XVII.
THE DETRACTOR
“The ignoble mind
Loves ever to assail with secret blow
The loftier, purer beings of their kind.”
W. G. Simms.
“Detraction’s a bold monster, and fears not
To wound the fame of princes, if it find
But any blemish in their lives to work on.”
Massinger.
A detractor is one whose aim is to lessen, or withdraw from, that which constitutes a good name or contributes to it.
The love of a good name is natural to man. He who has lost this love is considered most desperately fallen below himself.
To acquire a good name and to maintain it, what have not men done, given, and suffered in the world of Literature, Labour, Science, Politics, and Religion?
And who has blamed them for it? It is declared by the highest wisdom, that “A good name is better than great riches,” and “better than precious ointment.” “The memory of the just shall be blessed, but the name of the wicked shall rot.” “Whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue and if there be any praise, think on these things.”
“It is,” as one says, “that which gives us an inferior immortality, and makes us, even in this world, survive ourselves. This part of us alone continues verdant in the grave, and yields a perfume.”
Considering, then, the worth of a good name, we cannot wonder that a man should wish to preserve and guard it with all carefulness.
“The honours of a name ’tis just to guard;
They are a trust but lent us, which we take,
And should, in reverence to the donor’s fame,
With care transmit them to other hands.”
As the work of the detractor is the tarnishing, or, it may be, the destruction of a man’s good name, the evil nature of it may be seen at one view. Can he commit a greater offence against his brother? Can he be guilty of a more heinous motive and aim?
“No wound which warlike hand of enemy
Inflicts with dint of sword, so sore doth light
As doth the poisonous sting which infamy
Infixeth in the name of noble wight;
For by no art, nor any leeches’ might,
It ever can re-curéd be again.”
“Who steals my purse steals trash; ’tis something, nothing;
’Twas mine, ’tis his, and has been slave to thousands:
But he who filches from me my good name
Robs me of that which not enriches him,
And makes me poor indeed.”
Let us notice some of the ways in which this talker seeks to accomplish his work.
1. He represents persons and actions under the most disadvantageous circumstances he can, speaking of those which may appear objectionable, and passing by those which may be commendable. There is no person so excellent who is not by his circumstances forced to omit some things which would become him to do if he were able; to perform some things weakly and otherwise than he would if he had the power. There is no action so worthy, but may have some defect in matter, or manner, incapable of redress; and he that represents such persons or actions, leaving out those excusing circumstances, tends to create an unjust opinion of them, taking from them their due value and commendation. Thus, to charge a man with not having done a good work, when he had not the power or opportunity, or is by unexpected means hindered from doing it according to his desire; to suggest the action was not done exactly in the best season, in the wisest mode, in the most proper place, with expressions, looks, or gestures most convenient – these are tricks of the detractor, who, when he cannot deny the metal to be good, and the stamp true, clips it, and so would prevent it from being current.
2. He misconstrues ambiguous words or misinterprets doubtful appearances of things. A man may speak never so well, or act never so nobly, yet a detractor will make his words bear some ill sense, and his actions tend to some bad purpose; so that we may suspect his meaning, and not yield him our full approbation.
3. He misnames the qualities of persons or things, and gives bad appellations or epithets to good or indifferent qualities. The names of virtue and vice do so nearly border in signification that it is easy to transfer them from one to another, and to give the best quality a bad name. Thus, by calling a sober man sour, a cheerful man vain, a conscientious man morose, a devout man superstitious, a free man prodigal, a frugal man sordid, an open man simple, a reserved man crafty, one that stands upon his honour and honesty proud, a kind man ambitiously popular, a modest man sullen, timorous, or stupid, is a way in which the detractor may frequently be known.
4. He imperfectly characterises persons, so as purposely to veil, or faintly to disclose, their excellencies, but carefully to expose and to aggravate their defects or failings.
Like an envious painter, he hides, or in shady colours depicts, the graceful parts and goodly features, but brings out the blemishes in clearest light, and most prominent view. There is no man who has not some blemish in his nature or temper; some fault contracted by education or custom; something amiss proceeding from ignorance or misapprehension of things. These (although in themselves small and inconsiderable) the detractor seizes, and thence forms a judgment calculated to excite contempt of him in an unwary spectator; whereas, were charity to judge of him, he would be represented as lovely and excellent.
5. He does not commend or allow anything as good without interposing some exception to it. “The man, indeed,” he says, “does seem to have a laudable quality; his action has a fair appearance;” but, if he can, he raises some spiteful objection. If he can find nothing plausible to say against him, he will seem to know and to suppress something. He will say, “I know what I know; I know more than I’ll say;” adding, perhaps, a significant nod or strong expression, a sarcastic sneer or smile, of what he cannot say in words.
“Damn with faint praise, assent with civil leer,
And, without seeming, teach the rest to sneer;
Willing to wound, and yet afraid to strike,
Just hint a fault, and hesitate dislike.”
6. He suggests that good practices and noble dispositions are probably the effects of sinister motives and selfish purposes. As, for instance, a liberal man, in his gifts is influenced by an ambitious spirit or a vain-glorious design; a religious man, in his exercises of devotion, is influenced by hypocrisy, and a desire to gain the good opinion of men, and to promote his worldly interests. “He seems to be a good man,” says the detractor, “I must admit; but what are his reasons? Is it not his interest to be so? Does he not seek applause or preferment thereby? Doth Job serve God for nought?” So said the father of detractors more than two thousand years ago.
7. He detracts from good actions by attempting to show their defects, or to point out how they might have been much better. “In some respects they are excellent and praiseworthy; but they might have been better with no more labour and pains. Pity that a thing, when done, is not done to the best of his ability.” Thus Judas blamed the good woman who anointed the Saviour’s feet. “Why,” said he, “was not this ointment sold, and given to the poor?” His covetous heart prompted him to detract from that action which Jesus, in His love, pronounced as a good work, which should be spoken of as such, wherever the gospel was preached.
8. A detractor regards not the general good character of a man’s conversation or discourse which is obvious, but attacks the part which is defective, though less discernible to other eyes than his own; like a man who, looking upon a body admirably beautiful, sees only a wart on the back of one hand to attract his particular attention; or like the man who overlooks the glories of the sun because of its spots.
Such are the chief particulars composing the character of the detractor.
We may now briefly notice some of the causes which influence the detractor in his talk.
1. Ill nature and bad humour.– As good nature and ingenuous disposition incline men to observe and commend what appears best in our neighbour; so malignity of temper and heart prompt to seek and to find the worst. One, like a bee, gathers honey out of any herb; the other, like a spider, sucks poison out of the sweetest flower.
2. Pride and inordinate self-importance.– The detractor would draw all praise and glory to himself; he would be the only excellent person; therefore he would jostle the worth of another out of the way, that it may not endanger his; or lessen it by being a rival, that it may not outshine his reputation, or in any degree eclipse it.
3. Envy.– A detractor likes not to see a brother stand in the good esteem of others, therefore he aims at the deterioration of his character; his eye is evil and sore, hence he would quench or becloud the light that dazzles it.
4. Ungodly revenge.– His neighbour’s good practice condemns his bad life; his neighbour’s worth disparages his unworthiness; this he conceives highly prejudicial to him; hence in revenge he labours to vilify the worth and good works of his neighbour.
5. Sense of weakness, want of courage, or despondency of his own ability.– He who is conscious of his own strength and industry will allow to others the commendation becoming their ability. As he would not lose the fruits of his own deserts, so he takes it for granted that others should enjoy theirs also. To deprive them were to prejudice his own claims. But he that feels himself destitute of worth, and despairs of reaching the good favour of society, is thence tempted to disparage and defame such as do. This course he takes as the best soother of his disappointed feelings and the chief solace for his conscious defects. Seeing he cannot rise to the standard of others, he would bring down that of others to his. He cannot directly get any praise, therefore he would indirectly find excuse by shrouding his unworthiness under the blame of others. Hence detraction is a sign of a weak, ignoble spirit; it is an impotent and grovelling serpent, that lurks in the hedge, waiting opportunity to bite the heel of any nobler creature that passes by.
Notice the consequences of detraction.
1. It discourages and hinders the practice of goodness. Seeing the best men disparaged, and the best actions spoken against, many are deterred from doing or being good in a conspicuous and eminent degree. Especially may this be so with such as are not independent and superior to what detractors may say about them.
2. Detraction is injurious to society in general. Society is maintained in peace and progress by encouragement of mutual and personal virtues and gifts; but when disparagement is cast upon them, they are in danger of languishment and decay; so that a detractor is one of the worst members of society; he is a moth, a canker therein.
3. Detraction does injury to our neighbour. It robs him of that reputation which is the just reward of goodness, and chief support in the practice of it; it often hinders him in undertaking a laudable deed; and keeps those from him or sets those against him who would be his friends.
4. Detraction injures those into whose ears it instils its poisonous suggestions, requiring them to connive at the mischief it does to worth and virtue, and desiring them to entertain the same unjust and uncharitable thoughts as itself.
5. The detractor is an enemy to himself. He raises against himself animosity and disfavour. Men of self-respect, conscious of their own honest motives and upright actions, will not submit to his unrighteous detraction. They will stand on their own consciousness of rectitude, and, with Right on their side, will cause him to fall into the pit which he has digged for others.
6. The detractor is likely to have given him the same that he gives to others. If he has in him that which appears laudable, how can he expect commendation for it, when he refuses it to others with similar claims? How can any one admit him to have real worth who will not admit another to have any?
The preceding observations are sufficient to exhibit the nature, causes, and effects of the fault of the detractor. This fault is wide-spread in its existence. It affects nearly all classes of society. Does it not too widely prevail in circles of Christian professors? Is there not too much of this kind of talk in the companies of ministers of religion? Among men of all ranks, occupations, and ages of life this spirit is too frequently and too powerfully operating. In the courts of princes, in the halls of science, in the schools of literature, the detractor may be found with his deteriorating and damaging tongue. The evening social circle, the festive board, the railway carriage, the two or three walking or sitting in the garden’s shades, are not exempt from the presence of this detracting demon.
My reader, be you among the honourable exceptions, with whom detraction shall find no life. And as you would not possess it in yourself, do not patronize it in others, although mixed in a sweet liquor, and offered in a golden cup.
Covet to be among those charitable spirits which put the best interpretation upon everything rather than the worst; which approve and praise rather than censure and condemn; which offer the fragrance of the rose rather than wound with the thorn; which present the jewel rather than point out the flaw in it; which take the fly out of the pot of ointment rather than put one in.
This is the spirit of nobleness, because the spirit of charity and of God.
XVIII.
THE GRUMBLER
“Still falling out with this and this,
And finding something still amiss;
More peevish, cross, and splenetic,
Than dog distract, or monkey sick.”
Butler.
The Grumbler is a talker who may frequently be known by his countenance as well as by his tongue. The temper of his mind gives form and expression to the features of his face. His contracted brow bespeaks his contracted brain. His nose inclines to an elevation of disgust at the things which lie beneath. His mouth is awry with its peculiar exercise, and those deeply indented wrinkles on either side are the sad effects of its long-continued use in its chosen service. His aspect is one of chagrin, trouble, and disappointment.
There are a few more traits of the grumbling talker which may be specified for the benefit of those concerned.
1. The grumbling talker is generally indolent. He loiters or strolls about without any specific or profitable occupation. He can see nothing worth his attention, and if he does, he defers it until the future, meanwhile busy in grumbling with himself and with others. He gossips among his neighbours, or lounges about places of publicity, engaging those like himself, or, it may be, some of the better sort, with his grumbling conversation. Listen a moment: “His son John was not up at the right time this morning; his wife spoiled his breakfast; those orders were not made up yet, and ten o’clock; his business was very poor – can’t make both ends meet, hope times will get better – he doesn’t know how in the world he will pay his way unless he can get in his debts; his neighbour’s chimney smokes so badly that if he doesn’t mend it he must complain; he wishes his friend Wilkes would keep his cats away from his house, for they catch all the mice, and leave none for his cat; he would make things very different in their day-school if he was the master; he thinks Mr. Stock over the way doesn’t conduct his business right, or he would prosper more than he does.”
2. The grumbling talker generally attributes his want of success in his calling to other causes rather than to himself. “No one gives him encouragement. He has to do the best he can by his own means. He is always at it, and yet he does not succeed. Dr. Squibbs, Squire Bumble, Parson Sturge, and Lawyer Issard, all send their custom to his rival in Castle Street. Everybody else is favoured, while he is held back by unfriendly and adverse influences.”
William Goodwin was an industrious, economical, and obliging tradesman. With these qualities he succeeded in his business, and attained to a position of respectability which nearly everybody thought he deserved. Robert Careless was in the same line of business, and had the same opportunities of success, but he did not attain to it. He grumbled dreadfully against Goodwin and his own slow prosperity. “Goodwin,” he said, “was patronized more than he was. The people owed him a grudge, and they wouldn’t trade with him. If he had the same chance as Goodwin, he should prosper as he does. Goodwin is no more acquainted with his business, and has no more wisdom, economy, and affability than he; his clerk was very dull and disobliging; his own wife didn’t seem to take any interest in his business; the situation of his shop wasn’t good,” etc.
3. The grumbling talker is usually independent. He cares for nothing and for nobody. Although he cannot have everything he wants, yet he will not mind. He is determined to do as he likes. He will have his own way after all. He has a will, a knowledge, a purse, friends of his own. He will let the world see that he can get along with his own resources. Barnabas Know-nothing may talk as he please, Job Do-nothing may do all he can, and Richard Bombast may swagger because he thinks matters are done as he planned; but Mr. Grumbler is independent of them all, and will, by-and-by, demonstrate it beyond dispute.
4. The grumbling talker is easily frightened. He may seem very large, and appear very strong in his independence; he may bluster about his determination to carry out his plans despite Mr. This and Mr. That; but he is soon reduced to his just proportions. His fever heat falls suddenly down to zero, if not twenty degrees below. You may soon raise a lion in his way – soon make him believe that fate is against him – soon open his eyes to see breakers ahead; and then he would have done it but for the consequences which he foresaw. It is well to look before you leap. He looked and saw the gulf, and he prefers not to leap. It is better to suffer a little injury than bring a greater one. You may be sure nothing would have kept him from doing as he positively said he would, excepting those insuperable difficulties which he did not anticipate at the time, and which he defies any one to remove out of the way. The fact is, things are just the same as they ever were, only he has got into another element which has changed his temperament and resolutions.
5. The grumbling talker is generally endowed with a most capacious appetite for personal favours. If you can by any means administer to his necessities in this respect you will very much allay his craving, and, in a measure, stop his grumbling. It is the intensity of the appetite which often gives rise to the grumbling. Grumbling is the way in which he expresses his want. Every beast has a way of its own in making known its wants, and grumbling is the way some men have in expressing the deep hunger of their minds for special or ordinary favours. The grumbler is always on hand to receive the gift of a friend. The motto which he carries in the foreground of his grumblings is, “Small favours thankfully received, and larger ones in proportion.”
6. The grumbling talker is generally very jealous. He does not approve of the promotion of his friend to any honour above himself. He is afraid lest it should exalt him beyond measure. Besides, he does not see that he is any more qualified or deserving than he. He is surprised at the judgment of the “powers that be” when they placed Mr. So-and-So in such a responsible office. They could not certainly have known that he was not the man for the office, nor the office for the man. He must have been a favourite. He had helped them into their position, and, “One good turn deserves another, you know.” He knows how these sort of things are managed, “Kissing goes by favour, you know.” He happened to be out of their “good books,” and they were determined to punish him. Had his esteemed friend, Squire Impartial, been in authority, he didn’t doubt for a moment but he would have been promoted to the place where So-and-So now stands. Well, he congratulates himself that his time will come, and when it does he will make everybody wonder and regret that he wasn’t advanced before.
“Do you know,” said he one day to Mr. Content, “how it is that people talk so much about the superior abilities of our town councillor, Mr. Workman? For my part, I see nothing in him which is above mediocrity.”
“Mr. Workman is, indeed, generally reputed as being a clever man, and I certainly think he is,” said Mr. Content.
“He may be clever, but I do not think that he is any cleverer than most ordinary men.”
“I have every opportunity of judging, and I do most candidly think that we could not have found his equal in the entire town,” said Mr. Content again.
“That may be your opinion, and the opinion of others; but still my opinion is the same, and I am amazed at his reputation,” replied Mr. Grumbler.
7. The grumbling talker is often long-lived. The philosophy of the fact, if fact it be, I will not attempt to explain. It is a pity it should be so, but it does sometimes occur that the least desirable men are continued, while the most lovable are taken away. Were Providence to suspend or change the law which protracts the grumbler’s existence beyond the length of better men, I am sure no one would complain of it except the grumbler himself.
8. The grumbling talker is found everywhere in some one or all of his developments. He seems to be endowed with a spirit of ubiquity. You find him in all ages of time, in all ages of persons, in all places of resort, in all circumstances of life, in all nations of humanity, and in all varieties of mind. On the throne of the prince, in the chair of the president, in the gathering of Parliament or Congress, in the counting-house and in the store, in the tradesman’s shop and the lawyer’s office, in the school, the college, the lecture-room, and even in the precincts of the house of God, you may find the spirit of the grumbling talker. Heaven, perhaps, is the only place in the universe where he cannot be found.
9. The grumbling talker can rarely improve or make things better, even if he tries. Place him to fill the office which he says is so ineffectively filled by some one else, and its functions will be neglected or far more ineffectively performed. He “can preach a better sermon than the minister preached the other Sunday morning.” Let him try, and others judge. He “can superintend the Sunday-school with more authority and keep better order than he who now is in that position.” Place him there, and see what are the results.
In forty-nine instances out of fifty in which the grumbler has been taken as a substitute for the one against whom he has complained, there has been failure, through his want of competency for the place.
It is not, however, often that he reaches his end by his grumbling. He frustrates his own wish. Sound judgment in others pronounces against him. Wisdom knows that weakness is the main element of grumbling; that to instal in office a person who is a grumbler will not cure him; that one evil is better than two – his grumbling out of office than his grumbling in, with an inefficient performance of its duties.
His grumbling is sometimes so chronic and habitual, that no one takes any notice of him. He attracts far more attention when he is out of this rut than when he is in it. The majority know that things are right when he grumbles; but when he is silent they suspect them to be wrong, and when he approves they are quite sure.
10. The grumbling talker includes everything within his grumbling. He grumbles against God and His Providence, His Word and His ministers. The devil does not even please him. He grumbles about politics, religion, the Church, the state, books, periodicals, papers. He grumbles against trade, commerce, money; against good men and bad men; against good women and bad women; against babes and children, young ladies and old maids. He grumbles about the weather, about time, life, death, things present, and things to come. It would appear that as he is endowed with universal presence, he is endowed with universal knowledge also, which leads him to universal grumbling.
11. The grumbling talker is afflicted with a most revolting disease. It is dangerous in its nature, and most unpleasant in its influence. It is injurious in its operation upon all who come within its reach. Persons who are not troubled with it, and are not accustomed to see it, never wish to catch a sight or a scent of it the second time. It is rather contagious. If the law regulating the case of the leper was to be enforced in the case of the grumbler, it might have a salutary effect. But as there is no probability of this, and as it is important that the disease should be arrested before it spread farther and prove more disastrous than it has, I shall, pro bono publico, as well as for the grumbler himself, presume to copy an American prescription that I have in my possession, and which never failed to cure any grumbler who scrupulously carried it out.
“1. Stop grumbling.
“2. Get up two hours earlier in the morning, and begin to do something outside of your regular profession.
“3. Stop grumbling.
“4. Mind your own business, and with all your might; let other people alone.
“5. Stop grumbling.
“6. Live within your means. Sell your horse. Give away or kill your dog.
“7. Stop grumbling.
“8. Smoke your cigars through an air-tight stove. Eat with moderation, and go to bed early.
“9. Stop grumbling.
“10. Talk less of your own peculiar gifts and virtues, and more of those of your friends and neighbours.
“11. Stop grumbling.
“12. Do all you can to make others happy. Be cheerful. Bend your neck and back more frequently when you pass those outside of ‘select circles.’ Fulfil your promises. Pay your debts. Be yourself all you see in others. Be a good man, a true Christian, and then you cannot help finally to
“13. Stop grumbling.”
The above is an admirable receipt for the grumbling disease. It is composed of ingredients each of which is the best quality of healing medicine. Every grumbler should take the whole as prescribed, and he will soon experience a sensible change in his nature for the better; his friends also will observe him rapidly convalescent, and after a short time will rejoice over his restoration to a sound healthy condition, called by moral physicians – “CONTENTMENT.”
“Sweet are the thoughts that savour of content —
The quiet mind is richer than a crown;
Sweet are the nights in careless slumber spent —
The poor estate scorns fortune’s angry frown.
Such sweet content, such minds, such sleep, such bliss,
Beggars enjoy when princes oft do miss.
The homely house that harbours quiet rest,
The cottage that affords no pride nor care,
The mean that ’grees with country music best,
That sweet consort of Mirth’s and Music’s fare.
Obscuréd life sits down a type of bliss;
A mind content both crown and kingdom is.”