The Puzzle of Elijah

“I have agreed to the surgery. I want to give my baby all his chances for life,” I said with tears.

“Olga, God will help us. No matter what happens, I just need you alive,” Oleg said, hugging me and trying to hold his tears.

That night I turned thirty weeks pregnant; two and a half months early for our baby to be born. The nurses transported me to the operating room, while Oleg had to stay and change into a surgery outfit. Surprisingly, I felt an unusual peace and knew God was with me during that critical time. I felt like He was gently holding me in His hands with His angels surrounding me. I was doing everything possible to give our baby his chance for life and left the final decision up to God. What more could I do?

When Oleg came into the operating room, the doctor had already made the incision cut for the C-section. Oleg told me later that he had seen blood before, but not that much of it. It made him feel sick when he paused and looked at the surgery.

“Sir, please sit down,” the nurse said.

“I am fine,” Oleg answered.

“You have to sit down,” the nurse repeated.

“I am fine,” Oleg answered again.

“Sir, you have to sit down because you can faint from seeing so much blood and we cannot be responsible for you.”

Oleg sat on the chair next to me, hugged me, kissed me on my head and prayed quietly. The surgery went on for about an hour. I could not see anything behind the curtain, just felt the doctors pushing on my stomach. I felt no pain, no fear and did not cry. I didn’t feel like myself. Usually, I would be so scared, but I was calm. I quietly prayed for God to be in charge and for His will to be done. After about ten minutes, the doctor delivered the baby and asked the nurses to take him to the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). I could not see the baby or hear him cry. Oleg couldn’t tell if the baby was alive. The doctors continued finishing my surgery.

After the surgery, I was taken to the recovery room for one hour. The nurse gave me medications and made sure I was okay. Oleg sat by me and held my hand. Another nurse came and asked if he wanted to go see our newborn son.

My husband left with her and shortly came back.

“Our son is alive!” he said relieved and excited. “Olga, when you called me, I was under the impression that he had already died. All the way to the hospital I cried out to God because I wasn’t sure what was happening. Olga, I was worried about you, too. My son is alive! He is moving his hands! Praise God!”

I only now understood why Oleg hadn’t answered my second phone call. Only God saw his tears and heard his questions. Oleg sat by me, held my hand and kept thanking God that our baby was alive.

“The nurses started medications through an IV for our son’s heart and provided him with breathing help,” he explained. “Our baby is in NICU in a warm incubator.”

I was glad to see Oleg happy, even though he still worried. I was glad to hear that our baby was alive, and the doctors were taking good care of him. But after the anesthesia my mind was foggy, and I was in pain. Thank God, I was in one of the best hospitals in Oregon with good doctors and nurses, taking gentle care of me.

…….

After an hour in the recovery room, I was taken to the Intensive Care Unit for postpartum mothers after a high-risk delivery. The nurses put my surgery bed next to the bed that I was to use in the room and asked, “Olga, can you try to scoot from your bed to the one in this room?”

I tried, but felt terrible pain from the C-section incision. Also, due to the anesthesia, I couldn’t feel my legs at all. It was impossible to move. How do you move, when you don’t feel your legs and experience severe pain? I became scared and started crying.

“I am in lots of pain and can’t feel my legs,” I said.

Oleg offered to help the nurses move me, but they did not let him. They asked for help from a male nurse. They wrapped me in sheets and used them to move me from my surgery bed to the bed in the room. Then, the nurse gave me extra pain medications.

That night there wasn’t a room available with a sleeping couch for Oleg. So, he slept on two chairs, sitting on one and resting his feet on another. I wanted to sleep, but I couldn’t. The anesthesia medications made my whole body itch the minute I began falling asleep. I told the nurse, but she answered that it was a side effect of the medications.

In the morning, a room with a couch became available, so the nurses with my husband’s help transported me there in a wheel chair. Oleg fell asleep on a couch right away. The nurses changed my wound dressing and started magnesium medication through an IV to lower my blood pressure. They were also giving me Ibuprofen and Vicodin to kill the pain. In addition to itching, I felt dizzy and developed a very bad headache. I was still unable to fall asleep.

…….

Oleg slept for only a couple of hours. In the morning the nurse asked if he wanted to go visit our baby again. He was excited for the chance and left with her. When Oleg returned, he brought me a precious gift: he had taken a picture of our baby, so I could see him for the first time.

I loved our son so much and felt so sorry when I saw him. I needed an explanation about all the wires and tubes around him. When the doctor came, she tried to answer my questions, but there was just too much to understand. I wanted to see our baby, but my medical condition prevented this.

After the doctor left, Oleg and I realized how blessed we were to live in the United States with well-educated and skilled doctors, advanced medical equipment and medications. It is amazing how skilled and talented these individuals are, and how much they care. They do more than just their job. They are involved in our lives and work as fellow human beings, who care for other human beings with such strong convictions. They are special, and we are grateful for them.

Oleg and I understood that from then on, our lives would be different, since our baby would be staying at the hospital for a while. Oleg called his Mother in California.

“Mom, our baby has been born very early. Olga had a C-section. The school has started. Someone needs to be home to send David, Kristina and Michael to school and meet them after. Can you please come help us with the children?”

“Yes, of course, I will come,” Oleg’s Mother promised.

My parents continued to help with our children, while Oleg was with me at the hospital. That morning we realized how lucky we were to have parents near us during such critical time.

…….

A nurse brought me an electric breast pump to pump the first colostrum for our baby. I sat up in my hospital bed and started pumping, but didn’t know if my baby would ever drink it. I couldn’t believe this was my new reality. My first three children were all healthy. They were with me in the room after birth and I breastfed them. I knew it was important for our baby to drink colostrum, but he couldn’t yet; he was being fed through an IV. The nurse brought me more bottles and labels. I attached the label to the bottle and the nurse took my milk to NICU to be frozen.

The cardiologist ordered an echo cardiogram of our baby’s heart. With hope, we patiently waited for the results. Soon the cardiologist came back and said, “Unfortunately, the echo cardiogram of your baby’s heart showed that all the predicted problems are still there. Your baby may not survive.”

He gave us a list of our baby’s diagnoses:

Right dominant unbalanced atrioventricular septal defect with large primum ASD;

Second superior secundum ASD;

Inlet VSD;

Hypoplastic left ventricle;

Severely hypoplastic aortic arch with severe coarctation;

Large patent ductus arteriosus;

Ex-30-week premature infant.

We didn’t understand all of the medical terms, but knew there were many problems with our son’s heart. When the doctor left, we were quiet for a while.

“I feel like God doesn’t hear us,” Oleg finally spoke. “Why doesn’t He help us? What about the prophecies that others had told us that God would heal our baby in the womb? Why had individuals prophesied that which is not true?”

Reality set in. Maybe God was stronger in Oleg, because he was still in a supportive role in his trust of God. I, on the other hand, questioned, “How can a loving God do this to my baby? Is it a God I still want to love and believe in?”

“Olga, we need to accept God’s will,” Oleg tried to answer my questions. “People can be wrong. They can tell us things that hurt us. They can prophecise what may not come true, but God is God. We have to believe in Him. He is there. He is alive. He will help us.”

That day was difficult for both of us, but we ultimately decided to accept God’s will and move forward with our lives. We now had a son who would require vast amounts of our attention and care, and somehow, we would have to make accommodations within our and our children’s lives.

…….

6

You never realize how lucky you are with a healthy

child, until you have an ill child.

Our friends and relatives called us, worrying about me and my baby. But that day, I asked for visitors not to come because I couldn’t move, had lots of pain and needed rest. We appreciated our friends’ and relatives’ support. Even too many doctors and nurses kept coming in and out from my room.

When I had a moment, I called my Mother.

“Our baby has been born, but he is very ill,” I broke in tears while talking to Mom.

“Olga, please be strong. I feel your pain, my Daughter, and I wish I could help you, but what can I do? We will be praying. I know God has been healing other people. He will help. We will take care of your children. I will help you with meals. Tell Oleg to stop by any time. I will give him food to eat,” my Mother cried on the other end of the phone, while trying to ease my concerns.

Because of our son’s critical condition, I wasn’t able to breastfeed him or do the skin-to-skin contact. I knew this was important because in my job at WIC that was what I taught new mothers. I knew the skin-to-skin contact would enhance our son’s immune system. It would provide him better oxygenation, better heart rate and better temperature. He was all alone in an incubator, surrounded by wires, tubes and pumps with medications. I knew that the nurses were taking good care of him, but he was my baby and I was missing him. He and I were separated. Surprisingly, I was at peace. Oleg also felt at peace. He stayed with me that whole day and the next night.

…….

By the morning, the anesthesia was no longer affecting my body and the magnesium medication was stopped. The itching ended and, finally, I was able to sleep. I no longer felt dizzy and could walk with the nurse’s help. I was beginning to feel better and thanked God!

I received a phone call from my former co-worker, Kathy.

“Olga, I am coming to visit you!” she said.

At the same time, Oleg received a phone call from his cousin, Eddie.

“I am coming to visit you, brother.”

Eddie and Kathy arrived at about the same time, so Oleg spent time with Eddie and I spent time with Kathy. Kathy brought me two cards, one from her and one from my former co-worker Marge. I started reading them and the words from one of the cards made me cry. It said, “God knows everything you are going through and He will help you…”

Kathy comforted me. It was wonderful to have such friends, who worried about me and brought me cards that showed hope.

“Olga, I would like to see your baby,” Kathy said.

“I haven’t seen my baby myself,” I answered. “I felt so awful yesterday after the anesthesia and all medications, but I feel a lot better today. We can go see my baby together.”

“Walking that far would be impossible for me.”

I looked at Oleg.

“How will I get there? I am on the 14^th floor and our baby is on the 12^th. Is it far?”

“It is pretty far,” Oleg answered. “You will need to take a wheelchair.”

“No way. Wheelchairs are for disabled people. But now I have to use one?”

I wanted to see my baby so much, I complied with the rules and went to the NICU in a wheelchair. Kathy pushed it for me, while Oleg and his cousin walked behind us. We arrived at the NICU.

“Only three healthy visitors can see your baby at a time,” the clerk explained. “No children are allowed, only siblings.”

We signed in and washed our hands all the way up to the elbows. Then we went to the last room at the end of the hall, where the smallest babies were. Because there were four of us, Eddie waited in the hall and then came in after Kathy left. Four doctors were by our son’s bed. The doctors greeted us and told the updates on the baby.

“The last two days we have been worried and didn’t think that your baby would live. But he lives, so we are planning to meet with the surgeon and come up with a care plan for your son.”

After the doctors left, I looked around the room. There were four other raised beds with tiny babies, covered with a glass lid and small blankets. I realized our family was not the only family with problems. There was a baby who was even smaller than our baby. Two nurses were taking care of babies in that room. Some parents sat in the rocking chairs by their baby’s bed. Our son’s bed had a sign on it: “Anischenko Baby” with tiny footprints on it and the baby’s weight and length: 3lb 1 ounce and 14 inches.

With Oleg’s help, I got out of the wheelchair and came closer to the incubator.

“Our baby is so tiny!” surprised, I told Oleg. “David, Kristina and Michael were all 8 pounds at birth. I never imagined that our fourth baby would be only 3 pounds.”

Two rounded windows were on each side of the incubator. The nurse and Kathy were staying next to us.

“Olga, you can open the round windows and put your hands through to your baby,” the nurse explained. “But do not make any strokes. He may not like it. Your baby still needs to be in your womb for more than two months, not being touched.”

I opened the round windows, put my hands on our baby’s head and legs, and looked at his face. He was so beautiful with blond curly hair and looked so much like Oleg. The nurse told us more about his tubes and wires.

“An oxygen tube, taped to baby’s mouth, is going down into his lungs to help him breathe. The sensors on his chest check his oxygen, pulse, heartbeat and body temperature. The umbilical intravenous line is inserted though his belly button, so we can draw blood for labs. The PICC line (a prolonged IV) is inserted in his hand, so we can send in nutrition and medications.”

There was a tiny diaper on my baby and, luckily, his legs had nothing attached to them. Everything seemed beyond our control. Seeing our baby with the tubes scared me.

“It is real. What do we do now?” I asked my husband.

Oleg hugged me tight. I wanted to hold our newborn son and have some quiet time with him, but it wasn’t possible. I felt a strange wave of emotion like he was mine, but at the same time not mine. I tried so hard to control my feelings and to not cry. “This is serious. We and our baby are in deep trouble,” I thought.

“Your baby has jaundice, a medical condition with yellowing of the skin and whites of his eyes, arising from excess of the pigment bilirubin,” the nurse said. “We need to turn on the special light that will help his jaundice go away. I need to cover your son’s eyes with black glasses, close his incubator and keep him under the lights.”

Oleg and I stepped aside. I didn’t want to leave our son, but due to my pain, we returned to my room for more medications. I needed rest, and it was time for me to pump more milk. Tears rolled down my cheeks and I couldn’t say a word to Oleg, who laid quietly on the couch with his own tears.

When I calmed down, I called my sister, Luda. One of her children was also born premature.

“Olga, I know what you are going through,” she said. “I feel your pain.”

We both talked and sobbed. It was easier to talk with someone who had had similar experience and understood. I was so grateful for my sister’s support.

…….

In the afternoon, Oleg brought David, Kristina and Michael to visit me and meet their baby brother.

“Mom, why did the doctor cut your stomach? How big is your cut?” Michael asked, scared.

“The baby would have died if the doctors had not cut my stomach,” I answered. “The cut is about five inches long.”

“Did it hurt, Mom?”

“No, it did not, because the doctors used numbing medications during the surgery,” I answered. “But it hurt after the surgery and it hurts now.”

“How long it will take to heal?” Kristina asked.

“About two weeks. I will need to be very careful when I come home. You guys will need to help me a lot.”

“Mom, we will help you.” Kristina laid by me on my hospital bed and hugged me.

“Why was the baby born early?” David asked.

“Because Mom’s blood pressure raised very high,” Oleg answered. “Mom has some health problems. We need to take good care of Mom.”

“How soon will you and the baby come home?” David asked.

“I will come home after about four days, but the baby will stay at the hospital for a while. He needs a surgery on his heart.”

The children were sad. Even children know that heart surgery is serious. They had no more questions. We were all quiet. After getting the information they wanted and seeing that I was likely to be okay, they just turned the TV on and watched cartoons. How much could we expect from our children? David was the most concerned, but Kristina and Michael, because of their age, didn’t understand much.

After spending a few minutes with me, the children wanted to see their baby brother. We thought they could handle it. Seeing the wires and tubes, attached to the baby, the children were scared because they didn’t understand what was happening. They knew that their brother was in a trouble and that he was sick. They didn’t want him to die. This was the first time they ever experienced the possibility of death. Oleg explained the problems with the baby’s heart and asked our children not to be scared, but to pray for God to help their baby brother.

…….

That afternoon, the doctor came and told us, “During the meeting of cardiologists, neonatologists, surgeons and medical students, we decided to delay your baby's open-heart surgery until he weighs at least five pounds. We think medications will enable his heart to keep working until he has grown larger and stronger, which will give him a better chance for success. We will feed him intravenously and let him grow, while keeping his heart duct open with medications. We will also continue providing oxygen to help him breathe. Your baby will stay at the hospital at least two months before the surgery and few more months after the surgery.”

Hearing the doctors’ long-term plan, Oleg and I understood that our son would not be coming home any time soon. We had to decide how our family would manage these changes for many weeks to come.

“Have you decided on a name for your son?” the doctor asked.

“Not yet,” I answered.

For a parent, whose baby is born healthy, the most important thing is to give him or her a name. But for us at that moment the most important thing was for our baby to live, not his name.

“During one of our meetings, one of the doctors called your son the “Russian Prince”, the doctor said. “While you are still deciding on his name, would it be okay for the doctors to use that name for now?”

I liked the doctors calling our son the Russian Prince.

“Yes,” I answered. “He deserves it.”

“During this week, we will need to perform many blood tests on your three-pound son,” the doctor continued. “He may become anemic and a blood transfusion may be necessary. Is that okay with you?”

We had no choice and signed the consent.

“Finally, some good news,” the doctor said. “Your baby is stable, so he can start having breast milk through a feeding tube!”

Oleg and I were so relieved to hear the news and thanked God.

…….

On Saturday, friends and family with beautiful flowers and gifts visited us. We couldn’t walk everyone to see our baby. With some we just talked, prayed and hoped for the best.

Tanya was the first one of my siblings to see our son. When we came to the NICU, the lid of his incubator was raised, and the nurse was changing the dressing on his arm. Our baby’s eyes were covered with black glasses, but he was awake and moved his arms. We could not hear his voice due to the breathing tube in his mouth, but we could see it by the look on his face and by the way he was breathing that he was very upset. He cried without noise. Quietly, Tanya and I stood by his bed, trying to withhold our tears. My heart ached from not being able to help our son. Tanya didn't ask a lot of questions, but later I heard she cried after leaving the hospital, because she saw how fragile and ill our baby was.

A little later, my brother, Leo, came to visit us with his wife and children. They brought snacks and presents. While I was talking to Leo’s wife, I heard my husband tell Leo, “Being home with the children without my wife has not been easy. I had to clean, cook, send children to school, figure out their school bus stop, read all their school papers, wash their clothes. It is hard to be home without my wife. She does so much. I realized how hard it is to be a single Dad.”

Later I learned that Leo was calling everyone in our family, asking them to fast and pray for our fragile son.

…….

Oleg met his Mom at the airport. His brother and sister helped her arrange the flight and paid for her ticket. Oleg’s Mom was planning to stay with us for two weeks. We knew that she would take wonderful care of David, Kristina and Michael. Most importantly, she would give them lots of love. We were so thankful for our family’s help. It amazed us how one event could impact the hearts and actions of so many people and they were all ready to help. We began to realize that what was happening to us and our baby not only affected our immediate family, but impacted our extended family, friends, relatives, neighbors and co-workers. They all understood our pain and tried to help.

…….

Sunday, the third day after delivery, I woke up at 5 a.m. and pumped the milk. Since Oleg was still sleeping, I decided to take the milk to our baby. This was a big deal. I had never walked there by myself before. Holding onto the wheelchair, I slowly walked to the NICU.

“Good morning, Olga,” the nurse greeted me. “You are here early today!”

“Good morning,” I said, happy to be there.

“We have good news for you!” she continued. “Your son’s milk dosage has increased from one to two milliliters! He is doing well!”

I was so happy to hear good news! Through the little incubator’s windows, I could touch my baby’s head, legs and hands. He seemed to be sleeping.

“Olga, have you decided on a name for your baby?” the nurse asked.

“We have not decided yet,” I answered. “I am sorry. I need to talk to my husband about that.”

I spent about an hour by my baby and returned back to my room. Oleg already woke up.

“I have great news for you, honey!” I said. “Our baby can tolerate more milk!”

“That’s great!” Oleg exclaimed.

“We need to give him a name. The nurse asked me about it again.”

“Okay. What names do you like?” Oleg asked me.

“I like Jacob, Elijah, Aaron and Nickolas, but I feel that Elijah would fit our baby the most. It is a Biblical name, which means “My God is Jehovah”. What do you think?”

“I like the name Elijah,” Oleg said.

“Our son has a very serious heart defect and his life will not be easy for him. I think the name Elijah would suit him the best,” I said.

On the birth certificate, that day we wrote:

Elijah Joseph Anischenko

The baby of Oleg and Olga Anischenko,

Born on September 9, 2010.

Oleg visited Elijah and spoke with the doctors. Then he went home to spend some time with our children and his Mother. I had a lot to do: return phone calls, pump and take my milk to Elijah, take my medications and choose healthy foods to eat. My blood sugar and blood pressure were both elevated. Most importantly, I needed to rest and recover.

…….

At about 1:00 P.M., I heard a knock at my door and saw the worried faces of my parents. They hugged me and kissed me.

“It all will be okay, my Daughter,” my Mom said.

“I love you so much,” my Father added and hugged me.

It felt good to feel the love of my parents. I smiled through tears.

“We named our baby Elijah,” I told my parents. “He is your 20^th Grandchild.”

“We would like to meet him,” Mom said.

I got up, sat in a wheelchair and my Father pushed it with his left hand, his only hand. When we came to the NICU, my parents didn’t say much, just asked some questions. Most of the time, they looked at the baby quietly and breathed in deeply. The nurse took a picture of us. Then, we returned to my room.

“Olga, it is very difficult for me to say this, but please, let God do His work,” my Father spoke, “Elijah is very ill. It would be not easy for him if he was ill all his life. It would be better for him to be with God. If you had only called me when you were in labor, I would’ve told you not to save the baby. Please, don’t ask God to leave him here with you. Ask God to either heal him, so he would be healthy, or let God take him to Heaven.”

When I heard my Father speak, words got stuck in my throat and I almost choked. I knew my Father was speaking the truth as he knew it, but we had already made a decision and the baby was already here.

When I was finally able to speak, I answered to my Father, “That is exactly how I am praying, Dad. For some reason, Elijah is still here, and God gives him life. I feel God has plans for him. It is God, who will decide if Elijah will live or not. But it is our choice to give Elijah every chance for life.”

Mom and Dad spent a little more time with me, prayed for me and left to go home. It was hard for me to hear my Father speak at that time. Today I respect my Father even more for willing to express his honest opinion. Upon reflection, I understand now how difficult this must have been for my Father, who loves me dearly and whom I also love so much.

…….

After about an hour, I heard another knock at my door. My sisters, Irena and Luda, came to visit me.

“Olga, our dear sister, we love you so much,” Lyuda said and hugged me on my shoulder.

“We brought you flowers and freshly prepared, homemade food,” Irena added and gave me a big hug.

“Thank you so much,” I answered. “Would you like to go see Elijah?”

“Yes, of ‘course!” my sisters answered.

I sat in a wheelchair and Irena pushed it for me. Those were special moments for me. I felt loved and well cared for by my family. They did for me what I could not do for myself and I appreciated that. My sisters were excited to see Elijah.

“Olga, he is so beautiful, but I can’t believe how small he is,” Irena said.

“I am so sorry, Olga,” Lyuda said and hugged me tight.

My sisters looked at Elijah through tears. I stood next to Elijah’s bed and was able to put my hands on his head and legs. Elijah was lying still. His eyes were covered with black glasses and we didn’t know if he was asleep. My sisters asked me some questions and took pictures of us. Then it was time for them to go home. I took my hands off Elijah. He started crying, but could not make any noise, as he still had a breathing tube in his mouth. Immediately, I put my hands back on his head and his legs, and he settled down. Apparently, during pregnancy, babies can hear sounds from the womb. Elijah knew my voice and when I again removed my hands, he started to cry again. Eventually, my sisters and I had to leave.

“I will come back, my sweet little baby,” I said through tears. “Mommy is in pain and needs to take her medications. I love you. You will be okay.”

Elijah calmed down. It was heart-breaking for me to leave him all alone in his tiny incubator.

…….

Soon, Oleg came with our children and his Mother. Oleg’s Mom hugged me.

“How are you, Olga?” she asked.

“I am okay. Thank you for coming to help us,” I answered with tears on my eyes.

After spending some time with me, Oleg took his Mom to see Elijah. When they came back, Oleg’s Mom kept repeating, “Oh, God, please help my fragile Grandson.”

Later Oleg told me that his Mom cried when she saw our tiny and very ill son, her ninth Grandchild. After about one hour, Oleg took his Mother and children home, and then returned to the hospital. Grandmother was taking good care of our children.

Later that evening, my Mother-in-law called me and read the poem that her friend wrote. The last verse was so promising:

The years will pass and take its course,

We will remember this day of course –

For Mom and Dad – a very hard decision,

For heaven and for earth – Elijah’s day of birth!

Tears filled my eyes. “God, please make it a good ending,” I prayed. “So many people already know about Elijah and are praying for him. Please make a miracle and heal Elijah. Show us Your glory!”

…….

7

Prayers of others provide comfort and strength,

and make you feel not alone.

On the fourth day after Elijah’s birth, Oleg returned to work. The doctors were planning to send me home and I was not sure if I was ready. For the last three days, I had no chance to let go of my emotions privately. I cried because I wanted to be with my baby. He needed my presence and my touch, and I needed him. The doctors were telling me I was going home, but my baby was going to stay. As I struggled with my situation, my former co-worker, Ruth, came to visit me.

“Good morning, Olga! Why are you crying?” surprised, she asked.

“Oh, Ruth. Thank you for visiting me. I am sorry you get to see me in tears. The doctors are planning to discharge me today, but I can’t bring my baby home with me.”

Tears rolled down my cheeks. Ruth handed me a tissue.

“Olga, please don’t cry. It will all be okay. Your baby will come home soon. He needs to stay at the hospital just a little longer.”

“I know, Ruth, but why does it have to be different with Elijah? My first three babies came home with me right after delivery. Why is Elijah’s heart so ill?”

“We don’t know, Olga, but God will help you. Please don’t cry, or your blood pressure will rise so high.”

Ruth held my hand and assured me that everything would be okay.

When Ruth left, I began to realize how many good friends I had and how much they loved me, and I cried even more. Soon, the nurse came in to check my vital signs.