A Father This Christmas?

All eyes were on the clock.

Watching it tick down.

CHAPTER TWO

AMBULANCE SIRENS GREW louder and closer as the staff waited, tense and raring to go. These were the moments that Eva both loved and hated.

Loved because of the way Resus went quiet as they all waited, pensive, with adrenaline urging their muscles to get moving.

Hated because she never quite knew what horrors she might yet encounter.

Still the paediatric team had not arrived.

Outside, there was the sound of rumbling engines and then the distant beeping sound of a reversing vehicle. Hospital doors slid open as the first patient came in.

Eva spotted a small dark-haired child, wearing a neck brace and on a backboard, and heard the paramedic firing off details about the patient.

‘This is Ariana, aged three. Ariana was restrained by a seat belt but endured a side impact of about thirty miles an hour. Head to toe: small abrasion on the forehead, complaining of neck pain, score of eight, bruising across the chest and middle, due to the seat belt, lower back and pelvis pain, which is secured with a splint, GCS of fifteen throughout, BP and pulse normal.’

Ariana? Didn’t her son Seb know a girl in his nursery school called Ariana?

Eva tried not to panic. She had to focus on the little girl in her care. Surely the school would have rung her if anything had happened to Seb? Although her phone was turned off, of course, and in her locker. She’d run and check as soon as she got the chance. Ariana was her priority right now.

‘Ariana? My name’s Eva. I’m one of the doctors here and I’m going to look after you.’

The way you dealt with any patient was important, but when it came to dealing with children—children who didn’t yet have their parents there to advocate for them—Eva felt it was doubly important. You had to let them know it was okay to be scared, but that they would be looked after very well and that the staff would do their utmost to get the child’s parents there as quickly as possible.

Ariana looked terrified. She had a bad graze on her forehead, probably from smashed glass, and her eyes were wide and tearful. Her bottom lip was trembling and it was obvious she was trying not to cry.

Eva’s heart went out to her. How terrifying it must be to be that small, alone and hurt, in a strange place that smelled funny and sounded funny, surrounded by strangers who all wanted to poke you and prod at you and stick you with needles, saying they’d make you feel better.

‘We need to check you’re okay, Ariana. What a pretty name! Now, I’m just going to use this—’ she held up her stethoscope ‘—to listen to your chest. Is that all right?’ Eva always made sure her paediatric patients understood what she was doing.

Ariana tried to nod, but her head’s movement was restricted by the neck immobiliser. ‘Ow! It hurts!’

‘Which bit hurts, honey?’

‘My neck.’

‘Okay, I’ll check that out for you in just a moment.’

Ariana’s chest sounded clear, which was a good sign. However, neck pain was not. It could simply be whiplash, but with neck pain you never took a chance.

‘We’ll need to take a couple of special pictures. But don’t you worry—they won’t hurt. It’s just a big camera.’

She looked up at the team she was working with, awaiting their feedback. One was checking the patient’s airway, another was checking her breathing, another Ariana’s circulation. One would get IV access for the admission of drugs or painkillers or blood, if it was needed. Each doctor or nurse was calling out a result or observation. They all worked as a highly efficient team so that patients were quickly and perfectly assessed as soon as they arrived in Resus.

Ariana was looking good at the moment. With the exception of the neck pain and the pelvic brace she was doing well, and she was responsive, which was very important. Her blood pressure was stable, so hopefully that meant no internal bleeding at all for them to worry about.

Behind her, Eva heard the Resus doors bang open once again as another patient arrived from the accident. She risked a quick glance to see who had come in. She knew Sarah or Brandon would take care of the new patient and she could focus all her attention on Ariana.

‘Have the parents been called?’

One of the nurses replied, ‘We believe the school are trying to contact parents now.’

‘Good. Did you hear that, Ariana? We’re going to find your mummy and daddy.’

She couldn’t imagine what it must be like to get that call, being a mother herself. Luckily, so far, Seb hadn’t been involved in anything serious like that. The only time she’d ever been woken by a phone call was when he’d gone for a sleepover at a friend’s house and the mother had rung at about eleven o’clock at night to say that Seb couldn’t get to sleep without his cuddly lion.

Nothing like this, thank goodness.

But having Ariana in front of her was making her doubtful. This sweet little girl looked familiar, and she felt so sure that Seb had a girl in his nursery class called Ariana...

If it was the same preschool as Seb... If he’d been hurt...

Her stomach did a crazy tumble.

She glanced across at the other teams. Sarah was busy assessing a patient and Brandon and Jacob were looking after their own little charge.

She turned back to Ariana, who was now holding her hand, and showed her the Wong-Baker FACES pain-rating scale—a series of cartoon faces that helped really young children scale their pain.

‘Which one of these are you, Ariana? Zero? Which means no hurting? Or ten? Which means hurting the worst?’

She watched as Ariana looked at all the little cartoon faces and pointed at four—‘Hurts A Little More’.

Good—the painkillers were taking effect. Hopefully that four would drop. Earlier, the paramedic had said her pain score was eight, so it was better, even if it wasn’t perfect.

Eva continued to hold Ariana’s hand. It was a soothing thing to do whilst they waited for their turn at CT and X-ray. If it had been Seb trapped in a hospital bed she would hope that the doctor caring for him would do the same thing, too, until she arrived.

* * *

Ariana’s CT scan was clear. The computer tomography scan showed internal slices through the body, so that breaks or bleeds could be seen much more clearly. Her pelvis was fine, as was her neck. Eva decided that she’d wait until they got back to Resus before she took off the immobiliser from Ariana’s neck and the brace from her pelvis.

As they wheeled her out of CT one of the nurses let Eva know that Ariana’s parents were on their way.

When they arrived back in the department Eva made the decision to take Ariana to the cubicles. Minors was busy, as some of the lesser injured children from the minibus had filled it up, and they still had a waiting room full of patients who hadn’t been involved but had come in with various ailments or injuries.

‘We’ll wait in here for Mummy and Daddy. This is much less scary than where we were before, isn’t it?’ She smiled at her patient.

Ariana was looking much happier now that the immobiliser and brace were off. She’d been a very lucky girl.

‘Ariana... I know you were going on a trip with your nursery. Which nursery do you go to?’

Please don’t say Pear Tree Pre-School!

‘The one next to the big school.’

Pear Tree Pre-School was next to an infant school...

‘What’s your teacher’s name?’

Seb’s teacher was Miss Dale. She was a very pretty young woman, with the sweetest nature, and Eva secretly wondered how she managed to keep her perfect composure all day long when surrounded by thirty-odd preschoolers.

‘Miss Dale.’

Oh, my God! Seb!

‘Ariana, I just need to check on something. Stay here, honey.’

She yanked open the curtain and fled from the cubicle, flagging down a passing nurse to sit with Ariana before heading straight to the minors board, looking for her son’s name.

Her eyes skim-read all the names until she saw it: Corday, Sebastian.

Please let him be all right!

She was about to rush off and find him when she did a double take, noticing the name of the doctor tending to him.

Jacob Dolan.

A sick chill had pervaded her body and her limbs felt numb and lifeless.

Jacob was with his son and he didn’t even know it!

Seb was talking to his father and he had no clue!

She forced her limbs to move. Forced her heavy body to start making its way to the cubicle where her life would change drastically.

Cubicle number four.

What were they talking about? Seb couldn’t be that injured if he was in Minors, but how bad was he? Was he sitting up in bed, chatting with his father? Was her secret out already?

No, not possible. Surely...?

Eva walked towards the cubicle with its closed curtain, a feeling of dread sitting low and heavy in her stomach. She could hear laughter inside, and Seb’s gentle chuckling.

She was just about to pull the curtain back when she felt a hand on her arm.

Sarah and Brandon wanted to give feedback. One child had a small fracture of the wrist and severe bruising where the seat belt had crossed the body. Another had dislocated her shoulder, but it had been reduced and put into a sling. The teacher driving and all the other adults had got away with nothing more than whiplash and bruising.

‘Nothing more severe? Thank goodness for that. They’ve been lucky, all of them.’

As Sarah and Brandon went back to their respective charges Eva couldn’t help but relax her shoulders, but she took a deep breath before she whipped back the curtain.

Seb was sitting up in bed, a broad smile on a face that was peppered with cuts. Jacob was seated on a stool next to him, about to glue a cut on his scalp.

‘Mummy!’ Seb saw her and lifted his arms for a cuddle.

Eva hurried over to him, waiting for the axe to fall, waiting for Jacob to do the maths and accuse her of being some heartless witch...

‘Seb! Are you okay?’

Jacob held off with the glue, giving them a moment. ‘Hello, Seb’s mum.’

She chose not to look at Jacob, knowing that if she did her eyes would give her away. Instead, she rapidly checked her son over, her hands grasping at his limbs, feeling for hidden injury. Apart from the cut on his scalp, he didn’t seem too bad.

She picked up his chart from the end of the bed and read through it. ‘Nothing serious, thank goodness.’

Jacob was watching her. ‘Just some minor cuts and scratches, thankfully. His head was banged against the side window, which has given him the small laceration that I was going to glue. He should be fine.’

‘Does he need a head CT?’

‘Dr Ranjit has checked him and said it wasn’t necessary.’

Dr Ranjit was a paediatric neurologist, so she had to assume he was right. ‘I see...’

‘Seb and I were just talking about lions. Apparently they’re his favourite animal.’

‘He loves lions.’

Jacob tilted his head at her curt tone, looking at her curiously. Then he asked Seb to put his head back against the pillow so that he could administer the glue. ‘Be brave, now—this might tingle a bit.’

Eva gripped her son’s hand tightly, smiling brightly into his face to encourage him to be brave.

He looked so like Jacob! Couldn’t Jacob see it? They both had the same almost black hair, slightly wavy. The same bright blue eyes...the same nose and mouth. It seemed that when genetics were being decided upon Mother Nature had decided to give Seb only his mother’s skin tone—very pale and creamy, with hints of pink in his cheeks. Apart from that, he was the spitting image of his father.

And this was not how she’d wanted Jacob to find out. She’d wanted to be able to tell him somewhere peaceful and neutral—perhaps the hospital grounds in a secluded corner? To buy him a coffee and ask him if he had time for a chat, and then slowly drip feed the information about what had happened after he left.

Not like this. Not in front of her son!

Seb winced as the glue went onto the edges of his wound and Jacob pinched them together to help them adhere.

‘You’re doing great, honey.’ Eva rubbed his hands in hers and wished she could take away the pain. The discomfort. Do what she could to make her son feel better.

‘I didn’t know you were a mother.’

She looked at Jacob quickly, and then away, guilt flooding her cheeks with heat. ‘No, well...things change.’

‘How old are you, Seb?’ he asked, frowning.

‘Three.’ Seb smiled. ‘It doesn’t hurt now.’

Jacob nodded and let go, and the wound’s edges stayed together. He pulled off his gloves and smiled. ‘There you go. It doesn’t need a plaster or anything. Just don’t get it wet. Well done, Seb! You’re very brave.’

Seb beamed with pleasure.

‘Can I take him home now?’ Eva started to gather her son’s things. His backpack had been put on the end of his bed, and his jacket.

‘He needs to stay here for an hour or two for observation. He has had a bump to the head.’

He was staring at her, his eyes full of questions.

He knows!

She had to get out of there! She did not want to have this conversation in front of Seb! She would not have this conversation in front of him. No. Not at all.

But he had to stay. For observation. Couldn’t she observe him at home? She was an A&E doctor after all...

‘May I have a word with you, Dr Corday?’

Oh, this is it. Here it comes...

‘Sure. But...um...later, maybe? I need to arrange cover if I’m going home.’

‘Could we talk now?’

She looked at Seb. Then back at Jacob.

‘Let me get him sorted first.’

She rummaged in his backpack and found his reading book. She passed it to him.

‘Have a read of your book, Seb. I’m just going to step outside the curtains and have a talk with Dr Dolan.’

Eva followed Jacob from the cubicle and went with him over to the quiet corner by the Christmas tree.

It looked beautiful this year. The team had really done themselves proud. For years they’d had a tired old fake tree that had been packed away each year in an old cardboard box, battered and unloved. But this year they had a real tree, beautifully decorated in gold and silver, with lots of pretend presents underneath.

Eva and Seb had been really looking forward to Christmas. This year it seemed Seb really understood what was going on, and what was happening, and the story of Santa Claus had got him so excited! They’d already put their own tree up at home.

But Eva wasn’t excited right now. She felt dread. And guilt. All those emotions she’d kept hidden away for years, since that first night with Jacob, neatly locked down, were now threatening to overwhelm her with their enormity.

She stood in front of Jacob like a naughty child before the headmaster. But then she thought about how he was guilty, too. About his part in all of this.

She squared her shoulders back and looked him in the eye. ‘Yes?’

‘You seem a little...distracted.’

She said nothing. Just stared at him. Waiting for the axe to fall.

‘Seb’s a great kid.’

‘He is. The best.’

‘You weren’t a mother when we met.’

Her cheeks flamed. ‘No.’

‘But you are now. And he’s three?’

‘Yes.’

Jacob seemed to be mulling over his next words. Thinking about what he might say next. Whether she would rebut his words or accept them.

‘He looks like me.’

Eva stared deeply into his bright blue eyes...eyes so much like Seb’s. She couldn’t—wouldn’t—deny him the truth. He deserved that.

‘Yes.’

Jacob’s voice lowered. ‘Is he mine, Eva?’

Of course he’s yours! Surely it’s clear to everyone?

She wanted to yell. She wanted to confirm it to him angrily. Rage at him for all he’d put her through after he left. But she didn’t. She knew that could come later. Right now he just needed the plain facts.

‘Yes. Seb’s your son.’

He stood staring at her, his face incredulous.

The Christmas tree twinkled between them.

She couldn’t help but notice how his broad shoulders narrowed down into a neat, flat waist. How his expensively tailored trousers moulded his shape, his long, muscular legs. He looked mouth-wateringly good. The years he’d spent in Africa had obviously been good to him. He was vital and in peak condition.

Years before, when they’d met at that party, there’d been only hints of the man he was to become. But even then he’d been delicious... Now the heavier muscle and perfectly toned body looked amazing on him...

She swallowed hard.

All she’d known about him that night was his name and that he was going to work for some charity. That he was a doctor, like her, and was going to Africa. But just because that was what he’d said, she hadn’t been sure it was true. People lied. Especially at parties. To make themselves sound better or more interesting than they actually were.

Jacob. In her A&E. Standing there. As large as life. As gorgeous and as sexy as he’d ever been. A hundred times more so.

He was just staring back at her, his mouth slightly open, as if he’d had something he was about to say only it had never come out.

She couldn’t just stand there! Waiting for the axe to fall. To see his reaction. Waiting for him to reject them.

So Eva turned and headed in the opposite direction—back through the curtains of the cubicle that held her son.

Their son.

If she just accepted right now that Jacob wasn’t going to be sticking around—he was just a locum after all, here for the busy Christmas period—then it wouldn’t hurt as badly. She couldn’t expect him to stay. She and Seb deserved to be loved 100 percent. Eva refused to accept anything less.

* * *

‘Seb will be okay to go home soon. I’ll have to take the rest of the day off. There’s no one else to take him, and I can’t get my neighbour Letty in—not after this.’

‘The new doc can pick up the slack,’ Sarah said.

‘Jacob.’ Her mouth and lips and tongue flowed over his name like a caress.

Eva turned to go and get Seb, then realised her coat and bag were in her locker on the other side of the department. She hurried to get them, flushing as she went past the double doors to Resus.

She had to be quick. Her fingers fumbled over the combination lock and her hands were shaking by the time she managed to open it.

She’d worried so much about how Jacob would react upon finding out he had a son that she hadn’t given a thought as to how Seb might react if he found out! He didn’t even know he had a father. Seb hadn’t yet asked, and she’d been too afraid to broach the subject with her very young son, deciding to wait until he was older to tell him what little she knew about Jacob.

Eva hurried from the staff locker room and headed for the cubicles.

She wanted to go home now!

CHAPTER THREE

HE HAD A SON? A son!

That little boy. Seb. He’d just been talking to him, taking care of him, and he’d not once suspected that he was his son.

But why would he? Just because the boy had had the same hair as him and the same eye colour...that didn’t mean he should have suspected at all...

Why the hell hadn’t Eva told him about Seb? Why had she kept him a secret?

He couldn’t bear that. Secrets were dangerous.

He had to talk to her. Find out more. Find out what had happened after he left.

Walking away from the Christmas tree, he headed back to the cubicles—only to find Eva there, putting on her coat and scarf.

‘Where are you going?’

‘Home. I can observe Seb there. I am qualified.’

‘He needs to stay here.’

She looked at him. ‘This is nothing to do with you. You don’t have to pretend to care.’

‘Seb is everything to do with me—and not just as his doctor. And I do care.’

Eva stared at him, and as he waited for her to say something Seb peeked at him over his book and smiled.

Jacob couldn’t help but smile back. Seb was a cute little guy.

Then he looked back at Eva. ‘You both need to stay. We need to talk.’

She shook her head. ‘I’m not ready for this right now.’

‘Tough. It’s happening.’

He dared her to defy him. If she chose to walk away right now, then he had no idea what he would say. He’d probably have to chase her until she gave up and headed back to A&E. But thankfully he didn’t have to do any of that.

Eva let out a big huff, and then removed her scarf and unbuttoned her coat. ‘Fine.’

Jacob let out a breath and his shoulders sagged down. He hadn’t realised how tense he’d been. He couldn’t help but look at Seb now.

He looked tall for a three-year-old. Like himself, he supposed. He could remember his mum saying that he’d always been tall for his age. Then again, Eva wasn’t short, either. But now, the more he looked at his son the more he could see himself in the little boy. Seb’s eyes were the same shape and colour as his, he had the same wavy hair, the same shaped mouth...

It was like looking at a mini-me.

And he was three years old...

Three years that he had missed out on. Three years of important milestones—his first word, his first steps, his first tooth, his first Christmas!

I’ve missed everything. Birthdays and Christmases...

How had he not known about his own son? More important, why had Eva kept it from him? For three years! The last woman who had kept a secret from him had almost destroyed him.

Jacob called for one of the healthcare assistants to sit with Seb. ‘Don’t let him out of your sight,’ he said, then guided Eva into the staff room and slammed the door closed behind them.

Three years! I’ve had a son for three years and she never told me!

Fury and rage that he’d never thought it possible for one human being to contain filled his body, making it quake, and he had to grit his teeth to try to bring it under some form of control.

‘What the hell have you done?’

She looked up at him, her eyes wide and defiant as a solitary tear dribbled down her face. Even crying she was beautiful, and he hated her for that. Why couldn’t she look wretched? Why couldn’t she look awful, as if she were suffering for the pain she’d caused him?

He recalled Michelle standing in front of him, crying, begging for his forgiveness...

‘I’ve done nothing wrong.’

He looked at her, incredulous. ‘Nothing wrong?’

‘I’m raising a boy on my own and I’m doing a damned fine job, thank you very much!’

‘Oh, I’m sure that you are—but what about me? Did you not think our son deserved a father?’

‘Of course I did!’

A horrible thought occurred to him. ‘Are you with someone else? Is another man raising my child?’

She shook her head. ‘No.’

‘Then, why didn’t you find me and tell me?’

‘I tried! Believe me, I tried! But I only had your name, and I knew you were going to work for a charity in Africa. I had no way to track you down.’

‘Did you even try?’

She wiped the tear from her cheek. ‘Do you know how many charities do work in Africa? Do you know how much research that would have taken?’

‘You could have asked my friends from the party! They would have known!’

‘I did! They told me you were working with Change for Children, but when I contacted them, they told me you’d already left!’

He stared at her. It was true. He had worked for them, but only for a little while. And then he’d met that doctor working for a different charity and he’d gone with him, hoping to assist with an eye clinic...

Had he told anyone? Had he told anyone the specifics of where he was going next? He couldn’t remember. Surely he must have said something? But even if he had, would she have been able to track him down? He’d still been running then. He would not have left a way for himself to be traced by his family...

Was all this his fault? If he’d only thought to leave a forwarding address... Only he hadn’t, had he? Because he’d been trying to avoid his family tracking him down and sending him letters, bothering him with all their worry and their ‘Are you all right?’ and ‘Are you coming home?’

He’d always assumed that when the time came he would be there for his children. As his father had been for him. He’d imagined what it might be like to hold his baby in his arms... And Eva had had his child, not found him to tell him about it, and his own son had been without him for three years. If he’d known he wouldn’t have stayed in Africa for so long...or even gone there in the first place!

Words couldn’t adequately describe how angry he felt right now.

And for it to be Eva who had done this to him. The woman who had sashayed into his life one night, blown his mind and made him feel more alive than he’d felt in a year! The woman who’d filled his dreams for many a night subsequently. The woman who’d made him regret leaving England. The woman he’d thought about coming back home for.

He’d never have expected that she would do this to him!

‘So...what does Seb know about me?’

She folded her arms. ‘Nothing yet. He’s too young to have asked about his dad. I had planned, when the time came, to tell him that you were in Africa, with no means of communication.’

‘Africa...’

He’d loved it there. It had been such an education for him—would have been for any doctor—to go from a high-tech medicalised hospital to work in a ramshackle, dusty building that barely had instruments, lights or monitoring equipment. Many a time he’d been so frustrated at the lack of equipment, at the numbers of people they’d lost because they didn’t have adequate resources, that he’d decided to come home again and again, after every loss, but he never had.

If only I had...

Then he might have learned about Seb sooner. Learned about Eva. Could he forgive her? This was Eva—the woman he’d...

Jacob cleared his throat. ‘I’ve lost so much time with him already. He needs to know who I am.’

She stood up instantly, her body blocking the door. ‘You’re not going in there to tell him right now.’

He raised an eyebrow. ‘He needs to know.’

Eva nodded. ‘Then, I’ll tell him. At home. In his own space. Then maybe... I don’t know...perhaps you could come round later? Get to know him? Next week, perhaps...’

‘Give me your address. I’ll be round tonight.’

‘Tonight? I don’t—’

‘Tonight. I’ve already lost three years.’

She looked down at the ground. ‘I need more time.’

Jacob stepped forward so that he faced her, his nose mere inches away from hers. ‘You’ve already had three years. Tell him today. Or we both tell him tonight, when I come round. Your call.’

Eva backed away from the intense, angry stare of Jacob’s eyes. She’d had no idea of how angry he’d be. Or, really, what type of man he was. She’d allowed herself to be seduced by a stranger that night. She only knew one side of him.

‘I’ll tell him. I was the one who kept it from him after all.’

The way she looked at him then, with those beautiful crystal blue eyes of hers—the palest of blue, like snow ice on the polar caps—he had a flashback to how those eyes had looked into his that night they’d spent together, and a smack of desire hit him hard and low in the groin.

How could he still desire her when she’d just driven him mad with anger?

‘You know what hurts the most, Eva?’

She shook her head, her full, soft lips slightly apart, so he had to fight the urge to kiss her. It was as if there was a battle going on in his body. Half of him wanted to be furious with her; the other half wanted to take her to bed and make her gasp with delight.

‘Not only did you keep Seb from me, you also kept Seb from my parents. Grandparents who would love him. Aunts and uncles who would adore him. Cousins who could be his friends. My family would adore Seb.’

‘They still can...’

‘But only because I came here.’ He reached up and removed a wave of red hair from her cheek, then realised what he was doing and dropped it like a hot coal. ‘How much longer would you have kept the secret if I’d gone elsewhere?’

She seemed nervous of his touch, her breath hitching in her lungs and then escaping when he let go of her hair. She was breathing heavily, and he felt empowered to know he had that control over her. That she still responded to his touch.

He’d never forgotten that one night...

‘Jacob, I—’

‘What’s your address?’

Reluctantly, she told him.

He stepped past her and yanked open the locker room door.

‘I’ll be round at six.’

And then he left, leaving her alone.

* * *

Eva stood gasping like a landed fish after he’d left the locker room. As the door slowly closed behind him she sank down onto the bench and let out a long, slow, breath.

Jacob knew. And it had been every bit as horrible as she’d feared.

She felt she should have told him when she’d had that moment in Resus. Perhaps it might have gone better? If she’d been honest with him when she’d had the chance? But, no, she hadn’t said anything. Instead, she’d sneaked away like a frightened mouse. And now look what had happened.

She’d wanted to tell him. She’d wanted to tell him ever since she’d discovered she was pregnant! But...

She hadn’t been able to find him. She’d blamed him for being untraceable.

She’d wanted Seb to have it all! A mother and a father. As she’d never had. She’d promised herself that whenever she had kids her children would have the firm foundation of a loving family. Of growing up surrounded by love and security.

When she’d realised she couldn’t trace Jacob she’d quickly accustomed herself to the idea of raising Seb alone. Of relying only on herself—the way she’d always done! Seb would be able to rely on her. She’d be the best mother she could be. Her child would have the certainty that she was there to stay and she would love him more than life itself. Do the job of both parents.

Her feelings for Jacob she could control. What had they been but fantasy? He was a man she’d been able to put on a pedestal because she hadn’t known him long enough to discover otherwise. Who knew what he was really like?