Gr. – Re. Why the deuce do you think of giving your daughter in marriage to an old man? Don't you see that it is the longing she has for a young one that makes her ill? See the attraction there is, &c.1
Gor. Go quickly! I am greatly afraid that the wedding will have to be put off on account of this illness.
Gr. – Re. That is what vexes me, for I was looking forward to a good round bellyfull, and now I have to do without it.2 Yes, yes, I'll go to fetch the doctor, but it is as much for my own sake as for your daughter's. I am dreadfully disappointed. (Exit Gros-René.)
SCENE IV. – SABINE, GORGIBUS, SGANARELLE (as doctor)
Sab. I am glad to meet you, uncle, to tell you of a good piece of news: I bring the cleverest doctor in the world, a man who comes from foreign lands, who knows the most important secrets, and who will no doubt cure my cousin. He was fortunately shown to me, and I bring him to you. He is so clever, that I heartily wish I were ill, so that he might cure me.
Gor. Where is he?
Sab. Close at hand; here he is.
Gor. Doctor, I am your very humble servant. I sent for you, to come and see my daughter who is ill; I put all my hopes in you.
Sgan. Hippocrates says, and Galen too, with strong reasoning argues, that a person does not feel well when he is ill. You are right to put all your hopes in me, for I am the greatest, the cleverest, the wisest doctor in the vegetable, animal, and mineral faculty.
Gor. I am delighted to hear it.
Sgan. Do not imagine that I am an ordinary doctor, a common doctor. All other doctors compared to me are abortions. I possess wonderful talents; I am master of many secrets. Salamalec, salamalec. "Hast thou courage, Rodrigo?"3 Signor, si; signor, non. Per omnia sæcula sæculorum. Still, let us see a little. (Feels Gorgibus's pulse.)
Sab. Eh! He is not the patient; it is his daughter who is ill.
Sgan. It does not matter: the blood of the father and that of the daughter are the same; and by the deterioration of the blood of the father, I can know the illness of the daughter.
Gor. Ah! doctor, I am greatly afraid that my daughter will die.
Sgan. S'death! she must not! she must not indeed have the pleasure of dying before she has the doctor's prescription. But, Mr. Gorgibus, can I see your daughter?
Sab. She is up; I will bring her if you like.
SCENE V. – SABINE, GORGIBUS, SGANARELLE (as doctor), LUCILE
Sgan. Well, young lady, so you are ill?
Luc. Yes, sir.
Sgan. So much the worse; it is a proof that you are not quite well. Do you feel great pains in your head and back?
Luc. Yes, sir.
Sgan. I thought so. Yes, the great doctor I spoke of, in the chapter he made on the nature of animals, said … a hundred fine things; and how the humours which have connexion, have much relation to each other; for instance, as melancholy is the enemy to joy, and as the bile in going through our body makes us become yellow, and as nothing is more contrary to good health than illness; so we can say with that great man that your daughter is very ill. I must give her a prescription.
Gor. Quick! a table, paper and ink!
Sgan. Is there anybody here who can write?
Gor. What! do you not know how to write?
Sgan. Ah! I was forgetting; I have so many things to think of, that I forget the half… I think it is quite necessary for your daughter to have a change of air and that she should go and enjoy herself somewhere in the country.
Gor. We have a very fine garden, and some rooms attached to it; if you think it will do, I will send her there.
Sgan. Let us go and see the place. (Exeunt.)
SCENE VI. – THE LAWYER
Law. I have heard that the daughter of Mr. Gorgibus is ill; I must go and inquire after her health, and offer my services, as the friend of the whole family. (Knocks.) Is Mr. Gorgibus at home? (Enter Gorgibus.) Having heard of your daughter's illness, I come to tell you of my entire sympathy, and to put myself at your disposal for all that may be wanted of me.