“Behold, O son of Benoni! thou art chosen from among our people to lead in this great service,” said Almon.
“It behooveth me to bring this conspiracy to naught, and I shall lose no time in its discomfiture.”
Rebecca drew her brother aside, and putting her arm about him, softly said,—
“O my Saulus! I am persuaded that the young son of Israel who saved me from the throng on the day of Pentecost would condemn this day’s proceeding! Remember he called himself ‘the friend of Saulus.’ ”
“Did he belong to the sect of the Nazarene, or speak well of it?”
“Behold I wot not how that may be, but he was so kind and noble that I feel he would have none of persecution! O Saulus! must you continue this business?”
“Thou deceivest thyself,” said Saulus, with an impatient gesture. “The man is no friend of mine, and if he be a follower of the Nazarene he will suffer with the rest.”
“O Saulus! I pray that he may be spared. Behold the favor which he showed me!”
“I say unto thee I know him not; and if he be a heretic, woe be to him!”
“I shall try to find him out and warn him!”
“It would be well for thee, Rebecca, to leave the Holy City, and seek thy home in Tarsus!”
Saulus petulantly turned away, and passed out of the court-yard.
Cassia was waiting in the passage, and sped to give him congratulation.
“O Saulus! thou art noble and brave!” she exclaimed, embracing him. “I glory in thy courage and service. Behold I love thee even more than I was wont!”
Saulus returned the warm greeting.
“Cassia, love, I have great joy in thy favor. I live for thee!” Then grasping her small hand he gave it a warm kiss, and hastened to his chamber.
In the solitude of his room and stillness of the night, he sat down to review the events of the day. His exhilaration, and even the indorsement and congratulation of his friends, gradually seemed to vanish, and he was almost forced to look within and become more familiar with himself. He was surprised at the clearness and depth of the picture of the scene of the day which seemed to be burnt into his very soul. The tragedy beyond the city wall stood out before him in every detail. The throng, the shouts, his own share, the murderous act of the witnesses, the kneeling victim, his entreaty of pardon for his slayers, all riveted his attention as keenly as when they were taking place. It was as though his mind had been a tablet of stone, with the whole scene deeply chiselled in characters which could never be erased or hidden.
“The duty of the day is done, and well done,” he said to himself; “and now I will have rest. I bid farewell to this event, that I may be well prepared to continue the warfare to-morrow.”
But it would not depart.
“Nay, begone! I would not live it over more to-night.”
But it became more obtrusive than ever.
Thinking to divert his mind, he took a roll containing a copy of the “Mishna,” with its six hundred and thirteen precepts, and began to read them slowly in order. But even upon the roll, in the midst of the clearly inscribed lines which recited the Jewish code, there was the scene, the tragedy! He impatiently threw down the roll, and in the stillness seemed to hear a voice within.
“Thou art guilty! Thy peace hath forsaken thee! Thou art condemned! condemned! condemned!”
He was startled, for the voice was so distinct that it seemed to come to the outer hearing. He stopped his ears to find if it were still audible.
“Condemned! condemned! condemned!” still echoed as before.
He arose and walked to and fro, and made audible answer.
“Cease thy railing! I am the defender of my people! I will fight blasphemy and heresy, and nothing shall hinder! The Chosen People will honor me! Away, and be thou choked, thou false and lying spirit! I crush thee, and will increase my deeds manifold!”
He then extinguished his lamp, and retired to his couch for the night. But his sleep was broken, and he could not rest. He heard angry voices, groans, and noises, and saw horrible shapes. But at length, in the midst of a troubled sleep, he was suddenly awakened. Something seemed to have shaken him. With a shiver through every nerve, he sat upright, and saw a bright object in the blackness before him. His gaze was fastened, and he could not turn it aside.
“Away! Away! Trouble me not!”
But the brightness remained, and soon began to transform itself. Feature after feature came into distinct outline. It was a shining face. Calm, luminous, and grand, it gazed steadily upon him. His blood froze in his veins as he recognized the glorified face of Stephanos.
CHAPTER XVIII
AMABEL’S REMARKABLE EXPERIENCE
Amabel returned to her father’s palace in a state of great disquietude. The unexpected meeting with Serenus, but vastly more its unwonted circumstances, gave her a great shock. What could it mean? Serenus walking the streets of the Holy City in the company of a young woman, a stranger, in a manner which betokened great familiarity! Such an event, witnessed by her own eyes, shook and threatened to disenthrone her Ideal, and to dissolve everything which she had counted solid and sacred.
Since Amabel’s last interview with Serenus, she had striven loyally to banish his image from her mind, but with variable success. At times she almost seemed to feel his presence, and in other moods persuaded herself that she was quite resigned to the inevitable and final separation which had been wisely accepted by both.
Amabel was an idolized favorite in the Holy City. Her grace and beauty, with the eminent position of the Rabban, gave her the highest social distinction. Who so happy as Amabel? The centre of an admiring circle, the petted daughter of tender parents, surrounded by luxury, active in kindly deeds, and loyal to her religion, what more could be desired? But a heaviness was in her heart, and the world about her was prosaic and mechanical. Her social and religious duties were faithfully performed, and she enjoyed the favor and love of all; but, alas, a worm was gnawing at the root of a comely flower. There was a subtle unrest and secret blight that made life barren and joyless. She became introspective, and often tried to weigh her motives, obstacles, and aspirations, as in a pair of balances.
The Is and the Might Be are always coming up for comparison and contrast in the human foreground. On one side, Amabel had home, friends, social position, and the accepted religion of her own people, and on the other, Serenus, his love, and a New Faith which seemed strange to her. Although Serenus had assured her of his devoted and undying affection, he had not asked or expected that she would renounce all for him. He had taken it for granted that she would not and could not. He had gracefully accepted the stern logic of the situation, and cheerfully made the great sacrifice. On her part, she had even withheld the confession of her own love, for the sole purpose of making his burden lighter, and his renunciation possible. As they must separate, it would be easier so.
Since the evening of the earnest avowal of love by Serenus, and the mutual acquiescence in the imperative separation, life had drifted along; but the whole world was changed. Her cheeks had lost their color, and there were many evidences of wearing preoccupation. But she made a heroic effort to fall into the current of what was expected of her, and firmly resolved to cease all iridescent dreaming, and be resigned.
After the chance meeting, Amabel arrived at home almost breathless, and avoiding the family, hastened to her favorite nook upon the house-top. Her heart was fluttering, her senses swimming, and she must have a little time. It was all important that she rally her forces, and lift herself above the sudden rush of waves which threatened to ingulf her. She began to reason with herself, and to cast about for some solid ground upon which she might stand. She could not interpret her own soul. There were two voices within, and each claimed her. Admitting her love for Serenus, had not all forever been settled between them?
But was there another?
“What have I to do with another? Have we not parted forever! Ought not I to rejoice even in his happiness with another? Oh, my heart! I cannot understand thee! Thou seemest not to reason, but to feel!”
* * * * * * * * * *
“I could bear parting, did I but know that I was thy sole possession! Nay, were I never more to behold thy face, I could rest content as thine! thine in the unseen! thine forever! But another! Be still, heart! I will not doubt him! I am divided in myself! I doubt him, and cannot doubt him! Now, I am decided! I thrust out that image of another! I see only thee! Often when all was still, I have heard the tones of thy sweet voice! The sunrise and the sunset have been laden with the brightness of thy lofty soul! In my dreams I wander with thee, not upon the hard and dusty paths of earth, but in the ambient air, and beyond the clouds! I need not see thee with mortal eyes in order to mount by thy side, and command the range of created things!”
* * * * * * * * * *
“Away! That cruel vision again forces itself upon me! Not that I wish her ill! But there can be but one! Down, hateful thoughts! I will not doubt him! But is it anything, now that we are separated? Everything! We are together, though apart! Even beyond the grave will we commune with each other! Ah! then it were sweet, even to die!”
* * * * * * * * * *
“The ebb and flow of my heart is unto thee! Crowds that flatter and would serve me pass by, but only thou art near me! O Future! art thou ours together? Back! that dark vision haunts me again! I would not, I will not behold it!”
* * * * * * * * * *
The thick curtains of night had been drawn, and Amabel was missing. The household of Gamaliel began to be apprehensive; but bethinking themselves of her favorite resort, ascended to look for her, believing she might have fallen asleep. Her prostrate form was found in a state of feverish unconsciousness. Kind hands bore her tenderly below, and loving hearts exercised themselves in every form of devoted ministration. Her body was motionless, except that her lips were moved in an incoherent muttering. The skill of the physicians was exerted to the utmost to arouse her, but hour after hour passed without any visible change. Her illness was found to be a violent fever in the head, and it was whispered that peradventure it was beyond the reach of the healing art. But however it might end, it would be long and desperate.
By the next morning Amabel’s condition was somewhat changed. She moved restlessly upon her couch, and had recurring intervals of consciousness, but the burning fever was continuous. She begged for water and fresh air, both of which were denied her except in very sparing quantities, for fear of harm. Strong medicaments, of a quality which produced disgust and loathing, were faithfully administered, but no healing effect was manifest.
How futile and superficial the devices of the healing art, in any and all ages, in its attempts to deal with maladies of the soul! And who will declare that the deep and obscure fountain of all ailments is not located in the unseen and immaterial part! Verily the springs of man’s nature are hidden, while seen and secondary manifestation is upon the surface, being resultant.
Weary days and nights dragged their slow course along. At length the violence of the fever abated, but the pale face and wasted form spoke eloquently of the vanity of human effort in her behalf. Her glassy eyes and sunken cheeks proclaimed an impending collapse of the mortal tenement. The pure white soul was nearing the portal of the earthly tabernacle, apparently soon to step out.
The physicians solemnly announced that the end was not far away, and that it could not be averted. As a weary toiler at the close of day lays down the instrument he has wielded, so the daughter of the Rabban must put aside that seen counterpart which no longer could serve her.
Gamaliel was bowed with grief. When not at the bedside of his daughter, he seemed dazed, and was barely able to bear the mechanical round of his daily duties. Was the sweet flower of his family to be uprooted? the light of his household to go out?
Embowered awhile so tenderly in hearts of love,
Like some pure gem, enclosed so safe in setting rare,
The tenement outgrown, and now the soul would move,
And mount to larger life within a realm more fair.
* * * * * * * * * *
These were days of sombre stillness in the palace of Gamaliel. The birth-pains of a soul, as it passes into the higher life, are more outside than within. Everything around is smitten and takes up a plaint, even when the soul that goes is quickened, and its own path smoothed and lighted.
Intervals of calmness and delirium alternated in their possession of Amabel. Her frame became so thin and transparent that the flashes of the pulsating self seemed to shine through, and reveal its vital dominance. But her incoherent utterances during periods of aberration, though very weak, gradually became more distinct.
“Serenus! Serenus!” was plainly upon her lips. It was repeated again and again. This was made known to Gamaliel. He was a wise father and a prudent interpreter. He thought deeply upon the matter; and after a brief but sharp conflict in his own mind between parental love and official dignity, the former prevailed, and he sat down and wrote a hasty letter.
[Rabban Gamaliel to Victor Serenus.]
“Palace of Gamaliel, Tammuz XXV.
“O Serenus! my friend and former helper! Peace be unto thee! Knowing well thy noble spirit and wise prudence, I pray for thy kind favor in my affliction. Touching a request that I make unto thee, my heart is rent with sorrow, in that my dear Amabel is soon to depart from our midst. She hath a deadly disorder, so that her days with us are nearly ended. And now I have to inform thee that, in her moments of sleep or wandering, she speaketh of thee and calleth thy name. Peradventure thy presence might soothe her, and bring peace to her troubled soul. While we mourn her as already dead, we pray that her closing hours may be serene. I am persuaded that past events have not clouded thy friendly spirit, and therefore beseech thy presence with us. The God of Israel bless thee! In sore affliction,
Gamaliel.”
The breast of Serenus was rent with conflicting emotions as he laid down the letter. Mingled with his sorrow at the sad tidings about Amabel, there was even a note of gladness. “She loves me!” was the thought that echoed and re-echoed through his heart. “If her seen form is to vanish, she is not the visible, but the invisible, and love is eternal. The grave can rear no wall nor make no gulf between us. Behold we dwell here for a season in tents, and then quietly fold them and move forward. Poor Amabel! She loveth me, but hid her love that she might not increase my burden.”
“But the sad tidings of the letter hath made me unmindful of my faith! Why should I consent to the declaration that Amabel must pass from sight? What have I to do with the faithlessness of the world? nay, even of the ceremonial religionist? What do the physicians, who are persuaded that her life must go out, understand of the vital powers of the spirit? Their nauseous medicaments touch but the utmost surface of life’s visible expression. They wot not of its hidden springs, and how to take hold upon them! Even the eyes of Gamaliel, master in Israel though he be, are not opened to the Father’s helpfulness! Did not the prophet of Nazareth declare, ‘These signs shall follow them that believe’? Behold neither the world nor the church doth believe! Have I not witnessed wonderful works among the Essenes and Therapeutæ? nay, are they not now common in the household of the New Faith? Is not the life of God in all things? and hath not every one that measure of it which he will open his soul to receive? Behold the Father withholdeth not, for all things are freely given to his children. His abounding spirit of wholeness is waiting to fill every place which is made meet!”
Such were some of the thoughts that flashed through the mind of Serenus. While at first taken unawares, and cast down by the tidings of Amabel’s condition, he soon felt a mighty influx of faith and strength that filled him with spiritual energy. Nothing was impossible!
“Can Amabel be inspired with such a faith? And behold her friends live not in the spirit, but in doctrines and traditions! The eyes of them of the outer kingdom are holden! Who can persuade them to come to themselves?”
“O Amabel! innocent but weak! untaught, and a stranger to truth! is there time to bring inspiration into thy life so that thy belief of a speedy departure may be uprooted? As thou thinkest, so will it come to pass.”
Serenus lost no time in making his way to the palace, and was softly ushered into Amabel’s presence. His face betokened peace, yea, even commanding power. Knew he not that infinite forces were back of him? Yea, they were familiar, and by orderly method he would wield them!
Undaunted by the paleness and wasted proportions of the fair form, so changed since he last beheld it, his face almost shone at the thought of the privilege of spiritual ministration. Shrunken, weak, and motionless, to the outer eyes the life of Amabel, like a fitful flame, was just ready to expire. Serenus seated himself near by. Perchance she was dreaming, for soon there was a movement of the lips.
“Serenus! Serenus!” was uttered in a distinct whisper, but she had not yet opened her eyes. He heeded not the sound of his name, but sat with bowed head in perfect silence.
* * * * * * * * * *
A full half-hour passed, during which not a word was spoken. The place seemed hallowed with an invisible Presence. The gloom fled away before a brightness which might almost be felt. The life of Amabel is a part of the One Life, and knoweth neither limitation nor death! Depart thou belief of mortality! Child of God! thou art unseen spirit! It is thine to rule the outer form, therefore, assert thy right, and it shall be subject to thy behest! Thou art divine in thy being, and all good is thy free heritage.
Silence still prevailed.
* * * * * * * * * *
At length Amabel opened her eyes, and beheld the face of Serenus.
“O Serenus! art thou here? I was dreaming of thy presence. I have prayed to see thee once more before my departure.”
These words were spoken in a low, sweet voice; the first above a whisper for three days. She continued,—
“My hours are numbered! I now can tell thee of my love. While I had life before me it was expedient that I should refrain. Blessed be these eyes which once more behold thee! Abiding peace be thine!”
Serenus lightly took her thin and almost transparent hand, and bending his head, touched it softly to his lips.
“Amabel! there is an abundance of life, and to spare. Behold the very breath of God is within you! His strength is freely and lovingly thine own.”
“How sayest thou so, Serenus? Behold it hath been told me that I must die. The physicians have so declared, and my parents mourn me as though already departed. Thinkest thou that there is life beyond the grave, and is it that of which thou speakest? And does love continue there?”
“O Amabel! there is no grave, save for worn-out dust. Thy fair form is yet youthful, and thou mayst command it as thou wilt, and enjoy its sweet ministry.”
“What is that thou sayest? Behold many of fewer years than mine are gathered unto their fathers!”
“Yea, the belief in the power of the grave hath passed upon the children of men. But they know not the power of God, and how it is given to his children to wield it if they will. As we open our souls, and confidently take hold of the Present Help, strength is ours. Be filled with the spirit of the Father, for he is thy dwelling-place.”
“O glorious tidings! I feel thrilled in soul and body!”
“Thou hast new life already! Hail with joy the Universal Good, and feel and affirm its presence now!”
A tiny flame had been lighted in the darkness which surrounds the tomb. May it increase! As Serenus took his leave, Amabel showed unwonted calmness and brightness.
The day following witnessed a marvellous gain. The change was so great as to cause rejoicing and wonder in the palace. Amabel had remained free from unconscious intervals, and though yet weak, was calm and cheerful. Serenus came, and was warmly greeted.
“O Serenus! I am filled with new hope and joy that I cannot understand. A voice within me seems to speak words of life and strength. I have unwonted peace, yea, even joy! Whence cometh it?”
“Dear Amabel! the belief in the power of death hath been vanquished. Life is thine, and an overcoming faith hath quickened and filled thee.”
“Cometh it from the God of Israel, Serenus? Behold, I saw thee bowed in silence yesterday, though I heard no words. Didst thou call upon him, and he send down an answer?”
“Thou speakest of the God of Israel; but behold God is the God of all peoples, and the whole earth. I made no request that he should become more willing, for nothing is lacking on his part. But I realized for thee, that he, being perfect Goodness, hath already answered every desire for help. All change and conformity must be within ourselves. They who are unbelieving, ignorantly pray for that which is around them as free as the air of heaven. The Father’s table is loaded for his children, while they turn their backs upon it, and beseech him for bread.”
“But, O Serenus! while I feel new life, I cannot understand how it can come unless it be sent.”
“God is Spirit, and his tabernacle is not far away, but within his children. He is their Life, Love, and Strength, and is in them, and they in him. When thou dost understand the laws of thy being, behold these things are multiplied, and thy soul and body have nourishment.”
“What a mystery that I had new strength yesterday, before thou mad’st known these things to me!”
“Behold the truth and faith which inspire may be received by silent ministry from another. The Spirit speaketh through one to another without words.”
“I marvel at what thou sayest!”
“When one feeleth the image of God within him, its still small voice of love and at-one-ment may go out to his brother, and be heard by the inner ear, and anon its fruits appear outwardly.”
“I would know this mighty truth more perfectly!”
“Thou hast always been Godlike in thine inner being, but hast not known thy true self. Thine eyes have been turned toward outward things, while the fountain of life is within. All power is given unto thee in the measure that thou dost claim and use it.”
“Behold thou sayest that it is not I, but something else that is within?”
“Thy question indeed toucheth a great mystery. Verily I interpret to thee, that the inner voice, Son or Spirit, it is thy true self, while it is thine outer thoughts which seemeth to be, and claimeth thee.”
“A mystery indeed! behold, how can I understand it?”
“As we seek the truth and strive to feel it, it unveileth itself. Man judgeth by appearances. Counting things that are seen as the Real, we thereby deceive ourselves, and our thoughts lead us astray. Behold our weaknesses and sicknesses are the outworkings of our darkened and troubled minds. If we dwell in the restless billows of the outer and deceitful self, they submerge us. Righteousness is right thinking, of which outward wholeness, as well as good works, is the natural harvest.”
Light shone in upon the soul of Amabel.
Before Serenus departed, there was a long interval of silent communion with the Universal Spirit. The two pure souls unbarred the portals of their higher natures, and the divine sunshine illumined every apartment. Each was consciously enfolded by the Presence. There was no trance or other unwonted manifestation, but simple realization of what is. The children of men felt the loving embrace of God.
Serenus continued his daily visits.
A week passed, and there was great joy in the household over Amabel’s recovery. Her strength rapidly returned, and all feebleness disappeared. Her cheeks regained their wonted freshness; and the outshining of her soul, through the large, speaking eyes, told of inner peace and exuberant life. Her recovery astounded the physicians, and her father was both puzzled and delighted. He was persuaded that his own prayers to Jehovah must have had efficacy, but his faith in the physicians as divinely appointed means was sorely shaken. But he was wise enough to perceive that his daughter loved Serenus, and that peradventure his presence was so pleasing to her that it had been helpful, but beyond that he saw nothing. It was impossible for him to think other than highly of the character of Serenus; but now, beholding the devoted affection of Amabel, he bewailed his heresy sorely. How could he, the eminent Rabban, with the eyes of all Judea upon him, ever sanction his deposed assistant? and as for making him his son, his soul was distressed at the thought. If Serenus was dear to him in person, his doctrines and associates were most hateful. He groaned in spirit, for Amabel was the idol of his heart.
On the tenth day after his first visit, Serenus found Amabel in her favorite nook upon the roof. It was a balmy afternoon. The delicious atmosphere, not too warm, was barely stirred by a gentle breeze, and the Holy City never was more glorious and serene. The great Temple seemed almost transparent in its dazzling whiteness, and the clear air gave an unwonted nearness to the more distant mountains. Amabel was the ideal of health, and there was an exquisite grace and purity in her looks not equalled before her illness. Could those rosy cheeks be the same that were so deathly pale and sunken a few short days ago? Verily a new spirit maketh all things new!6
Amabel had been a willing learner, and her progress was rapid. The inspiration of the higher life and the New Faith fully possessed her. The world was a different world. Hand in hand with Serenus she had ascended the Mount of Transfiguration and gained a true perspective. Things that before were solid and real had become transparent, so that she could look through them, and behold the spiritual verities of which they were the cruder shadows. Her experience was not strange or abnormal, but she felt the natural unfoldment of an additional sense. It was orderly inner illumination. God in present manifestation was everywhere, in terms of love, purity, beauty, and goodness. Former discordant thoughts had fled away, and the development of her own powers amazed her.
Up to this time no word since her improvement had passed between Serenus and herself touching their personal affection. But she found all anxiety, the very intensity of which had caused her illness, entirely gone. Thrice happy Amabel! Her love had not lessened, but it was now refined and spiritualized. She had not become peculiar or preoccupied, for there was nothing sombre in the New Faith. Her light-hearted joyousness produced a bright ripple upon the whole surface of the life of the palace.
The afternoon was wearing away, and Serenus must soon take his leave. It was all too short for the lovers.
“O Amabel! I rejoice with thee in thy freedom and happiness. Behold thou art like a bird released from a cage. All things smile upon thee, and the very air whispers its benediction.”
“It is thou who hast guided my feet in the delightful path that I knew not of! Oh, the joyousness of living!”
“I have but showed thee the way to find thyself. To interpret our own divinity is to discover our real birth-right.”
“Blessed be the day which opened to me the spirit of the New Faith. Behold the religion of the Temple, with its smoking sacrifices and priestly ordinances, now seemeth like a hollow form. Its life is withered. I pray thee, why were the ceremonial observances handed down to us?”
“In the days of the ignorance and childhood of the Chosen People, they could not interpret the mind of Jehovah save through signs and symbols. Their understanding was not open to the life of the Spirit, so they must needs receive it veiled and softened by types. With a childlike trust they could get glimpses of God and his teaching through the ordained forms. The full light of Truth would have blinded their eyes, and been counted as foolishness. But now, learning of the head and a puffed-up knowledge hath hidden the simple faith of the patriarchs and prophets, and the symbols have become all in all, and therefore are vain and empty. A proud scholastic philosophy hath made the hearts of the people cold and barren.”
“I live now and henceforth in the New Faith,” said Amabel earnestly. “Pray, is the Nazarene of whom thou hast spoken its founder?”
“Nay, all truth is eternal! He was not its founder, but its expresser and embodiment. Only as the spirit is manifested through the flesh doth it come to the understanding of those whose concern is only with things that are seen. The Son, or likeness of God, dwelleth in all men, but he is almost unknown and unmanifest. Jesus, knowing his internal oneness with the Father, embodied the Christ-mind or life in its fulness, and performed the outward works after its kind. But, O Amabel! hast thou well considered that thou dost separate thyself from the faith of thy father and all thy house?”
“Yea, I am fully persuaded concerning the same. I will sacrifice all things that may hinder my devotion to the New Faith, and my efforts for its spread. I will be a witness for its truth, and will show forth its power.”
Serenus drew nearer, and taking her hand in his, gave a gentle glance into the fair face at his side.
“O Amabel! Behold the wall which separated us hath crumbled. We knew not how it were possible, but it hath come to pass. Once more I tell thee that thou art dearer to me than my life. Dost thy heart respond? and wilt thou be mine?”
“O Serenus! I am persuaded of thy pure love, and am thine own. Life with thee will be an abounding spring of gladness. I will share thy lot, even though persecution surround me. Behold my spirit knoweth no more a shadow.”
“The ever-abiding Father’s love encloseth and sanctifieth the human affection of our hearts. Amabel! I will be faithful to thee even unto death!”