Czytaj książkę: «Return To Bluebell Hill»

Chapter One

Bye-bye, home.

With her nose squished against the window, Jessica McAdams watched with a heavy heart as the familiar setting of London whooshed by. The busy restaurants, the towering office blocks, the bustling streets … She was going to miss it while she was gone. Her destination wouldn’t hold the same hustle and bustle, the same attraction nor the same excitement… It wouldn’t even come close.

A small sigh escaped her as it all disappeared, the buildings and streets swapped for trees and green fields.

She wondered how she was going to get through the next few weeks. Her job in one of London’s most popular publishing houses Partridge & Co. propelled her out of her much-loved apartment and into the busy streets with a spring to her step each morning. She loved it completely; the thrill, the buzz, and the energy that thrummed through the third floor each time she stepped out of the elevator. She was certain that not many people could say that they loved their job as much as she did and actually mean it. Her stomach turned at the thought of abandoning it.

Her job wasn’t the only thing that she was leaving behind. Her best friend Sarah was another aspect of her life that she didn’t want to leave in London. All of these things made her who she was, but she had to go back. She didn’t have a choice in the matter. It didn’t make her decision any easier to come to terms with though.

Realising that there was no point in wallowing in self-pity, Jessica removed her nose from the window and shifted uncomfortably in the seat. No matter how much she wriggled she couldn’t find a comfortable position. She wasn’t entirely sure whether that was to do with the seat itself or just her own internal, emotional discomfort. The red lever intended for an emergency stop was in her line of sight and for a few heart-racing seconds she considered yanking it down and escaping into the woodland that surrounded the tracks. The urge to do so dissolved into acceptance of her fate when she remembered that someone was waiting for her at the end of the journey. Someone important. Her heart began to hammer again.

She sat alone in the compartment with only her thoughts for company, although the chatter of other passengers could be heard. Snippets of conversation kept winging their way towards her. They were providing background noise if nothing else. Her black, bulky suitcase sat next to her on the seat, reminding her constantly of where she was headed. The clothes had been rammed inside rather than neatly folded earlier that morning. She hadn’t wanted to drag the packing out so she’d instead bundled her clothes into it and zipped it up hastily, preferring to get it over and done with as quickly as possible.

The rattle of an oncoming tea trolley approached; wheels squeaking, teacups chinking against each other noisily. Jessica turned her face towards the window and hoped that whoever was behind it would walk straight past her, paying little attention to the lone traveller who was staring at the outside world.

‘Would you like a tea, dear?’ The trolley paused beside the outer seats, leaving Jessica with no option but to acknowledge its presence as well as the woman’s behind it. A wrinkled face appeared with rheumy eyes behind a large pair of spectacles.

She gulped down the sudden threat of tears. The tiniest thing was capable of setting her off just lately, more so the appearance of kind, old ladies. She nodded and accepted the cup of tea gratefully. ‘Thank you.’

Rather than continuing on her way like Jessica had hoped she would, the tea lady remained where she was and cocked her head to the side. She leant forward over the trolley to study Jessica with concern, her eyes wrinkling at the corners. ‘Are you quite all right, petal? You look a little pale, is all. Here.’

A couple of sugar sachets landed in Jessica’s lap making her flinch in surprise. She was as jumpy as a child on a bouncy-castle, her nerve-endings shot to pieces. She needed to get a grip and fast. ‘Oh! Thank you.’ She gathered the sachets and offered the woman a smile that was as friendly and genuine as she could muster.

‘No problem,’ the tea lady replied, pleased with her helpfulness. She placed her hands on her hips. ‘Sugar helps with all sorts of shock and by the looks of you, you could do with plenty.’ With a knowledgeable nod, she turned back to her trolley and rattled off down the aisle.

Alone once more, Jessica’s fingers trembled as she sprinkled each serving of sugar into her tea. Was she shocked? She supposed so. But then, she felt as if she’d always known that the day would come when she’d have to return. Despite living her wonderful London life—arranging and attending glamorous work events, heading off abroad with her best-friend—it was as if the harsh reality of who she was and where she’d come from had always been present, right at the back of her mind. Sure, it had been hidden away, but only until the day that something prompted it to resurface.

She was stirring the sugar into her tea when her ringtone sprung to life. She dug into her coat pocket and studied the screen of her phone. Her heart soared when she saw Sarah’s name flashing. The photo of them that had been taken whilst holidaying in Tenerife was the one that she’d chosen as Sarah’s contact picture. It was her favourite. Two young, carefree women, skin bronzed from two weeks beneath the burning sun, strutting about in bikinis and, quite simply, enjoying life. She remembered how happy she’d felt when the photo had been taken and she couldn’t help but wish that she was back there now with Sarah, rather than sat on the train alone.

She answered the call.

‘Is everything okay?’ Sarah asked as soon as Jessica picked up.

‘Sarah, we spoke about twenty minutes ago when we said goodbye at the station.’ She couldn’t help but to smile at her friend’s concern. ‘But in answer to your question, no, I’m not okay. I wish I’d never agreed to this. Is it too late to change my mind?’

‘Jess, you can’t change your mind now. You’re on the train and you’re on your way. And remember what I said to you in Maggie’s the other day?’

Ah, yes, their weekly catch-ups in Maggie’s were one of her favourite things, as were the cinnamon buns and the coffee. ‘Remind me?’

‘This needs to be done for your own peace of mind if nothing else. If you didn’t go back, you’d only spend the rest of your life regretting it. I know you would. You’re that sort of person. I know it’s scary, I know it’s a big deal, but if you were that scared, you wouldn’t have got on the train. I’m proud of you for taking that step.’

‘Thanks, Sar. That means a lot to me.’ She sipped her tea and winced as it scalded her mouth. ‘Are you going to miss me while I’m gone?’

‘Are you serious? Of course I’m going to miss you! Do you know how much willpower I had to use to not get on that train with you? I would have come with you, you know. I wouldn’t have minded at all.’

‘I know, but as clichéd as it sounds, I think this is something that I need to do on my own. Plus, you’d get bored. There really isn’t that much to see or do down there. You’re much better off staying where you are.’

‘I think you may have a point there.’ Sarah laughed lightly. ‘So, what’s going to happen once you’re there besides the funeral? Is there anything else that you’re going to need to sort out?’

Jessica swallowed at the mention of the ‘f’ word. It still felt surreal, like she’d stumbled into some other parallel universe where everything was disorderly and up in the air. Her life wasn’t like this. Her life was neat and tidy and organised. ‘I’m really not sure. I didn’t ask many questions on the phone. I’m sure Esme mentioned something about the house but I was so shocked when I realised that it was her on the phone, I couldn’t concentrate enough to take anything in. It’ll all become clear once I’m there, I’m sure.’

‘And is Esme meeting you at the station once you arrive?’ Sarah asked.

‘That’s what she said.’

It had been almost two weeks since she’d received the phone call.

She’d been standing in the queue in the canteen at work waiting for a plateful of lasagne, stomach rumbling as she watched the steam rising from the melted cheesy topping. With colleagues stood on both sides and chatter coming from all directions, she’d been surprised that she’d even heard her phone ringing from inside the confines of her bag. But miraculously, she had, and she’d been so surprised to hear Esme’s voice that when the lasagne had been handed back over to her, she’d lost grip of the plate and sent it crashing to the floor, splattering her white jeans and pastel pink heels with a steamy red mess. Colleagues had fussed around her legs and feet, cleaning and picking up pieces of the smashed plate, asking if she was okay. While all this had been going on, she’d stumbled backwards away from the chaos as her world had begun to swim in and out of focus. That phone call had been the one thing that she’d been dreading since she’d begun her life in London. That single phone call was capable of dragging her right the way back to a place that she thought she’d done an excellent job of forgetting existed. In this instance, the phone call had achieved exactly that and deserved a huge round of applause for smashing up her fantastically un-messy life in just a few seconds. But, even though the thought of returning was enough to make Jessica want to flee the country without a single backwards glance, she knew as soon as she’d heard what Esme had had to say that she’d had no choice in the matter. After all, what kind of daughter wouldn’t attend her own parents’ funeral?

‘Jessica?’ Sarah ventured quietly.

‘Yes?’

‘Are you strong enough to deal with this?’

She swallowed and clutched the phone a little tighter. ‘I hope so…’

‘When you’re back home, let’s get this year’s holiday booked. What do you think? It’ll give you something to look forward to. Cocktails, sun, sea and sand?’

‘That sounds perfect,’ Jessica replied, her voice a tiny bit brighter at the thought of being somewhere else, anywhere else. It really didn’t matter where, as long as it was far away from here. A holiday with Sarah would give her something to dream about whilst she crawled through the next couple of weeks. An imaginary place to escape to when reality became too much to handle. ‘While I’m away, you get planning. Find somewhere exotic and full of dark haired, muscly, rugged men who’ll feed us grapes and fan us with those huge palm leaves, and make sure you—’

She paused in her list of holiday requirements as a tall figure appeared in the corner of her eye. She glanced up at the new passenger with a backpack slung over one shoulder. While she’d been chatting away, the train had stopped at another station. She only meant to acknowledge him out of politeness but as their eyes caught, chocolate brown on olive green, she struggled to look away. He nodded towards the two empty seats opposite her. Dark haired, muscly, rugged… It was as if someone had been listening to her list of holiday requirements and magically conjured him up.

He remained standing as people pushed past him impatiently to get further down the carriage. Apparently, he was waiting for her approval before sitting down, which was rather gentlemanly of him, Jessica thought to herself.

‘Dark-haired, muscly, rugged men who will feed us grapes and fan us with huge palm leaves whilst stretched out on sunbeds beneath a tropical sun.’ Sarah’s voice had a dreamlike quality to it as she carried on. ‘Okay. Got it. Just don’t mention that part to Luke. We’ve only been going together for four months. I don’t think he’d appreciate being replaced just yet.’ She giggled girlishly. ‘Listen, Jess. I’m going to have to go. Lunch is almost up and if Pete finds me in here using the work phone again, heads will roll. We have a party of twelve in this afternoon so I need to start folding napkins. Oh, exciting life that I lead! Text me once you arrive and remember, I’m only a phone call away. Love you, Jess.’

‘Love you too, Sar.’ The call came to an end.

‘You can sit there,’ Jessica motioned to the handsome man still waiting for the go-ahead. ‘I mean, if you want to sit there, because no one else is sitting there.’ She waved towards the empty seats and immediately wanted to snatch her flailing, floppy hands back down to her sides. She shoved the phone into her pocket and turned her head sharply to stare back out of the window, feeling embarrassed.

‘Thanks. Everywhere else was taken.’ The deep, gravelly voice made her inch her eyes back towards him. Treacle-soft, sugar-sweet, dark-chocolate-divine.

He dropped into the seat opposite with obvious relief and ran his fingers over the smattering of dark stubble that swept across both sides of his very masculine, very appealing jaw. She’d never thought of a jaw as a physical attribute before. It took her a few trying moments to remove her eyes from his face. Thankfully, he was oblivious to her admiring glances as he fiddled with his phone. She probably looked like she’d never seen a man before. Well, she hadn’t, not one that looked like him, anyway.

‘All right?’ he asked casually once a few minutes of silence had passed. One corner of his delicious mouth lifted upwards. Shiny, conker-brown hair and twinkling, green eyes created the perfect package of man.

‘I’m fine, thanks. You?’ She righted her position, pulled herself up a little straighter. She imagined she looked like a child cowering in the corner of the compartment and something about this man made her want to appear more womanly than she’d ever been before. She discreetly smoothed down her raven black hair and swept her fringe from out of her eyes.

He pushed up the sleeves of his hoodie to reveal toned, tanned forearms and grinned. ‘Great, thanks.’

She was treated to another of his smiles and couldn’t help but return it. There was something about him that captivated her. His confidence perhaps? Whatever it was, she liked it. Rather a lot, actually. She wasn’t used to chatty strangers. Especially handsome chatty strangers, and rarely did they attempt to speak to her. There just weren’t that many around. Well, not that many besides this one who had just happened to cross her path. But anyway, this wasn’t the time for flirting. She had more important things to think about. She offered him another quick smile that she hoped didn’t appear rude and turned to face the window once again.

Not long now, she mused. She placed her forehead against the glass and watched the outside world as it passed by.

‘Off on your holidays?’ the handsome stranger asked.

He must have noticed her suitcase. ‘Something like that.’ She glanced at it, too. It sent her stomach violently lurching into what felt like a washing machine spin-cycle. She looked away, determined to ignore its existence. Stupid thing.

‘Anywhere nice?’ he continued, oblivious to her discomfort.

‘I’m off to Cornwall,’ she replied quickly, blurting out the first thing that came to mind. ‘A few days by the sea. I can’t wait.’ An image popped into her mind of herself wearing a pretty sundress and taking a happy stroll through the seaside town. There were seagulls, ice-cream, sand castles and the scent of the sea-salt whistling through the air. It was a shame that her reality looked nothing like that but he didn’t need to know the not-so-pretty version. They were strangers. She could pretend to be anyone doing anything right now, so why bother with the nasty reality of where she was really going and what she was really doing there? Right now, she wanted to be that sundress-wearing, carefree young woman rather than the one carrying the world on her shoulders and struggling beneath the weight of it.

‘Oh, nice. I haven’t been to Cornwall in years,’ he said with a smile. ‘I love it down there, though. The sea, the sand, the little cafes and seaside shops. Excellent choice.’ Another smile crossed the space between them.

‘What about you?’ she asked, while trying to understand just how he could be so damn attractive. He really was out of this world. ‘Where are you off to?’

‘I’m not off for a few days by the sea, sadly. Just off to visit the parents and then back home. I’ve been to see my brother out in the sticks. A nice way to spend my morning, with his kids clambering onto my back and telling me to pretend that I’m a horse. I must have done about fifty circuits of the lounge carpet.’

Jessica giggled at the image of such a hunk of a man allowing his nieces and nephews to ride around on his back. It was amusing to say the least, and quite adorable. ‘That sounds lovely.’

He rolled his eyes playfully, although it was obvious he’d enjoyed himself. You only had to look at the sparkle in his eyes to see that. ‘It would be lovely if my bro wasn’t such a show-off. He’s got a gorgeous home, beautiful wife, fantastic kids. He likes to remind me of what I’m missing out on. But you see, he doesn’t actually realise that while he was gifted with all of that, I was the one gifted with the good looks and the easy charm.’ He winked playfully. ‘So, who’s the real winner here, hey?’

As she laughed once more, she took note of how much she was enjoying his company. He was so open and friendly and she was glad that she hadn’t mentioned her real destination and the reasons behind it. If she’d attempted to chat to a stranger back in London, they no doubt would have walked off and thrown a worried look over their shoulder before hot-stepping it to the other side of the road with 999 on speed-dial. He was refreshing. And oh, what she wouldn’t give to be able to visit a brother or sister, or any family members for that matter. For just a second, her body flooded with envy. She didn’t have anyone to go and visit. Not really. ‘You’re lucky,’ she commented quietly, staring down into her lap and hoping that he hadn’t heard her.

The remainder of the journey slipped by. Jessica found herself dozing off, her forehead wobbling against the glass as she slipped in and out of sleep. She jolted upwards and glanced about herself more than once, panicking that she’d arrived, but each time she did so, she was relieved to find that the train was still juddering along through the small villages that lined the way. Every second that passed was a second closer to her life before London and it was terrifying to say the least.

***

It was late afternoon when the train began to slow down, preparing to stop at the next station. Jessica’s mouth went dry as she realised that this was her stop. A handful of passengers began to retrieve their bags from the overhead containers and prepared to depart, excitable chatter and farewells filling up the train. She was even more horrified when her handsome companion stood up. Apparently, this was his stop, too.

‘This is my stop,’ he announced cheerfully. A sliver of toned stomach was revealed to her as he stretched his arms above his head and emitted a yawn, his grey t-shirt riding up. She had to admit, it had been a long journey. ‘Still a while to go until Cornwall,’ he said, smiling down at her. ‘I hope you have a nice time while you’re there. Say hello to the seagulls for me.’ His eyes lingered on hers for a second or two longer until he offered a devastating smile, showing off every single white, shiny tooth in his mouth, and held up a hand to say goodbye. Jessica watched him disappear. If she hadn’t been so panicked, she probably would have said goodbye too, but as it was, she watched him leave without another word.

This was it. She was here.

She stepped down onto the platform with a slow exhale. On the outside, she imagined she looked calm and collected but on the inside, a storm was raging.

She searched the sea of faces to ensure that her handsome companion had definitely left the vicinity, otherwise there’d be questions regarding a trip to Cornwall coming her way. Just her luck it had turned out that he’d been getting off at the same stop as her.

She lingered beside a vending machine and waited. The train left the station a few minutes later and it was then that she realised there was no going back. London was too far away for her turn back around and leave now, even though she had the overwhelming urge to do exactly that. She clutched the suitcase handle for support and allowed her eyes to rest on the hazy blue sky that stretched out in the distance. It didn’t take long for the busyness of the platform to settle down. It was eerily quiet once it did but that was nothing new for this place. It had always been the same. Peaceful, lazy, and a world away from the setting she’d left behind.

She closed her eyes, counted to ten, and told herself that she could do this.