If We Ever Meet Again

Chapter Eight

The Mix-up

Once we’re inside the club, everyone heads straight over to the bar and Mark pushes a bottle of something colourful and alcoholic into my hand, which I happily accept. He is attempting to make small talk with me, but I am too drunk to focus on a word he is saying.

Luke walks over to us and grabs my hand.

‘May I have this dance, Miss Wilde?’ he asks.

The DJ is blasting out pop music – they’d never play a band like TFTR in a place like this, which is probably why we’re here.

I am dancing without a care in the world thanks to the alcohol, and although it’s a fast song Luke pulls me close and stares into my eyes. There’s something about him that makes you feel like the most important person in the world when you have his attention and it’s making me feel all funny inside. Either that or it’s all the booze combined with the fast movements.

The music is too loud to talk so we just dance, and after what feels like hours of shamelessly flirting through movement Luke pulls me close and tells me he’ll be right back. He gives me a kiss on the cheek and disappears into the crowd.

I decide to try and find the other boys, rather than stand here dancing on my own. I spy Ben sitting on his own, still messing around with that bloody phone, and then I spot Eddie and Mark who are lining up shot glasses on the bar and filling them with something I can’t quite make out. Noticing me, Eddie calls me over.

‘Just in time, would the lady care for a shot?’ he asks.

‘Oh, I think I’ll give this round a miss, boys. I’m starting to sober up.’

‘Well it’s only 1 a.m., so we can’t have that,’ Mark insists as he pushes the tiny glass into my hand.

‘Why not, eh?’ I never did have much willpower, which is probably why I go on to drink another three. Any chance I had of sobering up is long gone.

‘Let’s dance!’ Mark shouts as he drags me to the dance floor. I don’t want to offend him but I’d rather go and look for Luke. I wonder where he’s got to.

Not wanting to hurt Mark’s feelings, I go along with it. Dancing with Mark is very different, he dances like a drunken maniac although that is probably because he is one. He is spinning me around, dipping me – I’m feeling very sick but I have to admit that I’m having such a good time. Maybe I’m misreading the signs, but I could swear Mark is flirting with me. Some of his dance moves are a bit raunchy and his hands are all over me. If I were perfectly sober, I’d probably be worried that people could see.

There’s still no sign of Luke and before I know it, Mark is dragging me to the bar for last orders where we have yet more to drink. I’m officially drunk, although not quite as drunk as Eddie, who throws his arms around me and tells me how much he loves me, licking my face before falling to the floor. At this point Luke reappears.

‘All right, Nic? You look a bit tipsy, babe,’ he says with a chuckle.

‘Whaaat? I’m fine,’ I protest, never one to admit that I’m drunk out loud.

‘Well Ed certainly isn’t, so we’re going to get a taxi back to the bus.’

He and Ben grab one of Eddie’s arms each and carry him outside. Feeling a bit unsteady on my feet, I lean against the bar.

‘We’ll see you outside,’ he calls back.

‘Don’t worry, mate. I’ll take good care of her,’ Mark calls after him, grabbing hold of my hand as we follow them out.

Standing around waiting for the taxi, my body starts to shake. I can’t really feel the cold but I must be freezing. Mark gallantly slips an arm around me and rubs my shoulders, so maybe he does have a sweet side after all.

Luke looks over at us and gives me a concerned look, is he getting jealous?

‘You two look cosy,’ Luke calls over.

‘Poor little thing is freezing,’ Mark tells him.

‘Yeah, it is a bit chilly out here,’ he replies, equally as cold. He gives me a strange look but then his gaze is redirected to my ear.

‘Nicole, you’ve got an earring missing.’

I put both hands up to the sides of my head and he’s right.

‘Shit, it must have come out when I was dancing, do you think they’ll let me back in to look for it?’ I slur as I wobble on my feet. I’m really regretting that last drink. I can’t think straight and I can’t walk straight. As I head towards the club, the taxi pulls up and Ben begins trying to squash Eddie inside.

‘I can only take four of you,’ the taxi driver calls out, noticing that there are five of us.

‘Don’t worry, mate,’ Mark calls back. ‘Luke, I’ll take Nicole back in for her earring and then we’ll walk back. It’s not far and we’re not that drunk, right, Nic?’

‘Right, Mark!’ I give Luke a thumbs-up – clearly not the actions of a sober girl. Luke reluctantly gets in the taxi and they drive off, leaving me drunk and alone with sleazy Mark, the tour-paedo.

‘Are we going to get my earring?’ I ask, actually remembering something that happened in the past ten minutes.

‘Yes we are,’ he says as he bends over and picks my earring up from the floor. ‘Oh look, there it is. I must have been standing on it.’

My few remaining sober thoughts are telling me that maybe something is up here.

‘Shall we get back to the bus then?’ he asks, grabbing my hand and dragging me in what I assume is the right direction.

I don’t know what time it is, but it must be after 3 a.m. as we make our way down the eerily quiet streets of Manchester.

‘I think Luke reckons he’s in there with you, he’s probably waiting for you on the bus with his jeans around his ankles,’ Mark informs me, like it’s a done deal.

I laugh and shrug my shoulders. It’s nothing to do with him, is it?

‘We could always stay out for a bit,’ he suggests.

‘And go where? Everywhere is closed!’

‘Not everywhere,’ he says, leading me down a dark alleyway, and before I have time to take in exactly what is going on, Mark is pushing me up against the wall and kissing me hard on the lips.

As we kiss I open my eyes and take in our surroundings. This particular part of the city is practically silent and it’s too dark to see anything, but I know we must be near some bins because they are all I can smell. Mark’s horrible beard (think Brad Pitt, circa 2009) is rubbing against my face, making it itch, and I can feel him carelessly tugging at my clothes. At that moment an ambulance goes flying past, illuminating the alley with its bright-blue lights and making me jump with its loud siren. What the hell am I doing here? I don’t fancy this guy – bloody hell, I don’t even like this guy most of the time. My vodka goggles are abruptly ripped from my face and I push Mark away.

‘What’s the matter?’ he asks breathlessly.

‘We’d better get back to the bus. They’re going to wonder where we are,’ I insist, but he’s having none of it, grabbing my hips and moving closer, squashing me against the wall.

‘They won’t give a shit. Come on, just relax!’

I can’t relax because I really don’t want to do this.

‘Someone might see us,’ I say, wriggling free from his grasp and making my way back towards the street.

‘Nicole, come on,’ he calls after me, but I keep walking and eventually he follows me. We walk the rest of the way in silence.

Finally through the bus doors safe and sound, I make my way up the stairs to the living area and realise everyone is already in their bunk – apart from Luke. He’s sitting on the sofa, probably waiting for me.

‘You guys took a while, is everything OK?’ he asks, sounding concerned.

‘Everything is great, man,’ Mark tells him, giving him a wink that we all know the meaning of. Oh God, I want to curl up and die! I’m fairly sure getting it on with one of his band friends is not the way to his heart.

‘Oh, right,’ Luke replies. ‘Well, I’m going to get to bed. Night, mate,’ he says giving Mark a pat on the shoulder. And then he looks at me. His eyes look so red and tired. ‘Night, Nicole,’ he says, walking off towards the bunks without waiting for a reply.

‘Night,’ I call after him, but it’s too late. I’ve really blown it this time. All I want to do is get in my bunk and pray that everything will be OK in the morning when we’re all sober. What happened with Mark was nothing really, a few seconds of madness, or was it minutes? I have no idea.

Mark stands up and, presuming he’s going to his bunk, I stand up too. He puts his hand on my shoulder and pushes me back down.

‘I’m going for a piss, don’t go to sleep. I’ll be back in a minute. We’ve got unfinished business.’

He walks off towards the toilet. Now I really do feel sick. There’s isn’t even a hint of sexiness in his request and I don’t even want to be near him, let alone anything else. So I do what any girl would do in my situation, I fake it. I lie down on the sofa, shut my eyes and pretend to be asleep. I hear him come back and loudly whisper my name a couple of times to try and wake me, but I keep my eyes tightly closed and eventually he gives up and goes off to his bunk. Too scared to move in case he hears me, I pretend to be asleep on the uncomfortable sofa until tiredness takes over and I fall asleep for real.

Chapter Nine

The Morning After the Night Before

Oh my God, I feel terrible. I’ve got such a headache and I’m too scared to open my eyes properly in case the light makes it worse. The events of last night are bouncing around in my head, which is probably contributing towards my headache. How could I have been so stupid? Mark might have masterminded a pretty decent plan to get me alone, but I didn’t have to go along with it. Yes, I was drunk enough to get caught up in things, but unfortunately I wasn’t quite drunk enough to forget what happened. But nothing did happen really, did it? It was just a silly kiss. I kiss people all the time – although, not everyone I kiss tries to remove my underwear in the street.

I open my eyes ever so slowly and stare at the ceiling for a second, giving them chance to adjust. The bus is silent so I assume everyone else is asleep. Rolling onto my side I see that Luke is sitting on the opposite side of the sofa, in the exact same place he was last night. He’s staring at me and his face is totally expressionless. I must look terrible, not only did I have such an awkward, uncomfortable night but I didn’t take my make-up off and you can guarantee my post-club hair will be a frizzy mess.

‘Good morning,’ I say weakly.

‘Hello,’ he replies. ‘Rough night?’

‘Something like that...what time is it?’

‘8 a.m. Want to go get a coffee?’ he asks in an unusually blunt manner.

‘Yeah, sure. I’ll just smarten myself up,’ I reply shyly. I really didn’t want him to see me like this.

‘OK. I’m going outside for a smoke, I’ll see you in a minute.’ And with that, he’s gone.

As I slowly sit up, I take in my surroundings. The living area is just as messy as I am. Empty cans and bottles are littered all over the place, there’s the odd junk food wrapper and cigarette packets scattered around and I am being over powered by two smells – Lynx and sweat. Unfortunately the latter scent is the stronger one.

Grabbing my bag, I make my way to the tiny bus toilet. It’s impossible not to feel claustrophobic in these bathrooms, there’s barely enough standing room for one person. The small space consists of a toilet, a small sink and a shower head, none of which are very easy to use, even when the bus is stationary. I catch sight of myself in the dirty mirror and, just as I suspected, I have make-up all over my face and a hairstyle that would be more at home in the 80s. Thankfully my face wipes are in the bag that I actually remembered, although unfortunately I don’t have a hairbrush or any clean clothes with me.

Winding my long blonde hair into a bun on the top of my head, I begin wiping off my make-up – only to start reapplying it seconds later. With my hair looking crap, I make the decision to wear even more make-up to compensate. Standing back to take in my appearance in the tiny mirror, I can only conclude that I look like a groupie. My hair is messed up, my make-up is over the top and I’m still wearing my gig outfit – or maybe I just feel like a groupie after last night.

I am distracted from my thoughts by a noise from my phone. Taking it out of my bag I realise it is the low battery alert and guess what? I packed my charger in the bag I left at home. Now I’m feeling seriously out of my comfort zone. I’m horribly hungover, I look a complete state, I’m going to have to face both Mark and Luke today and to top it all off my only form of contact with the ‘real world’ will be cut off when my phone dies, which I’m guessing is going to be sooner rather than later.

As I leave the bathroom and make my way past the bunks, I can hear girls giggling, but I don’t remember seeing any girls last night when we left the club. Maybe they found their way on to the bus while Mark and I made our detour.

As I pass Eddie’s bunk, a girl climbs out and, looking at the state of her, I start to feel slightly better about the way I look this morning. She is definitely still drunk, her clothes are hanging off and she’s looking at me like I’ve just fallen out of a tree. She actually looks like she has just fallen out of a tree.

‘Becky,’ she calls, looking at me but failing to acknowledge the fact that I am standing there and that she is blocking my path. Becky sticks her head out of the bottom bunk which, as far as I remember, is Ben’s bunk, but he must be in one of the spares because, as we all know, Ben has a girlfriend and he doesn’t stop texting her for long enough to even talk to another girl. Becky looks equally as rough as her friend so I’m quite happy to walk off the bus after them, they can only make me look better. Neither girl speaks to me until we get to the bus door, which neither of them can work out how to open.

‘How the fuck does this open?’ Becky asks me politely. I don’t say anything, I just reach forward and open the door. Becky and her friend fall about laughing and hop off the bus. As they walk past Luke, they both say ‘Bye, Luke’ in unison, laughing hysterically as they stagger off.

‘Bye, girls,’ he says and then turns towards me. ‘They weren’t with me you know.’

‘No judgement from me,’ I tell him, holding up my hands. I’m hardly in a position to say anything, am I? Feeling self-conscious, I let my hair down. Knots or no knots, my long hair is like my safety blanket. You don’t find many girls with real long hair these days, just cheap-looking hair extensions. It’s got to a point where people come up to me to ask me where I purchased such realistic fake hair, and I always tell them my little-known but very simple hair tip: if you don’t get your hair cut, it will grow. Magic, isn’t it?

‘You know I care what you think,’ he says, throwing the end of his cigarette on the floor and stamping it out. ‘Shall we go get that coffee?’

I nod and follow his lead. I love Manchester, but with my rubbish sense of direction I find it impossible to find my way around, and it doesn’t matter how many times I visit.

‘Cold, isn’t it?’ I say in an attempt to break the silence with small talk.

‘It is. You should have put something warmer on.’

I look down at my dress. Not only is it totally inappropriate for strolling around town at this time of morning, but it isn’t doing much to fight off the chilly October wind. Oh, and there’s a rather unattractive booze stain down the side that must have happened last night.

‘I would have, but I forgot the bag with my clothes in. Don’t laugh!’ I warn him.

He does laugh, and it’s adorable. His eyes light up when he laughs and he’s got the most gorgeous smile.

‘What are we going to do with you?’ he sighs, putting his arm around me and I wonder if he’s doing it to keep me warm, or just to touch me.

‘I’ll be fine.’

‘You’ll freeze! Don’t worry, I’m sure I’ve got something you can wear,’ he says as he ushers me into Starbucks.

I don’t think I have ever been so happy to be in Starbucks. I haven’t been inside this particular branch before, but it all feels so familiar and I instantly feel more relaxed. I may have been feeling out of my comfort zone before but this feels just like home.

We grab our drinks and take a seat on the sofa in the only dark corner of the room, something my hangover and I are very thankful for.

‘So last night was a bit mad,’ Luke starts. ‘I’m sorry we didn’t see very much of each other, did you sleep on the sofa all night?’

‘I did. I was tipsy, I must have fallen asleep there,’ I lie.

‘I’m sorry you had to walk back with Torpedo.’

What I’m thinking is that I’m sorry I had to as well, but what I say out loud is, ‘Don’t worry about it.’

The conversation feels forced and awkward, and it worries me that I still have to spend a few more days with these people, living in such a small space. Yes, it’s a big bus, but not when you’re trying to avoid people.

‘Well you must have had a horrible night’s sleep, but don’t worry, we’re booked in a hotel tonight.’

Thank God! After one night of not sleeping in a bed I am absolutely desperate to climb into one, even if I don’t get to sleep, even if it’s just for a minute.

‘We’ve got three rooms booked, that’s all the hotel in Birmingham had. Management wanted to put us somewhere really nice though. They’re kissing our arses because the album is doing so well.’

‘Yeah, that’s great. I’m missing sleeping in a proper bed already.’

‘We’ve got three double rooms. Mick is going in with Ben, and Mark and Eddie usually share,’ he tells me, waiting for a few seconds before he finishes his sentence. ‘We could share if you wanted to?’

I hesitate and before I get chance to reply, Luke starts talking again.

‘Unless you don’t want to. I mean, I can go in with Mark and Ed, no problem.’

‘No, it’s fine. We can’t have the celebrities squashed in the same bed,’ I tease, secretly delighted.

‘Good,’ he replies, leaning closer to me and resting his hand gently on my leg. ‘Maybe we’ll finally get some time alone together,’ he lowers his voice to a whisper. ‘I can’t wait to get you on your own.’

I smile and sip my coffee. So I haven’t scared him off after all. There’s nothing like a bit of jealousy to keep them keen.

Chapter Ten

The Road

Back at the bus, I wait patiently as Luke searches around in the luggage compartment for something warm for me to wear. The dress I am currently wearing was perfect for keeping cool at the venue last night, but in the harsh light of day the alcohol stain stands out a mile and my pretty little dress does not go with the big, clumsy Uggs I am stuck wearing – but hey, at least my feet are warm.

‘No clean clothes,’ Luke calls out, still waist deep in the luggage compartment. ‘Unless you want something butch-looking that stinks of sweat.’

I laugh, although to be honest I’m a bit distracted staring at his bum.

‘Don’t worry, I’ll be fine,’ I eventually call back.

‘There is this though,’ he says, holding up the biggest Two For The Road T-shirt I have ever seen.

‘We’ve sold a lot of merchandise this tour, which is lucky for us. Sucks for you though, only extra-large T-shirts left – but it’s got to be warmer than what you’re wearing now, right? It will certainly cover more skin...unfortunately,’ he adds with a wink.

Taking the huge T-shirt from him, I hold it up against my body, you could fit at least two of me in this, but I think I can make it work. Sadly I don’t think I can do anything about the fact that it is bright orange, though.

‘This will be perfect, don’t worry.’

I head into the living area. No one is around so I can get changed here if I’m fast. Mark and Eddie have gone to get something to eat and, as far as I know, Ben is still sleeping. I check that I am totally alone one last time before slipping off my beautiful dress and slipping on my huge, bright-orange replacement. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to wear one of these T-shirts, even if they are a fan of the band, and surely if a person needed a shirt this big, they wouldn’t want it to be bright orange?

As I predicted, I look like I am wearing a tent, but I’m not finished yet. If there’s one thing I learned during my short stint at Brownies (I was way too edgy to cook, sew and collect crap that I found on the floor in the park), it’s that you should always carry safety pins in your bag. Pulling all the extra fabric from both sides, I pin them together in line with the small of my back before rolling up the sleeves a little. My huge orange T-shirt now looks a bit more like a dress. A bright-orange, TFTR-branded dress that doesn’t really clash too much with my boots. To be honest, my gold accessories set it off quite nicely. I don’t look too shocking and I’m definitely warmer.

Stepping off the bus, I see Mark, Luke and Eddie smoking, and they look very amused by my outfit – probably because it’s free advertising for them.

‘Wilde, what did you do to it?’ Luke asks, astonished. ‘It actually suits you!’

‘That’s the thing with our Nicole, she can make anything look amazing, can’t you, babe?’ Eddie says, taking a final drag on his cigarette and flicking it across the car park.

‘You’re too kind, boys,’ I say, embarrassed but flattered to hear Eddie refer to me as theirs.

I look over at Mark, who is leaning on the bus. He hasn’t spoken to me today and I don’t think he’s going to either.

‘We’d better get a move on,’ Eddie says, jumping aboard the bus way too energetically for someone who drank so much last night. ‘Luke, get that lazy bastard Ben up, will you?’

‘I’m on it!’ he replies, giving Eddie a playful smack on the bum as he follows him up the stairs.

It’s just me and Mark now. Awkward. If he’s not going to say anything, then I guess I’d better try.

‘How are you today?’ I ask with a smile.

‘Fine, cheers,’ he replies without even looking up.

‘Good,’ I say undefeated. ‘Not many dates left now, I bet you’ll miss it when it’s over.’

‘Yeah, probably.’

This is impossible. I was hoping that last night he was either too drunk to remember, or at least too drunk to care, but I’m guessing he isn’t my biggest fan right now.

‘I’ll see you on the bus, yeah?’ I ask, but I don’t expect him to reply, and he doesn’t. Then, the second my foot touches the first step, he calls after me.

‘I hear you’re sharing a room with Luke tonight. There’s a shocker,’ he says with an extra helping of sarcasm, just in case I wasn’t picking up the vibes.

It’s my turn to do the ignoring. I could kick off, but where would that get me? He’s ‘the talent’ and I’d be off this bus in a flash if I got in his face. Anyway, I’m not going to let him ruin tonight for me. So what if I’m sharing a room with Luke? It’s nothing to do with him.

Back on the bus, I make my way to the living area. The guys already have a film on so I take a seat next to Eddie. Mark isn’t far behind, and he sits down opposite me. I’m so not looking forward to the drive to Birmingham, all squashed up together in this small space.

‘So, Nicole, this feature you’re writing on our tour, anything interesting to report yet?’ Eddie asks me and I wonder if Mark told him anything when they were alone together this morning.

‘Plenty,’ I tease. ‘You’re going to wish you hadn’t invited me.’

‘Don’t pull any punches,’ he replies. ‘What you looking so worried about, Boy Wonder?’ he adds, looking over at Ben. Ben is so quiet and, surprise, surprise, he’s already texting away on his phone.

‘Oi, I’m talking to you. Had fun last night, didn’t you?’ Eddie shouts at Ben – who looks embarrassed as hell right now – in a borderline aggressive manner.

That reminds me, I’m here to write a feature and not to groupie my way through the whole band.

Apart from the noise coming from the TV, and the odd text alert from Ben’s phone, the bus is so quiet. The roadies have their own transport and do their own thing, and Mick, the band’s tour manager, is also their driver so it’s just me and the boys here, and everyone is too tired or too hungover to chat.

Eddie yawns, stretching out his arms and wrapping one around me. As he does this, Mark sniggers and shoots me a filthy look. I’m finding it hard not to look at him because he’s sitting opposite me. I take my phone from my bag and I only get to tap a few buttons before it turns off. Bloody smartphones and their rubbish battery life. I’ll just close my eyes for a bit, anything that means I don’t have to look at Mark.

Awkwardness aside, I’m really looking forward to tonight. Sleeping in a nice hotel is always better than sleeping on the bus and it will be much easier to avoid Mark too. Why does drama follow me around where-ever I go? I still can’t get my head around what happened last night. We’ve never really been that close, not like I am with Ed and Luke, but he was hell-bent on getting close last night. One thing I do know for sure though, this won’t be mentioned in the magazine.

I wish I could text Emily. I’ll bet she’s sitting at my desk with her feet up. I left her in charge and under strict instructions to call me if anything eventful happened. Obviously she can’t do that now that my battery has died, but I’m sure she’ll be fine. I hope Vicky isn’t taking the piss – I still can’t believe she’s staying at Em’s house. Not only is she taking advantage of her good nature, but she’s making it impossible for us to chat like we usually do, she is always around.

How long does it take to get to Birmingham, seriously? This is the longest journey of my life. My head is resting on Eddie’s chest and I realise I must have dozed off for a bit. I have no idea for how long but we’re still not there yet. Mark and Luke are playing a video game, Ben is still texting and Eddie is asleep. The living area looks a little tidier, which means someone must have been really bored.

Mess aside, I adore tour buses. Try to imagine a really glamorous caravan. This isn’t the biggest one I’ve been on, but it has bunks for eight people so it’s still pretty massive. The living area is amazing, you can’t really tell that you’re on a bus. There’s a big table surrounded by sofas and blacked-out windows and a massive flat-screen TV on the wall with a DVD player and a PS3. The kitchen has everything you could need – I imagine, you know I’m not a very kitchen-y person. There’s a kettle, fridge, microwave and even an ice-maker. Just down the aisle is where the bunks are, four on each side. They’re not the comfiest beds in the world, but they’re certainly not the worst. I could so easily live on one of these buses – as long as I had more clothes with me, of course.

I’m still feeling tired and Eddie is so comfy to cuddle up to – despite the rock-hard muscles in his chest – maybe I’ll just fall back asleep until we get there.