OF course, bigamy is very reprehensible; but the man who marries two women deserves a little credit for trying to make up to the sex for the selfishness of the old bachelor who won't marry even one.

IN a domestic quarrel, it is not the one who can hold out, but the one who can hold in, who usually wins.

THE boy who has been brought up to button his sister's frocks down the back cherishes no illusions about women.

A MAN is never content with a fortune of less than six figures; but a woman is satisfied with one figure – if it has the proper curves.

IT'S a wise woman that knows how little she knows about her husband.

ONE advantage of a bull-dog over a baby is that you are not haunted by the fear that he will grow up to be just like his father.

THE way to a man's heart is a zig-zag road, leading through his stomach twice around his vanity, across his discretion and straight over his determination not to marry.

FAILING to be "there" when a man wants her, is the greatest sin a woman can commit – except being there when doesn't want her.

THE best men always seem to get the worst wives and vice versa; that's Nature's little way of spreading the virtues and the vices around equally, like the jam and the butter on the bread.

A MAN'S idea of being "master" in his own house is asserting his right to put his muddy feet on the best divan and his pipe ashes on the parlor mantelpiece.

A WOMAN may scoff at her husband's religion, insult his friends, absorb his income and pry into his secrets, and still retain his love, if she regards his pipe and his razor as sacred.

YOU can always find somebody to share your money and your pleasures with; but you've got to have somebody tied to you to share your sorrows and troubles with; that's the excuse for matrimony.

A MARRIAGE of convenience is the safety-pin with which a woman fastens on her self-respect when the hooks of love are broken.

THERE never was a man so small that he couldn't call his two-hundred pound wife "little one" with a perfectly serious face.

GOD made the first man; but He must have seen His mistake, for the Scriptures say nothing of His having had anything to do with the rest of them.

A MAN'S idea of a thrifty wife is one who can make lobster salad out of left-over veal and a new hat out of an old fruit basket.

LOVE is the spur, matrimony the whip that drive a man to hard work and successful accomplishment.

THE longest way 'round the saloon and the stage door is the shortest way home for some men.

THERE never was a man living who wouldn't marry Venus, and then expect her to stay home and do the cooking.

ONCE a fool, twice married.

WHEN a girl marries she usually has to choose whether she prefers to sit at the foot of a throne or to stand on a door-mat.

OF course, you can't expect two people to keep step all their lives to the wedding march; but it's a pity the joy-bells get out of tune so soon.

NINE tailors may make a man, but they can't make a gentleman.

BEFORE marriage a man inquires, "What is that fascinating perfume?" afterward, "What is that sickening stuff?"

IT isn't the troubles and sorrows they share, but the bridge parties and midnight suppers they don't share, which separate most married couples.

THERE is no pity on earth so heartfelt as that with which the bachelor and the newly-married man regard one another.

LOVE is a delirious spin in an automobile, marriage the accident of which you are always in danger.

A WOMAN can get so used to that sort of thing that she would feel almost neglected if some day her husband should fail to offer up the usual morning and evening growl.

A WOMAN will go on a starvation diet and have herself skinned alive in order to retain her husband's admiration; but a man considers himself a martyr if he resists a boiled onion.

THE sentiment a society woman wastes in baby-talk to her dog and the money a society man wastes on gasoline for his automobile would keep half a dozen babies in love and milk.

A CYNIC can always find flaws in a woman and weeds in a rose garden.

THE lower a man's forehead, the higher his collar.

NO matter how much a man dislikes children before marriage, after marriage he always imagines that he is going to improve on the human race.

A GIRL'S idea of a proposal of marriage is so different from any she ever gets, that, even after she is married she often wonders how it happened.

VENUS may have been the most popular lady of her time; but it takes a clever huntress, like Diana, to get any attention nowadays.

NOTHING makes a woman feel so old as watching the bald spot daily increase on the top of her husband's head.

LOVE is not really blind, it is only nearsighted; and marriage is the optician that furnishes it with a strong pair of lenses, warranted to dispel all illusions and make defects perfectly clear.

WHOM the gods wish to destroy they first infatuate with a chorus girl.

A WISE jilt wears his scalp beneath his waistcoat, and a wise girl keeps her mittens carefully hidden; only a savage or a fool flaunts the trophies of the love-chase.

COCK ROBIN isn't the only chap who ever promised to feed a girl on jelly-cake and wine when he knew perfectly well that the moment they were married she would have to go out and grub for worms.

PATCHING up a shattered love-affair is as foolish as trying to mend cobwebs.

MATRIMONY is a see-saw; and the secret of happiness lies in keeping yourself so carefully balanced that you neither fly into the air nor come down with a sickening thud.

THE softer a man's head, the louder his socks.

FROM the latest divorce cases it appears that as soon as a married couple get rich enough to keep two automobiles they at once begin to travel separate roads.

DON'T think your husband has ceased to love you merely because he has begun to lie to you; it's when he stops taking the trouble to whitewash himself that you have real grounds for that suspicion.

MANY a woman thinks she has married a hero until she tries to get him to go out and reason with the janitor.

A GOOD husband may be the "salt of the earth," but he often seems more like the pepper.

THE trouble with the marriage tie is that it's so tight that most people get tangled up or frazzled out trying to loosen it.

WHEN a young man rails at marriage, listen for the wedding bells; a confirmed bachelor is too indifferent on the subject to be bitter about it.

A MAN doesn't think he has had a good time unless he has a headache the next morning.

THERE is no such thing as a confirmed bachelor in the countries where harems are fashionable.

IT isn't tying himself to one woman that a man dreads when he thinks of marrying; it's separating himself from all the others.

WHAT a man considers his "personal distinction," and a girl refers to as his "charming personality," is often nothing more than a good tailor and a smart haberdasher.

BEING good is merely keeping up with the styles; what was immoral ten years ago is only fashionable now, and what is shocking now will be only fashionable ten years hence.

WONDER how many wives have been awakened from love's young dream by a snore.

IT'S the men who are least particular about their own morals who are the most particular about a woman's; if Satan should come up here seeking a wife, he would probably demand an angel with gilt wings instead of a nice congenial little devil.

APPEALING to a man's sense of humor when he has just lathered his face for shaving, is about as effective as appealing to a cat's sense of honor when she sees a chance to steal the milk.

A MAN loses his illusions first, his teeth second and his follies last.

SOMEHOW, the wagon a woman hitches to a star always turns out a baby carriage.

A GOOD lie in time saves nine poor ones next morning.

WHEN a girl refuses a man his chagrin is always tempered by his astonishment that she could be so blind to her own good fortune.

THE troublesome part of love and everything nice is that it always must end; but then that's the nice part of matrimony and everything troublesome.

THAT old saw about marrying a man to get rid of him isn't a joke. It's the best way.

ABSENCE may make the heart grow fonder, but it is more likely to make the head grow steadier; there is nothing like total abstinence to cure you of "that dizzy feeling" that comes from either love or cocktails.

BY THE awkwardness with which some men make love, you would fancy they had learned how in a correspondence school.

AS lovers men are inclined to be general practitioners rather than specialists.

IT MAY be possible to patch up a wornout love affair, but the darned places will always rub even if they don't show.

IF a man would display the same patience in catering to a wife that he does in coloring an old meerschaum pipe matrimony would be as pleasant as a pipe dream.

THERE'S an old superstition that it's bad luck to be married in May; why not include the other eleven months?

THE only contract a man considers so unimportant that he will sign it without first reading it over is the marriage contract.

A WOMAN whose husband gives her cause for jealousy should not shed tears; she should shed the husband.

A MAN is never really old until his rosy hopes have turned gray and he has begun to get wrinkles in his disposition.

A GOOD woman is known by what she does; a good man by what he doesn't.

RICH men and their wives are soon parted; matrimony plus money has such a way of developing into alimony.

ONE way to a man's heart is through your father's pocketbook.

LOVE is the sparkle in the wine; matrimony, the headache that follows.

BETTER be a young man's slave than an old man's nurse.

THERE is something about one cocktail that makes a man want another the moment he has swallowed it; and there is something about one woman that makes a man want another the moment he has married her.

A MAN plays his part in his first love affair as an actor plays his first star rôle with fire and enthusiasm, but without poise or method; later he becomes so technical that he can make his pretty speeches backward without a single thrill.

THE only common ground on which some married people ever meet is the burying ground.

LOVE is like a good dinner; the only way to get any satisfaction out of it is to enjoy it while it lasts, have no regrets when it is over and pay the price with good grace.

HUSBANDS and wives may meet in heaven – but some of them won't if they see each other first.

THE hardest part about the "next morning" is not the headache; it's the effort to recall what particular story you told your wife the night before.

POOR people don't have to economize on love, kisses nor enthusiasm; and with plenty of those one can cover all the bare spots on the walls of poverty.

FLATTER a husband a little and he will adore you; flatter him too much and he will soon begin to wonder why such a combination of Solomon and the Apollo Belvidere ever stooped to marry an insignificant little thing like you.

IT'S the hours a woman spends making frocks that her husband never looks at, and the hours a man spends making jokes that his wife never laughs at, that make the matrimonial years drag so heavily.

THE reason that a woman who takes the downward path has so much attention is that there are so many men going that way.

A MAN makes a virtue of necessity when he prides himself on his devotion to a wife who is so fascinating that he can't help it.

A MAN'S wife, like any other sort of stimulant, ceases to have that exhilarating effect after she has become a steady diet.

NO MAN knows the shock that a woman receives when she finds that she has got to live up to a standard that is half angel and half cook.

MEN declare they admire common sense in a woman; but a physical culturist with a perfect digestion and a thirty-inch waist hasn't a chance in the world against a foolish, unhealthy little thing in a French corset, a princess frock and open-work stockings.

THE ultimate proof of a man's love is the self-restraint he shows when he allows a girl to run her fingers through his hair without putting up his hand to see if the part is still there.

A LITTLE knowledge makes a man a fool – but it makes a woman suspicious.

THE best way to cure a man's love is to return it with interest – and then watch him lose the interest.

A MAN seldom escapes temptation because he is so careful not to let any interesting temptations escape him.

SELF-SACRIFICE is the soul of love, and a real soul-mate is one who is willing to get up and take the milk off the dumb-waiter, wait until you have finished with the morning paper and give you the seat nearest the radiator.

IT must be awful to live with a man after you have reformed him and he has become so superlatively good that you don't feel superior to him any more.

GOOD husbands are like tracts, comforting but uninteresting; the other kind are like dime novels, exciting, but apt to keep you in a constant fever of dread, anticipation and curiosity.

IF a woman were like a serial novel and a man could read only one chapter at a time, honeymoons would last forever.

A MAN doesn't demand common sense from a woman; he is satisfied with incense.

WHEN a girl marries a man because he is the best she can do it is the irony of fate to have him blame her because they are ill-mated.

DAKOTA is the State that cuts a woman's troubles in half – and kindly takes away the better half.

WONDERFUL how soon after marriage a man gets to look upon the morning and evening kiss as one of his daily chores.

WHAT is the happiest state in life? Why, Dakota, of course.

COLLEGE boys are addicted to cigarettes and flirtations, bachelors to cigars and sweethearts; it takes a married man to get real joy out of anything so economical as a pipe or a wife.

MARRIAGE is the "commencement exercise" at which we take our diplomas in love; thereafter, like the college graduate, we begin to learn how little we know about it all.

HALF the divorces are founded right on the wedding journey, just as half of indigestion is founded on too much sugar.