CHAPTER VI
HIS MAJESTY IS DEPOSED
“Stop a minute!” cried Madame, as I was being led away. “We may as well settle the Wallypug’s affair at the same time and get rid of them both at once. Put the creature into the dock.”
His Majesty was hustled forward, looking very nervous and white, as he stood trembling at the bar, while Madame regarded him fiercely.
“Aren’t you ashamed of yourself?” she demanded.
“Ye-e-s!” stammered his Majesty, though what the poor little fellow had to be ashamed of was more than I could tell.
“I should think so, indeed,” commented the lady. “Now then, call the first witness.”
The first witness was A. Fish, Esq., who coughed importantly as he stepped up into the box with a jaunty air. “Let’s see, what’s your name?” asked the Doctor-in-Law, with a supercilious stare. Now, this was absurd, for, of course, he knew as well as I did what the Fish’s name was; but as I heard him whisper to Madame, the judges in England always pretend not to know anything, and he was doing the same.
“By dabe is A. Fish, you doe thadt well edough,” was the answer.
“Don’t be impertinent, or I shall commit you for contempt,” said the Doctor-in-Law, severely. “Now then – ah – you are a reptile of some sort, I believe, are you not?”
“Certainly dot!” was indignant reply.
“Oh! I thought you were. Er – what do you do for a living?”
“I’b a teacher of elocutiod add a lecturer,” said A. Fish, Esq., importantly.
“Oh! indeed. Teacher of elocution, are you? And how many pupils have you, pray?”
“Well, ad presend I’ve odly wud,” replied A. Fish, Esq., “and that the Wallypug.”
“Oh! the Wallypug’s a pupil of yours, is he? I suppose you find him very stupid, don’t you?”
“Doe, I don’t!” said A. Fish, Esq., loyally. “He’s a very clever pupil, ad he’s gettig od splendidly with his recitig.”
“Oh! is he, indeed; and what do you teach him, may I ask?”
“I’ve taught hib ‘Twinkle, twinkle, little star,’ ad ‘Billy’s dead ad gone to glory,’ ad several other things frob Shakespeare.”
“Shakespeare? hum – ha – Shakespeare? I seem to have heard the name before. Who is he?”
“A great poet, born in England in 1564, m’lud,” explained one of the Crocodiles.
“Really! He must be getting quite an old man by now,” said the Doctor-in-Law, vaguely.
“He’s dead,” said A. Fish, Esq., solemnly.
“Dear me! poor fellow! what did he die of?”
“Don’t ask such a lot of silly questions,” interrupted the Sister-in-Law, impatiently; “get on with the business. What has A. Fish to say on behalf of the Wallypug? that is the question.”
“He’s gettig od very dicely with his recitig,” insisted A. Fish, Esq. “He was repeatig a speech from Richard III. to us this bordig whed the breakfast bell rang, ad that’s why we were late at table.”
“Oh! that’s the reason, is it?” said the Sister-in-Law. “Bah! I’ve no patience with a man at his time of life repeating poetry. Positively childish, I call it. What was the rubbish?” she demanded, turning to the Wallypug.
“A horse, a horse, my kingdom for a horse,” began his Majesty, feebly.
“What!” shrieked the Sister-in-Law, starting up from her seat. “Say that again!”
“‘A-a horse, a horse, my-my kingdom for a horse,’” stammered the Wallypug, nervously.
“Traitor! Monster!” cried the Sister-in-Law furiously. “Hear him!” she screamed. “He actually has the effrontery to tell us to our faces that he is willing to sell the whole of this kingdom for a horse. Oh! it is too much! the heartless creature! Oh-h!” and the lady sank back and gasped hysterically. At this there was a terrible uproar in the court – the animals stood up on the seats, frantically gesticulating and crying: “Traitor!” “Down with the Wallypug!” “Off with his head!” “Banish him!” “Send him to jail!” while above all could be heard the Cockatoo screaming:
“I told you so. I told you so! Down with the Wallypug! Off with his crown! Dance on his sceptre, and kick his orb round the town.”
The poor Wallypug threw himself on his knees and called out imploringly, “It’s all a mistake,” and I tried in vain to make myself heard above the uproar.
The whole assembly seemed to have taken leave of their senses, and for a few moments the utmost confusion prevailed. The creatures nearest to the Wallypug seemed as though they would tear him to pieces in their fury, and if it had not been for his jailers, the Crocodiles, I am convinced they would have done him some injury. “This is outrageous,” I managed to shout at last. “You are making all this disturbance for nothing. What the Wallypug said was merely a quotation from one of Shakespeare’s plays.”
“Oh, it’s all very well to try and blame it on to poor Shakespeare, when you know very well he’s dead and can’t defend himself,” was Madame’s reply. “That’s your artfulness. I’ve no doubt you are quite as bad as the Wallypug himself, and probably put him up to it.”
“Yes. Down with him! Down with the hatless traitor!” screamed the Cockatoo.
And despite our protests the Wallypug and myself were loaded with chains and marched off by the Crocodiles, his Majesty having first been robbed of his crown, sceptre, and orb, and other insignia of Royalty by the Doctor-in-Law, who hadn’t a kind word to say for his old sovereign, and who seemed positively to rejoice at his Majesty’s downfall. I was highly indignant with his heartless ingratitude, but could do positively nothing, while all of my protests were drowned in the babel of sounds made by the furious creatures in the body of the court.
After being taken from the dock I was marched off in one direction and his Majesty in another, and the last view I had of the Wallypug was that of the poor little fellow being limply dragged along by two Crocodiles in the direction of the dungeons. I was conducted to the top room of a tower, in an unfrequented part of the palace, and there left to my reflections, without any one to speak to for the remainder of the day.
Towards the evening I heard some shouting at the bottom of the tower, and looking out as well as I could through the barred window, I saw the Doctor-in-Law rushing about with a packet of newspapers under one arm – and heard him calling out, in a loud voice, “Special edition! Arrest of the Wallypug! Shocking discovery! The Wallypug a traitor! Sister-in-Law prostrate with excitement! The Hatless Man implicated!” He was doing a roaring trade, as nearly everybody was buying papers of him, and excited groups of animals were standing about eagerly discussing what was evidently the cause of a tremendous sensation in the kingdom of Why.
CHAPTER VII
FOILED!
I stood at the barred window for some time, watching the Doctor-in-Law rushing about with his papers, and then started back as a huge and disreputable-looking black Crow settled on the stone ledge outside.
I soon recognized him as being the bird who had behaved so impertinently to me on my first arrival at Why.
“Well!” he exclaimed, squeezing himself through the iron bars, and staring at me over the tops of his spectacles. “You have got yourself into a pretty muddle now, I must say. I should think you are thoroughly ashamed of yourself, aren’t you?”
“Indeed, I’m not,” I replied. “I’m not conscious of having done anything to be ashamed of, and as for that trial, why it was a mere farce, and perfectly absurd,” and I laughed heartily at the recollection of it.
“H’m! I’m glad you find it so amusing,” remarked the bird sententiously. “You won’t be so light-hearted about it to-morrow if they treat you as the papers say they purpose doing.”
“Why, what do they intend to do then?” I exclaimed, my curiosity thoroughly aroused.
“Execute you,” said the Crow solemnly. “And serve you jolly well right, too.”
“What nonsense!” I cried, “they can’t execute me for doing nothing.”
“Oh, you think so, do you? Didn’t you instigate the Wallypug to become a traitor, and sell the kingdom for the sake of a horse?” said the Crow, referring to his paper.
“Certainly not!” I cried emphatically.
“Well, they say you did, anyhow,” said the Crow, “and they intend to chop off your head and the Wallypug’s too. It won’t matter you not having a hat then,” he continued grimly.
“But you don’t mean it, surely!” I exclaimed. “They certainly can’t be so ridiculous as to treat the affair seriously.”
“Well, you see,” said the bird, “things without doubt look very black against you. In the first place what did you want to come here at all for?”
“I’m sure I wish I hadn’t,” I remarked.
“Just so! So does every one else,” said the Crow rudely. “Then, when you did come, you were without a hat, which is in itself a very suspicious circumstance.”
“Why?” I interrupted.
“Respectable people don’t go gadding about without hats,” said the bird contemptuously, turning up his beak. “And then, the first morning after your arrival you must needs go prowling about the grounds before any one else was up.”
“What are you going to leave me in your will?” he continued insinuatingly.
“Nothing at all,” I declared. “And besides, I’m not going to make a will. I don’t intend to let them kill me without a good struggle, I can tell you.”
“H’m, you might as well let me have your watch and chain. It will only go to the Doctor-in-Law if you don’t. He is sure to want to grab everything. I expect he will want to seize the throne when the Wallypug is executed. I saw him just now trying on the crown, and smirking and capering about in front of the looking-glass.”
“The Doctor-in-Law is an odious little monster,” I exclaimed.
“Oh, very well,” cried the Crow, wriggling through the bars, “I’ll just go and tell him what you say. I’ve no doubt he will be delighted to hear your opinion of him – and perhaps it will induce him to add something to your punishment. I hope so, I’m sure – ha – ha!”
And the wretched ill-omened bird flew away laughing derisively.
I could not help feeling rather uncomfortable at the turn which events had taken, for there was no knowing to what lengths the extraordinary inhabitants of this remarkable place might go, and if it had really been decided that the poor Wallypug and myself should be executed on the morrow, then there was no time to be lost in our efforts to effect an escape.
I was puzzling over the matter, and wondering what was best to be done, when I heard a bell ringing at the other end of the apartment.
“Ting-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling,” for all the world like the ring of a telephone call bell.
I ran across the room, and sure enough, there was a telephone fitted up in the far corner. I hastily put the receiver to my ears, and heard a squeaky voice inquiring:
“Are you there? Are you 987654321?”
“Yes,” I called out, for I thought that I might as well be this number as any other.
“Well,” the voice replied, in an agitated way, “Aunt Kesiah has done it at last.”
“What?” I shouted.
“Proposed to the curate, and so all those slippers will be wasted. Don’t you think we had better – ”
But I rang off and stopped the connection, for I felt sure that the communication was not intended for me.
Presently there was another ring at the bell, and this time I found myself connected with the exchange. I knew that it was the exchange, because they were all quarreling so.
“It was all your fault!” “No it wasn’t.” “Yes it was.” “Well, you know A. Fish, Esq., is 13,579 – so there.” “Yes, and he wanted to be connected with the West Tower in the Palace.”
“Connect me with 13,579, please,” I called.
And a moment or two afterwards I heard a well-known voice sounding through the instrument, and I knew that A. Fish, Esq., was at the other end.
“Are you there?” he cried.
“Yes; what is it?” I asked.
“There isn’t a biddit to spare,” he gasped; “lift up the loose stode dear the fireplace, ad you will find a secret staircase leadig to the dudgeod, where the Wallypug is ibprisod; hurry for your life, he has discovered a way of escape.”
I dropped the receiver, and flew to the fireplace. Yes, sure enough, there was the loose stone that A. Fish, Esq., had spoken of, and having raised it with some difficulty I found a narrow spiral staircase beneath, leading down into mysterious depths.
I plunged into the darkness, and after walking round and round, and down and down, for a considerable time I saw a faint light at the other end. I hurried forward as quickly as I could, and found myself in a dimly-lighted dungeon. The Wallypug was here alone, and was busily cramming everything he could lay his hands on into an enormous carpet-bag.
“Thank goodness, you have come!” he exclaimed, in a terrible fluster, when he saw me. “I was afraid you would be too late. We must escape at once if we would save our necks. Fortunately, I have just remembered that this dungeon is connected with the shute which the late Wallypug had constructed between here and Ling Choo, in China, which is on the other side of the world – it is enormously long and very steep, but quite safe – we must use it in order to get away. We are to be executed in the morning if we stay here, so I am informed; therefore, we must lose no time. I have just finished packing up. Ah! What’s that?” he exclaimed, listening intently.
“Quick! they are coming!” he cried, as sounds were heard in the passage outside the dungeon door; and touching a spring, an enormous opening appeared in the wall. His Majesty gave me a sudden push, which sent me sprawling on to a smooth and very steep incline, and jumping down himself, we slid rapidly away into the unknown.
That we were only just in time was evidenced by the cries of rage and disappointment which pursued us from the dungeon, as the Doctor-in-Law and the other creatures saw us escape from their clutches, and we could hear the Cockatoo’s shrill cries grow fainter and fainter as we sped swiftly down the shute towards Ling Choo.
CHAPTER VIII
THE LITTLE BLUE PEOPLE
Down, and down, and down we flew, quicker and quicker each moment. The shute was as smooth as glass, and grew steeper than ever as we descended. His Majesty was a little way behind me, but the terrific rate at which we were traveling made it impossible for us to hold any conversation. Once or twice I shouted out something to him, but receiving no reply I soon gave that up. The attitude in which I was slipping down the shute was a most uncomfortable one, but after a considerable time I managed to turn over on to my back, and eventually to twist around, till, at any rate, I was traveling feet foremost, which was some slight consolation, although naturally I was dreadfully concerned as to what was to be our fate at the other end of our journey. “Slipping along at this rate,” I thought, “we shall probably be smashed to a jelly when we do arrive at the bottom. At any rate I shall, for the Wallypug and the carpet-bag are bound to descend upon my devoted head.”
By and by I began to grow very hungry, and then came another dismal thought. Supposing this extraordinary trip continued for any length of time, how should we get on for food?
We seemed to be traveling through a kind of tunnel, with very smooth walls on either side. The Wallypug had said that we were bound for China, and that that country was on the other side of the world. If so, then we were in for a pretty long journey. I twisted my head around, and tried to get a glimpse of his Majesty, who was only a few yards above me. I could see that he was struggling to get something out of the carpet-bag, and a few minutes afterwards a little packet of sandwiches came whizzing past my head. I managed to catch it as it fell upon the highly-polished boards by stretching out one leg just in time to prevent it from slipping too far.
The sandwiches were very good, and I enjoyed them immensely, and for a few moments almost forgot our strange surroundings. I was soon, however, recalled to a sense of our condition by the fact that we suddenly emerged from the tunnel into broad daylight, the shute apparently descending the steep sides of a high mountain. As soon as my eyes became accustomed to the light I noticed, to my great surprise, that everything in this new country was of a deep rich blue color. The rocks on the mountain side, the strange-looking trees, and even the birds – of which I could see several flying about – were all of the same unusual tint.
I had hardly noticed this fact, as we flew down the side of the mountain, when I felt myself suddenly pulled up with a jerk, and lifted high into the air in a most unaccountable manner, and when, after a moment or two, I recovered from the shock, I found that both the Wallypug and myself were suspended from a line at the end of two long fishing-rods which were fastened into a quaint little bridge crossing the shute.
There we hung, dangling and bobbing about in front of each other in the most ridiculous way, the dear Wallypug still clinging to his carpet-bag with one hand, while in the other he clutched a half-eaten sandwich. I shall never forget his Majesty’s surprised expression when he found himself hanging up the air in this unexpected way.
“Like being a bird, isn’t it?” he remarked when at last he found a voice.
“H’m, not much,” I replied. “I feel more like a fish at the end of this line. I wish some one would come and help us off. There’s a hook, or something, sticking into my shoulder, and it hurts no end.” You see there was evidently something at the end of the lines which had caught into our clothes, and the hook, or whatever it was, just touched my shoulder. It did not hurt very much, but just enough to make me feel uncomfortable.
“I wonder where we are,” said the Wallypug, looking about him. “What a funny color everything is, to be sure.”
“Yes, isn’t it?” I replied. And truly it was a most remarkable scene. There was a curious little kind of temple in the distance and a number of most extraordinary-looking trees; and these, and the grass, and, in fact, everything that could be seen, were of a bright blue tint.
“I know what those trees are called,” said the Wallypug, pointing to some remarkable looking ones, with a lot of large blue globes on the branches instead of leaves.
“What?” I asked.
“Gombobble trees,” said his Majesty. “I’ve seen pictures of them before.”
“Where?” I asked, more for the sake of something to say than for anything else.
“On our willow-pattern plates at home,” said his Majesty. “There were those and the wiggle-woggely trees, you know.”
“I wonder,” he continued speculatively, “if by any chance we are there.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“I wonder if this is the place which is shown on the willow-pattern plates,” said his Majesty.
Before I could reply we heard an excited exclamation from the bank, and turning around as well as we could we saw two curious little blue people dressed in flowing blue costumes.
“Oh!” they exclaimed, when they saw us, throwing up their hands in a comical little way, “we’ve caught something. What funny things! What are they?”
“I wonder if they bite,” cried the shorter of the two.
“Do you bite, you funny things, you?” cried the other, shaking her head at us.
“No, of course not,” said the Wallypug. “Help us to get down, will you, please?”
“Not yet,” said both of the little blue creatures, shaking their heads simultaneously. “What are your names?”
“I’m the Wallypug,” explained his Majesty graciously, “and this gentleman is – ”
“He, he, he! He, he, he! He, he, he!” giggled the little blue people. “They’re Wallypugs. Two great big fat Wallypugs. Oh, oh! what funny things. Let’s go and fetch Ho-lor.” And they ran off as fast as their little blue legs would carry them.
CHAPTER IX
THE WALLYPUG RECOVERS HIS CROWN
His Majesty and myself stared at each other in dismay. Our position was growing more and more uncomfortable every moment, and, added to this, I had a growing impression that the rods to which we were attached would sooner or later break with our weight.
“Well! I do think that they might have helped us off the hooks, at any rate,” grumbled his Majesty, discontentedly.
“So do I,” I rejoined, and was about to add something else when my attention was attracted to the peculiar behavior of the two blue birds which we had previously noticed circling about over our heads.
They were wheeling round and round in a most eccentric manner, and as they drew closer we could see that they were as singular in appearance as they were in their manner.
“Why, they’ve got ever so many wings!” cried his Majesty in surprise.
“Go away!” he shouted, as one of them fluttered past his face. The birds, however, were not to be got rid of so easily, and, uttering shrill little cries, they hovered about over his Majesty’s head, every now and then making a vicious dart at the sandwich which he still held in one hand.
“Oh! take them away! – take them away!” he shouted, dropping his carpet-bag in alarm, and evidently forgetting that I was as incapable as he was of driving them off.
“Throw your sandwich away!” I shouted; “it’s that they are after, I believe.”
His Majesty did so, and we soon had the satisfaction of seeing the birds squabbling over it on the bank at the side of the shute.
“Fortunate I tied my bag to the string of my cloak, wasn’t it?” remarked the Wallypug, when they had gone. “I should have lost it else. Oh, look! What’s that coming down the shute?” he cried, as something suddenly came rolling and bounding down the steep incline.
“O – o – o – h!” he continued delightedly, as it stopped, caught in the mouth of the carpet-bag which, attached to the cord of his Majesty’s cloak, dangled down the shute. “Why, it’s my crown! They must have thought that I wanted it, and sent it down after me. How very kind of them. Wasn’t it?”
I had my own opinions on the subject, and held my peace, for I felt quite sure that it was not through any intentional kindness that the crown had found its way to its proper owner.
His Majesty very carefully drew up the carpet-bag with its precious burden, and soon had the intense satisfaction of putting the crown of Why on his royal head once more.
“Oh!” he cried with a little sigh of satisfaction, “it does seem nice to have it on again. I’m afraid that I should soon have caught a cold in my head, like A. Fish, Esq., if I had gone without it much longer.”
“Gracious!” he cried, pointing excitedly towards the top of the shute, “there’s something else coming down! Why it’s the Doctor-in-Law and Madame. Oh! – and the Cockatoo – and – the Rabbit and the Mole. Bless me! if the whole of Why isn’t coming along.”
It was quite true; attached to a strong rope a long line of creatures was coming down the shute, the Doctor-in-Law leading the way.
He soon caught sight of us dangling at the end of our rods, and calling out “Halt!” in a loud voice, he pulled at the rope as a sign that they were to stop. This signal was passed along by the others, and the Cockatoo, who was attached to the rope in a very uncomfortable manner, gave a loud “squ-a-a-k” as the sudden jerk caused it to tighten about her neck.
The signal, however, managed somehow to reach those at the other end, for the procession suddenly came to a standstill.
“Oh, there you are then!” called out the Doctor-in-Law in a severe voice. “Thought you had escaped us, I suppose.”
The Cockatoo, in a voice choking with rage, and the tightened rope, shrieked out, “Down with the traitors!” while the Rabbit passed the word along, “It’s all right. We’ve found them.”
“Just you come down and tie yourself to this rope at once!” called out Madame, glaring fiercely at the Wallypug.
“Shan’t!” shouted his Majesty defiantly, pushing his crown further on to his head.
“What!” screamed the good lady, in a terrible passion. “Do you dare to rebel?”
“Yes, I do,” called out his Majesty bravely. “I don’t believe you are my sister-in-law at all, and I’m not going back to Why to be snubbed and ill-treated for you or any one else – so there. You can’t get at me, hanging up here, and I don’t mean to get down till you’re gone. Yah!”
“Oh, we’ll soon see all about that,” called out the Doctor-in-Law, working himself to the edge of the shute, and trying to climb up the steep sides of the bank.
We watched his endeavors with considerable anxiety, for if he did succeed in getting on to the bank, it would be an easy matter for him to get at us, by means of the bridge. The rope, however, by which he was attached to the Sister-in-Law was not sufficiently long to enable him to do this, and while he was unfastening it there was a sudden cry in the direction of the tunnel, and a moment afterwards, screaming, kicking, and struggling, the whole party rapidly disappeared down the shute.
The rope had given way!
“He, he, he! Ha, ha!” laughed his Majesty, as the huddled mass vanished in the distance. “What a lark! Oh what a muddle they will be in when they reach the bottom.”
I tried to imagine what would be the result, and came to the conclusion that, uncomfortable as I was in my present position, I would rather be where I was than attached to the rope with the others.
In the meantime the little blue people, their curiosity evidently aroused by the noise, were hurrying towards us as quickly as possible, bringing with them a very stout blue person, who was waddling along, being alternately pushed and pulled by the others in their eagerness to reach us.
“See, there they are!” cried the little lady whose name we afterwards found out was Gra-Shus. “Oh my! Aren’t they a funny color?”
“Shall we get them down?” asked the other, whose name was Mi-Hy.
The little fat man regarded us critically, and said nothing for a moment or two, then he nodded his head violently.
“You’re sure you won’t bite?” said Mi-Hy, looking up into my face.
“No, of course not. Don’t be silly,” I replied.
Thereupon, after a great deal of pulling and pushing on the part of Mi-Hy and Gra-Shus, the rods to which we were attached were swung around, and the Wallypug and myself alighted, one on either side of the bank.
His Majesty smoothed his rumpled garments, and, adjusting his crown to a more becoming angle, positively swaggered across the bridge to where the three little blue people stood in a line to receive us.
“This is Ho-Lor,” said Mi-Hy, pushing the little fat man forward, while Gra-Shus bashfully hid behind the ample folds of his gorgeous blue skirts.
“How do you do?” asked his Majesty graciously.
“Do what?” asked Ho-Lor, smilingly.
“I mean, how are you?” explained the Wallypug.
“You mean what am I, I suppose?” said the little man, putting on a puzzled expression.
“No, I don’t,” said the Wallypug. “I mean just what I say – How are you?”
“But I don’t understand,” replied Ho-Lor. “How am I what?”
“His Majesty the Wallypug of Why,” I explained, “wishes to say, that he hopes you are quite well.”
“Oh! I beg your pardon” said Ho-Lor. “How very stupid of me. But you know, the fact is, we get such a lot of foreigners down here, and they do ask such funny questions. A Frenchman we caught the other day actually asked me how I carried myself. Wasn’t it rude of him – considering my weight too?”
“You’re a Wallypug, too, aren’t you?” asked Gra-Shus, looking smilingly up into my face.
“Oh, no!” I replied; “I am only his Majesty’s guest.”
“His Majesty! Do you mean that?” said Mi-Hy, pointing to the Wallypug.
The Wallypug drew himself up with an air of offended dignity.
“I am not a ‘that’; I’m a kind of a king,” he explained, in a tone of remonstrance.
“O-ooh!” exclaimed the little blue people, falling down on their knees and bowing their foreheads to the ground, with their hands stretched out before them. “Pray forgive us, Majestuous Wallypug, we thought you were only an ordinary person. You see we’ve never caught a king before. Oh! don’t chop our heads off, will you?”
“Of course not,” said his Majesty, kindly.
“But kings always chop off people’s heads, don’t they?” cried the little people, anxiously.
“Oh dear no,” said the Wallypug.
“Get up; or you’ll spoil your clothes. Could we have a cup of tea, please? We are rather fatigued with our long journey.”
The little blue people immediately jumped up and led the way to where behind a clump of curious blue trees the quaintest little boat you could possibly imagine was moored against the bank. A blue lake stretched as far as the eye could reach, and a number of little islands were dotted about it. On one, a little larger than the rest, a quaint little blue pagoda could be seen.