CHAPTER XXXI
IN DEEP WATERS
“Yet I argue not
Against Heav’n’s hand or will, nor bate a jot
Of heart or hope; but still bear up and steer
Right onward.”
The days and nights in the cave glided by rapidly and serenely with Saulus and Amoz. The stillness of the place, the beauty and grandeur of the mountains and valleys, the companionship of wild animals and birds, the luxuriance of verdure and blossom, and the sublime view of the distant sea which the heights afforded,—all were ministrant to soul-growth and inspiration. Much time was also given to a reinterpretation of the law and sacred writings of the prophets, copies of which had been brought with them.
At intervals Saulus made short journeys to the shepherd villages in the adjacent country, and as occasion afforded began to teach and preach the New Faith to such of the scattered herdsmen as were within reach. This was but a light labor, and he counted his experience as an easy school in the practice and power of the great work of the future towards which he was already looking with earnest anticipation. Only the consciousness of a rapidly growing capacity to teach, and the favorable circumstances for the building up of an unwonted spiritual energy and equipment, reconciled his intense and untiring soul to a continuance of the sojourn in the desert.
In the decision of Cassia, Saulus increasingly realized that a weight had been lifted from the freedom and usefulness of his future life, and although some yearnings of heart were not easily stilled, his mastery over them grew more complete. In the broader and more harmonious disposition of soul which he now commanded, he was astonished and humiliated as he looked back at the wonderful charm which the untaught and impulsive daughter of Almon formerly possessed for him. He had left forever behind the fantasy and unregulated passion which in time past raged within his soul, and was now able to view life in its true and broadened perspective.
In due time he received a letter from Rebecca which warmed his heart. It ran as follows:—
Chisleu, XXIVth day.“House of Benoni, Tarsus.
“O my dear Saulus!
“Peace, joy, and warm greetings to thee, my brother!
“Thy letter from a cave of Horeb, in the wilderness of Arabia, hath come to my hand, and it rejoiceth my heart unspeakably!
“O Saulus! thou a disciple of the New Faith! Do not mine eyes deceive me? What a marvel hath God wrought! Behold his loving mercy endureth forever! The Spirit of Truth was in and around thee, and would not be put away until it touched and melted thy heart. And the love of my soul also went with thee, even in thy persecutions, and would not be satisfied until thou wast awakened and didst come to thyself.
“Behold I have such an abundance of good tidings to give thee that of a surety my epistle will gladden thy heart, even as thy message from the cave made us rejoice greatly. Many unwonted events have come to pass in our native city, some of which I will briefly recount.
“When thou didst banish the noble Serenus from the Holy City, Amabel, the daughter of Gamaliel, upon her release, became his wife and fled with him, and returned not to her father’s house. They journeyed to Cæsarea and took ship for Tarsus, on the way to Rome, toward which they had set their faces. The vessel was sunk in the depths of the sea, but behold every soul on board was saved and brought to Tarsus by the Vice Legate, whose ship chanced to be near at hand. And now I make known unto thee the most marvellous thing of all. Through the faithful devotion and teaching of Serenus and Amabel, both the Vice Legate and our father and mother have become disciples of the New Faith. I am persuaded that thy heart will leap for joy when these tidings meet thine eyes! An iniquitous outbreak of persecution in Tarsus, which seemed only evil, was blessed in the ripening of this good harvest.
“On the day of a great festival in the temple and gardens of Apollo, when the throng was great in the streets, our people were cruelly set upon as they came from the services of the synagogue. It arose from a lying rumor, and came so swiftly that many of the Hebrews were wounded or faint from flight before they could reach their habitations. Thus it chanced with our father and mother, but before many days they were fully restored.
“The rabble sorely bruised and trampled upon my body, and peradventure I should have perished, but in my flight, Marcius, the Vice Legate, and Serenus saved me from their hands. They brought me to the dwelling-place of Amabel, which is connected with the Legate’s palace. Through her ministration, with that of Serenus, I was speedily healed.
“Marcius is a noble Roman whose heart is warmed by the New Faith, and his kindness to Serenus and Amabel, and even to me, hath been continuous. The members of the household of the higher life in Tarsus are increasing in number, and all have much gladness in the freedom of the Truth. Our gatherings for mutual converse, encouragement, and communion with the Spirit are often held at the house of our father Benoni, and the Vice Legate hath been here with the others.
“The life and teaching of the great prophet of Nazareth are faithfully set before us by Serenus, and faith, love, and spiritual singleness are strengthened and multiplied. Some who were sick have been healed, the lame made to walk, evil spirits cast out, and the whole gospel of salvation proclaimed to such as have ears to hear. Outward signs and works of mercy give abundant witness to the working of the power of God within.
“All have great joy in the letter which thou didst send, and hope shortly that they may behold thy face in thy native city.
“Serenus sendeth his warm brotherly greetings, and our father and mother have great comfort in their hearts concerning thy latter course.
“Peace and blessing be multiplied to thee!
“Rebecca.”
Tears of joy coursed down the cheeks of Saulus as he finished reading the letter. He folded it to his bosom, went out of the cave, and made his way up to a frequented seat upon the heights.
The late afternoon sun, not too hot, softly gilded the surrounding Sinaitic peaks, and kindled a golden radiance upon the vast expanse of the distant Red Sea in the west. Every tree, plant, blossom, and bird seemed to be rejoicing in the rich, warm glow which bathed heaven and earth with its beauty.
The objective world was the fitting symbol and correspondence of the joy and fruition which flooded and enlarged the soul of Saulus. The message from Rebecca softened and melted the few hard vestiges of his former state, and the tender greeting from Serenus caused a great upheaval of love and thanksgiving. The dark clouds of past memories were dissolved and scattered by the warm sunshine from Tarsus.
To Saulus the light of God was within and without, and each seemed but a varying aspect of one continuous and many-sided Revelation. Man was the crown of Nature, and in him its apex towered up until it touched and became one with its Author. How shrunken, mean, and unlovely the life of the past, which was now dimmed and even overflowed by the privileges and possibilities of the future which were unfolded before him.
A procession of months went by, and the time arrived when Saulus, strengthened and confirmed in spirit and power by his long retirement, was ready and eager to enter again the busy world of men. Any hardship, or even persecution, which he might meet would not discourage, but rather stimulate, his activity. Like other great souls who have recognized eternal principles, he knew that the progress of Truth was hastened by opposition. To encounter indifference would be far worse, but this could not be. A man whose inner nature is at a white heat must and will arouse antagonism. Error smarts when revealed by the rays of Truth. There can be no truce. Enthusiasm begets other enthusiasm, which may be either for or against itself, but in its presence stagnation is impossible. One earnest soul stored with the dynamics of Faith will accomplish more than a thousand whose spiritual outgoings are feeble and uncertain.
Saulus was deeply moved as he finally left the secluded dwelling-place which had been hallowed by so many profitable experiences, and the scene of so much soul-growth. But the fulness of time had come, and with Amoz he gladly set out upon the long journey. After an uneventful crossing of the desert they reached Damascus in due season.
Making their way to the house of Ananias, they were hospitably received. Saulus lost no time in visiting the synagogues, and immediately began to preach the higher life in spiritual simplicity as it had been proclaimed by Jesus.
The Jewish Hellenists and proselytes were numerous in Damascus, and up to the time of the arrival of Saulus, the liberal party, including those who had nominally accepted the New Faith, lived in mutual toleration with the bigoted school of the Halacha, which was much more powerful. But now the dry bones were shaken. Soon the burning and unanswerable arguments of Saulus awoke a storm of angry opposition. The slumber in dead forms was rudely ended, and fierce persecution began.
Ananias and the little band of liberal Jews found themselves utterly unable to quiet the storm which this dangerous intruder aroused. It was as if Stephanos had arisen and come back to shatter the self-sufficiency and deadness of ceremonialism, and now, as in his time, religious intolerance burst aflame.
The life of Saulus was demanded. The Ethnarch of the city, who commanded the garrison, being in sympathy with the persecution, lent his aid to the conspiracy to end the career of the over-zealous young heretic. The gates of the city were watched night and day to prevent his escape. Was his work to be brought to a close before it had fairly begun?
Not another day must pass or it would be too late to save him. There was a hurried consultation of his friends. Happy thought! the house of one of them abutted upon the city wall! The plot may yet be frustrated! He is secretly conducted to this house in the evening. The night is dark, and the sentry passes but infrequently! A little knot of faithful friends with anxious hearts are on the watch! A large basket held by a strong rope hangs out of the window over the wall. All is still, and Saulus steps in. The sentry goes by, and now strong hands lower the basket, down, down, carefully but swiftly. It reaches the ground!
By previous understanding Amoz is not far away, and arm in arm they go out into the darkness. Surely an ignominious beginning!
One warm afternoon a few weeks later Saulus and Amoz approached the Damascus Gate of the Holy City. Though hot and weary from their journey, as they came near its end they were imbued with new life and courage.
In many of the towns and villages through which they had come Saulus discoursed in the synagogues, but made no lengthy sojourn, as he was anxious to reach Jerusalem and confer with Peter, Barnabas, and other disciples of the New Faith.
As they entered the well-remembered portal, Saulus was reminded of the brilliant cavalcade at the head of which he formerly passed out, as compared with his unheralded return on foot with but one of his many companions. But despite the contrast, a great flood of thankfulness filled his heart.
A multitude of strange thoughts crowded upon him as his eyes rested again upon familiar places and scenes. Should he show his face boldly, or for a while avoid his old friends and companions?
What of Cassia and the household of Almon, his comrades of the Urim, the Rabban, and the Sanhedrin?
Here was the Lyceum, where he had hotly contended for the hard dogmas of the Jewish law; here the many places where he had scourged men, women, and children; and here the prison whose cruel doors, at his command, had closed upon Serenus, Amabel, and the rest of the congregation of the Upper Chamber. He felt like a stranger from some far country, and the past flitted before him as a dark and terrible dream from which he had newly awakened.
Somewhat changed in appearance and costume, he passed through several streets unrecognized, finally turning into the courtyard of a dwelling where he had been told in Damascus he would find Peter and Barnabas. Amoz, after an affectionate farewell, left him to seek some of his own kinsfolk who dwelt in another part of the city.
In response to a knock at the door of the house of Peter, it was opened by a maid, who when she saw his face uttered a loud cry, and shrank back affrighted into the house. Then Peter’s wife came quickly to see what had happened. She too looked upon the well-remembered features, exclaiming with great fear and agitation,—
“Thou art Saulus! Hast thou returned to take us to prison?”
“Nay, I bring peace to this house! I am no more a persecutor, but of the New Faith! I pray thee, is Peter within?”
Peter’s wife suspected craftiness, and did not believe him, but stood trembling, not knowing how to make reply.
“Peter is not within!” said she after some hesitation.
“I might have expected that all would flee from me!” said Saulus, half to himself. “A righteous retribution!” Then, continuing in an earnest and friendly tone, he said,—
“Of a surety I am now a follower of the Nazarene!”
Peter’s wife still hesitated, not knowing what to believe, and Saulus turned sorrowfully away, saying,—
“Tell Peter that I love the brethren! I will come again after his return.”
The maid had escaped from the house, and quickly warned the faithful who lived in the neighborhood. Many fled from their homes, taking their children with them, believing that, as Saulus had returned, a new persecution was at hand. Consternation reigned, and word was sent out among the disciples in other parts of the city that they were again to be harassed and hunted down.
Saulus was sorely grieved when he left the house of Peter. He was counted an enemy among his friends. He almost wished himself back in the desert.
It was now evening, and not expedient to visit Peter’s house before the morrow. He walked aimlessly along the street hardly knowing what to do, but being weary, and seeing a small inn near by, entered, thinking to sojourn for the night. After removing the dust and sweat of the journey, and partaking of a light supper, he walked out to enjoy the cool of the evening, and calm his troubled thoughts. The moon was bright, the air soft, the streets crowded, and the sound of voices and laughter echoed from the house-tops.
What a contrast with the desert and cave! What a great network, and even tangle, of disagreeing interests, systems, opinions, and religions! How sorely the world needed the resolving and transforming power of the new life, and a knowledge of the higher law! Selfishness, prejudice, sensuality, and devotion to the seen and temporal, everywhere dominant! What a change in himself, and in his interpretation of life!
As these reflections coursed through his mind, he found himself at the entrance of one of the public gardens which skirted the slope of Mount Moriah. The spicy odor of plant and blossom lent a charm to the place, and being in a meditative mood, he entered and seated himself in a retired corner of one of the bowers. Groups of people were all around, some seated and others promenading, seeking the enjoyment of social converse and recreation. Occasional peals of laughter and snatches of song gave evidence of the light-heartedness of the children of the Orient.
But Saulus was wrapped in a more profound revery. With a heart full of love he had come to bear a great blessing to the Holy City, but none would receive it. To his old friends he was now a renegade and traitor, while to his new brethren he was a terror and a cause of offence. O ungrateful world! With head bowed between his hands, the hot tears could not be held back.
A young man and woman from among the promenaders sat down near him. Although they were hard by, a partial partition of vines intervened, effectually secluding him. He started to arise, but could not retreat without passing directly before them in the full moonlight to the entrance of the bower. Moreover, the conversation could not concern him, so he kept his seat.
“Thou seemest sad, and not like thyself to-night, my Cassia!”
Saulus was thunderstruck. But to fly would be to reveal his identity.
There was no response. The voice continued,—
“The last full moon witnessed our marriage feast, and behold the light of this revealeth thy sadness!”
“Peradventure thou judgest not rightly, Ezra!”
“Why, then, hast thou become silent? I hear no more thy wonted cheerful converse! thou art downcast!”
“To-night I am given to meditation!”
“Have I given thee offence?”
“I have made no complaint!”
“But why so unhappy, Cassia? Dost thou not love thy husband?”
“Oh, question me not! I feel strangely to-night!” she exclaimed rather petulantly.
“Have I done aught to offend thee?”
“I have no condemnation!”
“As thy husband, I rightfully claim to know why thou art disquieted.”
“I cannot reveal my thoughts! Let me be silent!”
“Thou dost set thy face against me, Cassia!” he exclaimed with some earnestness.
“Rebuke me not, I pray thee! If I am disconsolate, it lieth not within me to be otherwise!”
“Why didst thou become my wife, if my presence is disquieting?”
“I have made no such accusation!”
“Aha!” he exclaimed bitterly. “I am persuaded that thy thoughts turn towards thy former lover, Saulus!”
“For shame, Ezra! thou speakest foolishness!”
“Thou canst not deny it!”
“Thou art cruel, and dost not love me!” The tone was that of impatient reproach.
“Thou hast deceived me! I am persuaded that there is love in thy heart for Saulus! Thou declared unto me that thou didst hold him in contempt!”
“Thou knowest not to the contrary!”
“Thou hast betrayed thyself, Cassia! I would that thou hadst given thyself to the mad heretic, and that mine eyes had never beheld thy comely but false face!”
Frantic weeping, moans, and flighty laughter gave evidence that Cassia had suddenly become moonstruck or hysterical.
“O Saulus! why did I scorn thee? O Saulus! Saulus! I seem to feel thy presence—near—me—even—now! O Saulus! Saulus!”
CHAPTER XXXII
SCOURGING AND FLIGHT
On the following morning Saulus was up betimes, after a restless night, which was marked by dreams and visions of varying import.
It would be unreasonable to expect that as yet he was able to put under foot all adversities, and continually dwell upon the heights of a spiritual consciousness. Even in a great and lofty soul, Adam dies hard, and in an intense nature he fights desperately for his life, and has many apparent resurrections. Spiritual evolution has its ebb and flow, and except from a broad point of view its declensions often appear to be enduring. As with material structures, if the work projected is to reach beyond the hidden foundation, it must needs wait until the latter is broadened.
While Saulus had a good measure of the same spirit which filled the great Prophet of Nazareth, he also had an earnest desire during his stay in the Holy City to learn more of the particulars of the Master’s outward life.
At the rising of the sun he set out for Golgotha. He fain would stand upon the spot of the great Martyrdom. Even the hallowed ground, with its associations, would be a means of inspiration to one like Saulus. As he reached the skull-shaped hill, the sun was shining brightly, the air clear and soft, and the whole scene quiet and peaceful. He felt a benediction!
How much the great Tragedy that was here consummated signifies to the world! How the outgoing circles of spiritual life and love ever pulsate from this centre! No nation is too remote to be washed and beat upon by its outgoing waves, for a divine discontent never permits of stagnation!
Golgotha, or the hill of Calvary, was a peculiarly sacred place to the disciples, and they often resorted to its summit for converse and meditation.
As Saulus lingered, busy with the thoughts of the past and questions of the future, a man, apparently having the same purpose, came near. Lo, it was Barnabas!
They beheld each other, face to face, and surprise was pictured upon the features of both.
“And thou here, Saulus!” said Barnabas, involuntarily drawing back with trepidation.
“O Barnabas, hear me! I love thee and all the brethren!” Stepping forward, he embraced his old friend, saluting him warmly.
“Saulus numbered among the disciples!” said Barnabas, putting his hands upon his shoulders and earnestly looking into his face, still hardly able to believe the truth.
“As I live,” said Saulus, “my heart hath been warmed by the New Faith! Oh, receive my testimony!”
“I doubt no more, and rejoice in thy behalf. Accept a brother’s welcome!”
Falling on each other’s necks, they had great joy in a fellowship of faith and love.
After a season of delightful converse, they started, arm in arm, for the city. Barnabas gladly went with Saulus to the house of Peter, and set him and the other disciples aright concerning their former persecutor.
“Thou sayest,” said Saulus, “that the churches have peace, and are edified, and walk in the comfort of the Spirit! Hath the Sanhedrin ceased all persecution against them?”
“Of late it seemeth to have given little heed to us, so we have in no wise been disquieted. They have not hindered us from teaching that Jesus was indeed a great Prophet.”
“How is it that their bitterness hath been put away?”
“Peradventure that Gamaliel and other of the liberal Jews counselled that we be let alone until our doctrine came to naught, and also because the disciples in great measure have returned to a conformity to the wonted ordinances and ceremonies.”
A shadow passed over the face of Saulus.
“Dost thou not count such a conformity as a fellowship with dead works? I am minded that the gospel should be separate, and that the household of the New Faith should be counted no longer as a Jewish sect!”
“It hath seemed expedient to some that for the present the ordinances be continued for the sake of peace, but verily I am persuaded that our spiritual life hath been deadened thereby, and its power diminished. Now that thou art here to cast in thy lot with us, our zeal may be warmed, and we receive a quickening.”
It seems probable that the Sanhedrin had come to regard the church of Peter, James, and John as but one more sect added to the complex Jewish economy, which was willing to continue the established ritual. But in the movement of Jesus, and afterward of Stephanos and Saulus, it discerned a disturbing and vital force which in due time would logically supplant Judaism through the establishment of a religion radically different.
It was not difficult for Barnabas to reconcile the disciples to Saulus, for not only was his sincerity manifest, but his earnest aggressiveness in their behalf was bold and untiring.
The law of specific gravity among souls is no less invariable and operative than with fluids and solids. If a born commander be placed in the ranks of the private, he will not remain, for all the laws of the universe conspire to lift him into his fitting niche. The moral and spiritual dynamics of a great soul can no more stay pent up than the forces that stir a volcano into activity. The advent of Saulus into the Holy City ended all indifference and stagnation, and soon the various elements were glowing at a white heat.
But a few days elapsed after his arrival before he began teaching and preaching in the synagogues. Among all the enemies who sprung up to oppose his work and persecute him, none were more bitter and unrelenting than his former comrades of the Urim. These were the same who once had glorified him beyond measure.
The dignified Sanhedrin for the time was disposed to close its official ears to the work of their former agent and instrument, doubtless having in mind their moral discomfiture at the trial of Stephanos. They thought it more politic to leave the rabble to deal with him through some sudden outbreak than to take formal cognizance of his heresies through the procedure of a regular trial.
Saulus boldly entered into the synagogues of the Hellenists, and eloquently commended the New Faith, contrasting its power and beauty with the traditions, ordinances, and dead works of the Temple service.
One afternoon at a meeting in the synagogue of the Cyrenians, Saulus essayed to make an address according to previous announcement. It was in the same room where Stephanos had spoken with such zeal, and from which he had been dragged to trial and condemned.
Upon this occasion the enemies of Saulus gathered in strength, the members of the Urim, by secret understanding occupying the front seats, thoroughly organized for offensive action. He had been warned of trouble by the more prudent of his friends, but would not consent to abate one jot of his stirring presentation of the new gospel, and the contrasting hollowness of the whole ceremonial system.
For a full hour before the opening of the service the synagogue was crowded, and a dense throng gathered outside. At length the exercises began. Saulus arose to speak, but had hardly uttered a sentence before there was such a tumult that his voice could not be heard. He beckoned for silence, but the uproar continued. At length he picked up a roll of the law to read from the prophets, and the gathering, willing to show some respect to their Scriptures, was quieted. He read the following passages from Isaiah:—
“ ‘To what purpose is the multitude of your sacrifices unto me? saith the Lord: I am full of the burnt offerings of rams, and the fat of fed beasts; and I delight not in the blood of bullocks, or of lambs, or of he-goats.... Your new moons and your appointed feasts my soul hateth: they are a trouble unto me; I am weary to bear them. And when ye spread forth your hands, I will hide mine eyes from you: yea, when ye make many prayers, I will not hear: your hands are full of blood. Wash you, make you clean; put away the evil of your doings from before mine eyes; cease to do evil; learn to do well; seek judgment, relieve the oppressed, judge the fatherless, plead for the widow.... He was oppressed, yet he humbled himself, and opened not his mouth; as a lamb that is led to the slaughter, and as a sheep that before her shearers is dumb; yea, he opened not his mouth.’
“Behold what the Lord saith through the lips of Isaiah concerning sacrifices, and burnt offerings of rams, and the blood of lambs and he-goats! The voice of the prophet bringeth judgment and condemnation to this generation! Wash you, and make yourselves clean through the gospel of the New Faith! Again, behold what Isaiah saith concerning the Messias who should arise in the fulness of time! ‘By oppression and judgment he was taken away, but there was no deceit in his mouth.’ Behold its fulfilment in the Nazarene!”
Laughing scornfully, they cried out,—
“Cursed be thy mouth! The Nazarene was an impostor, and no Messias!”
Listening no longer, they rushed madly forward, and dragged him from the reading-desk.
“The scourge! the scourge! the scourge!” shouted angry voices from all parts of the synagogue.
Looking steadfastly into the malignant faces which surrounded him, a mingled expression of dignity, compassion, and contempt was upon his countenance. The spiritual exaltation of his soul so overshadowed his bodily consciousness that he felt no fear, and neither he nor his friends offered any resistance to the howling mob which threatened him.
It was one of those upheavals with which history is crowded, which have taken place among nearly all races and religions. There is no crime nor indignity that has not again and again been committed by religious bigotry gilded by assumed dutiful consecration.
Their decision was spontaneous, and Saulus was taken away without legal formality or deliberation. Through the irony of fate, he was led outside the gates to the same spot where Stephanos had been stoned under his own supervision.
Tying both of his hands to a column, they proceeded as was usual in cases of punishment by the scourge. The leaders tore down his robe until his breast and shoulders were laid bare, then the Chazzan of the synagogue, as was customary, was selected to administer the flagellation. The scourge was composed of two thongs of ass’s hide which passed through a hole in the handle. Standing on a block of stone behind the prisoner, the executioner wielded the blows with all the force of one hand, thirteen times on the breast, and thirteen back of each shoulder—in all, forty, save one.
Although there had been no formal trial and condemnation, the usual custom in cases of scourging was followed. Three judges were chosen,—one reading the prescribed passages from the law while the punishment was being inflicted, the second numbering the blows, the third giving the order before each blow, “Hakkehu” (strike him). Even in the methods of a mob the slavish literalism and ingrained devotion to traditional detail were not lacking.
Though the scourging was given in full measure, Saulus was not greatly overcome. Before the first blow fell he passed into such a spiritual ecstasy that little consciousness of the body or of painful sensation was manifest.
Among a little group of women who gathered to witness the punishment was Cassia, who as the blows fell had alternations of hysterical weeping and laughter. She insisted upon being present, and could not be dissuaded. The most opposite emotions possessed her. After the scourging, but before Saulus was led away, a look of recognition passed between them.
He was silent!
“The stripes were well laid on, and thou hast thy just reward!” she cried with a loud, scornful voice; then, bursting, into tears and groans, she was led away by her friends. Hatred and love, burning in their severity, struggled within her for mastery, but the former was victorious.
Saulus rapidly recovered from his punishment, and utterly undaunted by his experience, again began preaching and teaching. But the brethren became apprehensive for his life, and also feared that another general persecution might begin. Though holding his power and zeal in great respect, they advised his immediate retirement from the Holy City. But he was reluctant to follow their counsel. Soon a well-matured plot among the members of the Urim came to the knowledge of the brethren, and they yet more strongly urged his flight. But as it seemed like an abandonment of his long-cherished plans, and a dishonor to the cause which was so all important, he still lingered.