind.

Someone has built a business. Someone has created a happy family. Someone is traveling. Someone is making a lot of money. Someone has realized their dream.

And you feel as if you are standing in one place, asking yourself every single day: "Why not me? What is wrong with me?" And the more often you ask yourself these questions, the less strength remains to move forward.

Every day you tell yourself: "Tomorrow I will definitely do everything differently." But for some reason, tomorrow never comes. All that ever arrives is a new today, which becomes yesterday all over again. And that is how months pass. Sometimes years pass. And sometimes, a whole life passes.

But do you know what I realized? If you are tired of yourself, if you are sick of living like this, if you no longer want to look for excuses, then that is good news.

Yes, truly good news. Because as long as someone is satisfied with their life, they change nothing. As long as they keep convincing themselves that everything is fine, they continue living out of habit.

But when a genuine weariness with oneself appears inside—that is precisely when transformation begins.

Therefore, I want to tell you one important thing: It is good that you have finally arrived at this state. It is good that you have stopped lying to yourself. It is good that one day you honestly told yourself: “I don’t want to live like this anymore.” This is your beginning toward transformation and results. And if you are holding my methodology in your hands right now, it means you have already made your first choice in favor of your new life. The first step is always the hardest. But it is the very one that changes the direction of the entire path.

In truth, you are not the only one tired of your excuses. More than likely, your family is tired of them too. People who love you, worry about you, and want to see you happy, but hear the exact same words over and over again: “Later; Now isn’t the time; I will definitely start; I was just a little unlucky.” Perhaps your parents are tired, because they see how you could be living completely differently—better and happier. Perhaps your partner is tired, longing to see someone beside them living life to the fullest rather than constantly putting herself off for later. Perhaps your children (if you have them) sense your fatigue. Children always sense their parents’ mood; they feel when Mom or Dad is unhappy, even if no one speaks of it out loud.

Perhaps your colleagues, too, see that you are capable of so much more. They notice your knowledge, abilities, and potential. They understand that you could be holding a completely different position, executing large-scale projects, earning more, and living a different life.

Yet instead, you do nothing. Or, on the contrary, they understand that you are in completely the wrong place. They see that your job brings you no joy, that deep inside you have long been ready to leave, but you put off that decision again and again because you are afraid.

Afraid of losing stability. Afraid of starting over. Afraid of making a mistake. Afraid of making a choice.

Of course, the people around you can support you. They can give advice, share their experience, try to guide you, and say the right words.

But the truth is that no piece of advice will change your life until you yourself grow tired of living the way you live now.

Until you yourself grow tired of your own excuses. Until you yourself stop looking for reasons not to change anything. Until you yourself make a decision. This is an essential moment.

Change never begins with a book. It does not begin with a motivational video. It does not begin with advice from friends.

It begins with your own inner decision after reading, after watching, after listening, after action, after an honest conversation with yourself. These are like your helpers, but the decision is entirely yours.

When you can no longer deceive yourself. When you understand that if nothing changes today, then in a year, in five years, or in ten years you will be living in the exact same way. That is the very moment you must wake up. I am convinced that every one of us must one day awaken from this inner sleep.

A great many people live as if on autopilot:

Wake up. Go to work. Return home.

Look at your phone. Go to sleep. And so on, day after day. And at some point you suddenly realize that life is passing by.

That is why you need to live here and now. Not someday later. Not after vacation. Not after the New Year. Not after money appears. Not after someone changes. Not after Monday. But now.

We spend years waiting for this illusory state of readiness. It seems to us that one day the ideal day will come: fears will vanish on their own, a sense of lightness will flare up in our chest, and that is when we will finally decide to leave a job we hate, end a destructive relationship with a man, or move to another city. But in this endless waiting, months and years quietly pass. In reality, readiness is not an epiphany descended from above, nor is it the absence of fear. It is a simple choice of will. It is an inner click, when you make a decision and no longer leave yourself a path of retreat. You stop looking for excuses, close other people’s social media profiles, stop comparing yourself to others, and simply take responsibility for your destiny.

I lived in that deception for far too long myself, trying to be convenient, proper, and “suitable” for everyone around me. I looked for love outside myself, adjusted to others, and remained silent when my heart was breaking and I wanted to scream from pain and things left unsaid. And every time, giving all of myself without holding anything back, I ran into a ringing emptiness inside. It seemed to me that love had to be earned, that I had to become someone else to be worthy of happiness. But the truth is that you are already worthy of love by right of your birth. You do not need to reshape yourself to fit other people’s expectations in order to begin living your real life.

I often remember that small, skinny Asian village girl—with long black hair and thick eyebrows. She looked in the mirror and genuinely considered herself ugly, dreamed of being Slavic, and believed that her true value depended on the grades on her high school diploma. For her, education was the only chance to break out of poverty, and she tried hard, read, studied, and often wept from helplessness. If I could go back there, sit beside her on that old village bed, and tell her that one day she would move to the capital, become an executive, travel the world, and understand her true uniqueness, she simply would not have believed it. But this path showed me: our unique traits are not flaws, but our strength.

Real changes happen when you stop acting out of fear and start choosing out of love for yourself. When I learned to be whole, my relationships with the world and with men changed as well. Previously, I looked for salvation, status, or security in a union, constantly asking the question: “What will this relationship give me?” But mature love and a healthy family are born quite differently. It is not when one person dissolves into another, losing their essence, but when two whole people consciously choose to walk together in one direction. At thirty-six, I can say absolutely honestly: I have gone through losses, irrational decisions, and dissolving into others, but I returned to myself. I am whole. And being yourself is the most beautiful and valuable thing you can allow yourself. Why? Because we have no other time.

There is only today. There is only the present moment. And right now you can take the first step.

Every minute of your life, try to use your potential. Do not put off your dreams. Do not wait for ideal conditions. Ideal conditions do not exist. Fulfill your dreams. Move toward your goals. Listen to your heart.

Very often, it already knows the answers that the mind is afraid to accept. Sometimes the heart tells you to go forward, and the mind starts looking for a thousand reasons not to do it. And that is the exact moment when the most dangerous thing appears—excuses.

Therefore, one day simply tell yourself: “That’s it. No more excuses.”

Excuses are lies. Lies that you tell yourself. We repeat the same explanations to ourselves so often that we begin to believe them:

“Now isn’t the right time.”

“I started too late.”

“I’m too old.”

“I don’t have money.”

“I don’t have connections.”

“I’m not smart enough.”

“I won’t succeed.”

Yet if you look honestly at these thoughts, it becomes clear that most of them are not facts. They are fear disguised as excuses.

On the one hand, you cannot constantly shift responsibility onto others. You cannot spend your whole life blaming your parents, the state, ex-partners, your boss, friends, or circumstances. Yes, much of it could have been unjust.

You might have been hurt. Yes, you might have been betrayed. You might not have been given the opportunities that others had. But the responsibility for what happens next already belongs solely to you.

That is precisely why the first thing you must learn is to take responsibility for yourself.

For your Decisions, Mistakes, Life.

Until you take responsibility for yourself, you cannot grow. You cannot evolve. You cannot become stronger. Because responsibility is the foundation of every transformation. Without it, changing your life is impossible.

Yet there is another extreme. Some people are so dependent on the opinions of others that they stop hearing themselves. They fear criticism and judgment. They fear taking the first step.

I want you to understand one very important thing. You may listen to the opinions of others. But only when those opinions come from people you genuinely respect. From people who have built a life you admire, who love you. From people who wish you well. And even then—not every word they say should become the law of your life.

Do not take to heart the criticism of people who create nothing themselves. Do not allow other people's negativity to govern your decisions.

Do not constantly think:

"What if I fail?"

"What if people think poorly of me?"

"What if I make a mistake?"

"What if they laugh at me?"

Because these very thoughts hold you in the same place for years. You are not losing days and months. You are losing years of your life.

And all this time, you drift further and further from your dream, paying attention to the opinions of people who, perhaps, have never helped you with advice, deed, or support. Think about that.

Is the opinion of someone who has no influence on your life truly worth giving up on your dream? It does not matter what your nationality is. It does not matter where you were born. It does not matter how much money is currently in your bank account. It does not matter what education you have, how old you are, or how many mistakes you have already managed to make.

If the Lord gives you an opportunity to change your destiny, do not let it slip away. Do not sit and weep over someone else being luckier than you. Over not being worthy of a better life. Because that is not true. You have the very same right to be happy and successful.

I remember standing in an unfamiliar city with a single cheap suitcase, genuinely believing that memorized mathematical rules and theorems would shield me from life's pain. We were taught to find logical solutions on paper, but no one explained how to say a firm "no" when your boundaries are crumbling, or how to walk away from an exhausting, soul-draining relationship. It took years, a mortgage, and financial failures to realize: intelligence and endless patience do not guarantee a fair world. For years, I built an invisible armor of hyper-control and hardness around my heart. It seemed to me that if I became impenetrable, self-sufficient, and made of iron, I would never feel vulnerable again. But that same armor, which saved me in survival mode, eventually turned into a solid wall that kept me from simply living and trusting.

Every time it felt as though life was collapsing under the weight of its blows, a choice awoke within me: to remain a victim of circumstance or to turn that tearing pain into valuable experience. Surviving means constantly keeping your finger on the pulse, waiting for a catch, and trying to control every move of those around you. But real, deep strength does not lie in sealing your soul inside a shell; it lies in knowing when to take off that armor. When you stop looking to others as saviors or culprits behind your misfortunes, a simple and sober realization arrives: your life is your responsibility alone. No matter how many times you have walked through the same painful lesson, as long as your heart beats, it is not too late to take a different step.

Sometimes my mind takes me back to that old village house where, as a schoolgirl, I sat at a wooden desk in the cold, believing I was not pretty or smart enough because of some grades and other people's standards. Back then, it seemed to me that I absolutely had to be someone else to earn the right to success and happiness. We often choose our jobs, partners, and decisions out of a deep fear of falling short of others' expectations or out of a desperate attempt to flee poverty. But true maturity arrives when you gather yourself piece by piece and become entirely whole. You stop clinging or building a union just to find an external anchor—you become that anchor yourself, and you begin making choices solely out of love and respect for your own nature.

Look at your hands; feel the firmness of the ground beneath your feet right now. Stop spending your single, precious life trying to prove something to those who do not even try to understand you. You do not need to see the entire road all the way to the horizon to take the first step toward your dreams. Cast off other people's expectations, stop feeding fear with excuses, and believe: right this minute, you have everything you need to stop merely surviving and finally begin to live.

You have the very same right to realize your dreams and take advantage of the opportunities that life gives you.

Sometimes these opportunities truly arrive unexpectedly—they literally fall into your hands. And do you know what most people do? They begin to doubt.

They begin to think:

"Maybe this isn't for me."

"Maybe I haven't earned this."

"Maybe it's just an accident."

And then you walk right past your opportunity.

Do not do that.

If life opens a door before you—walk in. If the Lord sends you a chance—accept it with gratitude. Sometimes a single opportunity can change the rest of your life.

Begin each of your days with inspiration. This does not mean you must live with rose-colored glasses and pretend that problems do not exist. No. There will be problems and hardships. But every day, you can choose what fills your head.

From the very morning, you can choose which thoughts will accompany you throughout the day. Begin your morning with motivation. Read books. Listen to lectures. Watch motivational videos. Watch interviews with people who inspire you. Observe those who are already living the way you dream of living. Follow the blogs of people who make you want to become better, not those who leave you feeling worse about yourself.

Because information is food, too. Only it is food for our minds. Choose your information wisely.

And if you feed your mind every day with anxiety, fear, negativity, endless bad news, scandals, conflicts, and other people's problems, then after a while, that exact state will begin to grow inside you.

Without even noticing it, thoughts will appear:

"Everything is too complicated."

"It's too late to change anything."

"I will never become successful."

"I'm not smart enough."

"Others do it better."

"I could never do that."

"Maybe this just isn't for me at all."

And gradually, these thoughts begin to control a person. A person stops acting and believing. She no longer dreams. And then she stops living.

I always say one simple thing: watch what you say. Watch the words you speak aloud. Many believe that words are just words. But I think differently. I am convinced that every word carries power. If it seems to you that no one hears your words, you are mistaken. You hear them yourself. Your mind hears every word. Your subconscious hears every word.

And if you believe that thoughts are material, then all the more must you understand how important it is what you think about and what you speak each day.

I believe that all our thoughts and words do not vanish without a trace. They transform. Thoughts become our inner state. They become our faith.

They become our decisions.

And our decisions, in turn, become our life. Therefore, begin with your thoughts. Begin with what you say to yourself.

Instead of:

"I won't succeed,"—

say:

"I can handle this."

Instead of:

"I lost,"—

say:

"I am learning."

Instead of:

"I am a failure,"—

say:

"I am someone moving toward her goal."

I often tell myself:

"I am a winner."

"My dreams will come true."

"The Lord has plans for me."

And these words give me the strength to keep moving forward, even when it is hard.

If you do not know where to begin changing your life, start with the simplest thing. You do not need to try to change absolutely everything at once; you do not need to wait for the ideal moment. Start with one small action. For example, as I once did, begin learning a foreign language.

Not because it is fashionable, but because any new knowledge expands your world. Every new word is already a step forward. And a new, beneficial habit is already a new version of you.

Or start writing. Take an ordinary notebook or notepad. And simply begin writing down your thoughts. Write honestly. As if you were talking to yourself. Do not think about anyone else reading it. Do not try to write beautifully. Write sincerely. Perhaps one day, you too will write a book.

When you put your truth on paper, you cast off the weight of past mistakes and other people's expectations from your shoulders.

I remember how wonderfully I could explain ways to solve the most intricate problems to students, yet for years I could not lead myself out of a personal dead end. Ultimately, I found myself with huge debts and a feeling of complete emptiness inside. I was not valued at work, and after my relationship ended, only an oppressive ache remained. I had to go through living at my own rock bottom and endure a true rebirth to realize: life's trials and hardships do not come to destroy us. On the contrary, they are precisely what knock illusions from under our feet, forcing us to seek new solutions, take risky steps, and lay the indestructible foundation of our inner home.

When a new opportunity opens before you, your psyche often switches on defense barriers and fear. We are frightened by the unknown; we close ourselves off and whisper to ourselves: "I'm not ready, I can't handle it." But you do not need to earn love or the right to success. You are already worthy of this simply by right of your existence. You do not need to become someone else to be happy. Inside you there is already a unique combination: tenderness and incredible strength, dreaminess and vivid practicality, courage and caution. This combination allows you to restore your wings after falls, to stand up again, and to walk your path with confidence.

Always remain in sensitive contact with your body. When you replace a living "I want" with a dry "I must" and betray your true desires, the body immediately reacts—the condition of your skin and hair changes, physical exhaustion or illnesses appear. These are not merely glitches, but direct signals from your temple that you are turning away from your path. Learn to listen to yourself and trust the space around you without a shadow of a doubt. When you fill your mind with faith rather than anxiety, speak words of support, and make choices from a pure heart, life begins to unfold toward you. Being yourself is not scary. It is beautiful, honest, and gives that very deep feeling when you can proudly say to yourself: "I am whole."

Just as it once happened to me.

When I started writing down my thoughts, I could not even imagine that one day they would turn into books that other people would read.

Everything great begins with the small. With one thought. With one decision.

Surround yourself with people who inspire you. People in whose presence you want to become better.

Get rid of informational garbage, of unnecessary noise. Stop letting everything and anything into your head. Today, thousands of information sources are fighting for your attention:

News. Social networks. Arguments. Conflicts. Other people's lives. But think about it.

How much of that time truly makes you happier? How much information helps you become stronger?

Very little.

Therefore, learn to protect your inner space. Concentrate first and foremost on yourself and your development. On your work, health, and goals. And, of course, on those closest to you. Because it is our loved ones who become our support during the hardest periods of life.

And one more thought in which I sincerely believe: not all of your thoughts need to be shared with those around you.

Some are worth entrusting only to proven people. And some—only to God.

There are conversations that take place in silence. There are prayers that only the Lord hears. And it is precisely after such conversations that an astonishing calm is born within a person. Because sometimes a person does not need advice. Sometimes they simply need to be heard. Even if only God hears them.

When you begin writing your thoughts in a notebook, be sure to write about your goals and desires. Do not be afraid to dream. Write down what seems too big or even impossible to you right now. Remember: your desires do not appear out of nowhere.