Angels In The Snow

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When he needed reassurance, he looked at Daniel, Stella noticed. He’d bonded with the man who had saved his life.

‘You’re not going to die.’ Daniel spoke firmly, his hand still on the boy’s shoulder. ‘If patients die, I get fired. And I need the money.’

The sound the boy made was halfway between laughter and a sob. ‘To run that fancy sports car you told me about?’

‘Yeah—that and other things.’

‘Women?’

Daniel’s eyes gleamed. ‘They’re expensive things, women.’ Without moving his eyes from the patient, he held out his hand and Stella slipped the syringe into it, knowing exactly what he wanted.

‘Morphine and cyclizine.’

‘I know my leg is a mess,’ Sam murmured, still looking at Daniel. ‘I saw it before you put the splint on. It looked disgusting. And that other doctor said it was a medical emergency.’

‘It’s nothing we can’t deal with,’ Daniel said smoothly, checking the drug before administering it. ‘Take no notice of my colleague. We doctors love drama—makes us feel powerful and important. Don’t you watch the TV? It’s how we pull the girls. There’s a pretty nurse in the room. He’s trying to impress her.’

The boy gave a weak grin. ‘Those medical dramas mostly make me feel sick.’

‘Me, too,’ Daniel said blithely, dropping the empty syringe back onto the tray. ‘Probably why I’m still single. I haven’t got what it takes to pull the girls. All right, Sam, this is what we’re going to do. I’ve just given you another dose of medicine for pain and sickness because I can see that’s starting to bother you again. And now my friend here is going to put another needle in your vein.’

The boy’s eyes closed. ‘I still feel sick.’

‘That will pass in a minute,’ Daniel murmured, his gaze flickering to the monitor that displayed the boy’s pulse and blood pressure. ‘I’m right here, Sam. Don’t you worry. Everything is going to be fine. In three weeks’ time, you’re going to be eating your turkey and opening those presents.’

How could he possibly think he wouldn’t make a good father? Stella wondered numbly. For a man who claimed to know nothing about children, he was astonishingly empathetic.

Sam obviously agreed because he never took his eyes from Daniel’s face. ‘I’ll never forget you climbing down that slippery bit,’ the boy mumbled. ‘You deserve a medal or something.’

Daniel grinned, moving to one side while the radiologist prepared to take the X-rays. ‘Unfortunately I never get what I deserve. What was your reward supposed to be for battling through the snow and wind?’

‘My adventure badge. But I don’t suppose I’ll get it now because I didn’t finish the trip.’ The boy moaned as the radiologist moved his leg slightly. ‘I wish I’d never signed up for it.’

‘You were unlucky, that’s all. When you’re recovered give me a call and I’ll take you up there. The views are fantastic from the top. You’ll get your adventure badge—I’m sure about that.’ Daniel was working, examining the boy properly and murmuring instructions in a voice so calm that the boy remained unaware of the seriousness of his injuries. ‘Stella, how are the distal pulses?’

‘Strong.’ Stella checked that the blood supply to the lower limb was satisfactory while the casualty officer secured the second line and took the bloods that Daniel had ordered.

‘Do you want me to uncover the wound and take a photograph?’

‘I did that at the scene. I don’t want the dressing removed. The next time that wound is being exposed to air is in the operating theatre. Camera in my left pocket.’ Daniel turned slightly so that Stella could retrieve it and she tensed as she plunged her hand into his pocket.

His eyes met hers for a moment and she backed away, her fingers clutching the camera.

‘Antibiotics and tetanus,’ Daniel said roughly, and Stella turned away to prepare the drugs, knowing that her face was pink.

This was turning out to be much, much harder than she’d anticipated.

Was this going to get easier with time?

She certainly hoped so.

It wasn’t the working together that was the problem—that was as smooth as ever. It was the emotion behind it. It was impossible to switch off.

‘Daniel?’ Ellie put her head round the door, her face worried. ‘I know you’re not officially on duty but we’re having a nightmare out here. I suppose it’s the snow and ice—the roads are lethal. I’ve got a pregnant woman coming in. She and her husband were involved in a car accident. Might you be able to—?’

‘Yes. As long as she doesn’t mind being seen by a doctor in full outdoor gear.’ Daniel injected the antibiotic into the cannula, his eyes on his patient’s face. ‘I’ve been in the mountains for eight hours. At some point I need to get back to base, drop the equipment and debrief. Where is everyone else? What’s the ETA of your pregnant woman?’

‘Ambulance Control just phoned. She’s about eight minutes away.’

‘That should give me time to get Sam down to Theatre. Give me a shout when she arrives.’ Daniel glanced at Stella. ‘Any sign of the orthopaedic guys?’

‘We’re here.’ A slim man with sandy-coloured hair hurried into the room. ‘Sorry. Black ice has kept us busy. I’ve only just got out of Theatre.’ He looked at Daniel’s bulky outdoor gear. ‘Is this a new uniform for the emergency department?’

‘Daniel?’ The boy’s hand shot out and clutched Daniel’s arm again. There was fear in his eyes. ‘Are they going to put me to sleep? Will I feel anything? Did you get hold of my mum?’

‘They are going to put you to sleep and, no, you won’t feel anything.’ Daniel’s voice was soft. ‘I spoke to your mum. She’s on her way.’

‘Will you stay with me until she gets here?’

A muscle worked in Daniel’s dark jaw. ‘Are you kidding? You’re wearing half my equipment—and it’s the expensive half. There’s no way I’m letting you out of my sight. We’re going to take you straight to Theatre and get that leg of yours stuck back together in time for Christmas.’ His glaze flickered to his colleague. ‘Are you ready?’

‘You’re coming, too?’ The man looked startled but Daniel’s gaze was cool.

‘I’ll stay with him until he’s under.’

The orthopaedic surgeon picked up the charts and gave a brief nod. ‘All right. Well, you’re obviously needed back here, so let’s move.’

‘If my pregnant patient was eight minutes away three minutes ago then I have five minutes.’ Daniel glanced at his watch. ‘I’ll be back in five minutes.’

He’d been out on an exposed mountainside for eight hours and he had five minutes in which he could have grabbed a hot drink. Instead he was going to accompany a frightened child to the anaesthetic room.

Stella gritted her teeth. All the reasons why she’d fallen in love with Daniel in the first place were still there. Nothing had changed.

‘Go.’ She started clearing Resus. ‘I’ll sort things out here.’

She barely had time to run through another bag of fluid and restock, before the paramedics arrived with the pregnant woman. After listening to the handover by the paramedics, Stella tried to make her patient more comfortable.

Her face was bleeding slightly from several small lacerations and a livid bruise was already forming over one cheekbone. ‘I’m so worried about the baby. We’ve been trying for five years—’ Her voice broke and she rubbed her hand over her swollen abdomen. ‘If anything happens to him I’ll—’

‘We’re going to check you and the baby, Fiona,’ Stella soothed, glancing towards the door as Daniel strode in. ‘This is Dr Buchannan, one of our consultants.’

Fiona looked in astonishment at Daniel’s outdoor clothing and he shrugged.

‘It’s cold in this department,’ he drawled, and she gave a choked laugh.

‘I read an article about you last summer. You’re one of three doctors in the emergency department that volunteer for the mountain rescue team.’

‘That’s right.’ Daniel glanced at the monitor that Stella had connected to the patient, tracking the readings. ‘There’s Sean Nicholson, although we do keep telling him he’s getting a bit too old for tramping up in the hills. And there’s Ben—both of whom are treating other patients, which is why you have me. Technically I’m off duty but there’s no rest for the wicked. I see Stella’s already given you oxygen.’ He turned to Stella. ‘I’d forgotten what it’s like to work with a nurse who is always one step ahead of me.’

Stella’s hands trembled slightly as she attached Fiona to the CTG machine. ‘This will help us get a feel for how your baby is doing.’ She adjusted the elastic until she was satisfied with the reading. ‘Daniel—do you want me to call Obstetrics and get someone down here?’

‘I’ll take a look at her first. Monitors only tell you so much—I learned that lesson as a medical student when the monitor told me a woman wasn’t having contractions. She delivered the baby five minutes later. I was more shocked than she was.’ Daniel took off his jacket, washed his hands and pulled on a pair of gloves. ‘Have you had any problems in the pregnancy, Fiona? Anything you think I should know about?’

If sexual attraction was enough to hold two people together then they would have stuck like glue, Stella thought helplessly, watching the flex of his biceps as he worked.

‘It’s all been really easy.’ Fiona twisted her wedding ring round her finger. ‘I’ve been doing everything by the book. It’s our first baby. And I’m terrified.’ Her voice wobbled. ‘Do you have kids?’

Stella’s gaze met Daniel’s briefly.

‘No.’ There was a sudden coolness to his tone. ‘I don’t.’

‘It changes you,’ Fiona said simply. ‘All I care about is this baby. I suppose that’s part of being a mother.’

 

Daniel didn’t respond and Stella stayed silent, too.

Marriage, motherhood, maternity—Daniel’s three least favourite topics of conversation. And she should know. They’d had that conversation on numerous memorable occasions. Memorable for all the wrong reasons.

‘It’s natural to be concerned about the baby.’ Daniel spoke the words the woman needed to hear, but Stella sensed that part of him was detached.

‘Babies are surprisingly resilient,’ she reassured the woman. ‘And we’re going to check him very carefully.’

Daniel conducted a thorough examination and Stella knew that he’d shut the conversation out of his mind with ruthless efficiency. He was looking for clinical signs that might suggest a problem. He wasn’t thinking about babies or emotion.

He was palpating Fiona’s abdomen when she gave a little gasp of fright and shifted on the trolley.

‘Oh!’ Her eyes widened with panic. ‘I think I’m bleeding. Oh, God, am I losing it? Please don’t say I’m losing the baby.’

More comfortable with a medical emergency than an emotional one, Daniel was cool and calm as he examined her. ‘Stella—give my brother a call, will you? Tell him I need him down here.’

Meeting his gaze briefly, Stella moved to the phone and spoke to Switchboard.

Fiona put her hand over her eyes and started to cry. ‘I can’t believe I’m bleeding. I wish I’d never left the house. We were going Christmas shopping. I know there’s another three weeks to go but I wanted to get it out of the way in case something happens. And now I’ve made it happen.’ Great tearing sobs shook her body and Stella slipped her arm around the woman’s shoulders, trying to imagine how she’d feel in the same position.

‘You haven’t made anything happen,’ she soothed. ‘You must try and calm down, for the baby’s sake.’

‘If I lose this baby—’

‘Fiona.’ Daniel reached for an IV tray, nothing in his voice betraying the fact that he was concerned. ‘I want you to relax and trust me. My brother is one of the best obstetricians in the country and he will take a look at you.’

‘One of the best?’ Patrick strode into the room, a mocking gleam in his eyes as he looked at Daniel. ‘I’m not one of the best. I’m the best.’

Fiona blinked in shock and Stella sighed.

‘Yes, they’re twins. Don’t worry, you’re not seeing double. Both of them as arrogant as the other.’

Fiona gave a feeble smile. ‘Are they as good as they seem to think they are?’

‘Fortunately, yes.’ Stella adjusted one of the probes. ‘Or maybe I should say unfortunately. I don’t know. It makes them unbearable to be with, but I suppose it’s good for the patients. Patrick? Do you want to take a look at this CTG trace?’

‘I’m looking.’ Patrick stood next to her, studying the trace in silence. ‘All right—so there are a few dips there.’

Stella looked up and found Daniel glancing between her and Patrick. Then he focused on his brother’s profile, so like his own. His jaw tightened, his blue eyes glittered dangerously and Stella felt a rush of trepidation. He’d obviously registered the fact that Patrick hadn’t been surprised to see her.

Patrick looked up and met his brother’s accusing gaze.

They were like a couple of stallions, Stella thought with exasperation, locked in a battle over territory. The interaction lasted less than a few seconds, but the impact was sufficiently powerful to leave her nervous of what was to come.

Why couldn’t she have fallen in love with someone mild and gentle?

Pivoting back to the patient, Daniel fastened a tourniquet around Fiona’s arm. ‘I’m just going to put a cannula in your vein, in case we need to give you some fluid. Can you straighten your arm for me?’

‘Stella—can I have a pen?’ While Daniel set up an IV, Patrick was examining the woman’s abdomen. ‘I want to mark the height of her uterus.’

Stella swiftly provided him with a pen, wishing she’d never accepted Patrick’s offer of accommodation. It was going to cause problems, just as she’d feared. She should have stayed somewhere else.

Then she frowned, cross with herself. The stable was lovely. And she could live anywhere she chose to live. It was none of Daniel’s business.

And if it was difficult for him—well, tough.

He didn’t care, did he?

‘Why are you drawing on me?’ Fiona looked at Patrick anxiously and he slipped the pen into his pocket.

‘You’ve had some blood loss. It’s possible for some of the blood loss to be concealed, trapped behind the uterus. I want to make sure your uterus isn’t bigger than it should be. Dan, is there anything else I should know about? Any neck injury? Spine?’

‘No.’

‘Then I want her nursed in the left lateral position.’

‘Fine. I’m nearly done here.’ Daniel filled the necessary bottles and dropped them on the tray.

Stella stepped forward and helped him connect the IV, the casual brush of his arm against hers sending a shower of sparks over her.

And he noticed her reaction.

His eyes shifted to her face. As a doctor, he was trained to detect changes in the human body and he was a man who knew women. A man who knew her.

‘Everything all right?’

‘Everything is fine,’ she said sweetly, wishing he wasn’t quite so astute. Nothing passed him by. Nothing. And as much as she’d hoped that working together would be smooth and easy, it was turning out to be anything but.

Focusing on the pain that went alongside loving Daniel Buchannan, Stella murmured words of comfort to Fiona and helped her turn on her side.

‘Why do I have to lie like this?’

‘Because lying flat on your back puts pressure on one of your major blood vessels and that’s not good for the baby.’ Patrick checked the baby’s heart rate. ‘That’s better. Thanks, Stella. That’s great.’

Daniel shot him a look. ‘It’s good to have Stella back, isn’t it?’ There was an edge to his tone that wasn’t lost on his brother.

‘Definitely.’ Playing with fire, Patrick smiled. ‘I was so pleased when she called me to talk through her plans.’

Stella threw him an incredulous glance. What was he doing? He appeared to be asking for a black eye for Christmas.

‘You didn’t mention it.’ Daniel adjusted the IV. ‘It must have slipped your mind.’

‘Nothing slips my mind. I just didn’t think you’d be interested.’ Calmly, Patrick checked the monitor. ‘What bloods have you taken?’

‘U&Es, FBC, cross-match, BMG, coagulation screen, rhesus and antibody status and Kleihauer—why? Did I miss something?’

‘No.’ Ignoring the snap in his brother’s tone, Patrick winked at the patient. ‘Now he’ll be unbearable.’

Fiona shifted the oxygen mask slightly. ‘Twins, both of you doctors.’ She sounded amazed. ‘One of you is an emergency specialist and one of you is an obstetrician?’

‘That’s right. My brother is the emergency specialist.’ Patrick looked at Daniel. ‘The work suits his personality. Quick and dirty. All superficial, no depth or emotion.’

Daniel’s firm mouth flickered into a smile. ‘That’s how I prefer it.’

While they bantered, the two brothers worked together seamlessly, exchanging information, conducting tests. Then Patrick moved to the side of the trolley and put his hand on Fiona’s shoulder.

‘Fiona, I think there could be some concealed bleeding behind your uterus.’ He spoke gently, knowing that the news he was giving wasn’t going to be well received. ‘At the moment everything is fine and I’m not going to interfere, but I want to transfer you to the labour ward, just to be safe. We can monitor you there and if we need to intervene, we can.’

Fiona shifted on the trolley. ‘What’s causing the bleeding?’

‘It’s possible that a small part of the placenta has come away from the uterus—we call it an abruption. I want to keep you in hospital for now, see how things develop.’

Fiona swallowed. ‘And if it gets worse?’

‘Then I will deliver your baby.’

‘But the baby isn’t due until January.’ Panic drove her voice up a pitch. ‘I have another six weeks to go.’

‘All the indications are that the baby is fine,’ Patrick said calmly. ‘And thirty-four weeks is early, that’s true, but not so early that I’d be worried. We have an excellent special care baby unit here—we call it the SCBU—but at thirty-four weeks your baby might not need any extra help. Let’s see how you go. My plan is to keep him inside you as long as possible.’

Fiona’s face crumpled and she started to cry again. ‘But this wasn’t my plan. I’ve been reading all the books—I’ve gone to all the classes—I know exactly how I want my labour to be.’

Stella picked up a box of tissues, about to intervene, but Patrick took Fiona’s hand in his. ‘It’s hard when things don’t go according to plan,’ he said gruffly. ‘I really understand that. It happened with Posy, my youngest, and it shook me up. Nightmare. Nature has a way of keeping us all on our toes, but all that really matters is that the baby is safe, Fiona. Remember that.’

‘Babies can die if they’re premature.’

‘There is no evidence that your baby is in trouble. And from now on I’m going to be watching you.’ Patrick pulled a couple of tissues from the box Stella was holding and handed them to Fiona. ‘Once you have kids, life rarely goes according to plan. Chaos is part of the fun. Or that’s what I tell myself when I’m tripping over children, kittens and unwrapped Christmas presents.’

Stella felt a lump in her throat. Tripping over children, kittens and unwrapped Christmas presents sounded like paradise to her. ‘Is there anyone else I can call for you, Fiona?’ Stella yanked her mind back from its fruitless journey towards a dead end. ‘Your husband is just having a few stitches in his head and then I’ll bring him to wherever you are.’

‘I keep thinking that this is all my fault. Perhaps I shouldn’t have worn the seat belt—’

‘Wearing a seat belt is the right thing to do,’ Daniel said firmly. ‘Contrary to popular opinion, wearing a seat belt does lower the risk of serious injury. Fiona, just relax and trust us. Patrick will make whatever decision needs to be made and it will be the right one, believe me.’

Patrick lifted his eyebrow. ‘You’re saying I’m always right?’

Despite her tears, Fiona gave a choked laugh. ‘Are they always like this?’

‘No, sometimes they’re really bad,’ Stella said cheerfully, squeezing Fiona’s hand. ‘I’ll come with you up to the ward. Then I’ll go and check on your husband. He must be worried sick.’

‘He feels horribly guilty, but it wasn’t his fault. The roads are lethal.’

‘I’ll go and see him as soon as we’ve settled you upstairs,’ Stella assured her. ‘Is there anyone else I can call?’

Fiona closed her eyes. ‘My mum? No, not my mum. You’ll just worry her. No one for the time being. But thanks. You’ve all been really kind.’

‘Let’s get you upstairs.’ Patrick moved the trolley towards the door and Daniel’s gaze settled on his face.

‘I want to talk to you.’

Patrick smiled. ‘I bet you do. But I’m busy, so it’s going to have to wait.’

Daniel strode down the corridor, his tension levels in the danger zone after six hours of working shoulder to shoulder with Stella. Six hours of torture. At one point she’d leaned forward to pass him an instrument and he’d detected the faint smell of roses. Knowing that it was the shampoo she always used had set up a chain reaction in his brain. Thinking about the shampoo had made him think about her hair, long and loose. And thinking about her hair long and loose had made him think about her in his bed. And thinking about her in his bed had—

Daniel ruthlessly deleted that thought from his mind, but it immediately popped back again, taunting and teasing his senses until he gave a low growl of frustration, oblivious to the pretty nurse who gazed at him as she hurried past.

Without slackening his stride, he took the six flights of stairs up to the obstetric unit, too impatient to wait for the lift.

Nodding briefly to a consultant he knew, he made straight for his brother’s office and pushed open the door.

‘You knew Stella was coming back and you didn’t tell me?’

Patrick leaned back in his chair and lifted an eyebrow. ‘Next time, knock. I could have had a naked woman in here.’

 

Daniel planted his hands on the edge of his brother’s desk, struggling with his temper. ‘Damn it, Patrick—just how long have you been communicating with my ex-girlfriend?’

Patrick closed the file he’d been reading. ‘Your ex-fiancée,’ he said with gentle emphasis, ‘and I’ve been “communicating” with her since you unceremoniously dumped her. On Christmas Eve. Not exactly the present she’d been hoping for, I’m sure.’

Daniel felt a sudden rush of cold. ‘Why are you bringing that up now? That’s history.’

‘If it’s history, why are you standing in my office threatening me?’

Daniel dragged his hand through his hair. ‘I didn’t dump her. She dumped me.’

Patrick stood up abruptly, impatience making his eye flash a deep blue. ‘After you told her you wouldn’t marry her.’

‘Not wouldn’t—couldn’t. It isn’t that I don’t want to get married,’ Daniel said hoarsely, ‘I do. But I can’t. I just can’t do it. I would make a lousy husband and a terrible father and I won’t do that to a child.’ Sweat tingled on his brow as he thought of how close he’d come to breaking his promise to himself. Only Stella could have driven him to that. ‘I can’t be what she wants me to be. I did it for her.’

‘Funny. She didn’t appear that grateful last time I looked.’

‘She should be grateful. Better to let her down now than in five years’ time.’ Or at least, that’s what he’d told himself when he’d driven the scalpel through her heart.

Trying to dispel that image, Daniel pressed his fingers into the bridge of his nose and Patrick sighed.

‘Why would you have let her down?’

‘Being a mother is really important to Stella. Sometimes I think it’s the only thing that matters to her.’ Trying to get a grip on his emotions, Daniel clamped his hands over the edge of Patrick’s desk. ‘And I knew I couldn’t be what she wanted me to be. She has this picture in her head—the perfect family. Mum, Dad, lots of kids—probably a dog or two.’ He gritted his teeth. ‘And I’m not the guy in that picture. Fatherhood is the one job I’m not going to try. You mess that up, you take people with you.’

‘I happen to think you wouldn’t mess it up,’ Patrick replied calmly, ‘but I know you believe it. Which is why I didn’t knock your head off two years ago.’

Daniel straightened. ‘So you agree I did the right thing.’

‘No. But I know you think you did. And I didn’t want to watch you self-destruct and take Stella with you. She is a rare, special person. The sort of woman who would be by your side no matter what life throws at you. She wants marriage and a family—and she’ll make someone a fantastic wife and mother.’

‘And is that “someone” going to be you?’ Anger roared through him like fire through a parched forest and Daniel strode around the desk and grabbed his brother by the shoulders. ‘You’re in need of a wife and a mother for your children—is Stella going to fill that slot? Is that why she’s back?’

Patrick didn’t flinch. ‘You’ve just said you’re not interested. Why would you care?’

‘I never said I didn’t care.’ Daniel let his hands drop, stunned by his own reaction. Since when had he picked fights with his twin? ‘I just don’t think you’re the right man for Stella.’

‘I don’t think you’re qualified to judge. Relationships aren’t your speciality, are they?’

Daniel stared at his brother for a long moment and then breathed out slowly. ‘You’re not having a relationship, are you? You’re just winding me up.’

‘Why would that wind you up? You decided you’re not good for Stella. Right or wrong, that means she’s free to be with another man. And with her long legs and her sweet nature, they’re going to be beating her door down. You’d better get used to it.’

Sweat pricking his forehead, Daniel tried to imagine getting used seeing Stella with another man. ‘That’s fine. No problem. I just don’t want her mixed up with someone unsuitable. She’s pretty innocent.’

‘She went out with you for two years,’ Patrick reminded him dryly, ‘so she can’t be that innocent.’

Thinking about the steam and sizzle that had characterised their relationship, Daniel suddenly felt a rush of dangerous heat. The thought of Stella with another man made his stomach churn. ‘I just don’t want some man messing her around.’

‘Like you did? Don’t worry—if she survived you, she’ll survive anyone.’ Patrick strolled back to his desk and sat down. He took a set of notes from a pile and reached for a pencil. ‘I need to do some work.’

‘Why is she back?’

‘Obviously she’s got over you and felt able to come home. She has friends here.’ Patrick scanned some results, scribbled something onto the notes and dropped them in a tray ready to be collected. ‘A life.’

A life that didn’t include him. ‘And you’re one of those friends?’

‘Of course. I’ve known her as long as you have. She was my friend, as well as yours. She made Christmas for us that year you and Carly had your own mini-meltdowns.’ He looked at Daniel, a warning in his gaze. ‘I’ll never forget how she picked herself up and got on with things. Her heart was breaking but she still managed to dance around the house wearing antlers to make my son laugh.’

‘She was always good with children. That was our problem. All Stella ever wanted was children.’ And children were the last thing he wanted. Daniel stared at the row of photographs of his niece and nephew that Patrick had hung on the wall. Alfie and Posy giggling on a sledge. The two of them covered in ice cream at the beach. Posy in a backpack, grabbing Patrick’s hair. ‘Those two human beings are totally reliant on you. If you screw up, they suffer.’

‘Thanks for that vote of confidence.’

‘Doesn’t it terrify you?’

‘No. I love them. And I don’t intend to screw up.’ Patrick toyed with the pencil. ‘It doesn’t have to be the way it was for us, Dan.’

It was something they rarely mentioned and Daniel felt the filthy sludge of the past slide into his brain. ‘Christmas was the worst time, do you remember?’

The pencil in Patrick’s lean fingers snapped in two. ‘Yes.’

‘I counted the days until it was over.’

‘I counted them with you.’ His brother’s casual tone didn’t fool him and suddenly Daniel wanted to know.

‘So how have you managed to put it behind you? With that grim example of parenting shining in your head, how do you do it?’

‘I love my children.’ A faint smile touched his brother’s mouth. ‘And I suppose I treat our childhood as an education in how not to parent. As long as I’m doing everything opposite, then I’m pretty confident that it will turn out all right.’

‘You’re divorced.’

‘Precisely. If Mum and Dad had divorced, they might have been happy.’ Patrick threw the broken bits of pencil into the bin. ‘I don’t subscribe to the school of thought that says a miserably unhappy couple have to stay together for the sake of the children. Why are we talking about this? What does this have to do with Stella?’

‘I’m reminding you why I don’t want marriage.’

‘I don’t need reminding.’

‘I did her a favour.’

‘You truly believe that, don’t you?’ Patrick gave a humourless laugh. ‘Dan, you proposed to her and then broke her heart. What I don’t understand is why you asked her to marry you in the first place, given your serious allergy to that condition.’

Daniel ran his hand over the back of his neck, remembering that night. ‘It was Christmas. I was crazy about her. It was what she wanted.’

‘But not what you wanted.’

‘For a brief moment I thought I did,’ Daniel confessed in a raw tone. ‘I thought maybe, just maybe, I could do it, but when your Carly—’ Breaking off, Daniel threw his brother a glance of apology but Patrick shrugged.

‘Don’t mince your words. When Carly walked out on me, it reminded you that relationships are difficult, fragile things.’

‘And Alfie cried himself to sleep at night for months!’ Daniel’s eyes slid to the photographs on the wall. ‘I never want to do that to a child.’

Patrick eyed the stack of work on his desk. ‘Could we talk about this in my kitchen over a beer later? Or was there something else you wanted to say?’

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