– But it is not possible for ingratitude to be the reward for so many exceptional qualities, so many signs of affection, so many sacrifices of every kind!
– You are mistaken, Gardeil was ungrateful. One day, Mademoiselle de La Chaux found herself alone in the world, without honor, without support. I assure you, I stayed with her for some time. Doctor Le Camus stayed with her always.
– Men!
– Who are you talking about?
– Gardeil.
– You see the villain and you do not see the good man right beside him. That painful and hopeless day she rushed to my quarters. It was morning. She was pale as death. Though she had only discovered her predicament the day before she looked like one who had been suffering for a long time. She was not crying, but one could see that she had cried a lot. She threw herself into an armchair, she did not speak, she could not speak, she held out her arms to me as she cried out. `What is it?´ I asked her. `Has he died?..´ `It is worse: he no longer loves me; he is leaving me…´
– Go on then.
– I do not know if I can. I see her, I listen to her, and my eyes fill with tears. `He no longer loves you?..´ `No.´ `He is abandoning you!´ `Oh yes! After all that I have done!.. Monsieur, my mind is troubled; have pity on me; do not leave me… above all else do not leave me…´ While uttering these words she had hold of my arm. She was squeezing it tightly, as if near her lay someone who threatened to tear her away and carry her off… `Have no fear, mademoiselle.´ `I fear only myself.´ `What do you need?´ `First, save me from myself… He no longer loves me! I tire him! I annoy him! I bore him! He hates me! He is abandoning me! He is leaving me! He is leaving me!´ This echoed line was followed by a profound silence, and following this silence, convulsive bursts of laughter a thousand times more terrifying than the fits of despair or the groans of agony. Next came tears, cries, inarticulate words, gazes turned towards the sky, trembling lips, a torrent of pain that one must let run its course, which I did. I only began to address her reasoning when I saw that her soul was broken and stunned. So I resumed: `He hates you, he is leaving you? And who told you that?´ `He did.´ `Come, mademoiselle, a little hope and courage. This is no monster…´ `You do not know him; you will know him. This is a monster like no other, like none there ever was.´ `I cannot believe that.´ `You will see for yourself.´ `Does he love another?´ `No.´ `You have not caused him any suspicion, any dissatisfaction?´ `None, none.´ `What is it then?´ `My uselessness. I have nothing left. I am no longer good at anything. His ambition. He has always been ambitious. The loss of my health, of my beauty, I have suffered so much and am so tired; boredom, weariness.´ `We cease to be lovers, but remain friends.´ `I have become an unbearable object; my presence weighs on him, the sight of me troubles and offends him. If you only knew what he said to me! Yes, monsieur, he told me that if he was condemned to spend twenty-four hours with me he would throw himself from the window.´ `But this aversion is not the work of a moment.´ `What do I know? He is by nature so scornful! so uncaring! so cold! It is difficult to see into the depths of his heart! and it is so awful to read his death sentence! He pronounced it to me, and with such harshness!´ `I cannot imagine anything like that.´ `I have a favor to ask of you, and that is why I came here: will you grant it to me?´ `Anything you ask.´ `Listen. He respects you; you know what he owes me. Perhaps he will not be embarrassed to show his true self to you. No, I do not think he would have his guard up. I am only a woman, and you are a man. A kind, honest and just man inspires respect. You will inspire respect in him. Give me your hands, do not say no; accompany me over to his house. I want to speak to him with you there. Who knows what effect my pain and your presence will have on him. You will accompany me?´ `Willingly.´ `Let us go…´
– I am worried that her pain and presence will leave things exactly as they are. Contempt! Contempt is a terrible thing in a relationship, and for a woman!..
– I sent her to seek out a litter, as she was hardly in a state to walk. We arrive at Gardeil's, at this huge new house, the only one on the right side of Hyacinthe street when coming from Saint-Michel square. The porters stop; they open the doors. I wait. She does not get out. I lean over and I see a woman seized with a universal trembling. Her teeth were chattering as if from feverish chills, her knees were hitting together. `A moment, monsieur; I am sorry; I cannot… what can I do here? I will have torn you from your affairs for nothing; I am so sorry; I ask your forgiveness…´ But I held out my hand to her. She took it, she tried to get up; she could not. `One more moment, monsieur,´ she told me, `I am such a bother; I am a burden to you.´ At last she pulled herself together; and as she rose from her seat she added softly: `We need to go in; we have to see him. Who knows? Perhaps I will die there…´ Across the courtyard; at the door of the apartment; in Gardeil's office. He was at his desk in his dressing gown and bonnet. He waved hello to me and continued the work he had started. Then he came over to me and said: `You must admit, monsieur, that women are an inconvenience. I apologize a thousand times for the extravagances of mademoiselle.´ Then he addressed himself to the poor creature, who was more dead than alive. `Mademoiselle,´ he said to her, `what more do you want from me? It seems to me that after explaining myself to you in so clear and precise a manner everything should be settled between us. I told you that I no longer loved you, I told you that person to person. Apparently your plan is for me to repeat it to you in front of this gentleman. Well, mademoiselle, I do not love you anymore. Extinguished in my heart is this feeling of love for you and, I will add if it makes you feel better, for any women.´ `But tell me why you no longer love me.´ `No idea. All I know is that I started without knowing why, that I stopped without knowing why, and that I feel it is impossible for this passion to return. It was a childish pursuit of which I believe myself to be and congratulate myself for being completely cured.´ `What are my faults?´ `You have none.´ `You have no secret complaint with my behavior?´ `Not the least. You have been the most loyal, decent, kind woman a man could desire.´ `Have I overlooked anything it is within my power to do?´ `Nothing.´ `Have I not sacrificed my parents for you?´ `It is true.´ `My fortune.´ `I am sorry for that.´ `My health?´ `That may be.´ `My honor, my reputation, my sleep?´ `Whatever pleases you.´ `And you find me odious!´ `That is difficult to say, difficult to hear, but since it is so, it has to be admitted.´ `He finds me odious!.. I know it, and do not respect myself any more for it!.. Odious! Oh, God!..´ At these words a mortal pallor spread across her face; her lips lost their color; drops of cold sweat forming on her cheeks mixed with tears descendeding from her eyes; they were closed; her head fell on the back of her armchair; her teeth clenched; all her limbs were quivering; the quivering was followed by a fainting spell that seemed due to the apprehension that she had worked up at the door to the house. The duration of this state frightened me. I took her mantelet from her, I loosened the strings of her dress and petticoat and splashed a bit of cold water on her face. Her eyes opened halfway; one could hear a muffled murmuring in her throat. She was trying to say: I am odious to you. She only articulated the last syllables of the phrase, then issued a piercing cry. Her eyelids lowered, and the fainting spell began again. Gardeil, seated coldly on his armchair, his elbow resting on the table and head rested on his hand, watched her without emotion and left it to me to care for her. I told him repeatedly: `But, monsieur, she is dying… we have to call for someone.´ He answered me by smiling and shrugging his shoulders: `Women lead a hard life. They do not die over such a little thing as this. This will pass. You do not know them very well. Their bodies do whatever they want them to do.´ `She is dying, I tell you.´ Her body was as if without strength or life. It slipped away from the top of the armchair, and she would have fallen to the ground to the left or right had I not been holding her. Meanwhile Gardeil rose up brusquely, and, pacing his apartment, said with an impatient and moody tone: `I could do without this dismal scene. I do hope this will be the last. Who the devil does she bear a grudge against? I loved her; I will smash my head into a brick wall if that is the least bit false. I do not love her anymore, she knows that now, or she will never know it. Everything has been said…´ `No, monsieur, everything has not been said. What? You believe that a good man has only to strip a woman of everything she has and leave her?´ `What do you want me to do? I am begging as much as she is.´ `What do I want you to do? To associate your misery with the one that you have reduced her to.´ `You enjoyed saying that. She would be no better for it, and I would be much worse.´ `You would act like this to a friend that has sacrificed everything for you?´ `A friend! A friend! I do not have much faith in friends, and this experience has taught me to have no passion for them. I am frustrated that I did not realize this sooner.´ `And it is right that this unfortunate woman should be the victim of your heart´s errors.´ `And what is to say that one month, a day later, I would not have been just as cruelly the error of hers.´ `What is to say? Everything that she has done for you, and the state that you see her in.´ `What she did for me?.. By God! He is fully acquitted by the loss of my time.´ `Oh, monsieur Gardeil, what a comparison between your time and all the priceless things that you have taken from her!´ `I have done nothing, I am nothing, I am thirty years old, it is time to think of myself, now or never, and to treat all this nonsense like it is worth.´