The Mills & Boon Sparkling Christmas Collection

Chapter Eleven

Eva’s world felt different. She was waking in the same bed, in the same house but instead of turning to check the time, she turned the other way to see Ben lying beside her. In the soft morning light still half asleep, Eva could almost believe it was all a dream. But the gentle fall and rise of his chest told her it was real. She could reach out and touch him if she wanted. But for now, she allowed herself a few moments to luxuriate in simply studying his sleeping form, content to watch him as memories from the previous evening flitted pleasurably through her mind.

Last night, just for those few hours she had felt different. She had felt carefree in a way she hadn’t for years. She hadn’t been a mother, a widow, a business owner. Just herself, Eva. She had been transported to another world, a world of dancing and laughing and Ben. They had stumbled upstairs touching and teasing – Eva making Ben guess which door led to her bedroom. Then they had fallen silent, nervous to take the next step. She had felt madly self-conscious about her body, unsure she would know what to do.

But when Ben had gently removed Eva’s dress, the look on his face told her she needn’t have worried. His eyes devoured her body and Eva had fallen into his arms, their lovemaking urgent and frantic as they discovered and explored each other. And then later Ben had made love to her again, this time slowly – the most sensual experience Eva had ever known – until finally they had fallen asleep.

Now she stretched out and sighed softly. No Jamie, no guests. Just her and Ben and it felt wonderful. Deep down she knew this was something she hadn’t come close to before. She thought of Paul, how he had swept her away in a tide of excitement. She felt guilty for thinking it – he was the father of her child after all – but he hadn’t aroused the feelings now engulfing Eva. It scared her, excited her. It made her feel strong yet vulnerable. It made her want to reach out and grab it and yet at the same time run and hide from it.

She knew she could get hurt so badly. She felt like something in her was awakening for the first time and she loved and hated Ben at the same time for making her feel like this. She could see now all the barriers she had built to keep herself safe and knew in one night Ben had smashed them all down.

She studied him for a few moments, her eyes savouring his toned, lean body, which had brought her such joy last night. And then she felt the cold hand of reality begin to slide over her. Anxiety and doubt crept in as she wondered what would happen now. What had she done? Quietly she slipped out of bed, pulled a T-shirt over her head, padded through to the bathroom, and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes held an undeniable sparkle and her skin glowed. It was still quite early but she knew Heather would be up – she was a fellow lark; the woman never slept in.

‘Hi, Eva. Everything all right?’ Eva smiled at the sound of her friend’s voice.

‘I’m a bad mother.’

‘Okay. And why’s that exactly?’

‘Ben’s in my bed!’

Her friend only missed a single beat before responding. ‘And how does that make you a bad mother exactly?’

‘My son goes away for the first time ever and I bring a man home! What kind of a mother does that make me?’

‘Er, the human red-blooded kind?’

‘Well you would say that. But I feel like a terrible human at the moment.’

‘Eva, think about this. Ben’s a nice person isn’t he? He’s intelligent … oh yes and he’s flipping gorgeous. You’re probably just in shock this has happened. Please, Eva, just for once, enjoy the moment.’

Eva felt her shoulders relax, allowing Heather’s words to infiltrate some part of her brain. ‘You’re right.’

‘You shouldn’t be talking to me. Go and be with him. I’m assuming underneath all that worry, you have a huge smile on your face?’

Despite herself, Eva grinned. ‘Maybe,’ she conceded.

After she hung up Eva went to find Hamish who had miraculously stayed in his basket all night. He was probably in shock too if he had witnessed anything. She gave him his breakfast and let him out in the garden for a few minutes, as she took a few breaths of fresh air.

She was slightly hungover and not just from alcohol. She took a long drink of cold water, giving herself a moment of reflection. She’d have to think carefully about what to tell Jamie. But tell him what? What happened had been amazing but it didn’t necessarily mean anything, did it? No promises had been made. The connection between them was undeniable but it had all happened so quickly. Had she given in to her physical desires too soon? Remembering Heather’s words she decided now wasn’t the time to analyse it. There would plenty of time for that later.

Tiptoeing back into the bedroom she slid beneath the covers and stared over at Ben, amazed how beautiful he looked with his rumpled dark hair and eyelashes casting shadows on his cheeks. His body shifted and his eyes – those dark gorgeous eyes – slowly opened and gazed at her. For a long moment their eyes locked and then a slow sexy smile spread across his lips. What was he thinking? She felt suddenly shy, despite what they had shared last night. Without speaking he pulled her in to him, kissing her.

‘Morning to you too,’ she replied when they eventually parted. ‘Are you hungry?’

‘Yeah, starving actually,’ he replied with a lopsided grin.

‘Must have been all that dancing,’

‘Must have been.’ He smiled wickedly.

As they moved from the bed, Eva recited her breakfast menu in an exaggerated formal voice. ‘There’s a choice of full traditional full Scottish breakfast or you may prefer our continental choice of warm rolls, jams, and seasonal fruits …’ Eva stopped, lifting an eyebrow. ‘But for special guests I can arrange something extra …’ She giggled as Ben groaned.

‘I tell you what, how about omelettes?’ Ben suggested, pulling on his shirt. ‘They’re about the only thing I can make – kind of my signature dish.’

‘Sounds good.’

In the kitchen, Ben set about whisking eggs while Eva filled the teapot with boiling water and made toast. She turned to find Ben staring at her. ‘What?’

‘I hope that’s not how you usually look when you make breakfast for your guests.’

Eva looked down at her crumpled T-shirt. ‘Um, definitely not.’

‘That’s all right then.’ He came behind her and nuzzled her neck. She turned to face him and as he peppered her throat with kisses, Eva was tempted to forget all about breakfast. Only the imminent threat of burning of toast broke them apart.

Their breakfast of eggs, hot buttered toast, and mugs of tea was delicious and they both ate hungrily. She glanced over at Ben and felt an overwhelming sense of happiness. She decided now wasn’t the time to overthink things. Whatever this did or didn’t mean, she simply wanted to enjoy this moment.

That moment was abruptly shattered by the sound of the doorbell ringing. She glanced at the clock. Who would be calling so early on a Saturday morning? Her first thought was Jamie and the cold dread she felt must have shown on her face. Ben squeezed her hand for a second.

‘Don’t look so worried. You answer the door and I’ll stay here.’ Eva hurriedly ran a hand through her hair, took a deep breath, and opened the door to find herself face to face with her sister.

‘Sarah?’

Eva didn’t know what shocked her more – the fact her sister was standing at her door on Saturday morning or that she looked utterly distraught, tears running down her face. Sarah didn’t usually do emotion. And she certainly didn’t do crying.

‘Sarah, what’s happened?’

‘It’s mum …’ Sarah gulped. ‘She’s … I saw them –’ Her voice broke into a sob.

‘Mum? Is she all right?’ Eva felt the colour drain from her face. Her sister took an enormous sniff and shook her head.

‘Mum’s got a boyfriend!’

Her words hung in the air for a second and then her shoulders slumped. So many things about that sentence didn’t sound right, Eva wasn’t sure how to respond. A hundred thoughts whirled through her mind, most of them incredulous. She also had a sudden terrible urge to burst out laughing. Eva stood in shocked silence for a moment before realizing Sarah was still standing on the doorstep and Hamish had just arrived to investigate what all the fuss was about.

‘Come in, come in. Don’t say anything else just now.’ With Ben in the kitchen, Eva ushered her sister into the living room. She opened the blinds and lit the fire, trying to make the room feel as cosy as possible. Sarah perched on the edge of the sofa, emitting little sobs every now and again.

Eva was acutely aware of her own appearance and hoped she didn’t look as dishevelled as she felt. Her body ached at all the unfamiliar activity, her lips felt stung, and despite her sister’s obvious distress, she felt gloriously alive, as if her body was hugging a lovely secret to itself. But she couldn’t deal with her sister looking like this and with Ben in the house.

‘Just give me a minute and I’ll er, go and change. Then you can tell me what’s happened.’

‘Where’s Jamie?’ Sarah asked vaguely looking around as if he would suddenly pop up from behind the furniture.

‘He’s at the activity weekend.’ Now wasn’t the time to point out that she had mentioned that to her only a matter of days ago. Eva headed back into the kitchen, trying to picture her mother with a boyfriend but just couldn’t do it.

Ben was buttoning up his shirt when Eva returned to the kitchen. Her eyes were drawn to the muscular contours of his chest, which were now so achingly familiar, and sent a small shiver up her spine. God, he looked gorgeous. Forcing herself to concentrate, she explained who her unexpected guest was.

‘My sister is here,’ Eva whispered. ‘Apparently my mother has a boyfriend.’ Ben shot her such a quizzical look Eva couldn’t help giggling. ‘Knowing my sister, it could be nothing. She’s probably got hold of the wrong end of the stick or something. She’s pretty upset … it’s a bit awkward and er –’

‘And you don’t want her to see me?’

‘Maybe not the best time for introductions. I’m sorry, I really didn’t expect this to happen.’

‘You do what you have to, don’t worry about me. I’ll sneak out the back door – not something I’ve had to do before,’ he said, winking at her.

‘Oh God, I’m sorry about this,’ Eva said trying to cover her disappointment. This wasn’t exactly how she hoped today might unfold. Ben hooked his finger under her chin and tilted it upwards. He bent his head down and kissed her thoroughly, leaving her feeling slightly dazed and wishing things hadn’t been brought to such an abrupt end. It felt farcical to be smuggling a man out of the house – she was a grown woman in her own home.

After Ben left, Eva quickly dressed and returned to Sarah, who appeared not to have moved an inch. She sat down beside her, speaking quietly. ‘So do you want to talk? Tell me what happened?’

Sarah let out a dramatic sigh, her mouth quivering for a moment as she found her voice. ‘You know Mum got a new kitchen fitted recently?’

‘Yes, she seemed very happy with it.’ Eva frowned, wondering where this was going.

‘Last night I called round to Mum’s. I don’t usually go to hers on a Friday night but I’d had a terrible day at work.’ She paused, twisting a ring round and round her finger.

‘Anyway, I thought I’d go and see Mum, take a bottle of wine, thinking we could just chat. I phoned her first but there was no answer so I thought she must be with her friend Deidre. They sometimes meet on a Friday afternoon and go shopping. I decided to let myself in and wait for her. But when I went in the house –’ Sarah gulped, her eyes blinking back tears as she came to the painful part. ‘I saw Mum and, and – him in the living room. They were on the sofa and they were, well they –’ She stopped, unable to continue.

Eva’s mouth hung open. ‘What, Mum and the kitchen fitter?’ she said incredulously.

‘Not the fitter.’ Sarah glowered, shaking her head in frustration at Eva’s inability to keep up. ‘The man who owns the kitchen company.’

‘Oh, I see.’ Well, that sounded slightly more plausible.

‘I had seen him at her house – every time I went he seemed to be there, showing Mum different designs and layouts for the kitchen.’

Eva remembered how well Helen had looked last time she’d seen her, a definite glow about her. Now she knew why. ‘So what happened next?’

‘Mum was flustered, you know. Her hair was all over the place, a total mess.’ She shook her head sadly.

‘And, um, what were they doing exactly? You know, were they actually –?’

Sarah looked at Eva in horror. ‘No! They broke apart when I came in. Mum asked me to stay for a drink – tried to act all normal.’

‘And then what happened?’

‘We sat and had a drink together. Made polite conversation – it was awful. Then I left and went home. I tried to sleep but couldn’t. So this morning I got in the car and came here.’

Eva pondered exactly why Sarah had come here. Had she come all this way, after all this time, just to tell her that their mum had a boyfriend? Evidently she was upset about it but Eva couldn’t help sensing there was something more to it. She felt a surge of pity for Sarah. She looked totally worn out and Eva realized it was going to be difficult to make any sense of anything while Sarah was clearly so exhausted.

‘Listen, would you like to have a lie-down? You haven’t slept and things always seem worse when you’re tired.’ Eva thought she might resist but Sarah immediately acquiesced. She led the way upstairs showing Sarah into her coastal-themed bedroom, which was ready for the guest arriving on Monday.

Opening the door Eva allowed herself a quiet moment of satisfaction seeing the look on Sarah’s face as she registered the room. The bed was made up with plump pillows and crisp fresh navy and cream bedding. Eva drew the curtains as Sarah lay down on the bed. Eva covered her with a spare blanket and she was asleep in seconds.

***

Ben started to run as soon his feet hit the sand. He’d changed into his running gear after leaving Eva’s and headed straight to the beach, glad it was practically empty and no one could see him because he was sure he was grinning like an idiot. But he was one very happy, satisfied idiot. He couldn’t remember ever feeling like this before. He hadn’t truly appreciated just how unhappy he had become until now, as if something had been broken and now it was fixed.

He knew there were implications from what happened last night, the most important being Jamie. But he would let Eva decide how to handle things on that front. Last night with Eva had been incredible and the intensity of their passion had surprised him. His only regret was the sudden ending this morning. Still, there would time in the future … at least he certainly hoped there would be.

He’d always kept himself reasonably fit but recently he hadn’t done much exercise. Today he felt physically strong and energized, as if he could run for ever. He picked up his pace and lengthened his stride, wanting to push himself and feel the strength of his own body. He ran until his lungs and muscles screamed in protest and eventually he allowed his body to slow down.

He stopped and bent over, resting his hands on his knees, letting his breathing return to normal. He straightened up and stretched and began to walk back to his house. In the kitchen he filled a glass with water and drank thirstily, wondering how Eva was getting on with her sister. Halfway up the stairs his phone rang and his heart plummeted when he saw the caller ID. ‘Hello, Arthur?’

‘Hello, Ben. I’m sorry to bother you, especially at the weekend.’ Ben heard the older man’s voice, knowing it would be impossible for him to bother Ben in any way.

Arthur and his wife Mary lived next door to the house where Ben had grown up and had been family friends for years. Arthur was a true gentleman, from a different generation. The house was a bungalow in a quiet cul-de-sac in St Albans near London. Ben hadn’t known what to do with it after his mother had moved into the care home – even kidding himself that one day she might return. After a while he’d handed over the property to a letting company who had secured a long-term let. The arrangement had worked well but the tenants had recently moved out.

Having it lying empty wasn’t ideal but Ben couldn’t bring himself to sell it and had been putting off making any decisions. Arthur had always kept a spare set of keys and an unofficial eye on the place and Ben knew he’d only be phoning if there was a problem. He braced himself for bad news.

‘There’s been a break-in, Ben. I called the police and luckily it looks like they were disturbed. They don’t seem to have taken anything – not that I could see anyway.’

Ben rubbed a hand over his face. ‘Do you know how they broke in?’ he asked.

‘Back of the house – they broke a panel of glass in a downstairs window. I’ve managed to board it up for now – but obviously it needs to be fixed properly.’

‘Of course.’ The thought of Arthur dealing with it horrified Ben. He felt something pull in him and a sense of urgency take hold. ‘Thanks for taking care of it, Arthur – I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with this.’

After the call finished, Ben did some quick thinking. It was still early. If he drove to the airport and managed to get a flight to London, he could be in St Albans by this evening. The conference was this coming week and students had been given a study week so at least he didn’t have any teaching. He’d send an email to the Professor and the department secretary explaining the situation. He should only be away for a couple of days.

Although the break-in was bad news, in some ways Ben felt relieved, knowing it had galvanized him into action. Finally, he was going to face his old home.

Chapter Twelve

Eva was furiously chopping vegetables. She had no idea what she was making, but it was comforting having something simmering on the stove and keeping her hands busy was helping her cope with what was feeling like a very surreal day.

After she had left Sarah sleeping earlier she had taken a quick shower and dressed. She’d let Hamish out for a sniff around the garden while she fed the chickens and then she returned to the kitchen to hide the evidence of breakfast for two. She had grabbed plates and cups, throwing them in the dishwasher and wiping away crumbs. All perfectly normal breakfast things but to Eva they somehow screamed of the intimacy she had shared with Ben.

Part of her resented having to rush around tidying up just because Sarah had decided to show up after all this time. But what choice did she have? She certainly didn’t want Sarah knowing Ben had stayed the night – not yet anyway. She swiped onions and carrots from the chopping board into the pan, deciding to make soup. She was just adding celery when Sarah appeared at the kitchen door.

Although she was still pale and puffy-eyed she appeared much more composed. Her features had settled back into their usual impassive expression and her lips were pursed together into such a tight line Eva wondered if she was now regretting her earlier outburst, perhaps regretting coming here at all.

‘I took a shower,’ she informed Eva. ‘I used those little bottle things you had.’ The little bottles in question being the locally sourced organic toiletries it had taken Eva an age to source and were actually quite expensive. Eva had no problem with her using the guest toiletries but wouldn’t mind her sounding a little more gracious about it.

‘That’s fine,’ she replied evenly, gripping the wooden spoon in her hand tightly.

Sarah’s eyes scanned the room as she came in, pausing to look intently at the various photographs dotted about. Images of Jamie wearing his school uniform on his first day at school, another of Jamie and Fraser playing on the beach. Eva wondered what she was thinking.

Seeing her sister in her kitchen Eva was struck by how different they appeared. Sarah’s clothes – impeccably cut dark blue trousers and a beautifully soft-looking cream jumper – appeared wrinkle free despite her lie-down and they reeked of unmistakable quality. Eva looked down at her own jeans and rubbed at a dark mysterious stain that could well be animal-related.

‘Feeling better now?’ Eva asked.

‘I’m fine,’ Sarah replied flatly.

‘I’ll make us some coffee,’ Eva said. As she busied herself finding cups Eva wondered where on earth to start, sure that anything she said would come out sounding wrong. Sarah was clearly feeling the injured party here and Eva couldn’t help feel sorry for her. But she also knew that if they were going to come anywhere close to having a reasonable conversation – something they had been incapable of recently – Sarah would have to play her part.

She turned the heat down under the pot on the stove and joined Sarah at the table with coffee. ‘Does Mum know you’re here?’ she asked.

Sarah shrugged. ‘I left a message on her answering machine to let her know I’d be here for the night.’

‘Oh, so you’re staying the night?’ Eva swallowed down her irritation at her sister’s presumption.

‘Is that a problem?’ Sarah eyed her coolly.

‘No, no. I have guests arriving on Monday though so I might have a few things to do.’ Sarah didn’t appear overly interested and Eva’s eyes darted to the clock above the door to check it was afternoon and therefore acceptable to have a drink. If Sarah was staying the night, then alcohol was called for.

‘Actually, how about a glass of wine?’ she suggested. Sarah nodded and Eva swapped the coffee cups for glasses and a bottle of white.

‘So, Mum and this man –’ Eva began.

‘George Cartwright.’

‘George Cartwright,’ Eva repeated. ‘Do you think it’s serious?’

‘I don’t know. Maybe. They certainly look happy together.’ She let out a little huff.

‘I understand what a shock it must have been,’ Eva responded gently. ‘To see Mum with a man after all this time. But if she’s happy, isn’t that a good thing?’

Sarah blinked as if not understanding the question. ‘How can it be a good thing?’

‘Well, for Mum to have someone.’

‘But she has me!’ Sarah exclaimed petulantly.

Eva fiddled with her bracelet, not sure what to say. She was struggling to see the problem. If their mother was in a relationship, then wasn’t it her business? She couldn’t really see the problem but clearly there was one to Sarah. But as Eva glanced sideways at Sarah, she saw genuine anguish on her face. Whatever the rights and wrongs of the situation, Sarah had come to her in her moment of need. Could this be the chance for them to build a few bridges between them?

Putting aside any uncharitable thoughts – mostly that Sarah was acting like a spoilt brat stamping her feet because Mum dared to have a life – Eva tried to adopt a gentle approach.

‘I know you’ve been there for Mum and have done so much for her and she appreciates that. But just because she has a relationship with a man doesn’t mean you won’t still be part of her life. It might not even be serious; it might not last. Maybe it’s just a … a fling?’ After all, why shouldn’t women in their sixties have flings?

Sarah’s shoulders suddenly slumped as if all the life had been taken from her.

‘I don’t know. I suppose so. But where does it leave me?’ she asked, her voice full of self-pity. Eva was taken aback to hear her usually so confident sister sounding so vulnerable and quite frankly, a bit pathetic. Eva’s instinct was to reach out and put an arm around her but was afraid it wouldn’t be welcome.

‘Well, you have your career …’ Eva stopped, not sure what else to say. The gulf created by years of non-communication was blindingly obvious.

‘Oh yes, my wonderful career,’ Sarah spat out sarcastically.

‘But you love your work! You’re always so busy and … involved.’

Eva blinked in surprise as her sister rounded on her. ‘You really don’t get it do you?’

‘No, I don’t think I do. So why don’t you tell me.’

‘Let me ask you something.’ Sarah looked at Eva, her eyes suddenly flaring with anger. ‘Why did you go away after Dad died?’

Wow, she hadn’t seen that coming. It sounded like a question she’d been waiting to ask for a long time. Eva looked down and blinked, giving herself time before meeting Sarah’s direct gaze.

‘After Dad died, you moved back from Aberdeen and bought the house near Mum’s. You both seemed happy with that arrangement; you had each other.’ She shook her head, recalling how terrible that time was. While Sarah went shopping with their mother, Eva had preferred to stay at home with their dad. With the radio on and a flask of tea, they’d potter about in the shed – the one place Helen Devine didn’t rule or dominate – making things or planting seeds.

‘You were always closer to Mum than me but I didn’t have Dad any more. Mum seemed to have my life all mapped out – do you remember that horrible office where I was working?’ Eva could vividly recall the day Paul asked her to join him in France. It had been a rainy Monday, a week after their father’s funeral and Mr Sinclair had unceremoniously dumped a pile of filing on Eva’s desk.

‘When Paul said he could get me a job waitressing in France, I didn’t really think about you too much if I’m honest. I thought you were happy. You had Mum and your career. I just went,’ she finished with a shrug.

‘Yeah, well while you went off, I built my life around Mum.’

‘I thought that’s what you wanted.’

Sarah lowered her head and examined her nails. ‘I thought you might have come back after Paul died,’ she said quietly.

‘What, so Mum could tell me every day what a mess I’d made of my life? Anyway, I had Jamie to think of. Buying the guest house was my way of getting on with my life. I needed to find a way to support myself and as Mum was so keen to point out, I didn’t have any qualifications.’ Eva topped up their glasses and regarded Sarah.

‘Do you know one of the reasons I was so determined to make the guest house work was because of you?’

‘Me?’ Now it was Sarah’s turn to look shocked.

‘Do you know how many times Mum compared me to you? How many times she made me feel inadequate because I didn’t have a glittering career? Always holding you up as the perfect daughter. I wanted her to see that I could make something of my life as well.’ There was a pause and Sarah stared down into her wine glass.

‘I – I had no idea you felt like that,’ she said eventually.

‘Look, I don’t mean to sound churlish. You have done well, Sarah. And it’s right that Mum is proud of you. It’s just … sometimes it was difficult for me. It felt as though all Mum did was – I don’t know, smother you with praise.’

Eva heard Sarah exhale deeply. ‘You’re right.’

‘You’re agreeing with me?’

‘You don’t need to sound quite so shocked.’ Sarah leaned back in her seat, seeming to gather herself. ‘Do you remember that little silver necklace Mum gave me?’

‘The one with the heart on it? I loved that necklace. I was so jealous of you.’

‘Do you know why Mum got it for me?’

Eva scrunched up her face, thinking. ‘I don’t remember.’

‘I was in first year at high school and I brought home my first report card. I’d done well in all my subjects and Mum was so pleased with me. She bought me that necklace for doing so well. The better I did, the happier she seemed with me. After that, I always felt pressure to do well. Through university, my job … everything I did, everything I do. I’m always scared if I don’t make Mum happy then somehow I’ve failed.’

Eva had no idea Sarah had felt under so much pressure. She’d always assumed her sister had been happy with her career and their mother’s adulation. If Sarah’s face was anything to go by, then she was feeling as stunned as she was, thought Eva. After years of hardly speaking, there was a slightly uneasy silence as they both tried to compute the words now sitting between them.

When Hamish trotted over to Eva making it clear he needed out, Eva could have kissed him for providing a diversion. She stood up quickly, almost knocking her chair backwards. ‘I better let Hamish out,’ she muttered.

The sky had darkened and Sarah stared out of the window. Eva could just make out Hamish’s tail wagging in the garden as he checked the chickens and then found something to sniff by the fence that divided her garden from Ben’s. She wondered what Ben was doing and felt a glow of warmth spread through her just thinking of him.

Once Hamish came bounding back in Eva thought it might be wise for them to eat something. She found some quiche in the fridge and turned up the heat under the soup. Leaning against the worktop, she glanced over at Sarah.

‘So the case you lost, was it an important one?’

Sarah gave a rueful laugh. ‘They’re all important. But I didn’t expect to lose this one – I keep going over and over it in my mind. Was it my fault – was there something more I could have done?’

‘I think you’re being too hard on yourself. I’m sure it wasn’t your fault.’

‘It seems to get harder, you know? The constant deadlines, keeping up with the legislation … always being available for clients. Sometimes it feels like such an effort.’

Eva ladled soup into bowls and brought them over to the table along with plates of oatcakes and cheese, thinking how odd it was to hear Sarah sounding so despondent.

‘Sounds to me like you might need a proper break from everything.’

‘That’s what Jon said,’ Sarah said quietly.

‘Jon?’

Sarah swallowed hard as if she were on the verge of tears. ‘You don’t want to know,’ she said bitterly.

‘I do, Sarah. Please tell me.’

Sarah absently stirred her spoon in her bowl. ‘Jon works for our firm’s Holland office. He came on a secondment for six months. We got to know each other quite well …’ She paused. ‘Anyway, he does quite a bit of pro-bono work –’