Seven Nights With Her Ex

The likelihood of Gray being paired up with Beau was remote. And he certainly wasn’t sure if it was something he wanted. But he caught her glancing in his general direction and wondered if she’d thought the same thing. Probably.

Mack continued. ‘Today we’re going to be hiking twelve miles across some rough terrain to reach the first scenario, where we will be dealing with soft tissue injuries. These are some of the most common injuries we see as rangers, here or at the medical centres, and we need to know what to do when we have nothing to clean a wound or any useful sterile equipment. Now, one final thing before we buddy up... We will not be alone in this park. There are wild animals that we’re all going to have to learn to respect and get along with or stay out of their way. I’m sure you all know we’ve got wolves and grizzlies here. But there are also black bears, moose, bobcats and elk, and the one animal that injures visitors more than bears...the American bison.’

He looked around the room, his face serious.

‘You see one of those bad boys...’ he pointed at a poster on the wall behind him ‘...with his tail lifted, then you know he’s going to charge. Keep your distance from the herds. Stay safe.’

Gray nodded. It wasn’t just bison he’d have to watch out for, but Beau, too. She didn’t have horns to gore him with, but she certainly looked at him as if she wanted him dead.

She was angry with him, and for good reason. He had walked away from their wedding and it had been one of the hardest things he’d ever done. Knowing that she would be left with the fallout from his decision. Knowing that he was walking away from the one woman who’d loved him utterly and completely.

But life had been difficult for him back then, and there was a lot that Beau didn’t know. All she’d seen—all he’d allowed her to see—was the happy-go-lucky, carefree Gray. The cheeky Scot. But the man she’d fallen in love with hadn’t existed. Not really. It had been a front to hide the horrible atmosphere at his home, the problems within his own family: his father’s drinking, his mother’s depression, the constant fights...

Gray’s parents had hated each other. Resented each other. His mother had been trapped by duty with a man she detested. With a man who had suffered a tragic paralysing accident on the actual day she’d decided to pack her bags and leave him.

Being in the same house as them had been torture, watching and listening as they had systematically torn each other apart. Each of them trapped by marriage. An institution that Gray had vowed to himself never to get involved with.

‘Love fades, Gray. Once that honeymoon period is over, then you see your partner’s true colours.’

He could hear his mother’s bitter words even now.

So why had he ruined it all by proposing to Beau? He hadn’t wanted to get married—ever! And yet being with Beau had made him so happy.

The day he’d proposed they’d been laughing, dancing in each other’s arms up close. Her love for him had been beaming from her face, her sapphire eyes sparkling with joy, and he’d wanted... He’d wanted that moment to last for ever. The words had just come out.

Will you marry me?

‘We’ve got one hour before we’re due to depart, so take this time to check your pack, check your first aid kit, use the bathrooms, freshen up—whatever you need to do before we set off. Let’s meet back here at one o’clock precisely, people.’

Mack headed out of the room and a general hubbub began as people began to talk and check their bags and equipment.

Gray had already checked his bag three times. Once before he’d set off from Edinburgh, a second time when he’d arrived in America and a third time when he’d first arrived at the park. He knew everything was as it needed to be. There was nothing missing. Nothing more he needed to do.

Technically, he could relax—and, to be quite frank, he needed a bit of breathing space. He headed outside to the porch of the ranger station and sucked in a lungful of clean air before he settled himself down on a bench and took in the sights.

It was definitely beautiful here. There was a calmness, a tranquillity that you just didn’t find inside a hospital. Hospitals were clean, clinical environments that ran to a clock, to procedure, to rules and regulations. As busy as a beehive, with people coming and going, visitors and patients, operations and clinics.

But here...here there was peace. And quiet. And—

The door swung open with a creak and suddenly she was there. Alone. Before him. Those ice-blue eyes of hers were staring down at him. Cold. Unfeeling.

He got to his feet, his mouth suddenly dry.

‘I think it’s time I made some rules about the next week.’ She crossed her arms, waiting for his response.

‘Beau, I—’

‘First of all,’ she interrupted, holding up her hand for silence, ‘I think we should agree not to speak to each other. I appreciate that circumstance may not always allow that, so if you do speak to me, then I’d prefer it was only about the course. Nothing else. Nothing personal.’

‘But I need to—’

‘Second of all...you are to tell no one here what happened. I will not become the subject of idle gossip. And thirdly...when this is over, you will not contact me, you will not call. You will maintain the silence you’ve been so expert at keeping for the last eleven years. Do you understand?’

He did understand. All too keenly. She wanted nothing to do with him. Which was fair enough. Except that he felt that now she was here, right in front of him, this week might be his chance to explain everything. Forget a pathetic phone call or a scrappy little email. That had never been his style. He had seven days in which to lower her walls, get her to accept his white flag of truce and ask her to listen to him.

But he didn’t want to become the subject of gossip, either. He didn’t want to fight with her. Nor did he want to share so much that she found out about his injury. But time would tell. They had a few days to cool down. They’d get to talk. At some point.

‘I do.’

Her lip curled. ‘You see? That wasn’t too hard to say, was it?’

Then she pointed her finger at him, and he couldn’t help but notice that her hand was trembling.

‘Stay out of my way, okay? I want nothing to do with you. Ever.’

He nodded, accepting her rules for the time being, hoping an opportunity would present itself to allow a little bending of them.

They would have to talk eventually.

* * *

Beau checked her first aid kit against the checklist—gloves, triangular arm bandage, two gauze pads, sticking plaster, tape, antiseptic wipes, small scissors, one small saline wash, a safety pin. Not much for a medical emergency, but she guessed that was part of the challenge. The other part of the challenge for her was going to be a mental one.

Ignore Gray McGregor.

How hard could it be?

She retied her hiking boots, used the ranger station bathroom and then grabbed something to eat, forcing herself to chat pleasantly with some of the other hikers. No one else had a medical background, it seemed, apart from her and Gray. The others were experienced walkers, though, used to long treks and mileage, so she hoped they could all learn something from each other.

At one o’clock precisely Mack came back into the room, followed by another ranger. ‘Right, everyone, gather round. I’m going to issue the buddy list. Now, remember, your buddy is more than just your friend. They’re your safety net, your lookout, your second brain. You don’t go anywhere without your buddy, okay?’

He awaited assent from the group.

‘Now, we’ve tried to divvy everyone up equally and pair people with similar interests, so here goes.’ Mack picked up his list. ‘Okay, let’s see who we have here. Conrad and Barb—you guys are married, so it makes sense to buddy you guys up... Leo and Jack—you guys are both from Texas... Justin and Claire—you guys mentioned you’ve met before, walking the Great Wall of China... Toby and Allan, both ex-Forces personnel...’

Beau shifted in her seat. There were only four of them left to name: her and three guys, one of whom was Gray.

Please don’t pair me with Gray!

But what did she have in common with the other two? They were brothers, and surely Mack was going to pair brothers. Which meant... Her heart sank and she began to feel very sick.

‘Dean and Rick—brothers from Seattle, which leaves our UK doctors, Beau and Gray. Welcome to America, guys!’

Beau couldn’t look at Gray. If she looked at him, she’d see that he was just as horrified as she was about this.

Was it too late to change her mind and go home? Go back to the hotel in Bozeman and stay there for a week?

No! You’ve never backed away from anything!

Looking around the small room, she saw that everyone was pairing with their buddy, shaking hands and grinning at each other. Reluctantly she let her gaze trickle around the room until she locked eyes with Gray. He looked just as disturbed as she was—uncomfortable and agonised—but he seemed to be hiding it slightly better. She watched as he hitched his backpack onto his back and came across the room to her, looking every inch the condemned man.

Staring at him, she waited for him to speak, but instead he held out his hand. ‘Let’s just agree to disagree for the next week. It should make this easier.’

Easier, huh? He had no idea.

She ignored his outstretched hand. ‘Like I said, let’s just agree not to talk to each other at all. Not unless we have to.’ Her voice sounded shaky, even to her own ears.

‘That might make things difficult.’

‘You have no idea what difficult means.’ She hoisted her own backpack onto her shoulders and tightened the straps, turning away from the muscle tightening in Gray’s jaw.

‘I think I do, my lass.’

Her head whipped round and she glared at him. ‘Don’t call me that. I am not your lass. You know nothing about me now.’

‘You want me to talk to you like you’re a stranger?’

‘I don’t want you to talk to me at all.’

‘I’m not going to be silent for a week. I’m not a monk.’

‘Shame.’

‘Beau—’

She glared at him. Don’t say another word! ‘Let’s get going...buddy.’

He took a step back, sweeping his hand out before him. ‘Ladies first.’

Beau hoped her stare would turn him into stone. Then she followed Mack and the others out of the ranger station.

CHAPTER TWO

BEAU MARCHED ALONG at the front of the pack, as far away from Gray as possible. She knew he would be lurking at the back. She walked beside Barb, her nostrils flaring and her nails biting into her palms.

She was beginning to get a headache. Typical! And it was all his fault. And she had no painkillers in her first aid kit. No one did. She had to hope that it would pass soon. The whole point of this course was to make her think differently. To use what was around her to survive.

Beau thought that she already knew quite a bit about survival. About not giving up when everything was against her. About not allowing herself to succumb to the void.

Since the day Gray had left her standing at the altar, she’d become a different person. Stronger than before. Driven. Her eyes had been opened to the way men could hurt her.

And to think that I solemnly believed that he wouldn’t do that to me.

She’d allowed herself to feel safe with Gray. Secure in the knowledge—or she’d thought so at the time—that he loved her as much as she loved him.

Beau ground her teeth. Perhaps she’d been naïve. Perhaps she’d been cocky. She’d told everyone back then how Gray was her soulmate, her one true love. That he was the most perfect man and she was so lucky because he wanted her. There had been one time she remembered sitting in the kitchen with her mum, waxing lyrical about how wonderful he was, how happy she was and how she couldn’t believe she’d found a man who wanted all the same things she did.

Her mum had listened and smiled and rubbed her arm and told her daughter how happy she was for her. How this was what life was all about. Finding love, settling down, creating a family of your own. That it was all anyone needed.

Beau had almost not been able to believe how lucky she was herself. But she’d believed in him. Almost devoutly. Her faith in their love had been undeniable, and when Gray had asked her to marry him, she’d been the happiest girl in the world.

She’d thought no one could be happier than her. She’d thought she was going to marry the man she was head over heels in love with and that they would have children and a brilliant life together, just as her parents had done. They’d be strong together, united, and when the time came for them to be grandparents, their love would continue to grow. It had all been mapped out in her mind’s eye.

But then he’d destroyed everything she’d believed in and she hadn’t even got an apology! Not that it would mean much now. Too much time had passed. The time for an apology had been eleven years ago. Not now.

But there was nowhere for her to escape him here. They were stuck together. Buddied up, for crying out loud! She must have tutted, because Barb turned to look at her as they slowly marched up a steep, rocky incline.

‘Mack mentioned you’re a doctor?’

Brought back to reality, she tried to push her anger to one side so that she could speak politely to Barb. ‘Yes, I am.’

‘Do you have a specialty?’

She nodded and smiled. ‘Neurology.’

‘Ooh! That sounds complicated. They say there’s so much about the brain that we don’t know.’

‘Actually, we know a good deal. Technology has advanced so far nowadays.’

‘You know, I think I saw a documentary once where there was a brain operation and they did it with the patient wide awake! I couldn’t believe it! This poor man was having to identify pictures on flash cards whilst the surgeons were sticking God only knows what into his brain!’

Beau smiled. ‘It’s called intraoperative brain mapping.’

Barb shuddered. ‘Have you seen it done?’

‘I’ve done it. I’m a surgeon.’

‘Ooh! Con—you hear that? Beau here’s a brain surgeon!’ Barb grabbed her husband’s arm to get his attention and Conrad nodded at Beau.

‘Well, let’s hope we don’t need your services during this next week, Doctor.’

She laughed, a lot of her anger gone. The married couple seemed nice. They were both middle-aged, though Conrad’s hair was already silvery, whereas his wife’s perfectly coiffed hair was dark. They reminded her slightly of her own parents. Happily married, easy in each other’s company and still very much in love.

Despite everything, it made her smile. ‘How long have you two been together?’

Barb glanced at her husband. ‘Thirty-five years this August.’

‘Wow! Congratulations.’

‘Thank you, dear. I have to say it’s been wonderful. We’ve never had a cross word and we’ve never spent more than a night apart.’

‘How do you do it? Stay so happy, I mean?’

‘We pursue our own hobbies, but we also make sure we follow an interest together. Which is why we’re doing this. We both love walking and seeing the country. Though last year Con had a few heart issues, so we thought we’d come on this course. Combine an interest with a necessity. Sometimes you can be out in the middle of nowhere and it can take hours before you get medical attention. We both thought it a good idea to get some medical basics under our belts.’

Beau nodded. It was a good idea. For a long time she had thought that basic first aid, and especially CPR, ought to be taught in schools. So many more people would survive accidents or sudden turns of events in their own health if everyone was taught the basics.

‘Good for you.’

‘What made you come on this course? This kind of stuff must be old hat to you.’

Beau looked across the plateau they’d reached, at the glorious sweeping plains, a patchwork of green, grey and purple hues, and the mountains in the distance. The open expanse. ‘I got cabin fever. Needed to get back to nature for a while.’

‘And the other doctor? The Scottish one? It looked like you two know each other.’

There was so much she could have said.

Why, yes, I do know that lying, conniving, horrible Scot...

‘Briefly. A long time ago. We haven’t seen each other for a while.’

Barb peered at her, her eyebrows raised. ‘Parted on bad terms, did you?’

She smiled politely. ‘You could say that.’

‘Aw...’ The older woman patted her arm. ‘Life’s too short for holding on to anger, honey. When you get to our age, you learn that. Our son Caleb, bless his heart, always jokes that Con and I are “on the coffin side of fifty”!’ She laughed out loud. ‘And he’s right—we are. People waste too much time being angry or holding on to resentments and it keeps them stuck in one place. They can’t move forward, they can’t move on, and they lose so much time in life, focusing on being stuck in the sad when they could be focusing on being happy.’

Beau appreciated what Barb was trying to say, but it didn’t help. There was still so much anger inside her focused on Gray. Suddenly she realised that until she heard some sort of explanation from him, she didn’t think there was any way for her to move forward. She knew an apology wouldn’t help—not really. But maybe she’d like to hear it, see him wriggle about on the end of his hook like the worm that he was.

Gray McGregor owed her something, and until she heard it, she wasn’t sure what it was. But she wouldn’t let it bother her. She told herself she didn’t care. Even if she was still trapped in the past when it came to Gray. She might have grown up, found herself a stellar career and proved to her peers that she was one of the top neurologists in the country, but in her heart she was still a little girl lost. Hurt and abandoned.

Her heart broken in two.

And there was only a certain Scottish cardiologist who might be able to fix it.

* * *

Gray replayed in his mind his recent words with Beau. He kept his gaze upon her, walking far ahead of him, wondering how she was feeling.

Those dark auburn waves of hers bounced around her shoulders and gleamed russet in the sunshine. He could see her chatting amiably with Con and Barb and wished she could be as easygoing with him. It would make the next week a lot easier for both of them if they could put the past in the past and just concentrate on enjoying the hike and the medical scenarios.

But the sweet, agreeable Beau he’d once known seemed long gone, and in her place was a new version. And this one was flinty, cold and dismissive.

He wasn’t sure how to handle her like that, and he’d already been feeling enough guilt about what he’d done without her laying it on thick to make him feel worse.

I know I owe you an explanation.

So many times he’d thought about what he needed to say to her. How he intended to explain, to apologise. Always, in his own mind, the conversation went quite well. Beau would listen quietly and attentively. Most importantly, she would understand that the decision not to turn up at their wedding had hurt him just as much as it had hurt her.

But now he could see just how much he’d been wrong. Beau would not sit quietly and just listen. She would not be understanding and patient.

Had he changed her? By walking away from her, had he changed her personality?

So now he chose to give her space. Letting her walk with Barb and Conrad, staring at the back of her head so hard he kept expecting her to rub the back of it, as if the discomfort of his stare would become something physical.

And he worried. There was strain on her face, a pallor to her skin that reinforced the brightness of her freckles and the dark circles beneath her eyes.

Surely he wasn’t the cause of that? Surely she’d just been working too hard, or for too long, and wasn’t getting enough sleep? He knew she worked hard. He’d kept track of her career after medical school. She was one of the top neurologists in the country—maybe even in the whole of Europe. That had to take its toll, right?

But what if she’s ill?

A hundred possibilities ran through his mind, but he tossed them all aside, believing that she wouldn’t be so silly as to come out on a trek through the wilderness if she was ill.

It had to be stress. Doing too much and not eating properly.

He hadn’t seen a ring on her finger. As far as he was aware, she wasn’t married, and the hours she worked would leave hardly any time for dating. Unless she was seeing someone at work? There was always that possibility...

He shifted at the uncomfortable thought and tugged at the neckline of his tee shirt, feeling uneasy. Hating the fact that the idea of her being with someone else still made him feel odd.

Yet she was never mine to have. I should never have let it get so far in the first place. I was wrong for her.

‘Here you go...have a pull of this.’ Rick offered him a small flask. ‘It’ll keep you going. Always does the trick for me at the start of a long hike.’

Gray considered the offer, but then shook his head. ‘No, thanks. Best to stick to water. That stuff will dehydrate you.’

‘What do you think I’ve got in here?’ Rick grinned.

‘It’s a whisky flask, so I’m guessing...alcohol?’

‘Nah! It’s just an energy drink my wife makes. It’s got guarana in it. It’s good for you!’

Gray took the flask and sniffed at it. It smelled very sweet. ‘And how much caffeine?’

‘Dunno. But it tastes great!’

He passed it back without sampling it. ‘Do you know that some energy drinks can trigger cardiac arrest even in someone healthy?’

Rick stopped drinking and held the flask in front of him uncertainly. ‘Really?’

‘If you consume too many. The high levels of caffeine mixed with other substances can act like a drug, stimulating the central nervous system to high levels when consumed in high doses.’

‘You’re serious? I thought all that pineapple and grapefruit juice was good for me.’

‘It can be. Just don’t add all the other stuff. Do you know for sure what’s in there?’

Rick shook the flask, listening to the swish of the liquid inside. ‘No. But she spends ages in the kitchen making it for me and it always seems to help.’

Gray grinned. ‘I’d stick to water, if I were you.’

‘How do you know all this?’

‘I’m a cardiologist. I’ve operated on a fair few people who’ve ended up in the ER because of too many energy drinks.’

Rick began to pale. ‘Wow. You think something’s good for you...’

‘Sorry to be a party pooper.’

‘Nah, you’re all right.’ Rick tipped the flask upside down and emptied the juice out onto the ground. ‘Doesn’t make sense to carry the extra weight, does it?’

Gray looked up at Beau and considered all the extra emotional weight he was carrying. ‘It doesn’t. It doesn’t help you at all.’

* * *

They’d been walking for a steady hour, and by Beau’s reckoning—not that she knew much about these things—they’d walked about three miles into the park, all of it uphill. Her calf muscles burned and she was beginning to feel sore spots within her new hiking boots. She hoped she wasn’t getting blisters.

The hillside had produced a plateau, a wide expanse of grasslands, and eventually they’d passed through a grove of lodgepole pine trees—tall and slender, the bark looking almost white from a distance, but grey up close.

Mack stopped them as they got near. ‘You’ll see a lot of these throughout the park. They’re a fire-dependent species, and the seeds you can see, once fallen, provide a natural foraging source for grizzlies as we pass into fall. So you see this tree, then you look for the bear that goes with it. Luckily there isn’t one here today.’

He smiled as everyone looked at each other and laughed nervously.

‘But this is one example of always needing to be prepared. If you’re walking in a new area, know the ecology, the flora and fauna—it can help you stay safe. Today there’s no reason not to know. The Internet can tell you in an instant. There are books. Read. Research. It could save your life. Medically, indigenous tribes have used the lodgepole pine for many ailments—they steam the pine needles and bark to help with lung issues, and they also use it for bronchitis, fever and even stomach ache treatments. You can make a pitch from the pines and use it as a plaster for infections, burns and sores.’

Beau looked up at the canopy of the tall tree and was amazed. Working in a hospital, with the technology and advancement that came in the present day, it was easy to forget that all medicine originated from the use of plants, trees, shrubs and flowers. But it was important and not to be forgotten. She got out her compact camera from her pack and took a picture.

Mack walked them on and the plateau soon began to dip down towards a narrow rocky stream. The sound of running water was refreshing in the day’s heat and Mack encouraged them all to take in some liquid refreshment and eat a small snack.

Beau perched on a large stone and nibbled on a flapjack she’d brought, avoiding Gray’s glance and hoping he would stay away from her for a while longer.

Irritatingly, he sat down opposite her.

‘How are you enjoying this so far?’ he asked in his lilting Scottish burr.

‘It’s wonderful. Especially when I don’t have to look at you.’

He glanced down at the ground. ‘There’s no need to attack me all the time, Beau. I feel bad enough as it is.’

‘Good.’

He let out a heavy sigh, looking out across the stream bordered by rocks and grassy banks. ‘I suppose you want me to go away?’

She didn’t look at him. ‘Or just be quiet. Either would do.’

He pulled some trail mix from his pack and offered it to her. ‘Nuts?’

She glanced at him to see if he was making fun of her or being insulting. ‘No. Thank you.’

‘You know you’re stuck with me, hen?’

She put away her flapjack, annoyance written all over her face, and refastened the buckles on her backpack. ‘I’m not a hen.’

‘Sorry, lass.’

She stood up and heaved the pack onto her back. ‘Wow. An apology. You do know how to make them, then?’

Gray looked up at her, squinting in the sun. ‘Aye.’

‘And...?’

‘And what?’

‘Where’s my real apology? The one you should have made eleven years ago?’

He cocked his head to one side and pulled his sunglasses down over his eyes. ‘I’m saving it.’

‘Saving it? For what?’

He looked about them before getting to his feet and leaning in towards her, so that his face was up close to hers. It was unnerving, having him this close. Those moss-green eyes staring deeply into her soul and searching. His breath upon her cheek.

‘For when you’re actually ready to listen. There’s no point in me trying to explain whilst you’re like this.’

‘I’m not sure it’s important, anyhow. Too little and too late.’

‘And that proves my point.’

He walked away to sit down somewhere else.

Beau began to breathe again. Their brief conversation had unsettled her. Again. Plainly the way she was reacting to him was not working. Open hostility towards Gray was like water bouncing off an umbrella. It made no difference to him at all. He quite clearly was not going to apologise to her unless she got herself together.

Irritating man!

Most irritating because she was stuck with him for a week!

She had to be realistic. They were here. Together. And, worst of all, they were buddied up together. She knew from the itinerary for the trip that there would be paired activities where they would have to work with each other away from the main group. Orienteer themselves to another part of the park. Which meant time alone.

They had to start working together. Whether she liked it or not.

She turned to look for him and saw him standing with Mack, chatting. Beau headed over and plastered a charming smile onto her face. ‘Excuse me, Mack, could I have a quick word with my buddy here?’

‘Absolutely. Glad you’re here, Gray.’ He slapped Gray on the arm before walking away.

Gray looked at her curiously. ‘Yes?’

‘You’re right. We need to be working together for this next week and, as buddies, we need to be strengthening our working relationship. I’m not prepared to fail this course, and with that in mind I’m willing to put our past to one side in the spirit of cooperation and...peace. What do you say?’

She saw him consider her outstretched hand. Saw the question in his solitary raised eyebrow, saw the amiable smile upon his face before he reached out and took her hand.

A charge shot up her arm as her hand tingled in his. The strange yet all too familiar feel of his hand on hers was electrifying and thrilling. Her instinct was to let go. To gasp for oxygen. To rub her palm against her khaki trousers to make it feel normal again. But she did none of these things because her gaze had locked with his and she’d stopped breathing anyway.

Who needs oxygen?

Gray’s leaf-green eyes bored into hers with both an intensity and a challenge, and Beau felt as if she’d been pulled back through time to when they’d first met on a hospital rotation.

They’d been so young, it seemed. All the students had been fresh-faced and eager to learn, eager to start their journeys. The girls smartly dressed, professional. The boys in shirts and ties as yet unwrinkled and sweat-free.

She’d noticed him instantly. The gleam in his eyes had spoken of an ambition she’d clearly been able to see. And had held a twinkle that had spoken of something else: his desire to stand out, to be noticed, to be cheeky with their lecturers. The way he’d pushed deadlines for work, the way he’d risked failing his assessments—that side of him that had been an adrenaline junkie, carefree and daredevilish.

His mischievous, confident grin had pulled her in like a fish to a lure and she’d been hooked. His attitude had been so different from anyone she already knew—so different from that of any of the men in her own family. He’d been that breath of fresh air, that beam of light in the dark, that sparkling, tempting palace in a land of dark and shadow.