Philemon. How did you not know? I immediately introduced myself. I didn't say right away that I was an artist, but what does that change?
Ivy. You immediately, and I did not immediately. Besides, I treated you a little differently. I thought you were just like everyone else. "Bit, chewed and spit out," and you, as it turned out, were not going to "bite" either.
Philemon. Ivy, you seem to be trying to tell me something, to explain, but I don't understand.
Ivy. Don't call me Ivy. My name is Alexandra. Sasha.
Philemon. And Ivy?
Sasha. And Ivy is my stage name, let's call it that. Is it clear who I am now? Thanks for the introduction.
Sasha clinks her glass against Philemon's. He drinks. Philemon comprehends, catches up with Sasha.
Philemon. Well, let's get to know each other, Sasha. And I'm still Philemon. Either a Smart Guy, or a Wit, or a Filly. Whatever you like.
Sasha. No, no, no. Philemon, as it is, so let it be. I'm sorry that I played with you and behaved so unbridled.
Philemon. Unbridled! Do you even know that word?
Sasha. I'm not stupid. I can communicate decently, it's just that men like silly, frivolous pretty girls with a touch of bitchiness, and I willingly wear this mask for work. Have you finally figured out what kind of job it is?
Philemon. I can't say that I didn't guess, I've been thinking for a long time, I just didn't want to believe it. You're so… She's still very young. And into such a profession…
Sasha. Where to go, money is not lying on the road. You have to pay for your studies, you have to live on something. Everything is necessary.
Philemon. But there are a lot of normal jobs, side jobs.
Sasha. Normal for whom? For the employer?
Philemon. For the most part, yes.
Sasha. Well, you know everything. What will you earn there, in these "normal" jobs and part-time jobs? You will only leave your health.
Philemon. And what's here? Won't you leave it?
Sasha. And you'll leave it here, but at least you'll get something for it, even if not for free.
Philemon. I don't know…
they're silent.
Sasha. Do you despise me?
Philemon is silent.
Sasha. Clear. Okay. I'm going to go. Happy birthday and I'm sorry if anything is wrong.
Sasha leaves, takes the painting that was given to her.
Scene 3
Philemon. Yes… Wow, Fate gave me a gift. I don't even know whether to be happy or sad. I liked the girl, what to hide. Just what should I do with this "liked"? Her life is just beginning, the very dawn is ahead, and my day is already going down. Even if we assume that it is stupid, but nevertheless, if we assume that she will also be able to like me in some way, then what can I offer her? Not rich, not famous, not really realized. A family that doesn't really need me, friends and acquaintances who, if necessary, can easily find an alternative for me. Yes, there is a brother who will always help me, as I will help him, but in the context of this issue, I am completely alone. I have this old murdered apartment, which has never been well renovated. That's all I've achieved in my life. I'm not her match, in any case. She's just wasting her time with me. Get these thoughts out of your head, Philemon. Raise a glass to all the good things and go to rest. No one else is coming to see you today.
Philemon pours wine, picks it up, clinking glasses with the air, and drinks it.
The doorbell rings. He's coming to open it.
Sasha enters without the painting.
Sasha. What if I like you too?
Philemon. Me?
Sasha. You
, Philemon. To you?
Sasha. To me!
Philemon. Why would that be?
Sasha. But it's that simple! Contrary to all logic!
Philemon. I do not believe. Prove it!
Sasha kisses Philemon passionately.
Philemon. Convincing. Come on in.
They go to the table and sit down.
Sasha. What are we going to do?
Philemon. And what are your suggestions?
Sasha. I don't know. There are none. That's why I'm asking you.
Philemon. Why don't you tell me how you got here first, and then we'll think about everything else?
Sasha. Oh, right. I didn't say that. I just got the apartment mixed up. I was called by a client from fifty-sixth, and I rushed to you, at sixty-fifth. Something flashed in my head, I'm pretty sure it's you. And you don't kick out, you play along with the situation. It's not entirely plausible, but nevertheless.
Philemon. I was waiting for my nephew Sergei and his girlfriend to visit. Moreover, a friend could have come earlier.
Sasha. Did you know the name of this friend?
Philemon. He called his girlfriend Bunny. I thought you were the Bunny.
Sasha. It's clear now. And then you called me a Hare from the doorway, back and forth, let's dance tea and coffee, it seems like everything always started. I didn't suspect anything.
Philemon. No, no. I was talking to you without a second thought back then.
Sasha. And at what point did you have this second thought?
Philemon. I don't know, you'd better tell me about Sergei, whom you were talking about. You're talking about Sergei, and I'm talking about Sergei. At first, everything worked out.
Sasha. Well, I had one client – Sergey. More precisely, not one. I just thought that one of them, one of my former clients, recommended me to you.
Philemon. Exes?
Sasha. What if you and I are together, then you won't mind my work?
Philemon. I will.
Sasha. That's why – exes!
Philemon. Understood. And what about that client from fifty-sixth?
Sasha. It's nothing.
Philemon. And in more detail? If possible.
Sasha. Are you jealous?
Philemon. Me? No-e-e-e.
Sasha. Yeah– no. I can see that yes!
Philemon. What? Is it that noticeable?
Sasha. It's noticeable.
Philemon. And don't provoke me, and it won't be noticeable. So what about this one you've got me confused with?
Sasha. If you're interested in the details, I'll tell you right away. We didn't have anything with him, moreover, he didn't even see me personally, just a profile photo on the work page and that's it.
Philemon. But you said someone paid you for an hour. The hour you spent with me.
Sasha. That's right, he paid for it.
Philemon. So you tricked him? I took the money and…
Sasha. Philemon! Don't think so badly of me. I'm a decent person… I'm sorry, but girls from our, let's say, class are often much more decent than those who imagine themselves to be princesses.
Philemon. Maybe you're right. But did you take the money?
Sasha. What a bore. Look! Otherwise, as you liked it, you'll stop liking it.
They are silent. They look at each other.
Philemon. I'm sorry if I'm bothering you too much with my questions, it's just… Such a situation…
Sasha. Yes, I returned the money to him. I reached his apartment. I stood for a while, thought about it. Then I made a transfer to his phone number, returned the entire amount to a penny and wrote not to wait.
Philemon. Why did you decide to do that? After all, it would be possible…
Sasha. I could have, but that's what I did. I don't know why. I'm sitting here, looking at you, and I'm thinking, why did I do this? Maybe I did something stupid?
Philemon. No, you did the right thing.
Sasha. Thank God, we figured it out. Any more questions?
Philemon. No, no, no. I explained everything clearly.
Sasha. Then I'll ask. Why do you live so modestly? You're a great painter. Talented, I would even say!
Philemon. Oh, Sasha. Talent alone is not enough. Without connections, it is extremely difficult to achieve great success nowadays. There are many talented people, few of those who were able to declare their talent.
Sasha. So why don't you declare?
Philemon. I tried to exhibit at a local gallery. I submitted my works to contests. Some acquaintances appeared, but nothing serious. I live mainly on portraits. Well, the sabbaths, of course, are much better without them. I have enough to live on, but for the soul I paint pictures like the one that I gave you.
Sasha. This is understandable. And why was I alone today? I understood that you are a simple, modest artist, but this is not a reason for those who were invited not to come.
Philemon. I'm telling you. The ex-wife and children are leaving tonight on a burning ticket to Vietnam. Packing, departure to the airport is not up to me.
Sasha. M… there are children, then.
Philemon. There is. Son and daughter. Pasha and Alina. They are already adults. They're about your age.
Sasha. M..
Filimon. My brother has an emergency at work. His wife and children did not dare to come without him, especially since the daughters had a cold somewhere, sniveling. My friend Tolik is a womanizer, because of his addictions, he was also under attack. My wife and I are fighting, the holiday has been canceled. Four friends got into an accident while driving to my place.
Sasha. All at once?
Philemon. They were driving in the same car.
Sasha. A. So. Next?
Philemon. Even the twin brothers were supposed to come with their wives, but they had a flood at home. The house is for two owners, both families got in at once.
Sasha. Do these twins live in this house for two owners? Are they the owners?
Philemon. Well, yes.
Sasha. Well, I see.
Philemon. Oh, and Sergey also, respectively, with his Bunny.
Sasha. What about them?
Philemon. The devil knows. Something didn't work out, I didn't really understand, I didn't find out the details. That's all. That's why I was left alone.
Sasha. Cool!
Philemon. Do you find it?
Sasha. Of course!
Philemon. Why?
Sasha. Because if they were all here, then I would have confused the apartments, quickly understood everything and went to where they were waiting for me. And I wouldn't have met a boring artist who for some reason I really liked.
Philemon. Can I ask the boring artist something else?
Sasha. Try it, let's see what happens.
Philemon. Why Ivy? An infrequent name. I have never met such names at all. Does it even exist?
Sasha. Exists. This name is of Slavic origin, for a second, and means "Overripe berry"!
Philemon. I'm sorry, please, but I'm the overripe berry of the two of us! It's kind of…
Sasha. I agree, this has nothing to do with me at all. But I liked the name. I Googled it, and look what they're writing. (Reading from a smartphone.) A person named Ivy is usually characterized as a creative and romantic person. Ivy is very social and sociable, and also has a developed sense of humor and is not averse to making fun of herself.
He looks at Philemon.
Philemon. Yes, there is something from you here.
Sasha. Well, that's it!
Philemon. But the name Sasha is also beautiful. Alexa-a-ndra –how it sounds!
Sasha. Alexandra sounds really good, but no one calls a girl Alexandra in real life. It's too formal. Sasha and Sasha. And I don't really like the name Sasha. Moreover, it is more masculine than feminine.
Philemon. If you want, I'll call you Ivy.
Sasha. Agree. Then I'll be Sasha and Alexandra for everyone, and Ivy will be just for you.
Philemon. Great! Agreed.
Sasha. And what does the name Philemon mean?
Philemon. But I do not know. I've never even been interested.
Sasha. So let's Google it, you'll find out. (Reading from a smartphone.) The name Philemon comes from an ancient Greek name… and.... There are some hieroglyphs here, I can't read ancient Greek. But this word means "affectionate", "beloved", "kissing". Here! Is that clear to you?
Philemon. Clear.
Sasha. What is clear to you?
Philemon. Well, affectionate, beloved, kissing.
Sasha. Nothing is clear to you! Kiss me, come on, confirm your Philemon name!
Kissing. They drink a little, without a toast, but clinking glasses.
Philemon. Listen, Ivy, how are you? Is the wine working properly?
Sasha. It's all right, why?
Philemon. I think I'll go.
Philemon goes to the toilet.
Sasha walks around the apartment, looks skeptically at the poor situation, thinks about something. He takes out his phone. Calls.