SCENE II
The Drawing Room.
Miss Alton, alone.
Miss Alton. What perplexing scenes I already meet with in this house? I ought, however, to be contented in the security it affords against the attempts of Heartly. I am contented – But, O Clifford! It was hard to be left alone to the choice of distresses.
Enter Chignon, introducing Lady Emily
Chignon. My Lady Emily Gayville – Madame no here! Mademoiselle, announce, if you please, my lady.
Lady E. [Aside.] Did my ears deceive me? surely I heard the name of Clifford – and it escaped in an accent! – Pray, sir, who is that?
[To Chignon.
Chignon. Mademoiselle Alton, confidante of my lady, and next after me in her suite.
[Examines her Head Dress impertinently. Miss Alton with great modesty rises and puts her Work together.
Lady E. There seems to be considerable difference in the decorum of her attendants. You need not stay, sir.
Chignon. [As he goes out.] Ma foi, sa tête est passable – her head may pass.
Lady E. [Aside.] How my heart beats with curiosity! [Miss Alton having disposed her things in her Work Bag, is retiring with a Courtesy.] Miss Alton, I am in no haste. On the contrary, I think the occasion fortunate that allows me to begin an acquaintance with a person of so amiable an appearance. I don't know whether that pert foreigner has led me into an error – but without being too inquisitive, may I ask if you make any part of this family?
Miss Alton. Madam, I am under Miss Alscrip's protection: I imagine I am represented as her dependent: I am not ashamed of humble circumstances, that are not the consequences of indiscretion.
Lady E. That with such claims to respect you should be in any circumstances of humiliation, is a disgrace to the age we live in.
Miss Alton. Madam, my humiliation (if such it be) is just. Perhaps I have been too proud, and my heart required this self-correction. A life of retired industry might have been more pleasing to me; but an orphan – a stranger – ignorant and diffident, I preferred my present situation, as one less exposed to misrepresentation. [Bell rings.] I can no longer detain Miss Alscrip from the honour of receiving your ladyship.
[A respectful Courtesy, and exit.
Lady E. There is something strangely mysterious and affecting in all this – what delicacy of sentiment – what softness of manners! and how well do these qualities accord with that sigh for Clifford! she has been proud – proud of what? – of Clifford's love. It is too plain. But then to account for her present condition? – He has betrayed and abandoned her – too plain again, I fear. – She talked too of a self-corrected heart – take example, Emily, and recall thine from an object, which it ought more than ever to renounce. But here come the Alscrip and her friend: lud! lud! lud! how shall I recover my spirits! I must attempt it, and if I lose my present thoughts in a trial of extravagance, be it of theirs or my own, it will be a happy expedient.
Enter Miss Alscrip and Mrs. Blandish
[Miss Alscrip runs up to Lady Emily and kisses her Forehead.
Lady E. I ask your pardon, madam, for being so awkward, but I confess I did not expect so elevated a salute.
Miss Als. Dear Lady Emily, I had no notion of its not being universal. In France, the touch of the lips, just between the eyebrows, has been adopted for years.
Lady E. I perfectly acknowledge the propriety of the custom. It is almost the only spot of the face where the touch would not risk a confusion of complexions.
Miss Als. He! he! he! what a pretty thought!
Mrs. Blandish. How I have longed for this day! – Come, let me put an end to ceremony, and join the hands of the sweetest pair that ever nature and fortune marked for connexion.
[Joins their Hands.
Miss Als. Thank you, my good Blandish, though I was determined to break the ice, Lady Emily, in the first place I met you. But you were not at Lady Dovecourt's last night.
Lady E. [Affectedly.] No, I went home directly from the Opera: projected the revival of a cap: read a page in the trials of Temper; went to bed and dreamed I was Belinda in the Rape of the Lock.
Mrs. Blandish. Elegant creature!
Miss Als. [Aside.] I must have that air, if I die for it. [Imitating.] I too came home early; supped with my old gentleman; made him explain my marriage articles, dower, and heirs entail; read a page in a trial of divorce, and dreamed of a rose-colour equipage, with emblems, of Cupids issuing out of coronets.
Mrs. Blandish. Oh, you sweet twins of perfection – what equality in every thing! I have thought of a name for you – The Inseparable Inimitables.
Miss Als. I declare I shall like it exceedingly – one sees so few uncopied originals – the thing I cannot bear —
Lady E. Is vulgar imitation – I must catch the words from your mouth, to show you how we agree.
Miss Als. Exactly. Not that one wishes to be without affectation.
Lady E. Oh! mercy forbid!
Miss Als. But to catch a manner, and weave it, as I may say, into one's own originality.
Mrs. Blandish. Pretty! pretty!
Lady E. That's the art – Lord, if one lived entirely upon one's own whims, who would not be run out in a twelvemonth?
Miss Als. Dear Lady Emily, don't you dote upon folly?
Lady E. To ecstacy. I only despair of seeing it well kept up.
Miss Als. I flatter myself there is no great danger of that.
Lady E. You are mistaken. We have, 'tis true, some examples of the extravaganza in high life, that no other country can match; but withal, many a false sister, that starts as one would think, in the very heyday of the fantastic, yet comes to a stand-still in the midst of the course.
Mrs. Blandish. Poor, spiritless creatures!
Lady E. Do you know there is more than one duchess who has been seen in the same carriage with her husband – like two doves in a basket, in the print of Conjugal Felicity; and another has been detected – I almost blush to name it —
Mrs. Blandish. Bless us! where? and how? and how?
Lady E. In nursing her own child!
Miss Als. Oh! barbarism! – For heaven's sake let us change the subject. You were mentioning a revived cap, Lady Emily; any thing of the Henry Quatre?
Lady E. Quite different. An English mob under the chin, and artless ringlets, in natural colour, that shall restore an admiration for Prior's Nut-brown Maid.
Miss Als. Horrid! shocking!
Lady E. Absolutely necessary. To be different from the rest of the world, we must now revert to nature: Make haste, or you have so much to undo, you will be left behind.
Miss Als. I dare say so. But who can vulgarize all at once? What will the French say?
Lady E. Oh, we shall have a new treaty for the interchange of fashions and follies, and then say, they will complain, as they do of other treaties, that we out manufactured them.
Miss Als. Fashions and follies! O what a charming contention!
Lady E. Yes, and one, thank Heaven, so perfectly well understood on both sides, that no counter declaration will be wanted to explain it.
Miss Als. [With an affected drop of her Lip in her Laugh.] He! he! he! he! he! he!
Lady E. My dear Miss Alscrip, what are you doing? I must correct you as I love you. Sure you must have observed the drop of the under lip is exploded since Lady Simpermode broke a tooth – [Sets her Mouth affectedly.] – I am preparing the cast of the lips for the ensuing winter – thus – It is to be called the Paphian mimp.
Miss Als. [Imitating.] I swear I think it pretty – I must try to get it.
Lady E. Nothing so easy. It is done by one cabalistical word, like a metamorphosis in the fairy tales. You have only, when before your glass, to keep pronouncing to yourself nimini-pimini – the lips cannot fail taking their plie.
Miss Als. Nimini – pimini – imini, mimini – oh, it's delightfully infantine – and so innocent, to be kissing one's own lips.
Lady E. You have it to a charm – does it not become her infinitely, Mrs. Blandish?
Mrs. Blandish. Our friend's features must succeed in every grace! but never so much as in a quick change of extremes.
Enter Servant
Serv. Madam, Lord Gayville desires to know if you are at home?
Miss Als. A strange formality!
Lady E. [Aside.] No brother ever came more opportunely to a sister's relief, "I have fooled it to the top of my bent."
Miss Als. Desire Miss Alton to come to me. [Exit Servant.] Lady Emily, you must not blame me; I am supporting the cause of our sex, and must punish a lover for some late inattentions – I shall not see him.
Lady E. Oh cruel!
[Sees Miss Alton.
Enter Miss Alton
Miss Alscrip, you have certainly the most elegant companion in the world.
Miss Als. Dear, do you think so? an ungain, dull sort of a body, in my mind; but we'll try her in the present business. Miss Alton, you must do me a favour. – I want to plague my husband that is to be – you must take my part – you must double me like a second actress at Paris, when the first has the vapours.
Miss Alton. Really, madam, the task you would impose upon me —
Miss Als. Will be a great improvement to you, and quite right for me. – Don't be grave, Lady Emily – [Whose attention is fixed on Miss Alton.] Your brother's penance shall be short, and I'll take the reconciliation scene upon myself.
Lady E. [Endeavouring to recover herself.] I cannot but pity him; especially as I am sure, that do what you will, he will always regard you with the same eyes. And so, my sweet sister, I leave him to your mercy, and to that of your representative, whose disposition, if I have any judgment, is ill suited to a task of severity.
Mrs. Blandish. Dear Lady Emily, carry me away with you. When a lover is coming, it shall never be said I am in the way.
Lady E. [Looking at Miss Alton. – Aside.] What a painful suspense am I to suffer? another instant, and I shall betray myself – adieu, Miss Alscrip.
Miss Als. Call Lady Emily's servants.
Lady E. You sha'n't stir – remember nimini primini. I am at your orders.
[Exit.
Mrs. Blandish. I follow you, my sweet volatile. [Coming back, and squeezing Miss Alscrip's Hand, in a half whisper.] She'd give her eyes, to be like you.
[Exit.
Miss Als. Now for it, Miss Alton – Only remember that you are doubling me, the woman he adores.
Miss Alton. Indeed, madam, I am quite incapable of executing your orders to your satisfaction. The utmost I can undertake is a short message.
Miss Als. Never fear. [Knock at the Door.] There he comes – Step aside, and I'll give you your very words.
[Exeunt.
Enter Lord Gayville, conducted by a Servant
Lord G. So, now to get thorough this piece of drudgery. There's a meanness in my proceeding, and my compunction is just. Oh, the dear, lost possessor of my heart; lost, irrecoverably lost!
Enter Miss Alton, from the Bottom of the Scene
Miss Alton. A pretty employment I am sent upon!
Lord G. [To himself.] Could she but know the sacrifice I am ready to make!
Miss Alton. [To herself.] The very picture of a lover, if absence of mind marks one. It is unpleasant for me to interrupt a man I never saw, but I shall deliver my message very concisely. – My lord —
Lord G. [Turning.] Madam. [Both start and stand in surprise.] Astonishment! Miss Alton! my charming fugitive?
Miss Alton. How, Mr. Heartly – Lord Gayville!
Lord G. My joy and my surprise are alike unutterable. But I conjure you, madam, tell me by what strange circumstance do I meet you here?
Miss Alton. [Aside.] Now assist me, honest pride! assist me, resentment.
Lord G. You spoke to me – Did you know me?
Miss Alton. No otherwise, my lord, than as Miss Alscrip's lover. I had a message from her to your lordship.
Lord G. For Heaven's sake, madam, in what capacity?
Miss Alton. In one, my lord, not very much above the class of a servant.
Lord G. Impossible, sure! It is to place the brilliant below the foil – to make the inimitable work of nature secondary to art and defect.
Miss Alton. It is to take refuge in a situation that offers me security against suspicious obligation; against vile design; against the attempts of a seducer – It is to exercise the patience, that the will, and perhaps the favour, of Heaven meant to try.
Lord G. Cruel, cruel to yourself and me – Could I have had a happiness like that of assisting you against the injustice of fortune – and when to be thus degraded was the alternative? —
Miss Alton. My lord, it is fit I should be explicit. Reflect upon the language you have held to me; view the character in which you present yourself to this family; and then pronounce in whose breast we must look for a sense of degradation.
Lord G. In mine, and mine alone. I confess it – Hear nevertheless my defence – My actions are all the result of love. And culpable as I may seem, my conscience does not reproach me with —
Miss Alton. Oh, my lord, I readily believe you – You are above its reproaches – qualities, that are infamous and fatal, in one class of life, create applause and conscientious satisfaction in another.
Lord G. Infamous and fatal qualities! What means my lovely accuser?
Miss Alton. That to steal or stab is death in common life: but when one of your lordship's degree sets his hard heart upon the destruction of a woman, how glorious is his success! How consummate his triumph, when he can follow the theft of her affections by the murder of her honour.
Enter Miss Alscrip softly behind
Miss Als. I wonder how it goes on.
Lord G. Exalted! Adorable woman!
Miss Als. Adorable! Ay, I thought how 'twould be!
Lord G. Hear me! I conjure you —
Miss Als. Not a word, if she knows her business.
Miss Alton. My lord! I have heard too much.
Miss Als. Brava. I could not have played it better myself.
Lord G. Oh! Still more charming than severe.
[Kneels.
Miss Als. Humph! I hope he means me, though.
Lord G. The character in which you see me here makes me appear more odious to myself, if possible, than I am to you.
Miss Als. [Behind.] By all that's treacherous I doubt it.
Miss Alton. Desist, my lord – Miss Alscrip has a claim. —
Miss Als. Ay, now for it.
Lord G. By Heaven, she is my aversion. It is my family, on whom I am dependent, that has betrayed me into these cursed addresses. – Accept my contrition – pity a wretch struggling with the complicated torments of passion, shame, penitence and despair.
Miss Als. [Comes forward – all stand confused.] I never saw a part better doubled in my life!
Lord G. Confusion! What a light do I appear in to them both! How shall I redeem myself, even in my own opinion?
Miss Als. [Looking at Lord Gayville.] Expressive dignity! – [Looking at Miss Alton.] Sweet simplicity! Amiable diffidence! – "She should execute my commands most awkwardly."
Lord G. [Aside.] There is but one way. – [To Miss Alscrip.] Madam, your sudden entrance has effected a discovery which with shame I confess ought to have been made before – The lady, who stands there, is in possession of my heart. If it is a crime to adore her, I am the most guilty wretch on earth – Pardon me if you can; my sincerity is painful to me – But in this crisis it is the only atonement I can offer.
[Bows and exit.
Miss Als. [After a Pause.] Admirable! – Perfect! The most finished declaration, I am convinced, that ever was made from beggarly nobility to the woman that was to make his fortune – the lady, who stands there – the lady – Madam – I am in patient expectation for the sincerity of your ladyship's atonement.
Miss Alton. I am confounded at the strange occurrences that have happened; but be assured you see in me an innocent and most unwilling rival.
Miss Als. Rival! better and better! – You – you give me uneasiness? You moppet – you coquet of the side table to catch the gawkey heir of the family, when he comes from school at Christmas – You – you you vile seducer of my good old honoured father; [Cries – In a passion again.] What, is my lady dumb? Hussy? Have you the insolence to hold your tongue?
Miss Alton. Madam, I just now offered to justify this scene; I thought it the part of duty to myself, and respect to you. But your behaviour has now left but one sentiment upon my mind.
Miss Als. And what is that, madam?
Miss Alton. [With pointed expression.] Scorn.
[Exit.
Miss Als. Was there ever any thing like this before? – and to a woman of my fortune? – I to be robbed of a lover – and that a poor lord too – I'll have the act revived against witchcraft; I'll have the minx tried – I'll – I'll – I'll —
[Exit.