The Mistress of Hanover Square

The two ladies smiled at each other as they approached the large salon where the celebrations for the younger guests were taking place. Entering, they saw that the room had been decorated with silver and gold stars; there was also a crib with wooden animals and a doll representing the Baby Jesus and two of the servants were dressed as Joseph and Mary. Some of the other servants were dressed as the three kings, and they had big sacks of gifts. These would be distributed to the children at the end of the entertainment.

All kinds of delicious foods that might appeal to children had been set out on a table: sweet jellies, bottled fruits, cakes and tiny biscuits, also fingers of bread and butter with the crusts cut off and spread with honey.

‘Amelia…Miss Barton.’ Gerard approached them with a smile. ‘May I have the pleasure of introducing my daughter, Lisa, to you? Lisa—this is Miss Amelia Royston—and Miss Emily Barton. Greet them nicely, my love.’

‘Bonjour, Mademoiselle Royston, bonjour, Mademoiselle Barton,’ Lisa said and dipped a curtsy. ‘I am pleased to meet you.’ She tipped her head and looked at Gerard. ‘Was that correct, Papa?’

Her manner was that of a little coquette. She was pretty, an enchanting little doll dressed in satin and frills, her dark eyes bright and mischievous; ringlets the colour of hazelnuts covered her head and were tied with a pink ribbon. Amelia adored her at once, completely understanding why Gerard had fallen in love with his daughter. For although Lisa did not carry his blood, she was undoubtedly his in every other way and the affection between them was a joy to see.

‘It was charming, Mademoiselle Ravenshead.’ Amelia smiled at her and held out her hand. ‘Your English is very good. I see that you have been attending your lessons. Shall we go and see what Lady Pendleton has given us for tea?’

‘Papa always speaks to me in English.’ Lisa hesitated, then placed her tiny hand in Amelia’s. She looked at her in a confiding manner. ‘I am hungry, but Nanny said that I was not to eat anything. She says that the food is not suitable for me.’

‘Oh, I think it would be a shame if you were not to have any of it,’ Amelia replied. ‘Perhaps not too much chocolate cake, but I think a small piece and some bread and honey could not hurt anyone.’

‘We always had honey for tea in France,’ Lisa told her with a happy smile. ‘Nanny says a boiled egg is better, but I like honey for tea.’

‘Well, do you know, so do I. Shall we have some?’

‘Yes, please. Can I have a piece of cake? Nanny doesn’t allow me cake.’ Lisa looked sorrowful and then a smile peeped out. ‘I have cake sometimes with Papa.’

‘I think Christmas is an exception, don’t you? Besides, Lady Pendleton would be very upset if all this lovely food went to waste—do you not think so?’

‘Yes, I should think so,’ Lisa said, giving her a naughty look. ‘Could I have some of that red jelly, please?’

‘I think perhaps that would be acceptable,’ Amelia said. ‘We shall have bread and honey and a jelly each—and then a piece of cake. How does that sound?’

‘I beg your pardon, Miss Royston, but I do not allow my charge to eat such rich food as a rule.’

Amelia turned her head to look at the woman who had spoken. The child’s nanny was a severe-looking woman with irongrey hair and a thin mouth. She was perhaps fifty years of age and had doubtless ruled more than one nursery with a rod of iron. Amelia took an instant dislike to her, but hid it behind a polite smile.

‘I believe we should relax the rules a little, Nanny,’ she said pleasantly. ‘This is Christmas, after all, and the earl asked me especially to make sure that his daughter enjoys herself. Lisa will not eat too much.’

‘It is just that I do not wish her to be sick all night, ma’am.’

‘I do not think it likely,’ Amelia said. ‘Please do what you can to help with the other children, Nanny. Lisa will be quite safe with me.’

The woman nodded and moved away. From the set of her shoulders, Amelia guessed that she was angry. She hoped that her refusal to accept Nanny’s authority would not lead to some form of punishment for Lisa later.

‘Do you like to play games?’ she asked Lisa, making up her mind that she would speak to Gerard on the subject of his daughter’s nanny later.

‘I do not know, mademoiselle. I have never played any—except that Papa takes me up on his horse with him sometime. We run and chase each other in the garden when Nanny cannot see us. Is that a game?’

‘Yes, one kind of a game but there are many others. Do you not have puzzles or a hoop to play with?’

‘Papa gave me things when we came to England, but Nanny says I should study my books. She says playing with toys is a waste of time.’

‘Does she indeed?’ Amelia kept her voice light and without criticism. ‘Lady Pendleton has several games for us to play today—musical chairs and pass the parcel, and I have seen some spilikins. I think that you and I might play these games together. It is Christmas, after all—and there are prizes to be won.’

Amelia smiled as she saw the little girl’s face light up. Gerard was right to be concerned about his daughter’s nanny. Lisa was clearly a high-spirited child and needed discipline, but not to the extent that she was forbidden time to play or the food that she enjoyed.

Two hours later, Amelia had fallen totally in love with her new friend. Lisa had blossomed, becoming a natural, happy little girl, as they joined in noisy games of pass the parcel and musical chairs. Susannah had been in charge of the music and saw to it that every child managed to win a small gift, which was most often sweetmeats or a trinket of some kind. Lisa won a little silver cross on a pink ribbon, and as a gift she was given a doll with a porcelain head and a stuffed body. It was wearing a pink satin dress that matched hers and, when the party ended, she ran to show it to her father.

‘Beautiful,’ he said and kissed her, gazing at Amelia over the child’s head. ‘Has this scamp of mine been good, Amelia?’

‘Oh, I think so,’ Amelia said. ‘We have enjoyed ourselves, have we not, Lisa?’

‘Oui, merci, mademoiselle,’ Lisa said and curtsied to her. ‘Will you come and see me again, please? I would like you to be my friend.’ There was something a little desperate in the child’s look as she saw her nurse coming to claim her. ‘Please…’

‘Yes, certainly. I shall come in the morning,’ Amelia said. ‘I have a gift for you, Lisa—and I think we could go for a walk together in the park or even a ride in the carriage since it is cold. You, your papa and me—how would that be?’

‘I should like it above all things, mademoiselle.’ Lisa threw herself at Amelia and hugged her.

‘Come along, Miss Ravenshead,’ Nanny said. ‘You are over-excited. You will never sleep and I shall be up all night with you.’ The woman shot a look of dislike at Amelia.

Mindful that it would take time to replace her, Amelia made no reply. However, she turned urgently to Gerard as Nanny led the child away.

‘I must speak to you privately. I have made certain observations and I think you should consider replacing that woman.’

‘You do not like her either?’ Gerard looked relieved. ‘I am so glad that I asked you to take note, Amelia. She was recommended to me, but I have thought her too sour. I was not sure if I was being unfair—and I know that children need discipline…’

‘Not to the extent that all the joy of life is squeezed out of them,’ Amelia said as they walked from the room into a smaller parlour where they were alone. ‘Lisa is high-spirited, but she is a delightful child and has good manners. I think Nanny is too strict with her. She is not allowed to play or to have honey for tea—and that I must tell you is a terrible deprivation.’

‘And entirely unnecessary,’ Gerard said and laughed. ‘I knew I might rely on you, my very dear Amelia. I was afraid that my partiality for Lisa made me too lenient. I have a nursemaid. I shall put her in charge and dismiss Nanny. Oh, I will give her a year’s wages and a reference, but she shall not have charge of my daughter again.’

‘Oh dear, the poor woman. I feel terrible now for she has lost her employment, and at Christmas—but I confess that I did not like her. I once employed a woman of that sort at the orphanage and had to dismiss her soon after, because she ill treated her charges. I do not understand why some people feel it is necessary to treat children as if they were criminals.’

‘Some can be little monsters. I remember that I used to put frogs in the bed of my nanny.’

‘Did you? I did that once and she went to my father. He sent me to bed and I was given nothing but bread and water for two days—and I had to apologise.’

‘My father thrashed me. It did me the world of good, for as he said—think what a shock it was for the poor frog.’

‘The frog…’ Amelia went into a peal of delighted laughter. ‘Oh, no! That is a great deal too bad of you, sir. You have a wicked sense of humour.’

‘Yes, I have at times,’ Gerard admitted. ‘Though I have not laughed so very much of late. Amelia…may I tell you something?’

‘Yes, of course.’

He led her towards a little sofa. ‘Please sit down. This is not easy for me. I have wished to tell you something that almost no one else knows, but I fear it may give you a bad opinion of me.’

‘Have you done something wicked?’ she asked with a smile.

‘I have not told you the whole truth about something.’

Amelia’s smile faded. This was clearly serious. ‘Please explain. I do not understand.’

‘I told you that my wife died after a long illness?’ Amelia nodded. ‘It was not quite the truth. She had been ill, but she had recovered in her physical health at least, though I know now that she must still have been suffering in her mind.’

‘Gerard! Please explain. I do not understand.’

‘Lisette seemed happy enough while she was carrying the child, but afterwards…she complained that I did not love her—that I thought more of the child…’

‘Surely any father would love their child? Perhaps she was pulled down by the birth? I have heard that some women are deeply affected by childbirth.’

‘Yes, it may have been that…’ Gerard hesitated. Now was his chance to tell her the whole truth, but he was reluctant. ‘I may have neglected her. I tried to be good to her, to give her my protection and all that she needed, but perhaps it was not enough for her. I am not the man I was when we first met, Amelia. I have become harder, I think, less caring of others.’

‘Oh, Gerard! I cannot think that you deliberately mistreated your wife?’

He stroked the little scar at his temple. ‘No, not deliberately, but I may have been careless perhaps. Lisette was vulnerable, easily hurt. I should have been kinder.’ He paused, then, ‘It may not be possible for me to love anyone completely. Something died in me the night your brother had me thrashed. At first I believed that you knew—that you felt insulted by my love. I suppose that I became afraid to show love, and Lisette suffered because of my lack.’

Gerard hesitated. He wanted to tell her that Lisette’s death was his fault, to tell her of the night when Lisette had crept into his bed and offered herself to him—of the way he had turned from his wife, because she was not the woman he had loved so deeply. It would be right and fair to make Amelia aware of what he had done, but he could not bear to see her turn from him in disgust. He knew that Lisette had been terribly hurt—that it had driven her to a desperate act.

‘What happened—how did she die?’

‘One day when I was out she ordered a bath and then…’ He paused, almost choking on the words. ‘When I returned I found her. She had slashed her wrists and bled to death. I pulled her from the water and did what I could for her. She died in my arms…’ His face twisted with pain. ‘I did not mean to hurt her. She must have been desperately unhappy and I was not there for her. Something in me must be lacking. How could I not know that my own wife was so desperate that she would take her own life? I have blamed myself for her death ever since.’

He had told her the truth, leaving out only a few details that he felt unable to communicate.

‘Gerard…’ Amelia was on her feet. She held out her hands to him, her expression understanding and sympathetic. ‘My dear—how terrible for you! It was a tragedy for a life was lost—but it was not your fault. Lisette could not have recovered completely from the birth. How could you have known she was unhappy if she did not tell you?’

‘She may have been unwell, but I was not aware of it. I should have known.’

‘You rescued her when she was alone. You married her, were kind to her so she turned to you, gave you her heart. If she felt unsure of your love, it may have made her desperately unhappy, but the blame is not all yours.’

‘You see things so clearly…’ Gerard moved closer, his eyes searching her face. ‘So you do not hate me? You will not turn away in disgust? You understand that I am not as I once was?’

‘I could never hate you. Surely you know…’

‘I know that you are a wonderful, wise and lovely woman,’ Gerard said passionately. ‘I would be honoured if you would become my wife, Amelia. You were prepared to marry me all those years ago. Dare I hope that you still find the idea agreeable?’

‘Gerard…’ Amelia gasped. ‘Yes…’

She meant to say more, but he lowered his head to kiss her on the lips. Amelia responded with all the love that was in her, her arms going about his neck as her body melded with his. This was what she had longed for, dreamed of so many lonely nights! She had never expected to be so fortunate.

‘My beautiful Amelia,’ Gerard said. ‘I am a fool! You are such a sensible woman. You understand everything. You would not do something stupid because of a foolish quarrel. I should have asked long ago. You are exactly the woman I need in my life. You will not expect more than I am able to give.’

Amelia withdrew a little. She waited for him to say the words she needed to hear, but he did not speak of love and she was conscious of a slight disappointment.

She looked at him uncertainly. ‘I had thought you meant to ask me before, but then you seemed to withdraw and I was not sure you cared for me.’

‘I have always admired and cared for you,’ Gerard replied. ‘We should have married years ago had your brother not had me beaten for having the temerity to approach you.’ He paused, then, ‘I fear Sir Michael will not take the news kindly, Amelia.’

‘Michael may be pleased for me or stay away from my home. I am not obliged to him and he may not deny me this time. However, you should take care, for I know he can be a spiteful man, Gerard.’

‘I shall take care for myself and for you. I do not forget that someone made an attempt to abduct you, Amelia. It will be my first duty to protect you, my dearest.’

‘Thank you. I feel it unlikely that Michael would do more than vent his displeasure on me verbally—but it is always best to be careful.’ She looked at him, her doubt writ plain on her face. ‘Do you wish to announce our engagement at once?’

‘That is entirely up to you, Amelia. If you wish for more time to consider…’

‘No, I think not,’ Amelia told him. ‘I have given you my answer and I shall not change my mind.’

‘Then you have made me the happiest man alive,’ Gerard said. ‘I have a Christmas gift for you, Amelia—but it is not a ring. I was afraid to tempt fate. However, I did commission a ring. I shall send to my jeweller and have it delivered at Coleridge.’

‘Perhaps we should announce our engagement at the ball there,’ Amelia suggested. ‘We shall consider ourselves pledged, Gerard—but tell only our best friends until the ball.’

‘As usual you have solved the thing,’ he said and leaned forwards to kiss her softly on the lips. ‘I look forward to our wedding, Amelia. You are a good friend and you will be a wonderful wife. Lisa already adores you and this is the best thing I can do for her. You will have the comfort and security of marriage and I shall have a beautiful gracious wife…we shall all get on famously.’

Amelia allowed him to kiss her, but she did not cling to him as she had the first time. At the back of her mind a tiny doubt had formed. She did not want to think it, but she was afraid that Gerard had proposed to her because he needed a suitable wife and a mother for his delightful daughter! Much as she knew she would love Lisa, she could not help thinking that if things had been different she might have been the child’s mother. She would be a good mother to Lisa, but her heart ached when she thought of what might have been.

Did Gerard imagine that she had remained single because she had not received another offer? Amelia frowned as she went up to change for the evening. She might have been married soon after Gerard disappeared, but she had refused every man her brother brought for her to meet. Michael had tried to push her into marrying a marquis, but she had not allowed him to bully her.

Since she came into her fortune, she had received six offers of marriage. Not one of the gentlemen had made her feel that she wished to be married, even though she believed that at least one had been in love with her. Despite the hurt Gerard’s apparent desertion had inflicted, she had never ceased to love him. No other man could ever replace him in her heart.

Amelia’s feelings now were mixed. Gerard had proposed and she had accepted, but the doubts had begun to creep in. Was he truly in love with her—or did he simply wish for a convenient arrangement? He needed a mother for Lisa, and he wanted a wife who would not make too many demands.

She tried to remember his exact words, but had only a vague memory for his proposal had swept all else from her mind. She thought he had told her that he cared for his wife, but he could never love with all his heart, because something had died in him the night Michael sent him away. Lisette had wanted more and because of that she had become desperately unhappy. Amelia imagined that she had still been low after the birth of her child, for more than one young one woman had been known to suffer a deep melancholy after giving birth.

Amelia frowned. Gerard’s words as he proposed seemed to in dicate that he was looking for a comfortable marriage that would not make too many demands on his emotions. Was he saying that she must not expect too much—that he simply needed a complaisant woman to care for his child and his home?

Did he care for her at all?

What nonsense was this? She was such a fool! Amelia’s thoughts were confused as she changed for dinner that evening. For years she had regretted the love she had lost. She had felt the years slipping away, her youth lost. There were times when she believed she would die an old maid, unfulfilled and unloved.

Recently, after meeting Gerard again, she had begun to long for him to speak. Now he had proposed and she had accepted, and yet she was beset by doubts. A tiny voice in her head was telling her she should not hope for a love match. Gerard was older and he had undoubtedly changed from the young man who had declared his love so passionately. He had spoken of caring for Amelia and of looking forward to her becoming his wife—not the words of a man desperately in love. Not the passionate declaration she had hoped to hear!

Gerard had asked her to marry him because it was a convenient arrangement. He wanted a wife—a mother for his beautiful daughter. Had he not asked her to give him her opinion of Lisa’s nanny? She had done so and her thoughts coincided with his, which had made him feel she would make an ideal wife and mother. In her first rush of delight that he had spoken, Amelia had imagined that he was proposing because he loved her as she loved him. However, she was certain that he respected and liked her—and was that not a perfectly sound basis for marriage?

She took a turn about the room, her thoughts tumbling in confusion as she came to terms with her situation. Was a marriage of convenience acceptable? Could she be happy as Gerard’s wife, knowing that he cared for her but was not in love with her?

Of course she could! Amelia scolded herself for the feeling of disappointment she had been experiencing since leaving Gerard. She was no longer a green girl. She ought not to expect romance at her age. Her heart told her that Gerard was the only man she would ever love. If she behaved foolishly and changed her mind, because his proposal was not the declaration of love she desired, she would be cutting off her nose to spite her face—and that would be ridiculous.

Amelia was faced with the choice of remaining unwed for the rest of her life or marrying the man she loved, understanding that he did not feel romantic love for her. Had she been that young girl of so many years ago, she would have demanded an equal partnership where both partners loved, but the years had taught her some hard lessons and she was a woman of sense. The prospect of remaining single all her life was one she had faced, because there seemed no alternative. However, she now had a chance of some happiness. She would have a husband who cared for her in his own way and she would have a family; she was still young enough to give Gerard an heir. In her mind she saw pictures of their sons growing through childhood to manhood, hearing their laughter as an echo in her head and seeing their smiling faces. If she did not marry, she would never have a child of her own to love. She might not have the passionate love she had longed for, but she would have a family, children and companionship.

It was enough, she decided. She would make it enough, and perhaps Gerard would recapture some of the feeling he’d once had for her. His kiss had told her that he was not indifferent in a physical sense. He found her desirable. Perhaps in time true love would blossom once more.

A marriage where the feeling was stronger on one side than the other was not unusual. People married for many reasons, quite often for money or position. She acquitted Gerard of wanting her fortune—he had made it plain to her at an earlier time that he had enough for his needs. He wanted a companion, a sensible woman who would love his daughter and not make too many demands. Could she be that woman? Amelia decided that she could. She had had years of learning to hide her emotions; it should not be too difficult to give Gerard the kind of wife he desired. It would be a convenient arrangement for them both.

Amelia picked up her long evening gloves and pulled them on, smoothing the fingers in place. She glanced in the mirror and smiled at the picture she presented. She looked serene, untroubled. No one would ever guess at the ache in her heart.

She was about to open her door when someone knocked and Emily walked in. It was obvious that she was distressed and Amelia forgot her own problems instantly.

‘Something is wrong! I can see it in your face, Emily.’

‘Mr Sinclair…I could not prevent him from speaking,’ Emily said, her voice catching. ‘I told him that I must have time to consider…and I think he was angry with me for his face went white. He inclined his head and walked away from me without another word. I should have called him back, but I could not speak.’

‘Oh, my poor Emily,’ Amelia said. ‘Could you not find the words to tell him the truth?’

‘I was afraid of what I might see in his eyes,’ Emily confessed. ‘We must somehow manage to speak to each other while we are both guests here…’ She gave a little sob. ‘I am in such distress for I would not hurt him for the world and I am sure he was hurt by my hesitation. Yet how could I tell him the truth?’

‘Do not distress yourself, my love,’ Amelia said. ‘You have done nothing wrong. Many other ladies ask for time when first asked that question. When next it happens, you will be ready to make your confession.’

‘Yes, I shall. I intend to seek Mr Sinclair out tomorrow evening after the celebrations. One of us may leave the following day—I could go home if he did not wish to leave.’

‘Do not be so pessimistic, Emily.’ Amelia was encouraging. ‘I still believe that Mr Sinclair will be more understanding than you imagine—and now, my love, you must wish me happy. The Earl of Ravens-head has asked me to be his wife and I have accepted him. We shall not announce our engagement until the ball at Coleridge, but I wanted you to know.’

‘Amelia!’ Emily’s face reflected surprise and then pleasure. ‘I am so very happy for you, dearest. I have thought that perhaps you liked him and he liked you, but I was not sure what your intentions were regarding marriage.’

‘It will be…a convenient arrangement for us both, for my brother will have to accept that he is no longer my heir. Especially if I should have a child, which I hope will be the case.’

‘A convenient arrangement?’ Emily looked puzzled. ‘It is not my business to pry, but are you sure that is all it is? I am sure the earl has a deep regard for you, Amelia.’

‘Ah, yes, we are comfortable together—good friends,’ Amelia said, avoiding Emily’s probing gaze. She was doing her best to appear dispassionate, but Emily knew her too well. ‘Shall we go down, my love? We do not wish to keep Susannah and her guests waiting.’ She saw a doubtful look in her companion’s eyes. ‘You must not think that I would wish to dispense with your company, Emily. While I should be happy to see you marry a gentleman of your choice, I should be sad to lose you. Be assured that your home is with me until you decide to leave.’

‘You are always so generous,’ Emily replied. ‘Thank you for making that plain to me. Like you, I have met only one man I would care to marry, but you know my thoughts and I shall say no more, for this is Christmas Eve.’

Amelia noticed how thoughtful her companion was as they went downstairs and joined the other guests. She smiled and nodded to the company, but was quiet and merely nodded her head when Toby offered her his arm to take her into dinner. Obviously, he had controlled his hurt feelings and was determined to remain Emily’s friend. Amelia had always thought him a likeable young man and now found she approved of his manners—he was everything he ought to be as a gentleman.

Gerard took Amelia in to dinner. He told her in a whisper that he had confided their secret to Harry and Susannah, also to Toby Sinclair.

‘For the moment I have asked that they keep the news to themselves,’ he said. ‘We shall make our announcement at Coleridge, as we planned.’

‘I have told Emily, for it would have seemed secretive and unkind had I excluded her. She would have been worried that her position might not be secure had she heard something from another person.’

‘I doubt that Miss Barton will need to work as a companion for long,’ Gerard said. ‘You must have observed that a certain gentleman has a distinct partiality for her company?’

‘Yes, I know that Mr Sinclair has made Emily an offer, but she is a little nervous of her situation in life and asked for more time.’

Gerard raised his brows. ‘She feels that she may not suit the ambitions of his family, because she is employed as a companion?’

‘I believe she does feel something of the kind, but I hope the matter will be resolved satisfactorily.’

‘Toby will inherit a decent estate when his father dies, but I am certain he will make his own fortune. Although he is close to his family, I do not think he would allow them to dictate to him in such a matter—and I see no reason why Emily should not be acceptable to them. Toby is of good family, but he is not the heir to an illustrious title, merely his father’s baronetcy. I see no cause for anyone to object to his choice.’

Amelia nodded. She had wondered if she might ask for Gerard for help in trying to find Emily’s child, but she had hoped to find a way of concealing the mother’s identity. Even if that was impracticable, now was not the time or place to reveal it.

‘Well, we must hope for a happy outcome,’ she said. ‘I was wondering when you thought would be a suitable moment for us to marry? Do you wish for some time to make your arrangements or would you prefer the wedding to be held quite soon?’

‘Personally, I believe the sooner we marry the better for all concerned,’ Gerard said. ‘I know that my daughter would be happy to have a new mama—and I am certainly looking forward to our wedding. Do you wish for a longer engagement or shall we settle it for a month after the ball?’

‘I think a month after the ball should be adequate time,’ Amelia replied. ‘It will give me a chance to make necessary changes. Will you wish to live at Ravenshead on a permanent basis?’

‘Are you thinking that you would like to spend a part of the year at your estate, Amelia?’

‘I like to spend some part of the summer in Bath and I must visit London several times a year to oversee my children’s home, but I dare say I shall like Ravenshead very well.’

‘There will be time enough to decide once you have visited,’ Gerard told her. ‘We must have the lawyers draw up the settlements, Amelia. I should not wish to control your fortune, though I will help you to manage it if you so wish. It might be a sensible idea to put a part at least in trust for your children.’

‘That is an excellent notion,’ Amelia agreed, a faint blush in her cheeks. ‘I have a great deal of property—mostly houses. Great-Aunt Agatha acquired a considerable portfolio during her lifetime. I have wondered whether it might be better to sell most of them and reinvest the money. I should greatly appreciate your opinion, Gerard. I have my man of business, naturally, and my lawyers—but there has been no one I could turn to with my problems. No one I could truly trust. I have good friends, of course, but one does not like to ask advice in these matters.’