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Chapter One

Blustery winds lashed at the windows, rattling the shutters, and a draught raced up the staircase in an eerie woo. December had well and truly arrived, bringing with it icy winds and sheeting rain and the urge to snuggle by the fire. But there was no time for that with only a few days until our bridal expo, and Christmas to plan too.

“Tell me this place isn’t haunted, Clio,” a wide-eyed Amory said, clutching a loop of silver tinsel to her chest like a safety blanket.

“With the ghosts of boyfriends past?” I teased, warming my hands by the fire. It crackled and popped, a comforting soundtrack to frosty nights with us holed up in the lodge, working away in one room or another. While the main renovations had been done, there was always something else that needed some attention. From polishing paint-smudged finger-printed balustrades, to excavating the debris from a musty unused cupboard we’d missed the first time around.

She grinned. “You wish.”

“No I do not wish. Men complicate everything!”

The creaks and moans of the lodge didn’t bother me any more. I was used to the grand old dame making her presence felt in the whispers of wind, and shivers of brocade curtains. And if the ghosts made their presence felt then who was I to judge? I hadn’t mentioned it to anyone, but sometimes I awoke with a start, and had the feeling I wasn’t alone. Which was all sorts of crazy and I put it down to fatigue and erratic dream-filled sleep.

“Speaking of men,” Amory said falling into a plush wingback chair that we’d rescued from the basement and rejuvenated. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but I was thinking back to a few weeks ago – the night I arrived actually – and I could be mistaken; did I interrupt you and Kai? I wasn’t paying attention at the time, but I’m sure you were in his arms like… lovers.” Her eyes twinkled mischievously and it was all I could do to keep my expression neutral.

Damn it! I had tried very hard to forget all about Kai and the spontaneous kiss under the moonlight. He had left before I was up the next morning, and I hadn’t heard a peep from him since. He’d probably forgotten all about me and Cedarwood by now, and thus there’d been no point confiding in Amory about my brief clinch with the bronzed, blond, surfer, yogi, Australian project manager – just to describe him briefly – who’d helped shape the lodge back into the beauty of its halcyon days. Without him here, the work days lost some of their shine, for me anyway.

“In his arms?” I said doubtfully, as if she was silly to suggest such a thing. “God, no. We had been discussing the… the cleanup. Probably why he hotfooted out so early the next day.” I lifted a shoulder as if it was nothing, but the mention of Kai and that kiss still had the ability to make me woozy. What could I say, it had been a long time since I’d been plagued with thoughts of a man in the romantic sense – it jolted me, those long dormant feelings.

Not fooled, Amory narrowed her eyes and said breezily, “Oh, my mistake, this postcard must be for someone else then…” With a playful smile she waved the postcard in front of me.

With a shriek I snatched it from her, and held it to my chest. “Did you read it?”

She faux gasped, “I would never do that!”

“You liar!” I laughed, and lobbed a cushion at her.

Even if Amory had read the postcard, which I had no doubt she had, I wanted to read it alone and savor it. I peeked at the festive picture on the front of a snow covered park with a line saying: wish you were here. Of course, I instantly read too much into it…

“Well, aren’t you going to read it?”

“Later,” I said. “It’s probably just a polite reminder asking for his last invoice to be paid.” Which I really needed to do. Was I subconsciously holding out so he’d call me? No, no, no. I was just time poor, that’s all it was.

She rolled her eyes dramatically. “As if, just read the damn thing. And then we can dissect every word for hidden meaning.”

It was hard to hide anything from Amory, but I kept the farce up, not willing to give in so easily. “Can we get back to decorating?” I motioned to a box from which shiny baubles and sparkly tinsel spilled out, dusting the floorboards with glitter. “All we’ve done so far is make a mess.”

“Fine,” she grinned. “Let’s throw some tinsel around while we talk.”

She was incorrigible, and wouldn’t give up until I’d read the damn card and deliberated over every single syllable with her.

Her innocent act didn’t fool me though – I wasn’t the only one keeping secrets. She’d been at Cedarwood for a couple of weeks now, and her lips remained firmly clamped about why she’d hastily left Manhattan.

I hadn’t pushed for details, hoping Amory would share when she was ready. I had a feeling it was something to do with her boyfriend Cruz, and not a problem at the agency, from the amount of work calls she was fielding, telling them with good grace she was on a sabbatical.

I waggled my eyebrows, sensing an opportunity. “Fine, I’ll tell if you will.”

“Oh you cunning little minx.” She puckered her lips.

“Learned from the best,” I winked.

“Fine.”

“Fine.”

“You first.”

I flipped the postcard over and read Kai’s loping scrawls:

When the noise of the city gets too much, I think of Cedarwood. The silence, the stars, and being surrounded by the beauty of nature. What happened the night of the party?

Kai

Mortification colored me scarlet. What happened? A kiss happened, and not your run-of-the-mill kiss either, a knee trembler, a time stopper, a gasp inducer, the type I’d only ever read about before, but was I alone in that thought? He hadn’t called since had he?

“Come on, the suspense is killing me!”

I handed the card to Amory and she pretended to read it for the first time. “I knew it! God, you must’ve been so annoyed when I stumbled in at that exact moment!”

I let out a nervous laugh. “The timing wasn’t ideal, but I was happy to see you. Besides, as you can clearly see, it didn’t mean anything to him. The poor guy got out of there as quick as he could so he wouldn’t have to face me again.”

A scoff escaped her pinked lips. “Where does it say that?” She made a show of re-reading it, squinting at it up close.

Giving her a long look I quoted from memory: “What happened? Not exactly a declaration of love, is it?” In my heart of hearts I hadn’t expected anything less. So far my love life had been underwhelming. It wasn’t that I didn’t want romance, it was more that I hadn’t found anyone who flipped my world upside down. And I was just too busy to waste time with Mr Right Now’s.

Amory stared me down like I was an unruly child.

“What’s that face supposed to mean?” I asked, folding my arms.

With a huff she said, “You’re looking for a reason to cast him off, before it’s even started! If you read between the lines of what he wrote he’s saying he misses Cedarwood, which really means he’s missing you, and he’s asking if the kiss meant something to you, because it clearly did to him! Men don’t send correspondence if they don’t care, for god’s sake.”

It was my turn to scoff. “It doesn’t mean that at all! If he was interested he wouldn’t have left before the sun rose the next day, would he? It was like he couldn’t get out of here fast enough. The postcard is a reminder, hey pay your bills, lady. Which I intend to do once we get all of this work done.” I sighed. There was never enough time, and my nerves became more frayed the closer the bridal expo crept. Love would complicate things, better instead if I focused on my friends, my brides, and my business. Just like usual, work, work, work.

I bent to the box of decorations, and busied myself rummaging.

In a softer tone Amory said, “Darling, he stayed on longer than he was contracted, that is saying in invisible letters – he’s keen.”

Who knew what anything meant when it came to men? Kai was more sensitive and quiet than I was used to and I didn’t know how to read him, or his postcard. He was gone, and that was that.

Micah wandered in, lugging another big box of Christmas decorations, and I was glad for the interruption. Having my easy-going best friend from Evergreen and my fashion-conscious best friend from Manhattan in one place might have proved tricky for some, but not for these two. They gelled from the get-go and delighted in ganging up and teasing me good naturedly, just as I would expect from both of them. Proof I had good taste in friends.

“Three more boxes to go. Jesus, Clio, when you decorate you don’t go lightly do you?” he wiped a layer of sheen from his brow.

I stared him down. “It’s Christmas, Micah. And you of all people should know what that means.” When I lived in Evergreen as a teenager, Christmas was left to me, and that meant Micah was roped in to help, no matter how much he complained. From decorating the fir trees in the front yard, to hanging fairy lights in the window, he was part of every step, willing or not. Secretly, he adored Christmas but thought it unmanly to admit it. I could read that guy like a book back then, and nothing had changed.

“It means carols on a loop, eggnog for weeks, and lots of sparkly things, right?”

“Right! And that’s just the beginning,” I added, grinning. Christmas was my favorite time of year. And that meant any Grinches had to suffer in silence or face my steely-eyed glare. I had plans for an intimate Christmas Eve party, with all the trimmings. It didn’t matter if I was hosting a party for four or four hundred, it had to be right. The lodge would shine so brightly you’d see it all the way from Australia if you squinted hard enough. So what if I liked Christmas? It was the one time of year when you could be sentimental and surround yourself with friends who were more like family. I loved every single part of it, including decorating like my life depended on it.

Amory held up two baubles to her ears like earrings. “We should get some tacky Christmas jewelry. You know the type that flashes?” She swapped the baubles for a trio of star statues that she centered on the coffee table.

“We definitely should.”

“Are you going to reply? I notice he’s scrawled a return address on the card…” She took an ornate angel from the box and set it on the mantelpiece, casually bumping me out of the way with her hip.

I bent to the box and grabbed a length of golden glittery beads out, intending to wind them around the stairwell bannisters in the lobby. “I don’t know. Anyway, what about you? Why’d you leave Manhattan?”

I propped the postcard on the mantle, near the rosy red stockings hanging on an angle waiting to be stuffed by Santa (a girl could still believe).

A gold Christmas candle threw light around the space, flickering festively. Amory nodded to Micah’s bent head, as if to say not in front of him.

“Oh, don’t mind Micah. He’s used to doling out advice to women.” Better if there were no secrets between us, then less chance I would talk out of turn. Besides, Micah was a good sounding board. He wasn’t dismissive like some men could be. Still, Amory shrunk back as if she didn’t want to share with him just yet.

Micah got the hint and said, “How about I make us some eggnog, my secret recipe?” He waggled his brows and I knew that meant he’d probably do his usual heavy-handed trick and add too much bourbon. He said it had to buzz on your tongue or it wasn’t Christmas. Yeah, right. Micah just really liked bourbon.

“Bring back a plate of gingerbread men too! The ones with the little snowflake scarves!” Something to soak up the alcohol…

“And grab some of those reindeer cookies Georges made!” Amory faced me, patting the soft swell of her belly. “Your chef will be my downfall, you know.”

“Mine too. Let’s worry about that next year.”

She nodded. “Yeah, no one watches their weight over Christmas. That’s just rude.”

Micah shook his head ruefully as he wandered down the hallway, “Just yell out if I can do anything else, princesses.”

The Christmas carols had finished so I pressed the go button again, smiling as Dean Martin warbled Let it Snow… Peeking outside, snowflakes seesawed down, blanketing the ground white; I couldn’t wait for the brides to see Cedarwood in all its wintry glory, flashing festively and dusted with soft white snow.

It was Christmas card perfect. Warm, welcoming and ready for guests.

“Anyway,” I dragged myself back to the decorations and took some reindeer bunting from the box. “What happened? Tell me everything…”

Amory fiddled with big golden wreath for the front door, bending it back into shape and said, “It’s a long story.”

“We’ve got time.” She’d try anything to avoid talking about it, and it was totally out of character for her.

She sighed. “You’re going to think I’m slightly insane, really you will, so just pretend I’m not – OK? Keeping in mind I’ve been dating Cruz for just over a year, yeah? Not five years, not ten, not…”

“I get it,” I interrupted solemnly, noting her downturned lips, the slight tremble in her hands. Amory would try and make the situation funny, or lighthearted, it was her way to downplay things, but I could see it had obviously affected her.

“So Cruz invited me over for dinner. As you know our dates went inexplicably from twice a week to almost every day – it was all getting very serious quite rapidly. After a month of that he was dropping hints about how settling down really appealed to him, babbling about friends of his who’d just had a baby, who was cute-as-a-button, he actually said cute-as-a-button …”

“Oh… a baby.” I bit my lip to stop from saying anything more. Amory had zero inclination to have children. Less than zero. She was openly opposed to it and had told Cruz early on it was a deal breaker for her. He’d accepted that, not having the desire himself. Did he want to try for a baby?

“Right?” she toyed with a length of tinsel. “So I go there for this fancy home-cooked meal, he’s got this little table set for two, candles, flowers, soft music, the whole nine yards.”

I turned the carols down slightly so I could concentrate. “OK, none of that screams weird to me, but keep going.” I’d always liked Cruz – for a Manhattanite, he was more grounded than most, and didn’t bother with the pretensions of big city living. He was himself, always, a smoldering-eyed, nice guy who showed his love for Amory in little romantic ways all the time. He didn’t get moody about girls’ nights out and gave Amory space when she needed it without question. He was a keeper in my books.

“So I sat there sort of stiffly, feeling a little uncomfortable. The night reeked of change, and I wasn’t sure why. I could feel it in my bones. He popped the champagne cork and poured, I didn’t even wait to clink, I guzzled it down. And then another.”

I laughed, imagining her pinched face, her wide-eyed worry as she quaffed expensive champagne like it was water. “Classy.”

“It gets worse,” she groaned. “He pottered about assembling our entrée, a fancy ceviche dish that took an age to assemble…”

I interrupted, “Is he a good cook though, that’s the big question.” Was I the only one who routinely set smoke alarms off by burning toast? I was easily distracted and the kitchen was a no-go zone for me if I could help it. The only times I tried out my culinary skills was with Mom and that’s only because she tended to avoid cooking altogether.

“Darling, don’t you remember? Cruz was a chef before he moved to Manhattan. He worked under Jacques What’s-his-name for about a hundred years before he got dragged into finance by that boss of his with dollar signs for eyeballs, don’t get me started on that guy. Anyway, Cruz was adding these micro herbs to the dish and telling me all about his parents and how much they wanted to meet me, and what did I think about a trip to South America to visit them?”

“Aw that’s so sweet, he wants to show you off! A trip to South America sounds totally amazing, Amory!” Cruz was a really nice guy in a sea of maybe-nots. Amory pretended it wasn’t serious but it was obvious to me how much he adored her, and she kept him at bay for reasons I couldn’t fathom. To protect her heart, I suspected.

She rubbed a hand over her face. “Don’t you think it’s a bit… heavy… meeting them?”

I frowned. “No, I don’t think it’s heavy! You’ve been dating Cruz for over a year now and that’s a long time, especially in Manhattan minutes. It’s the normal progression of things.” It was exasperating at times being so utterly different to Amory. How could she not see this was a sign of commitment from Cruz? Surely that was a good thing?

Plumping a candy-cane festooned cushion she said, “Darling that might be the normal progression of things for people who are willing to settle down, but that’s not me! They’ll expect some perfect Stepford type, won’t they?”

“What do you care? You don’t normally let anyone intimidate you.” I had the sneaking suspicion she cared more than usual about what they’d think of her because she really did love Cruz.

She folded her arms. “I’m not willing to pretend I’m ready for marriage and babies, just because I’m at the age where it’s deemed I should be. Don’t you see? He’s expecting one thing to lead to the next, and I’m not interested in all of that. Next minute I’ll be pregnant with triplets, and living in a cottage without Wi-Fi.” She shuddered, she really didn’t like being without the internet and I had to laugh.

“I’m sure it’s not as bad as all that. It sounds romantic, like Cruz was trying to show you he’s committed, and most men in New York would run a mile rather than do that. What happened next, surely that isn’t why you left town?”

She took a deep breath. “Well then he circled the table, and bent down. On one knee!”

I dropped the reindeer bunting about the same time my jaw fell open. “Oh my god, he PROPOSED?”

Color rose up her cheeks and she averted her eyes. “Not exactly.”

“What do you mean not exactly?”

“Well,” she put the cushion in place on the chaise and then flopped beside it. “Obviously, I freaked out, didn’t I? He knows I don’t want the whole meet-the-parents, marriage and children thing. I haven’t kept it a secret!”

I frowned. “But did he or did he not say the words: Will you marry me?”

She let out a high-pitched squeal. “I don’t know! I blinked rapidly, and pretended I had something in my eye! An eyelash emergency … I told him I’d be back in a minute – I just had to rinse my face…”

I cupped my mouth and said, “Oh, Amory! You didn’t!”

“I did, and I went through the bedroom and plunged down the fire escape, and half-ran half-hobbled off into the night.”

“The fire escape!” I let out a groan. “Amory! But you’re scared of heights!”

“I’m scared of marriage proposals more! And my poor Manolos will never be the same.” She blinked back tears, I only hoped they weren’t for her expensive designer heels and more for her predicament with Cruz.

“Forget about the Manolos, what did he do?”

“He called out saying he just wanted to talk and why was I running, but by then I was breathing hard and quite wild-eyed with it all.”

I flopped on the opposite chaise, truly stunned. Who’d run away from a guy like Cruz? It was mind-bending. But Amory was my best friend, so I was on her side, always. “Have you spoken since then?”

She scrunched her eyes closed. “Only by text. I can’t face a phone call. Firstly, I’m terrified of the whole potential proposal thing, and secondly, what if he thinks I’m a basket case for running?”

“You are a basket case. Maybe he was just going to… serenade you or something. And you with your steely heart threw yourself down a building to get away?”

She covered her face and mumbled, “I know, I know. I wasn’t thinking rationally at the time. Once I got home that night I emailed the agency and told them I was taking a sabbatical and then made my way here, all before I could change my mind. And then I thought about telling you and wanted to dissolve into the floor. So now you know.” Her face paled at the recollections and I moved to hug her, silly girl that she was. All that fuss, just so she could avoid hearing someone declare their love.

“Shouldn’t you at least talk to him? Put the poor guy out of his misery?”

She shook her head, “I texted him that I was here and taking a break.”

“And what was his reply?”

“Take all the time I need, he’d wait for me.”

“Wow, what a monster he is,” I said.

She lobbed an inflatable Santa at me, which bounced off and hit Micah as he walked back through the door holding a tray of steaming hot eggnog and plates of Christmas cookies. “Whoa!” he said, just managing to right the mugs as they wobbled, eggnog splashing over the sides.

“Sorry,” Amory said. “It was Santa’s fault.”

We sat and each took a drink, cradling the mugs for warmth, and then my phone pinged. I sighed, expecting it to be an anxious text from one of the brides attending the expo. Instead it was from Timothy: ‘Great to catch up the other night, would love to have dinner with you sometime this week? Timothy x’.

My stomach flipped. I wasn’t sure exactly how I felt about Timothy, there hadn’t been time to really ruminate about it all. So I texted back quickly, shielding my phone from Amory’s prying eyes: ‘Hey, Tim! The impromptu drinks were fab.’ I paused, weighing up what else to say. It wasn’t as though we’d planned to meet, so technically it wasn’t a date, more two old friends being at the same place at the same time. ‘Can I take a rain check for dinner for some time after New Year? Hope the kids are well!’

It wasn’t that I didn’t feel a frisson of something there, it was more he was a father and I had to tread carefully, realizing he was a package deal. And those kids weren’t exactly amenable to some stranger wandering into their lives. Five-year-old Scarlett had given me the slit-throat gesture, which I still hadn’t quite recovered from…

Better to stick to other people’s love lives for now. After a deep drink of eggnog, I said, “So what now?”

Amory took up a gingerbread man, biting his head off in one fell swoop. Between crunches she said, “Look, darling, there’s no question I adore the man, but I want to move along on my terms. This may sound ironic coming from a girl who plans weddings for a living, but I just don’t want to be told there’s stages and like clockwork I have to tick them off, just because everyone else does.”

Without the bedlam of the big city there was time to talk seriously about these big, life changing things on a deeper level than we would have in Manhattan. Time moved at a slower pace at Cedarwood. We let ourselves relax, confessions were mulled over – rather than answered quickly and less thoughtfully between cocktails and pumping music.

Micah sipped his eggnog, and hummed to the carols, contentment shining in his eyes, or more likely the bourbon was taking effect!

I debated whether to push Amory for a deeper truth. I didn’t want her to think I wasn’t supportive, but I also thought she might need a shove to be honest, even with herself. “Is it really that though, Amory, or is that you don’t want to admit how you feel?”

“Don’t Doctor Phil me, please, oh psychobabbler, I realize I’ve acted a little rashly, but imagine if he did propose? It would have been all sorts of awkward.”

“Why, would you have said no?”

“I wouldn’t have said yes.”

Micah piped up. “Hang on, hang on, so explain what happened.” Amory nodded so I gave Micah a rundown of events. He murmured to himself before saying, “There’s got to be a way you can meet in the middle. And what if he wasn’t about to propose? He might have been about to tell you he’s sorry but he’s decided to become vegetarian.”

Amory laughed. “But the ceviche, Micah. Ceviche is fish.”

Micah steepled his fingers. “Maybe a pescetarian then?” he laughed. “But you see my point, right? It could have been a marriage proposal, but it also could have been, ‘hey girl, you want to fly first class and meet my parents? Then I’ll wine and dine you in Paris, how ‘bout it?’”

I let out a peal of laughter at Micah’s attempted accent. It sounded more hillbilly than South American.

“Maybe,” she said, giggling. “But on one knee? Don’t men reserve that position for the proposal? Like isn’t it hallowed?”

Micah nodded. “Well, yeah, you’d hate to get a girl’s hopes up if it wasn’t the case. I think you should at least talk to Cruz, let him explain. He’s probably out of his mind worrying about you.” Thank you, Micah! She was more likely to listen to a third party than me, knowing I had a soft spot for Cruz.

“Yeah, I guess. I will, eventually. Let’s get back to decorating. All this love talk gets too soppy after a while. Plus, we’ve got wreaths for the doors to hang, and stockings for the fireplaces in the suites upstairs. Fairy lights, and these things…” she lifted a row of jingly Christmas bells. “Micah, what about the trees? Did you tell Isla which ones we wanted?” Amory subject-changed like a pro.