Expecting His Child

Twelve

When Matt returned on Saturday, AJ had given herself a serious talking-to, boxed up all those stupid fears and returned them to their dark corner. She’d spent Friday being poked, prodded and scanned, having blood drawn and being quizzed endlessly about her medical history. Then she’d spent the rest of the night researching the drugs Dr. Adams had mentioned, downloading a fertility schedule and checking her favorite boards and forums for updates. Her situation was not unique: lots of women were forgoing the “fairy-tale family” scenario to embark on single parenthood, and she’d connected with a few via a private chat room months ago. She’d read so many incredible stories and felt such wonderful support from these women that she was almost tempted to go into more detail about her own situation. But something always held her back, even when she’d met up with one of the mothers from the chat room for a long lunch in the Queen Victoria Building earlier that day.

As they’d said their goodbyes on the Town Hall steps at four, AJ’s phone rang.

Matthew. Her heart did a weird little skip and suddenly, their evening on the boat came surging up again. It’d been foremost in her dreams the past few nights.

She stopped in her tracks, George Street commuters flowing around her. “Hello, Matt.”

“Hi, Angel.” His voice caressed her, made her all crumbly inside.

She squinted into the slowly spreading sunset and tried to rein everything in. Her first fertility injection had kicked in, creating havoc with her emotions.

“Hi,” she repeated.

“Where are you?”

“Town Hall.” She glanced around at the bustle and scurry of people. So serious, so focused on their phones, their destination, their purpose. “Where are you?”

“About twenty minutes away. Wait there—I’ll pick you up. I want to show you something.”

“Is it dinner again? Because I’m not dressed for it.”

“Not dinner,” he replied. “See you soon.”

She hung up, anticipation quickening her pulse. He was back and she felt like doing a little jig right there in the middle of the street.

It’s just the hormones. Her chat room friends had been brutally honest: increased desire was one topic that always cropped up. Her body ached for Matt like he’d been gone for months, not days, and she could acknowledge that fact and proceed accordingly, or make herself crazy worrying about the emotional implications.

Except the doctor had advised against sex, so that avenue of release was no longer a consideration.

She growled under her breath and glared at the passing people as irrational anger swelled inside.

Last week had been wonderful but also incredibly tense, leaving her with way too many raw emotions. Not a good thing. On the scale of importance, she ranked well below his career. She certainly didn’t want to spend the rest of her life with him, not when she would never come first.

But what—?

No. She needed to focus on the plan, not poke holes in it. Provided they still had a plan. Given the doctor’s recommendation, Matt could very well decide to change his mind.

She adjusted her scarf and shoved her hands deeper into the pockets. Well, she’d know soon enough.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, she spotted Matt’s car approaching. When the lights changed and the traffic stopped, she quickly threaded her way through the pedestrians and got in.

“Hi,” he said with a grin.

“Hi, yourself.” She slammed the door and buckled up, trying hard to ignore the giddy catch to her voice. “So, how was your trip? I was watching everything on the news.”

“It went well. We recovered most of the missing and worked out a long-term rebuilding plan with the local services.” His gaze returned to the road as the lights changed. “How did the meeting with Sandi finish up?”

“Did you get the report?”

“Not yet.”

“Right.” She tipped her head as he pulled to a stop at the lights at George and Bathurst. “So you don’t know Dr. Adams said we should—mmmmph!”

He cut her off with a rough kiss.

It was unexpected but definitely not unwelcome. He just put a hand behind her neck and pulled her in, the move shockingly arrogant yet incredibly sexy.

She’d missed him. Despite the stern talking to she’d given herself, she’d actually missed him.

Or maybe she just missed this.

When he palmed her cheek with his other hand, her breath stuttered.

Yeah, that was it.

Finally—regretfully, it seemed to her—Matt pulled back, gave her a lingering look then returned his attention to the lights. They changed a second later and he turned into Bathurst Street.

“How are you feeling?”

“Hot.”

His mouth curved, teasing out the dimple. “I meant that as an inquiry into your general well-being.”

“Oh. Still hot.” And excited. Aroused. Wanting to—

“Has Sandi started you on hormone injections?”

Someone blasted a car horn and Matt smoothly avoided a car braking in front of them. AJ nodded. “Yes.”

“And I’m scheduled for some tests on Monday, correct?”

“That’s right. And Matt...”

“Yeah?” They turned right on Elizabeth, heading west.

“She also said artificial insemination was our best option.” The brakes tamped for one jerky second before they pulled into the Liverpool Street merge lane. AJ forged on. “Given my low chances of conception, apparently it’s better to do this in a controlled environment. So there’s nothing left to chance.”

“Of course.”

Another moment passed. “Which means after insemination, we can’t have sex.”

He pressed his lips together. “I know what it means.”

They merged into the traffic and her heart began to pound. He wasn’t happy and she couldn’t blame him. But did that mean he’d go back on their deal?

She huffed out a breath and turned to stare directly ahead. “Matt, I have to ask...does this change things for you?”

“In what way?”

“Well, it’s not exactly what you signed up for.”

“You think I’d back out because we can’t have sex?”

“I...don’t know.”

He sighed, his disappointment clear in that small exhale. “The answer is no.” He shot her a look, then turned back to the traffic. “I gave my word, AJ. You can trust me.”

“Okay.” She nodded, taking a few slow breaths while she waited for her heart to calm down.

Silence spread until they stopped at another red light.

“Do you have a passport?” he asked suddenly.

She raised her brow. “No, why?”

“How do you feel about Portugal?”

“How do I...?” AJ frowned. “I don’t know. They speak Portuguese? They’re part of the European Union? Oh, and I’ve heard the Algarve Coast has a stunning coastline—”

“I’m due to fly out to Faro next Saturday.” The lights changed to green, Matt eased into First and they turned left on College. “I’d like you to come with me.”

What? “But I don’t have a passport.”

“I know some people. I can get one for you in a few days.”

Of course he knew people. That shouldn’t be a surprise. But what stunned her more was the fact that he was asking her to go with him.

“Isn’t this a business trip?”

“Yes. But I’m the boss, so I can do whatever I want.” His brief glance had her heart rate picking up most alarmingly. “You’ve never been overseas. So let me take you.”

“But your work—”

“—will be finished in a day or two, max.”

AJ shook her head, jamming a lid on her swelling excitement. “I don’t want to interfere.”

“You won’t be.” The traffic slowed and they crawled past Hyde Park. “The flight leaves at eight on Saturday morning. We refuel in Singapore, fly on to Rome, then land at Faro airport Sunday night. My meeting’s Monday afternoon, so we can fly back on Friday. Is five days enough?”

Enough for what? “What are we going to do for five whole days?”

“Oh, I’m sure we’ll think of something.”

“Matt, I don’t think we should—”

“This isn’t about...that.” She saw his jaw tighten almost imperceptibly as he kept his eyes on the road. “Look, if you don’t want to go, just say so.”

“I do!” she blurted, then more calmly added, “I do. But...”

“But what? You get to see another country, catch some sun, charge room service and relax by the pool. All good for your stress levels. Which, in turn, increases our chances of getting pregnant.”

Our chances. Not your. AJ swallowed a small moan. Deliberate? Or a completely innocent slip?

Think about it. Five whole days in his company, sharing meals, sightseeing and doing touristy things. Normal holiday couple things. Things she’d never pictured him doing, let alone with her. The Matthew Cooper she knew would never allow anything to interfere with his work schedule.

Maybe he’s not the Matthew Cooper you remember.

She gazed contemplatively out the windshield. No, that wasn’t right. Sure, he was no longer head of neurosurgery at Saint Catherine’s, but a man like Matt didn’t just turn off that blinding drive and determination to achieve. It made him who he was, and his company was tangible proof of that.

“Five days—” She suddenly broke off to stare out the window. “Wait, are we going to the art gallery?”

“Just wait and see.”

“Matt. It’s kind of obvious. Unless...” They drove down Art Gallery Road, the expansive grassy Domain parkland on their left, the familiar columned majesty of the art gallery entrance on the right. “There’s nothing at the end of this road except Mrs. Macquarie’s Chair.” When she’d been a Sydney sider, she’d frequently enjoyed the stunning harbor views from that historic chair, which had been specifically carved from a rock ledge for Governor Macquarie’s wife.

He found a vacant spot and smoothly pulled the car in. “You were right the first time.”

“But it’s closing in—” She glanced at the clock on the dash. “Ten minutes.”

“Not for us it isn’t.”

He switched off the engine and turned to face her, sliding up his sunglasses. His expression was casually neutral, but she sensed something else in those dark, hooded eyes. A question? No, he was waiting for her. She could feel the expectancy heat the air, spreading gently as his gaze held hers.

She hadn’t given him an answer to the Portugal thing.

A small bubble of excitement rose inside her. An actual trip overseas! She’d finally get to see another country, another culture, experience the sights, the smells, the tastes. She’d have a chance to observe color and movement, to stretch her drawing skills.

How could she pass this up?

She nodded, biting down on her lip to stop a goofy grin from forming. “Okay. I’ll go.”

His expression transformed for a brief second, his smile widening as he pulled the keys from the ignition. “Good.”

She hadn’t missed that look: a flash of elation before he’d glanced away. He was happy she’d said yes, and boy, that thrilled her way more than it should.

She swung her door open. “So are you going to tell me why we’re here?”

He shook his head and reached into the back of the car. “First, you’ll need these.”

Odd. With a curious smile, she opened the paper bag he offered, then stuck her hand in.

She gasped, slowly pulling out a thick, A5-sized leather-bound journal, then a set of Derwent sketch pencils, followed by a box of top-quality HB leads.

“Matt,” she breathed, taking in the wonderful smell of new paper and wood before refocusing on him. “You don’t have to buy me stuff.”

He shrugged but AJ could see the satisfaction in his smile. “There’s more.”

“What?”

“I’ll show you.”

* * *

AJ stood in front of Van Gogh’s famous Sunflowers painting and let the beauty of the moment wash over her in stunned silence.

A private showing. For her. That was just... He was...

For the first time in her life, someone actually got her.

It was way too much.

She quickly blinked away a sudden well of tears, then took a deep breath while her heart kept on pounding.

“The Starry Night,” she said softly, staring at the gorgeous swirl of blue night sky scattered with yellow stars. “Oh, the self-portrait. Irises. Oh, wow, that’s Café Terrace at Night!” She gave a small clap and surged forward until she was standing right in front of the painting, taking in the bold strokes and rainbow colors.

“I have a poster of this on my bedroom wall at home. This is amazing. How did you manage to pull this off?”

He shrugged. “I know people.”

“Well, thank you so much.”

“You’re welcome.”

She knew she was grinning like a crazy woman but she couldn’t help it. Joy welled up, overwhelming her, propelling her forward.

A second later she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him.

His arms automatically went around her, pulling her deep into his warmth, and when she eased back, the kiss was inevitable. A breathless, hot kiss that AJ wasn’t sure she’d initiated. Either way, she welcomed it, welcomed his mouth, his hands, his chest pressed up against hers. And when he finally broke away with a soft groan, her disappointment echoed his.

“Take your time,” he said thickly, taking a step back and shoving his hands in his pockets. “We have two hours.”

She nodded, unable to speak, then quickly turned to the journal she’d left on the leather lounge. She fumbled with the pencil box, but she finally managed to get one out. He’d not only bought her art supplies, but he’d also had the freaking art gallery open just for her.

Whoa, hold on a second. She suddenly panicked.

This was just Matt being thoughtful. She’d mentioned it days ago and he’d remembered. That was all. Yet she still couldn’t stop a thread of delight spreading through her belly. Something that felt this good couldn’t possibly be bad, right?

Right.

She pressed her lips together and opened the journal, smoothed out the unlined pristine page and switched her focus to the amazing art before her.

* * *

The next few days passed in a blur, and by the time Saturday rolled around again, AJ felt like she was about to explode from the anticipation.

After the art gallery, they’d eaten a late dinner at the Quay, then he’d dropped her off at Zac’s apartment. His gentle good-night kiss seared her lips, and she’d practically floated to the top floor.

The routine was set for the next few days: Matt would call in the morning to let her know what time he’d be by, then when the time rolled around, he’d pick her up and they’d go out to dinner. AJ asked about his travels and his job, listening with single-minded attention, determined not to stare at his mouth, those expressive hands. A couple of times she must’ve lapsed because he’d suddenly stop midsentence and give her such a heated look that it made her skin go all prickly.

The first few days they’d been the picture of restraint. He’d taken her back to Zac’s apartment, kissed her on the cheek and left. But after the third night, his patience had obviously worn thin. She’d turned to say good-night and found herself caught up in a rush of lips, eager fingers and panting breath. When Matt finally stepped back with a groan, his frustrated expression echoed her own.

“A suggestion, not an unbreakable rule,” AJ muttered in the cool silence now, staring at the shadowed bedroom ceiling. Dr. Adams had confirmed it today. She was due for her first procedure in two weeks’ time and a lapse beforehand certainly wouldn’t ruin her chances.

So what was the problem?

With a grunt, she rolled over on her side and punched the pillow.

She liked spending time with him. Liked holding his hand. Liked ending the evening with a kiss that left her wanting more. This time, their relationship wasn’t just about sex, even if the desperate need for it was killing her.

And he hadn’t pushed.

Now here she was, about to spend a week with him, and suddenly all she could think about was his slow smile as he pushed her hair behind one ear. His warm mouth as he kissed her.

“Damn it!” She groaned and pressed her thighs together.

Five days. It’d probably kill her. And after her first procedure, her opportunities to make love would be zero.

She sighed. She’d drawn a line and unless she crossed it herself, she was pretty sure Matt wouldn’t.

It was up to her.

* * *

They boarded the plane an hour before takeoff. AJ was introduced to Carly, Matt’s assistant, then his head of security, James Decker, a brash American dressed all in black with a charming grin and biceps the size of an off-season bodybuilder’s.

“Nice to meet you, AJ,” he said before glancing past her to his boss. “So...” He waggled a finger between her and Matt. “How’d you two meet?”

“I—”

“We need to board so the pilot can do his checks,” Matt interrupted, picking up AJ’s suitcase. “You have everything?”

Decker’s grin lingered. “I do. Do you?”

“Yep.”

A cold wind screamed over the tarmac, and AJ shoved her hands deep in her pockets. There was subtext there, but she couldn’t work out exactly what.

“So let’s go.” Matt nodded for her to head up the steps first and she eagerly ascended, the brand-new Australian passport burning a hole in her jeans pocket.

* * *

Whatever she was expecting was nothing compared to the reality of Faro. Bustling, colorful Faro with its outdoor markets, cobblestoned streets and friendly locals. Sure, the five-star eighteenth-century Monte Do Casal country house with its pristine walls, sparkling pool and expansive gardens had all sorts of indulgent offerings, from poolside service to massages and facials. But she was more interested in what was going on outside, eager to experience the sights and sounds and smells of the town. Dressed in a loose knee-length skirt and tank top, she managed to secure a table at a café on a busy main road and spent a few hours sketching before she decided to explore.

Discovering a new city alone was a familiar routine, one she’d done since she was seventeen. Yet as she wandered the streets, soaking up every little detail, a niggling thought struck. Matt should be here to see this.

She paused at a bodega, peering into the smoky darkness with a frown. That was silly—he’d probably seen this city a dozen times before. Probably not alone, either. Her frown deepened, only to freeze a second later.

Was she jealous? But she wasn’t the jealous type. Because that would mean...

“Senhorita would like to see our pretty gold rings?”

Her train of thought broken by the swarthy street vendor, she politely declined, shaking her head with an apologetic smile.

No. Getting attached was not part of the plan.

Not ever.

* * *

On the second day Matt declared his business concluded, gave Decker and Carly the rest of the week off and they moved out of their hotel.

They drove out of the city in a hired car and headed west on the A25 toward Lagos. The road hugged the coastline, and the view was nothing short of spectacular, with sheer cliff faces, sparkling blue water and lush vegetation. AJ practically hung out the window, engrossed in the breathless beauty of it all.

They got to Lagos in less than two hours. To her surprise, Matt had booked them into a pensione instead of a flashy hotel. They took the top floor while the owners occupied the ground level.

The house was clean, with a private bathroom and a balcony with stunning rooftop views and a view of the main marketplace a couple of streets away. And just like the expensive Faro hotel, it had separate beds.

When AJ saw this, she was both relieved and disappointed. He’d booked both places and couldn’t have sent a clearer message than separate beds.

Matt hired a motorbike and they spent the next four days sightseeing. They drove up into the mountains to a small church high in the hills. They explored the street sellers, visited the local Lagos museum. On their fourth day, they spent hours on the beach in comfortable silence, where she sketched the glorious sunset while he lazed on a blanket next to her. When the light finally waned, she glanced up to find him studying her so intensely that her mouth suddenly went dry.

The streetlights flickered on, casting them in a hazy glow as AJ slowly replaced her pencils in her case and snapped the lid shut with a sigh. “That’s it. Light’s gone.”

Matt nodded and stood, brushing off his pants, then offering his hand. Without hesitation she took it, and his warm fingers wrapped around hers, an intimacy that never failed to make her blood quicken.

“Angel...”

“Hmm?” She looked up, waiting, but he said nothing, just devoured her with those dark eyes until finally he glanced away.

“We should go and eat. Our flight’s early and you still haven’t packed.”

When they got back to the pensione, she changed into a strapless white cotton dress with buttons from neck to the knee-length hem. She paired it with an azure cardigan, knowing the color made her eyes pop. Her hair was up this time, casually messy and drawn back at the nape. A pair of dangly blue stones—a birthday present from Emily—hung from her ears and her butterfly necklace rested at her throat.

From the look in Matt’s eyes, she’d made the right choice.

He offered his hand and she automatically took it, taking pleasure in that small contact as they walked to a restaurant on the corner. The place was decorated as a rustic street, with cobbled floors, skillfully painted stone hacienda walls and overarching olive trees in huge earthenware pots. Tables were scattered throughout, circular booths ringed the outer edges, and at the far end, a fully stocked bar was seeing a brisk trade.

They were led to a secluded booth, their only light two candles on the table. She slid in first and Matt followed until they were hip to hip. His warmth scorched her thigh, and despite her hunger, she wanted nothing more than to touch him, run her fingers over that long smooth forearm, knead the muscle beneath his skin.

“Does the butterfly mean something?”

She blinked. “Hmm?”

“Your necklace.” Her hand went to the pendant. “You always wear it. Is it special?”

“Yes.” She stroked the edge of one wing with her finger. “Emily gave it to me for my thirtieth birthday.” She paused. “It means reinvention. Regeneration.”

“The metamorphosis from caterpillar to butterfly.”

She nodded.

“I like it.” He reached out and gently ran his thumb over the mother-of-pearl wings. “Did you reinvent yourself often?”

“A few times. I—” She stopped.

“Let me guess,” he said softly, finally releasing the necklace. “Your past is off-limits, right?”

She nodded, feeling foolish even though she knew that wasn’t Matt’s intention.

Tell him.

She glanced away, skin prickling under his silent scrutiny. “My mother was sixteen and pregnant with me when she was kicked out of her home. We lived off welfare until she hooked up with my stepfather, a delightful man who got her addicted to booze and drugs.” She stopped, face flaming. Too much. Way too much. Yet something in his face, in that open, nonjudgmental expression, made her forge on. “Parents are supposed to look after their kids, not make them lie and steal and dread every knock on the door. But we survived.” She managed a shaky smile. “Well, I guess Emily’s doing better than just surviving. She always was the big believer in the glorious fairy-tale of love.”

He arched an eyebrow. “You don’t believe in love?”

“Of course I do. Just not the whole Prince-Charming-riding-in-to-sweep-me-off-my-feet thing.” When he remained silent, she added a little defiantly, “I spent a lot of years on my own. It tend to makes you a realist.”

He studied her for an age, almost as if he were waiting for something more. She met his scrutiny head-on, and as the seconds passed, an uncomfortable panic began to leech in. “Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like you’re sad for me. I don’t need it. I don’t—” Need you. No, that felt wrong and she managed to stop the words before they formed.

She heard him sigh and the mood suddenly changed. “Look, AJ, I understand your need for control, I really do. But closing yourself off to possibilities isn’t the right way to go about it.”

She scowled and leaned back in the seat. “Why are we even talking about this again?”

“Because talking is what people do.”

She huffed out a breath. “I knew this would happen. I’d mention my past and you’d...”

“I’d what?” Matt’s expression was a mix of sadness and understanding. Not disgust. Not pity. Yet somehow, his sympathy did something to her insides and she had to glance away. “You can let your past define you, let it keep chipping away at who you are, or you can make a decision and take control.”

“Like you did after your brother’s accident?”

His mouth tightened for one second. “Yeah.”

AJ flushed and clamped her mouth shut. Where on earth had that cheap shot come from? Yet as she studied him, she sensed something behind that smooth expression. What would it take to relieve him of that burden?

More than she could offer. Certainly nothing she could say because hadn’t she already stuck her foot in it?

So instead, she placed a hand over his, leaned in and kissed him.

It was a gentle kiss, devoid of ulterior motive. It wasn’t a precursor to passion. It was a kiss with the full brunt of her emotional state behind it, and for one second she felt him go still beneath her mouth, almost as if she’d shocked him and he was unsure of what to do.

She let her eyes close, moving slowly, testing the swell of his full bottom lip between hers. His sigh, when it came, shuddered into her and that’s when she knew she’d done the right thing.

They kissed for ages, leisurely exploring each other in the dim restaurant light, pressed together from shoulder to thigh. When they finally broke apart, Matt glanced down at the table, then laughed.

AJ followed his gaze. While they’d been lip locked, their waiter had discreetly left their meals, topped up their glasses and added some cutlery.

“This place has excellent service,” AJ got out.

Matt nodded, his smile matching hers. “I agree.”

By unspoken agreement, they sought each other again, but this time AJ felt the urgency behind his kiss. The pressure had changed, going from sweet to insistent. Then his hand slipped under the table to gently rest on her knee.

She momentarily broke the kiss. “Matt?”

“Mmm?” His hand left her knee, stroking as it eased higher to her thigh.

“We can’t.”

“Why not?”

Her head swam. Why not indeed? “For starters, we’re in a public place.”

“So we are.” AJ felt a tremor of excitement as his fingers crept under the hem of her dress, making their way teasingly up. She held her breath, desperate to see how far he would actually go before one of them put a stop to it.

Would she? Would he?

And still his hand went higher.

She met his gaze and held it. He was at her inner thigh now, his fingers creating a warm path ever upward. Then...

She held her breath as he gently stroked her through the thin cotton of her knickers.

“Matt...”

Slowly, regretfully it seemed, he withdrew. “You don’t think we should do this.” Her nod, when it came, was a little too reluctant. “But do you want to?”

She clamped off a groan and murmured something under her breath.

“What?”

She shook her head. “Let’s just eat, okay?”

He stared at her for the longest time, until her eyes darted away to her plate. With infinite care, she silently drew it across the table, picked up her fork then proceeded to eat.

“Fine, Angel. We’ll eat.”