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Dear Reader
I fell in love with Scott and Hannah long before they fell in love with each other. Their story has been with me for years, and I’m proud to share it with you. Scott and Hannah are two intelligent, well-educated and independent people, who think they need no one but soon learn that love is a bond they can’t break.
Writing Scott and Hannah’s story has been an emotional journey for me. In many ways their story was an easy one to tell, while in others a difficult one. I know personally what it’s like to have a child waiting for a new heart. My youngest son received the life-giving gift of a heart transplant when he was one year old. He is now twenty-two and doing well.
I would be remiss in following my convictions if I didn’t take this opportunity to encourage you to think about organ donation. Transplants do save lives.
I hope you enjoy reading about Scott and Hannah. I’d be honoured to hear from you. You can find me at: www.susancarlisle.us
Warmest regards
Susan
About the Author
SUSAN CARLISLE’s love affair with books began when she made a bad grade in maths in the sixth grade. Not allowed to watch TV until she brought the grade up, she filled her time with books and became a voracious romance reader. She has ‘keepers’ on the shelf to prove it. Because she loved the genre so much, she decided to try her hand at creating her own romantic worlds. She still loves a good happily-ever-after story.
When not writing, Susan doubles as a high school substitute teacher—she has been doing this for sixteen years. She lives in Georgia, with her husband of twenty-eight years, and has four grown children. She loves castles, travelling, cross-stitching, hats, James Bond and hearing from her readers.
This is Susan’s first book for Mills & Boon® Medical™Romance
Heart Surgeon, Hero … Husband?
Susan Carlisle
In Raina’s memory
Special Thanks
To my Tuesday night critique group for steering me in the right direction each week, especially Lisa and Claudia.
To my editor, Flo Nicoll, for seeing something in my writing that showed promise and encouraging me until that something showed through. I appreciate you.
To Darcy for saying you should write this. You were right.
To Sia for sharing your writing knowledge. I’m better for it.
To Carol for reading, re-reading, and taking care of me. Couldn’t have done it without you.
To my mom, my husband and my kids for being so supportive. I love you all.
CHAPTER ONE
“A HEART TRANSPLANT? My baby’s only two years old.” Hannah Quinn stared at Dr. Scott McIntyre, the cardio-thoracic surgeon who sat across the conference room table from her. His familiar Mediterranean-Sea eyes were sympathetic, but his face remained somber.
The shock of seeing Scott again was only surpassed by the pain of his words. Her son was dying.
When had she slipped down the rabbit hole to this horror at Children’s General Hospital? As if that weren’t torment enough, she now faced a mother’s worst nightmare, and the news was being delivered by Atlanta, Georgia’s supposedly best cardiothoracic surgeon, a man who had hurt her badly years before.
In the movies this would have been called a twist of fate, horrible irony. But this wasn’t some screenplay, this was her life. Her child, who always had a smile, her little boy, who giggled when she kissed him behind his ear, was in serious danger.
“He was doing fine. I was taking him for a scheduled check-up. Next thing I know his pediatrician has ordered an ambulance to bring us here.” Hannah covered her mouth, damming the primal screams that threatened to escape. Moisture pooled in her eyes, blurring her vision of Scott … now Jake’s doctor. “You have to be wrong.”
He glanced at Andrea, the heart-transplant coordinator, sitting beside him, before he reached across the table as if to take Hannah’s hand.
“Don’t.” She straightened. He withdrew.
That night eight years ago had started with a simple brush of his hand. She couldn’t go there, wouldn’t go there again, or she’d fall apart. She had to hold it together until her world righted itself. And it would, it had to. “I knew that a valve replacement might be in his future sooner than I had hoped, but a heart transplant? Your diagnosis can’t be correct.”
Scott ran a hand through his wavy hair. The soft, silky locks had gone from light to golden blond with age. His fingers threaded through his hair again, a mannerism Hannah remembered from when they’d been friends, good friends. They’d shared warm banter when he’d come to work on the step-down floor. The banter between them had developed into a friendship she’d valued, and had thought he had too.
Leaning forward, he brought her attention back to why they were sitting in this tiny, barren room, acting as if they’d never known each other intimately.
“I’m sorry, Hannah,” he murmured with compassion. His voice strengthened with the words, “But the diagnosis is correct. The condition is called cardiomyopathy.”
“Isn’t that when the heart has become enlarged?” Hannah asked.
“Yes, it is. In Jake’s case, he must have contracted a virus that went undetected. It settled on the valve he has had from birth—the one that wasn’t working correctly. His heart is inflamed and is no longer pumping efficiently.”
“He’s had nothing more than a little runny nose. I assure you that if it had been more, I would’ve taken him to see a doctor.”
“I’m not questioning your care for your son. The virus may have looked like something as simple as a cold, but it attacked his heart, damaging it. Sometimes it takes weeks to manifest itself and sometimes, like in Jake’s case, only days or hours. There is no way to know how or when it will happen. But you would know that, being a nurse.”
“Most of my work experience has been on an adult orthopedic floor and, anyway, I’m not nursing at present.”
His head canted questioningly, but he said, “Still, you should understand the only thing we can do for your son—”
“His name is Jake.” The words came out frosted. She wouldn’t allow Jake to become a hospital number, just another patient in a bed.
Scott’s gaze met hers. “Jake needs a new heart.” His voice softened. “He needs to be listed right away.”
Could she melt into the floor? Disappear? Maybe run so fast reality couldn’t catch her?
“There has to be another way. Isn’t there medication you can give him? I want a second opinion.”
The skin around Scott lips tightened. He shook his head slightly, forestalling any further argument. “Hannah, you’re welcome to get a second opinion. But we can’t waste any time. Jake will die without the transplant. He might only have a few more weeks. The first thing we’ll do is see that he is put on the United Network for Organ Sharing list.”
She wiped away the dampness on her cheek. The framed pictures of the smiling children lining the walls of the tiny room mocked her. Her child should be one of them. Instead, he lay in a bed in the cardiac ICU, fighting for his life.
“I’ve examined Jake. He’s stable for now. We’re giving him anti-clotting drugs to prevent blood clots, which are common with cardiomyopathy, and watching for any arrhythmia.”
Her eyes widened. “Blood clots! Arrhythmia!” She leaned toward him, hands gripping the edge of the table. “I want Jake listed now.”
“Before we can do that, you’ll need to have a psychological exam.”
Her dazed look met his. “You have to be kidding. Jake is dying and you want me to have a psychological test? There’s nothing wrong with me. It’s your job to get Jake a heart, not see if my head’s on straight.”
Scott shifted in his chair, one of his long green scrubs-covered legs bumping against the table support. Despite being terrified by what he was telling her, Hannah couldn’t help but compare the man in front of her with the one she had once known. A tall man years ago, his shoulders had broadened since she’d last seen him. Cute, in an all-American way then, now he was handsome as a man with power. Maturity and responsibility had added fine lines to his face, which she bet only made him more appealing to the nurses.
Scott still possessed the air of confidence that had made him the shining star of his medical class and the desire of the female personnel in the hospital. She, fortunately, had managed to remain immune to his playboy-to-the-core charm for a while, but not long enough.
“You need to calm down. Take a couple of deep breaths.”
“Don’t patronize me, Scott.”
“Look, the visit to the psychologist is protocol. You’ll be asked questions to make sure you understand what’s involved with a transplant. The care afterwards is as important as the transplant itself. We need to know you can handle it.”
She pushed back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. “I assure you I can take care of my son, both as a mother and as a nurse.”
Propping his elbows on the table, Scott clasped his hands and used his index fingers to punctuate his words. “Hannah, I don’t doubt it and I understand your frustration, but there are procedures.”
At least he sounded as if he cared how she felt, unlike how he had acted years ago. Known for his excellent bedside manner then, in more ways than one, she’d never dreamed she’d ever be on the receiving end of his professional conduct.
“I have no interest in your procedures. I’m only interested in Jake getting well.”
“If you really want that, you’re going to have to work with me to see that it happens.” His words had a razor-sharp edge, leaving her no room to argue.
“Okay then, I’m ready to do the interview.” Hannah looked him directly in the eyes. “How much is all of this going to cost?”
He returned the same unwavering look. “Let’s not worry about that. Keeping Jake healthy enough for the surgery is my primary concern.”
Scott addressed Andrea. “Can you see that everything is set up for Han—uh … Mrs. Quinn’s psychological?”
“I’ll take care of it,” Andrea responded.
Pushing the metal chair back, Scott stood. “I’ll speak to you again soon. I’m sorry this is happening to your son.” He hesitated as if he wanted to say something further but thought better of it.
Wishing this situation would just go away, she gave Scott a tight smile.
“Andrea also has some forms that need to be filled out, so I’ll leave you with her.”
With that, Scott made a swift exit. She shouldn’t be surprised he’d showed no more emotion. He’d done much the same thing the next morning after she’d made the mistake of succumbing to his charms. Their friendship had died, and so had her faith in him. Hannah let her brain shut down, and answered Andrea’s questions by rote. When Andrea had finished, Hannah asked, “How good a surgeon is Scott, I mean Dr. McIntyre?”
“He’s the best,” Andrea stated, her voice full of assurance.
Was she just another woman who had fallen under Scott’s spell and could sing nothing but his praises? “I can’t let Jake die.”
“Mrs. Quinn.” Andrea placed her hand on Hannah’s arm. “Dr. McIntyre is a brilliant surgeon. He’ll take excellent care of your son. You can trust him.”
Andrea guided Hannah to the waiting room and to an area away from the other parents. Hannah sank onto a blue vinyl sofa and put her head in her hands, letting pent-up tears flow. She understood what she’d been told, but she wasn’t entirely convinced. Hannah couldn’t afford to be blindly accepting where her son’s care was concerned. He was all she had.
Hannah studied the blue square pattern of the carpet. She had no idea that Andrea had sat down beside her until she laid a comforting hand on Hannah’s shoulder.
Andrea said, “You’ll get through this. Why don’t you go back and see Jake? Visiting hours will be over soon.”
Entering the cardiac unit, Hannah checked in with the clerk at the large circular desk situated in the middle of an enormous open room. Of the twenty or so beds around the wall, only one interested her, the third one on the left, where her little boy lay so still.
Her precious child looked small and pale stretched out on the white sheet of the big bed. Wires ran from him to the surrounding machines. She’d seen this before, during nursing training, but this time it was her child lying there.
It’s just you and me, honey. Don’t leave me. Jake’s usually sparkling blue eyes were clouded with fear as they pleaded for reassurance. Hannah took his tiny hand in hers, careful not to touch any of the IV lines. Her chest tightened. She placed a kiss on his forehead before stroking his dark baby curls while making a soft cooing sound that settled him.
“Mrs. Quinn?” A young woman stepped to the foot of the bed. I’ll be Jake’s nurse for today. You may come back to visit any time during the day but you need to call first and get permission.”
What if something happens while I’m not here? Could I live with myself if it did? Would I want to? Her hands shook, and her stomach jumped. Wrapping her arms around her waist, she squeezed. “Can I stay with him tonight?”
She sensed instead of saw Scott step beside her.
“I’m afraid not.” His words would’ve been harsh except they were said in such a low, gentle tone that they came out sounding compassionate, regretful.
“I don’t see why not. I’m a nurse.”
“But as Jake’s mother you need to take care of yourself. Rest. Leave a number with the nurse and she’ll call if you’re needed.” He gave Jake’s nurse an appreciative smile.
The fresh-out-of-nursing-school girl blinked twice before she said in a syrupy tone, “I’ll put it on his chart, Dr. McIntyre.”
“I don’t see—” Hannah began.
“Those are the rules. You have to be out of here by seven and can’t come back in until eight in the morning,” Scott said in a flat, authoritative tone.
“I guess I don’t have a choice, then.” “No, you don’t.” Scott’s words came out even and to the point.
Enunciating the numbers to her cellphone with care, Hannah watched to make sure each one was written correctly. The way the nurse was acting around Scott, she might make a mistake.
As Hannah gave the last digit Scott approached his patient’s bed. “Hello, Jake. I’m Dr. McIntyre. You can call me Dr. Mac.”
Jake didn’t look at Scott’s face, but focused instead on his chest, reaching his hand out.
Hannah moved around the bed to stand opposite Scott to see what Jake was so engrossed in.
“Oh, I see you found my friend.” Scott smiled down at Jake. “His name is Bear. He rides around with me. Would you like to hold him?”
Jake’s eyes lost their look of fear as they remained riveted on the tiny animal. His fingers wiggled in an effort to reach the toy.
Unclipping the toy from his stethoscope, Scott offered it to Jake.
Scott’s charm obviously extended to his young patients. Jake didn’t always take to new people but Scott had managed to make her son grin despite the ugliness of the place. Hannah sighed. Scott looked up and gave her a reassuring smile. She didn’t like the stream of warmth that flowed through her cold body. Still, a kind, familiar face in her life was reassuring right now, even if it was Scott’s.
“My bear hasn’t been well. Could he stay with you?” Jake gave Scott a weak nod before Scott handed Jake the bear. “I need to listen to your heart now. I’m going to put this little thing on you and the other end in my ears, okay?”
Small creases of concentration formed between Scott’s eyes as he moved the instrument across Jake’s outwardly perfect chest. She’d always admired Scott’s strong, capable hands. The same ones that were caring for her child had skimmed across her body with equal skill and confidence. She shivered. Those memories should’ve been long buried, covered over with bitter disappointment.
She’d been around enough doctors to recognize one secure in his abilities. Scott seemed to have stepped into the role of pediatric surgeon with no effort. He certainly knew what to do to keep Jake from being scared, at least she’d give him that much. Maybe she could put her hope in him professionally, if not emotionally. She wanted to trust him. Desperately wanted to.
Jake’s eyelids drooped but he continued to clutch the toy.
Scott removed the earpieces, looping the stethoscope around his neck.
“Scott, thanks for giving Jake the bear. He looked so afraid before. I still can’t believe he needs a heart transplant,” she said in little more than a whisper that held all the agony she felt. “He doesn’t look that sick.”
She prayed his next words would contradict the truth she saw on his face.
“I realize that by looking at him it’s hard to believe, but it is the truth.”
Hannah’s knees shook. With swift agility, Scott circled the bed, his fingers wrapping her waist, steadying her.
She jerked away. The warmth of his touch radiated through her.
As if conscious of the nurse nearby, he dropped his hand to his side.
“I’m fine.” For a second she’d wanted to lean against him, to take the support he offered.
Hannah peered at him. Had hurt filled his eyes before they’d turned businesslike again? The unexpected look had come and gone with the flicker of his lids. Had she really seen it? Could she trust herself to interpret his looks correctly?
“You need to understand a heart transplant isn’t a fix. It’s exchanging one set of problems for another. Jake will always be on meds and have to come to the hospital for regular check-ups.”
“I understand that. I’ll take care of him.”
Scott placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
“Don’t touch me.”
He dropped his hand. “Hannah, I know this is rough. But we were friends at one time. Please let me help.”
“Look, Scott, the only help I need from you is to get Jake a heart.”
“Hannah, we’re going to get Jake through this.”
“I hope so. My son’s life depends on you.” She couldn’t afford for him to be wrong, the stakes were much too high.
“Hannah, with a heart transplant Jake can live.”
Like before? Would he still squeal when she blew on his belly? Would he giggle when she blew bubbles and they burst above his head? Her sweet, loving child was dying in front of her eyes.
Scott was saying all the right things, but could she believe him? “It’s not your kid, so you really don’t have any idea how hard this is, do you?”
The muscle in his jaw jumped, before he said, “No, I guess I don’t. But I do know I’m a skilled surgeon and this is an excellent hospital with outstanding staff. We can help Jake and we will.”
“I’m counting on that.”
In his office, using the time between surgeries, Scott waded through the stack of papers cluttering his desk. He leaned back in his chair. Hannah’s face with those expressive green eyes slipped into his mind for the hundredth—or was it the thousandth?—time in the last few hours. She’d looked just as shocked to see him as he’d been to see her. It had required all his concentration to stay focused on what they had been discussing.
He couldn’t have been more astonished to find a red-eyed Hannah looking at him expectantly as he’d entered the conference room. Andrea normally arrived ahead of him but she’d had to answer a page. He’d stepped into the room, and back through time.
Hannah’s hushed whisper of his name had made him want to hug her. But she’d made it clear she’d never allow him. Guilt washed over him. Of course she didn’t want his comfort. He’d hurt her, and for that he was sorry, but he’d believed it was for the best.
He’d wanted her desperately that night eight years ago, and she’d come to him so sweet and willingly, trust filling her eyes. If he could have stopped, he would have, but, heaven help him, he hadn’t been able to. He’d handled things poorly the next morning. She had been too young, in her second year of nursing school. He had been an intern with a career plan that wouldn’t allow him to be distracted. He’d refused to lead her on, have her make plans around him. He hadn’t been ready to commit then, and he wouldn’t commit now.
Andrea had entered before he’d let his emotions get out of control. Regret had washed over him, for not only what he had to tell Hannah but for what life would be like with a sick child and for their lost friendship.
Based on her reaction today, he’d killed whatever had been between them. She’d not been cool to him, she’d been dead-of-winter-in-Alaska cold toward him. Compared to the way she used to treat everyone when they’d worked together, almost hostile.
Not the type of woman that made men do a double-take, Hannah still had an innate appeal about her. He’d known it back then and, even while telling her the devastating news of her son, that connection between them was still there.
Speaking to any parent about their deathly ill child was difficult. Sending a child home with smiling parents after a life-giving transplant made it all worthwhile. Scott’s intention was to put such a smile of happiness on Hannah’s face.
Scott shook his head as if to dislodge Hannah from his mind. He let his chair drop forward, and picked up an envelope off the stack of mail on his desk. The familiar sunshine emblem of the Medical Hospital for Children in Dallas, Texas, stood out in the return spot. A surge of anticipation filled him as he opened it. Was this the news he’d been hoping for?
A quick tap came at the door and Andrea entered.
The statuesque, older nurse had worked with way too many young surgeons to be overly impressed by him when he’d arrived at Children’s General. Still, she’d had pity on him and had taken him under her wing, helping him when he’d needed to navigate the ins and outs of hospital politics. They had become fast friends.
“Is that the news you’ve been looking for?” Andrea indicated the letter.
He’d been talking to the administrator at MHC for months about starting a heart-transplant program there. He opened the flap and pulled out the letter. “Not quite. They’re still looking at other candidates. They’ll let me know of their decision soon.”
“You’re still top man on their list, aren’t you?” Andrea asked.
“Yeah, but they want to review a few more of my cases.” He’d geared his entire career toward this opportunity. To set up his own program, train a team, and make the program in Dallas the best in the country.
“Don’t worry, boss. I’m sure they’re impressed with your skills.”
With years of experience as an OR nurse, Andrea didn’t look like she had a soft touch, but she had a talent for making parents feel comfortable. That was a gift he valued. Appreciative of the skills she brought to her job, Scott intended to persuade her to become a part of his new team in Dallas if he was offered the position.
“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”
“I’ve got the latest blood work on the Quinn kid. You wanted it ASAP.”
Scott took the lab sheet and studied it. “We shouldn’t have a problem listing him right away.”
“None that I can think of.” With a purse of her lips and a glint of questioning in her eye, Andrea said, “I know I came into the meeting late, but I’ve never known you to call a parent by their first name. So I’m assuming you two know each other.”
“Yes, we met while I was in med school, just before I left for my surgical training.” Meeting her look, he refused to give any more information.
Andrea raised her brows. “Oh. Interesting spot you’re in, Doc. She didn’t sound particularly happy to see you again. History coming back to bite you?”
Few others would’ve gotten away with such an insubordinate question.
At his huff, she grinned and slipped back out the door.
Scott might have found some absurd humor in the situation if it wasn’t such a serious one, and if he hadn’t been so afraid that Andrea was right.
Hannah was the one nurse that had mattered, too much. The one that had gotten under his skin, making him wish for more. He’d pushed her away because she’d deserved better than he’d been able to give. He still couldn’t believe Hannah had re-entered his life and, of all things, as the mother of one of his patients. Life took funny bends and turns and this had to be one of the most bizarre he’d ever experienced.
But it didn’t matter what their relationship had been or was now. What mattered was that her son got his second chance at life.
Hannah made her way to the snack machine area on the bottom floor during the afternoon shift change. She was sitting in a booth, dunking her bag in the steaming water, when Scott walked up.
Her breath caught. He was still the most handsome man she’d ever known. His strong jaw line and generous mouth gave him a youthful appearance that contrasted sharply with the experienced surgeon he surely was. There was nothing old or distinguished about him, not even a gray hair to indicate his age.
He still wore the Kelly-green scrubs covered by a pristine white lab coat, which meant he’d been in surgery. She couldn’t see the writing on the left side of his coat, but she knew what was printed above the pocket.
Embroidered in navy was “Scott T. McIntyre, MD” and under that was “Department of Thoracic Surgery.” Reading those words over and over during their meeting had been her attempt to disconnect from the surreal turn her life had taken. She’d almost reached across the small table and traced the letters with a finger. He’d gotten what he’d wanted. She couldn’t help but be proud for him.
Scott stepped to the coffee-dispensing machine and dug into his pocket. Pulling his hand out, he looked at his open palm, muttered something under his breath and spilled the coins back into his pants.
“Here.” She offered him some quarters in her outstretched hand.
Blinking in surprise, he turned. “Hey. I didn’t see you sitting there.”
“I know. You were miles away.”
With a wry smile, he accepted the change. His fingertips tickled the soft skin of her palm as he took the money.
A zip of electricity ran up her arm. It was a familiar, pleasant feeling, one that her body remembered. But her mind said not to. She put her hand under the table, rubbing it against her jeans-clad leg in an effort to ease the sensation.
Scott purchased his coffee then glanced at her, as if unsure what to do next. She couldn’t remember seeing him anything but confident. He appeared as off-kilter as she.
He hesitated. “Do you mind if I join you?”
“You know, Scott, I’m not really up to rehashing the past right now.”
“I really think we should talk.”
Hannah took a second to respond. Could she take any more emotional upheaval especially when she’d just started believing she could breathe again after their last meeting?
Her “Okay” came out sounding unwelcoming.
One of his long legs brushed her knee as he slid into the booth. That electric charge sparked again. She drew her legs deeper into the space beneath the table.
“I’ve just seen the psychologist. Is Jake listed?” Hannah asked into the tense silence hovering between them.
“I put him on a few minutes ago.” Scott’s tone implied it was no big deal, an everyday occurrence, which it might be for him. For her, it was a major event.
She breathed a sigh of relief.
Scott sipped his coffee, before setting the paper cup on the table. He looked at her. “I have to ask: where is Mr. Quinn?”
“That’s not really your business, is it?”
“Yes, and no. If he’s going to be coming into the hospital and making parental demands and disrupting Jake’s care, yes, it is. For the other, I’m just curious.”
“There’s no worries where he’s concerned.” Her look bored into his. “He left us.”
Scott’s flinch was barely discernible. “When?”
“Just after Jake was born.”
“You’ve no family?”
“None nearby. My sister is living in California now. I told her to hold off coming. I don’t know how long we’ll have to wait on a heart.”
His sympathetic regard made her look away. “There’s no one that can be here with you?”
“No. When you’re a single parent with a small child, relatively new to town and you have to work, it leaves little time to make friends.”
“I understand. Doctors’ hours are much the same way.”
“As I remember it, you didn’t have any trouble making time for a social life.” She softened the dig with a wry curl of her lips.
He chuckled. That low, rough sound vibrated around them and through her. She took a sip of her tea.
Scott drained his cup before looking at her again. “Uh, Hannah, about us …” “There is no us.”
“You know what I mean. You have to admit this situation is unusual at best.”
She placed her cup on the table. “Scott, the only thing I’m interested in is Jake getting a new heart. Whatever we had or didn’t have was over and done with years ago. You’re Jake’s heart surgeon. That’s our only relationship.” She probably sounded bitter, but she didn’t have the energy to deal with her emotions where he was concerned. Particularly not today. She needed time to think, to sort through her feelings. Scott twisted his coffee cup around, making a tapping noise on the table.
“Hannah, I shouldn’t have left like I did. I thought I was doing the best thing for you. I was wrong not to tell you I was leaving town.”
She put up her hands. “Let’s just concentrate on Jake. I don’t have the energy to rehash the past.”
He gave a resigned nod, but she didn’t think the subject permanently closed.
“Then would you at least tell me why you’re not nursing?”
“I took a leave of absence when Jake started getting sicker. I didn’t think he needed to be in a day-care situation, and I couldn’t find private care close enough to home to make it work.”
“That’s understandable. I thought you had quit altogether. I remember how much you enjoyed it. What a good nurse you were … are.”
Darmowy fragment się skończył.
