The Cannae Sutra

'A stimulating read' –

The Auchernach Free Post & Advertiser 'Deeply disturbing' –

Auchintoul Gazette 'An accursed, dorty, reeky, drochlin, houremongerin, shaan abomination of a book' –

Cluanie Thunderer 'Ban this book' –

Inchgrundle Times 'Ceased trading' –

Ardteatle News 'Manky, mawkit and downright clarty. My wife loved it! ' – Editor,

The Dunfankle Free Press Birds do it. Bees do it. Scots – um . . . Well do they? All is revealed (well, not quite all – this is Scotland) in

The Cannae Sutra, a ground-breaking exposé of the nation's best-kept secrets. Sex, it seems, is not what coal is delivered in in Morningside. The nation's best-kept bedroom secrets are laid bare in this full frontal, no-holds barred (but by no means serious) peek at what is under the kilt, on every Scotsman's mind and can be induced by too much Irn Bru and porridge. Just make sure you know your houtie-croutie from you elbuck before embarking upon a bout of houghmagandy. The book contains previously unpublished historical material along with helpful advice on ticklish subjects. Topics covered include: techniques, positions, rubberwear, bondage, group sex, sheep love, Scottish porn, secrets of the sporran, FAQs of Life, shortbread fingers, Gaelic symbols, cybersex, curling and socks.