But it had mattered because they hadn’t wanted her there in the first place.
She’d been the outsider then, and she was the outsider now.
The only person who wanted her here was Jackson, and he’d been relying on her to impress his family.
If she needed any confirmation that hadn’t happened, Walter gave it. “That’s it? If you ask me, we’d be better off leaving the money in the bank.”
Kayla made a last desperate attempt to recover the situation. “Why don’t I take you through some of the integrated marketing campaigns we’ve run for other companies? It will give you a feel for what can be achieved. For example, our campaign for Adventure Travel generated in excess of three hundred million media impressions, including prime spots on daytime television.”
“Media impression?” Alice looked blank. “What’s a media impression?”
Walter glared at Jackson. “Why do we care what she’s done for other companies? Is she saying we’re not unique?”
He didn’t even address her directly, Kayla thought. She might as well not be here.
“That’s not what I’m saying.”
This time he did address her directly. “So tell me what is special about Snow Crystal.”
There was a hideous silence.
“I—I don’t know yet.” She had statistics, but that wasn’t what was needed here. For once she wished she had the backup of her team. She even would have welcomed Brett saying “no worries” and committing them to all manner of unachievable goals. Anything that would give her a minute to refocus. “But I’ll find out. That’s why I’m here. I intend to find out what is special about Snow Crystal.”
Jackson was staring at her with incredulity, and her cheeks burned because she knew she’d failed him. And herself. For the first time ever she’d failed at her job. There was no way, no way, he’d give her the business after her pathetic performance. And she didn’t blame him. She wouldn’t give herself the business, either.
Walter gave a grunt. “Then maybe we should be having this meeting when you’ve done that.”
“That’s enough.” Jackson didn’t move from his seat, but his voice was hard. “This family may be many things, but rude isn’t one of them. Kayla is an expert at what she does.”
Walter’s expression was mutinous. “Maybe, but she’s not an expert on Snow Crystal. She’s just admitted it, and that’s hardly surprising, is it? She’s an outsider. How can an outsider know more than us?”
“We need someone on the outside,” Jackson said coldly, “because the people on the inside have done things the same way for far too long.”
“Because they worked. You want to change things for the sake of it.”
“I have no idea who rattled your cage, Walter, but you need to calm down or you’ll be getting chest pains again.” Sending her father-in-law a reproving look, Elizabeth O’Neil placed the large casserole in the center of the table. “As for Kayla, she’s probably starving hungry, and no one can think on an empty stomach. She had a long journey and traveling always makes a person hungry. Do you like pot roast, Kayla?”
They were looking for excuses for her fumbled, inadequate performance, and there were none. Or at least, none she could offer.
Kayla couldn’t make her brain or her limbs work.
She glanced at the casserole as if a spaceship had landed in the middle of the table then stood up, graceless and flustered.
They didn’t want her here.
Jackson reached out and caught her arm, his fingers like steel. “Where are you going?”
Why don’t you eat in your room, Kayla?
“You’re having a family meal. I’m interrupting.” Shaking him off, she stuffed the notebook and computer into her bag without bothering to switch off the power.
“You’re not interrupting.” Elizabeth sounded confused. “We’re having pot roast. Élise, our French chef, gave me the recipe. It’s the perfect comfort food for a snowy day, and we have plenty of those around here. I’ll give you the recipe, then you can make it when you’re back in New York.”
She wished she were in New York now, back in her soulless glass apartment sealed away from the world.
Coming here had been a bad idea. She was running away, but you couldn’t run from something that was inside you.
“I’ll leave you to your meal.” Kayla stumbled toward the door and grabbed her coat. “Have a good evening.” Her coat half on and half off, she yanked open the door.
A young girl stood there. Pale-skinned and thin, she wore a thick Fair Isle sweater and was holding a puppy in her arms.
“I found her outside.” She put the puppy down, and it immediately ran over to Kayla and raced in circles around her, leaping up and leaving paw prints on her favorite black suede shoes.
“Oh, she’s making a mess of your beautiful shoes, I’m so sorry—” Elizabeth brandished the serving spoon. “Go to your basket, Maple.”
Maple paid no attention and Kayla heard Jackson sigh.
“Down!”
Responding to the voice of authority, Maple sank to her belly and turned wounded eyes to Kayla.
Kayla was willing to bet the look in her eyes was pretty similar.
I’m in much deeper shit than you are.
While the O’Neils were focused on the puppy, she seized the moment to escape.
“Kayla—”
“I’m fine. Enjoy your meal.” She took a last, wild look around the room and shot out of the door, slamming it shut behind her.
WHAT THE HELL had just happened?
Jackson closed his eyes and spent thirty seconds mentally running through every swearword in his vocabulary while Maple leaped out of her basket and barked at the door as if she wanted to go after Kayla.
Everyone was talking at once.
“She seemed flustered.” Alice put her knitting down. “Something was wrong.”
Elizabeth took plates from the oven. “Of course something was wrong. She had Walter barking at her and on top of that she was hungry. No one can concentrate when they’re hungry. You need to take her something to eat, Jackson. And, Walter, you need to show tolerance when we have a guest in our house.”
“She wasn’t a guest. She was here to make us change things that don’t need changing. Things she doesn’t understand.” Walter pointed his fork at Jackson. “I told you it was a mistake to employ someone from New York.”
“You didn’t give her a chance.” Jackson hauled in his temper. The fact that Kayla hadn’t performed as expected intensified his feelings of frustration. She’d made his battle harder, not easier. “If you’d let her talk, you might have discovered she’s good at her job.” Except that she hadn’t been. Not today. Not when it counted. She’d crumbled in front of his eyes and he had no idea why.
True, Walter had been difficult, but no more difficult than the senior company personnel Kayla Green spoke to on a daily basis in her role as associate vice president. And yet the ballsy, gutsy woman who had manipulated her tough boss like modeling paste had allowed his eighty-year-old grandfather to walk all over her as if she were yesterday’s snow.
And Walter hadn’t finished. “I don’t care if she’s from Alaska. If you put all your savings into her you’re even more of a fool than you look. Might as well back a moose to win the Kentucky Derby.”
“Better legs than any moose I’ve laid eyes on.” Tyler’s attempt to defuse the tension had the opposite effect on Jackson.
He was trying not to think about those legs, just as he was trying not to think about her mouth and her smooth blond hair. Most of all he was trying not to think about the panic in her eyes.
What the hell had happened to her?
He’d known it would be a difficult meeting, but not even at his most pessimistic had he expected her to actually walk out. If he hadn’t witnessed it himself, he wouldn’t have believed such a competent businesswoman could crumble so completely.
Had he underestimated the impact of taking her out of a minimalist corporate boardroom devoid of personality or character and transplanting her here, in the O’Neil kitchen?
He looked at his grandmother, knitting steadily, a ball of yarn at her feet and several more on the table, his mother stirring the casserole and his grandfather scowling from his favorite chair at the head of the table.
Jackson rose to his feet as his mother put a plate in front of him. “I’m not eating, thanks. I need to talk to her.”
“Don’t bother,” Walter grunted. “She doesn’t have anything to say worth listening to.”
The comment snapped the leash on his temper. “That’s enough.” He saw his grandfather blink. “Once, just once, it would be helpful if we all acted as if we’re on the same side. Do you think I’m doing this for fun? For my own entertainment? Because I could find other more exciting things to keep me awake at night than the state of the Snow Crystal finances.”
Walter’s mouth tightened, but his face turned a few shades paler. “Then you should do that. I ran this place before you were born. I can run it again with my eyes closed. It’s what I want.”
“I know you do. And your eyes are closed. As closed as your mind.” Speaking through his teeth, Jackson strode to the door. “Unless you want to lose this place it’s time you opened both of them. And the sooner you accept that I’m the one running it and I know what I’m doing, the sooner we’ll be back in profit.” Grabbing his coat, he strode out of the house, slamming the door behind him.
Walter’s shoulders sagged.
The food in front of Elizabeth sat untouched. “I’ve never seen him so angry. And she’s going to slip on the ice in those pretty shoes.”
“She’ll walk out,” Walter muttered, “then at least he won’t have sunk good money after bad.”
“Was that your plan?” Alice glanced up from her knitting, her gaze steady and unflinching as she looked at her husband. “Jackson wants her here for a reason. Perhaps he’ll surprise you, and perhaps she will, too.”
“Maybe I have his best interests at heart.”
“Maybe you don’t always know best when you see it, Walter O’Neil.”
“I married you, didn’t I?”
Alice smiled. “Which proves you’re capable of knowing what’s best. Better do as Jackson suggests and open those eyes a little wider.”
SHE’D BLOWN IT.
Stumbling through the snow on her high heels, Kayla knew she should stop and change into her boots, but she wanted to put as much distance between herself and the O’Neils as possible. Ruined shoes were the least of her problems.
For the first time in her life, she’d blown a meeting with a client.
How had that happened?
She was good at what she did. She knew she was good, and yet she hadn’t controlled the meeting; she’d crumbled.
Cold crept over her legs and up her skirt. Her feet were freezing. Her hands were freezing.
Her laptop bag crashed against her hip and she hugged it against her, terrified of slipping and breaking it.
Her humiliation was total but worst of all were the other emotions. Emotions she hadn’t experienced in a long time.
Over the years, she’d dealt with almost every situation except this one.
She’d come here to avoid Christmas and families and suddenly found herself slap bang in the middle of both. And the O’Neils weren’t just any family. They were more closely knitted together than anything Grandma Alice produced with her needles and balls of yarn.
From the moment she’d stepped into the warm, cozy kitchen, she’d known she was in trouble. The kitchen in her New York apartment was ultramodern, and she rarely entered it except to reheat take-out food or make yet another cup of coffee. Yet the O’Neil’s kitchen was clearly the heart of the home. With its cheery blue range cooker and huge scrubbed table with seating for their large extended family, the room had glowed like an advert for togetherness. The walls of her apartment were glass, her view the skyscrapers of Midtown. There were no photographs. No memorabilia. Nothing personal. The interior had a sterile, generic elegance that offered no clues as to the identity of the person who lived there.
Everything about the O’Neil home was personal. It was a place they’d created together. A place built on the foundations of a thousand precious memories unique to them, and those memories had been immortalized and proudly displayed for all to see. That cheerful catalog of family moments had ripped open her hidden vault of secrets and made it impossible to concentrate. Her focus had been constantly rocked until the lines between the business and the family had blurred to an indistinct mess.
And then there were the smells. Oh, God, the smells. Cinnamon and spice, freshly baked rolls and the sharp fragrance of pine. The association with Christmas had been so powerful it had taken all her willpower not to turn and run. If Jackson hadn’t been standing behind her, she would have done just that.
Unable to feel her toes anymore, Kayla slipped but this time managed to stay upright.
“Kayla!” Jackson’s voice thundered through the freezing air, and she gave a moan of denial.
She wasn’t ready to face him. She’d snap, like one of the slender icicles dangling from the frozen fir trees.
He was going to fire her, and she was going to have to slink back to New York and face not only Brett and her colleagues, but also all the craziness of a New York Christmas.
“Kayla!” His voice was closer this time, but still she stumbled on, her feet soaked and freezing.
Panic lodged itself in her throat, as solid and real as a decoration from a Christmas tree.
Only when she heard the sound of an engine did she stop.
He pulled up next to her. The window was down, his breath making clouds in the freezing air. “Get in the car.”
“I really don’t—”
“Now.”
She thought about arguing but one glance at the hard set of his jaw made her rethink. She wondered how she ever could have thought Jackson O’Neil friendly and approachable.
Right now he looked grim-faced and intimidating. It was obvious he was furious with her, and she didn’t blame him. She was furious with herself.
Furious and humiliated. This was a million times worse than landing flat on her back in the snow. This was her job, and she hadn’t been prepared for failure. She’d been flying high for so long she no longer even thought about flapping her wings. It just happened. But not tonight. Tonight, she’d fallen out of the sky and crashed to the ground, and now she had no idea what to do.
It hadn’t occurred to her that she wouldn’t be able to handle the Snow Crystal meeting. But it hadn’t been Snow Crystal that had been her downfall; it had been the O’Neil family. Grandma, grandpa, mum, niece, pets, food, decorations, photographs—
“Kayla—” he spoke through his teeth “—get in the damn car.”
Kayla slunk into the car, shivering like a puppy that had fallen into a snowdrift.
She expected him to drive but instead he sat there, his expression incredulous.
“What the fuck happened back there?”
She flinched. Yet another question she’d never before been asked by a client. At least no one could accuse Jackson O’Neil of not getting straight to the point. No that didn’t go quite as planned, or that could have been better.
When she didn’t answer, he spread his hands in silent question. “You’re supposed to be the best. You handle CEOs who know nothing, but think they’re experts. You’ve managed to build links with hardened, cynical journalists who won’t even pick up the phone to most PR people. According to Brett you’re the youngest associate vice president your company has ever appointed—you achieve all that and then you allow yourself to be bullied into silence by one eighty-year-old man? What is that about?”
It was about so much more than the man. “You have a right to be upset.”
“I’m not upset. I’m confused. And, frankly, disappointed.”
The word was like a blow in the gut. She’d never disappointed a client before. Never.
“Jackson—”
“I don’t want excuses. I want the truth. I want to know what the hell went wrong! What happened? Was it the people? I told you it was a family business.”
“Yes, but I didn’t expect them to be so—so—” So like a family. She couldn’t say that. It sounded ridiculous. “I expected to talk business. I didn’t expect all the cooking and the photographs and all the small talk—the personal stuff.”
“So? It’s a little distracting, I admit. Annoying on occasion,” he added under his breath, “but you’re a professional. You told me there were no difficult questions you couldn’t handle.”
“I meant business questions.” Her voice rose. “I didn’t expect to be asked if I was wearing thermal underwear.”
“Oh, for—” He broke off and leaned his head back against the seat, tension visible in his jaw. “Alice is eighty. Since my father died she worries about everything from hypothermia to avalanches. You should have just smiled and ignored her. You should have ignored all of them and said what you wanted to say.”
“I couldn’t ignore them.”
“Why? It should have been obvious to you they don’t understand public relations. They don’t understand marketing. They’ve done things the same way for the past sixty years, and they’re so terrified of change they’d rather sink like a stone than try something different. They’re scared. Confused. They can’t see the logic of spending money when we’re losing it. It was up to you to convince them. That was your job.”
“Yes.” And she’d failed. A lump wedged itself in her throat and she felt a rush of horror. Great. Now she was going to cry. Something she hadn’t done since she was thirteen. “I’ll contact Brett tonight and tell him to put someone else on the account. It’s too late to get to the airport tonight so I’d appreciate if I could stay another night and then tomorrow I’ll leave. I’ll pay for the accommodation.” She stared straight ahead. Straight into the snow and the dark, feeling completely alone. Even work, her closest and most trusted friend, had abandoned her.
“Leave? You’re going to leave just because your pride is bruised? Hell, if I walked out each time my grandfather bruised my pride I’d never be home.”
Kayla looked at him, confused. “I’m not leaving because of pride. I’m leaving because I assume that’s what you want.”
Fierce blue eyes locked on hers. “Why would I want that? If you’ve learned one thing tonight it’s that I need all the help I can get. You’re going to leave me to deal with them on my own?”
He didn’t want her to leave?
Her heart started to pound. “I thought—I assumed—”
“You’re not leaving. And I don’t want anyone else on the account.” His voice was roughened and deep. “I want Kayla Green. I mean the real Kayla Green, not the woman who turned up tonight.”
She wondered what he’d say if he knew that the woman who had turned up tonight was the real Kayla Green. “I can’t, Jackson. Even if I wanted to, there is no way I’ll be able to persuade your family to take anything I say seriously after what just happened. I was unprofessional.”
For the first time in her whole career, she’d walked out of a meeting.
“My grandmother knitted her way through the meeting, my mother was cooking and my brother was looking at your legs—” There was an edge to his voice. “So when it comes to unprofessional we are way ahead of you. I don’t care about that. I care about getting the job done. We’re just a family, Kayla. A family in crisis.”
“I know nothing about dealing with a family in crisis.” She heard desperation in her voice and knew he heard it, too, because those dark brows locked together in a frown.
“I’m asking you to focus on the work, that’s all. You need to filter out the personal stuff. They don’t understand the business and they help in the only way they know—by being there.”
Being there. His words confirmed what she already knew. That the O’Neils were a family who stuck together no matter what life threw at them.
“They don’t want my help.”
“Welcome to my world. My grandfather resists all suggestions because he thinks he knows best. If he had his way he’d still be running Snow Crystal himself. I admit he can be difficult, but you feast on difficult, don’t you?” The sardonic reminder of their conversation in New York made her wince. She made a mental note to strangle Brett when she saw him next.
“Your grandfather doesn’t want me here.”
Jackson’s mouth tightened. “He doesn’t want me here, either, but that doesn’t mean I’m leaving.”
“That’s different. You’re family.”
“Which is why he dismisses me. He still sees me as the skinny kid he taught to ski. You’re a professional, which is why you are going to make him listen to you.”
“All I’ve done is convince him what a waste of money it would be to employ someone like me.” The cold had penetrated her coat and she started to shiver. “You saw me in there! I am not the right person for this.”
“Yes, I saw you in there, but I also saw you in your shiny corporate headquarters in New York. I have no idea what happened today, but I do know you’re the right person. I’ve seen what you’ve done for other companies. I’ve seen what you’ve achieved. I’ve seen how passionate you are about your work. I want that passion working for Snow Crystal.”
“But—”
“We’re in trouble, Kayla.” He sounded tired. “Serious trouble. I’ve ploughed as much into it as I can, but we’re at the point where it has to start paying its way or we’ll lose it.”
“Lose it?” She absorbed that. “You mean lose the business?”
“Yes. Only it isn’t just the business, it’s their home. It’s been their home for generations. If we’re forced to sell, Alice and Walter will have to move out of the house they’ve lived in all their lives, and so will my mother.” His fingers gripped the wheel, his knuckles white. “When my father died, I came back to support my family and help run the company. I didn’t expect to have to save it. I had no idea how desperate things were. When I started to dig through the numbers, it was like a horror story.”
She stared at him. “How much of a horror story?”
“Stephen King crossed with Hitchcock?” The corner of his mouth flickered, and she felt a rush of admiration that he could retain his sense of humor in the face of so much pressure.
She felt an inexplicable urge to reach out and offer comfort, and the urge shocked her because she wasn’t a tactile person. She’d trained herself to keep her distance. She didn’t form bonds.
To make sure she didn’t do something impulsive like touch him, she clutched her laptop bag. “You didn’t suspect?”
“I had no reason to. Whenever I asked how things were, I was told they were fine. I didn’t question it. Why would I? The business has been going forever.”
“Do you know what went wrong?”
“My father made some bad decisions. And then there were the decisions he should have made but didn’t. And the ramifications of that weakness on his part are huge.”
Kayla thought of Alice knitting at the same table all her life. Of Elizabeth who had come here and never left.
An old wound ached deep inside her. “Do they know?”
“They know things are bad. They don’t know how bad, or maybe they do know and just can’t face the truth. They’re scared. Afraid to make changes in case the whole thing comes tumbling down. My grandfather is looking for someone to blame, and right now he blames me for building the spa and the log cabins. Throwing away money when we needed every dollar.”
“Those are the things that make Snow Crystal special.”
“You know that. I know that. But they don’t know that because right now we don’t have heads on beds, so it looks as if I was wrong. I tell my grandfather they were a good investment, and he asks me to show him the bookings.”
“If they’re not booked it’s because people don’t know about them.”
“So tell me how to make that happen.” His tone was urgent. “Tell me what we need to do to get the sort of exposure you got for Adventure Travel. If this goes south, I lose everything my family built. And I’m not going to let that happen, so don’t sit there and tell me you’re leaving.”
Pressure added to stress. Kayla felt as if she were swimming through thick mud. “I—I’m not experienced with family businesses.”
“But you know how to get your message out there in a noisy media world, so do it.” His gaze held hers. “I need you to do what you do best, Kayla.”
Despite the mess she’d made, he still wanted her help.
Kayla clenched her hands in her lap. Her fingers were so cold she could no longer feel them.
It would mean staying.
It would mean getting to know his family. This job couldn’t be done without getting close to them. Without understanding them. Without winning them over.
How the hell was she going to do that?
The thought of walking back into that kitchen and being confronted by the O’Neils made her want to run. “If I stay, I’d need to talk to them individually. It might be easier to win them round that way.”
“That makes sense. One on one. And you need to know more about Snow Crystal. Spend time as a tourist.”
“Fine.” She closed her eyes. This was madness. She should be handing the account over to someone else. Someone who loved Christmas and families. She wasn’t the right person for the job, but Jackson already had his phone in his hand and was texting someone.
“We’ll start first thing tomorrow. I’ll pick you up at nine.”
“I’m awake at five.” She spoke without thinking and saw his eyebrows lift. “I’m a morning person. I never sleep late. I don’t like lying in bed.”
His brief glance changed the atmosphere in the car.
Kayla turned her head away quickly, wondering how chemistry could exist in the middle of so much tension.
He was the sexiest man she’d ever met, and the fact that she kept noticing scared her. When it came to her heart, her instincts were as sophisticated as any virus software, detecting a possible threat and deleting it before it could threaten her or do damage.
Right now those instincts were flashing up red warning lights in her head.
“It’s still dark at five.” His voice was husky. “We’ll make it eight, and I’ll buy you breakfast in the forest. The Chocolate Shack serves the best hot chocolate and maple waffles in Vermont.”
It sounded more like a date than a business meeting, and she felt a dangerous curl of heat low in her belly.
She sat still as Jackson eased the car forward and drove up the snow-covered track that led to the far end of the frozen lake and her cabin. Then he pulled in and switched off the engine.
“Thanks for the lift.” Desperate to escape, she reached for the door handle, but his hand closed over her shoulder.
“Wait. You haven’t eaten. Get rid of your laptop and I’ll buy you dinner.”
“No, thank you. I’d rather go back to the cabin. I have work to do.”
The thought of eating dinner with this man terrified her.
And he knew.
She could see it in his eyes. Knew he could see right through the layers of protection she’d spun between herself and the world.
She was about to open the door and escape when he lifted his hand and touched her cheek. “You still haven’t told me what happened back there.” His voice was soft, all trace of anger gone. “Why did you run? You could have slipped and broken something.”
She could have told him she was already broken. She could have told him that Kayla Green had shattered into a million tiny pieces at the age of thirteen, and when she’d stuck herself back together she hadn’t looked anything like the original version.
She could have told him that, but she didn’t, because she knew that when a person bought something, they didn’t want to know it was damaged. She looked good as new on the outside, and that was what mattered.
He wasn’t interested in the real Kayla Green.
“I thought it best to leave. Thanks for the lift. I can walk from here. I’ll see you in the morning.” She slid out of the car, keen to put as much distance between herself and Jackson as possible. The moment her feet touched the snow she felt the cold ooze through her already-soaked shoes, but she knew the icy feeling inside her didn’t come from the freezing temperatures or the thick layer of snow that blanketed the forest around her. The source was much deeper than that.
Pressed up against feelings she normally avoided, Kayla felt a flash of panic.
Who would have thought that a sleepy little resort in Vermont could have ripped at her like this?
Jackson appeared in front of her, his powerful shoulders blocking her escape. “Surely you’re not planning to walk this path alone after what happened last time?”
“I’ll be fine.”
His muscular physique formed a sold barrier between her and her forest sanctuary. “You’ve suffered enough punishment for one day. I’ll walk you to the door.” He took her hand, and Kayla felt the warmth and strength of his fingers as they closed over hers.
“This is definitely breaking the client-agency code.”
“There’s a code? Damn. You probably should have mentioned that earlier.” His tone was light and he tightened his grip. “On the other hand, I’ve never been big on rules and codes.”
It was all too easy to believe that. He was a man who knew what he wanted, his toughness concealed under layers of velvety charm. She’d seen it in her offices that day in New York, and she’d seen it a moment ago when he’d refused to let her leave.
Desperate, she looked up at him. His jaw was strong and darkened by a day of stubble, his mouth a sensual curve in a face that made her want to revisit her own rules and codes. Never before had she been remotely tempted to kiss one of her clients, but neither had she ever walked out of a meeting. Apparently it was a day of firsts.
She rarely thought about sex, didn’t have time to think about it, let alone do it, but she was thinking about it now. Hot sex, with no ties or promises, no past or future, just a moment of raw physical passion. And with Jackson O’Neil you just knew that moment would be good.