The Sharpest Edge

Something glittered at her in the middle of the bed. Something small and shiny.

Kim began to tremble. Slowly this time, she pulled the sheets and mattress pad back, the blood from her hand leaving bright red streaks on the flowered cotton.

Now she could see it.

The tip of a shiny metal blade, sticking up from her mattress. Pointed and sharp, the rest of the knife was hidden from view, buried deep inside the mattress.

But she didn’t have to look. She knew what the knife would look like. She knew the blade would match the scars on her thigh.

She dropped to her knees, staring at the steel tip. Then she yanked the cell phone off her waistband, dialed Sean’s number, hit send and grabbed the gun off the nightstand.

She would be a victim no longer.

The Sharpest Edge
Stephanie Rowe

www.millsandboon.co.uk

For Amanda, who makes our family better by joining it.

Acknowledgments:

Thanks, as always, to my wonderful agent, Michelle Grajkowski, for always encouraging me to spread my wings and believing in my ability to pull off the impossible. And to my talented editor, Wanda Ottewell, for refusing to give up on me. And to JR, for believing in me every step of the way. And a special thanks to my brother, Ben, for freaking out at Squam Lake that night, thinking there was a bear on the roof. You inspire me! Here’s to many more such memories at the new abode. And to my parents: every success I have today is because of the foundation you gave me.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

A lifelong reader of romance, Golden Heart winner Stephanie Rowe wrote her first novel when she was ten, and sold her first book twenty-three years later. After experimenting with a legal career, she decided wearing suits wasn’t her style and opted for a more fulfilling career entertaining herself and others with stories of romance, humor and, of course, true love. She currently shares her household with two dogs, two cats and her own hero. When not glued to the computer or avoiding housework, she can be found on the tennis court, reading, or inviting herself over to her mom’s house for dinner. You can reach her at www.stephanierowe.com.

CAST OF CHARACTERS

Kim Collins—Ten years ago, to save herself, she left the man she loved. Will his reappearance in her life finally destroy her?

Sean Templeton—A cop who has returned home, determined to start a new life free from the pain of his past.

Jimmy Ramsey—A man with one thing on his mind: payback.

Max Collins—Will he awake from his coma, and what secrets will he reveal if he does?

Helen Collins—She will do anything to save the man she loves.

Allan Haywood—How far will he go to protect Kim?

Didi Smith—Will her access to inside information be enough to save others, or will it make her a victim in this deadly game?

Chief Vega—Will his loyalty to his staff make him blind to the real threat?

Tom Payton—Is the marina assistant’s innocent persona legit?

Will Ambrose— A front-desk attendant who may not be what he seems.

Garth McKeen—A cop with either an agenda or not enough experience. Which is it?

Eddie—Does the old harbormaster know more than he should?

Contents

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter One

I will come for you.

Kim Collins bolted upright in bed, adrenaline spiking. What was that? A whisper in the wind? Or her imagination? A premonition of a future soon to be hers? The promise of a man whose only goal was to kill her?

I will come for you.

Her heart pounded in her chest, filled her ears, bruised her ribs.

He was here. She knew it.

She frantically searched the dark bedroom, her gaze darting back and forth, trying to cover every inch at once. She dipped into the moon’s eerie shadows, double-checking the location of each item. Nothing amiss. Even her suitcase still lay open on the floor, half-unpacked after her arrival from California two days ago. All was quiet.

Except the six-inch scar on her thigh.

It throbbed with pain. Pulsed with fear. Ached with ugly reminders.

But the room was silent. The house was still.

Relax, Kim. It’s another nightmare. Nothing in the room had moved since she’d gone to bed. See? She was imagining things.

It was nothing but a dream.

Or, rather, a nightmare.

Kim pushed her hair off her face, her fingers twisting in the wet strands, damp from the humidity and the fear. The sweat of terror. Too real. Too often. And now…she was having those dreams almost every night.

The knife.

The blood.

Her scream.

The overwhelming terror of impending death.

And that sickening smile he’d given her when they’d escorted him out of the courtroom for his six-month stay in prison, his thin lips forming his promise: I will come for you.

Yesterday, she’d gotten the call from the Los Angeles County District Attorney’s Office. Jimmy Ramsey was out on parole. She’d known he would be getting out. She’d been preparing for it by taking a leave of absence so she could get out of town, but nothing had prepared her for the shock of knowing he’d been released. Free to pursue her. And he was coming for her. She knew it.

“Stop it!” She hugged her pillow to her chest. He was probably three thousand miles away, stalking her in L.A., clueless that she was hidden away in the Maine woods, right? Her best friend, Alan Haywood, was watching her apartment and he’d call her as soon as Jimmy was spotted.

Everything was under control.

Besides, Jimmy wouldn’t travel across the country just to stalk her.

No, but he’d travel that far to kill her.

If he realized she wasn’t in L.A., he might remember hearing about the family resort in Maine and decide to see if she was out here. He’d pull out his credit card, mosey on over to the airport, grab a last-minute ticket and then he’d be here…

Argh! She closed her eyes and pressed her palms to her eyelids, trying to expel the thought from her head. Deep breaths. Inhale for five counts. Exhale for eight counts.

A distinct thump sounded above her head and she lurched off the bed. She landed on her feet, her fists balled and her breath heaving, dread paralyzing her for an instant. Then she shook it off and raced for the open windows. She yanked them shut, locked them and jumped back. Her hands shook, her skull ached where Jimmy had smashed it and her legs threatened to give out.

The scrabbling on the roof continued. Little thuds and scratches, faster now.

Dammit. She wasn’t ready to die. She hadn’t been before and she wasn’t now.

She grabbed the phone, but her fingers were shaking too much to hold on to it. It clattered to the floor. She dove for the handset and dialed 911. The operator answered, her calm, detached voice so wrong for the intensity of the situation.

“1370 Birch Road. There’s an intruder! Please send someone. Hurry!”

Kim jumped away as the wall nearest her began to shake. He was climbing down the side of her house! She heard a thud on the ground and fresh panic surged over her. Was he planning to break a window and come in the ground floor?

“There’s an officer in the area. He should be there in about three minutes.”

“Thanks.” Kim hung up just as the operator was telling her to stay on the line. As if that would help if Jimmy came through her window wielding a knife. Stay away from me or this operator will kill you. Uh-huh. Yeah, that’d work.

The phone rang and she jumped.

The operator calling back?

Or was it Jimmy phoning from her front step? Laughing at her fear? Mocking her? Counting down the seconds she had left to live? No, thanks.

She let it ring.

The police would be there in three minutes.

That was all the time she needed to buy herself.

She kicked her bedroom door shut.

No lock.

A scrambling noise from outdoors spurred her into motion. She ran to the end of her dresser, wedged her back against it and pushed with all the strength her trembling limbs could provide. With a protesting shriek that made her own hackles rise, the bureau screeched its way across the wood floor, a mournful sound that made cold fingers of fear close around her spine.

The creepy wail didn’t end until she had the dresser jammed safely in front of the door. The taut silence was barely a respite as she stepped back to inspect her work.

Not enough. He could still get through.

She ducked into the attached bathroom, grabbed the lid off the back of the toilet and hoisted it over her shoulder, taking up a post by the side of the door. If he stuck his head in there, she’d brain him with the porcelain. It wasn’t a gun, but it was heavy and hard. She wasn’t going down without a fight.

Kim strained, listening for the sound of breaking glass or splintering wood. Or the ominous thud of footsteps on the stairs.

Silence. Not even a noise from the side of the house anymore. She took a deep breath. Maybe it hadn’t been Jimmy. Maybe it was a really fat raccoon. Or even a bear.

Or maybe she was deluding herself right now. Maybe she’d been yards away from the man who wanted her dead.

But the silence stretched. Even if it had been him, maybe he was gone.

But what did it matter if Jimmy had left tonight? If it had been Jimmy on her roof, if he had found her…he’d be back again.

And again.

Until he was through with her.

So what was she supposed to do?

Be like Cheryl, her beloved sister, who had changed her name and disappeared? If Kim ran, she would endanger Cheryl as well as herself because her sister was safe only so long as Jimmy pursued Kim. Though after tonight, she really wasn’t enjoying this plan too much, either.

Her goal had been to set him up to violate his parole, either by getting caught stalking her apartment or by following her out of state. Of course, the original plan had been to take a short leave of absence and set herself up in a very secure hotel, one that he’d never be able to penetrate, but her dad’s accident had changed all that. Now she was still acting as bait, but in a remote and unprotected location.

Not good.

Bright lights glared and her room began flashing in blue, like a disco invading rural Maine.

The police.

Kim snuck over to the window, peering cautiously through the corner of the glass. A cruiser was sitting in her driveway and there was a uniformed officer walking up the front steps toward her door.

For now, she was safe.

But she was certain the danger was only beginning.

SHE FLUNG THE front door open, where a cop stood in the shadows. She’d made it. Oh, God. She’d made it. She wasn’t going to die tonight. Her knees suddenly gave way and she went down.

“Whoa!” The man jumped out of the shadows and grabbed her, pulling her back to her feet. “You okay?”

Something caught in Kim’s chest at that voice. That husky timbre… She looked up, then felt her world spin into a black abyss. “Sean?”

His grip tightened on her arms, and he pulled her into the light. “Kim?”

It was him. His eyes were tired, his face more bony and lined, his hair shorter than it had been ten years ago, but it was him. “Sean!” She threw her arms around him. “I thought you were dead!” He smelled the same as always. That musky scent that had made a sixteen-year-old girl fall in love, and it seized her gut and tugged.

For an instant, his arms tightened and he crushed her against him and it was as if the past ten years had never happened. They were both eighteen again and the world hadn’t betrayed them.

Then he pulled back and set her to the side and a rift of cold air settled in her chest. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

Wrong? She blinked. Wrong was the cold shadow in his eyes, the rigid set to his jaw that said he wanted nothing to do with her anymore. But what could she expect? It was what she’d wished for.

“Kim? You called the cops?”

Sweat broke out on her forehead again and she hugged herself. “He’s going to kill me.” Her voice was no more than a whisper, but Sean must have heard her because the lines on his face deepened and his expression became harsher.

“What are you talking about?” His hand went to his gun. His eyes became vigilant. He looked all cop, and something else. Something more. Someone who knew how to handle a weapon and who thrived on the threat of death.

Where was the gangly kid she’d almost married? The boy whose only goal in life had been to run the Loon’s Nest alongside her parents? Gone, apparently, replaced by a hard man she didn’t even know.

A man who was here to protect her from Jimmy.

“Who’s going to kill you?” He shifted her slightly, putting himself between her and the doorway, his gaze boring deep into the interior of the house. Searching for the threat.

“Jimmy Ramsey.” Just saying his name made her legs start to shake again.

“Who’s he? Is he inside?”

She was freezing, even though it was a hot, muggy night. Guess fear of death would do that to a person. “I heard him outside.”

“Outside?” Sean grabbed her, shoved her inside the house and slammed the door shut behind them. “Who? Your husband?”

Was it her imagination or did he stumble over that word? She shook her head and clutched her arms to her chest, the old T-shirt hanging loosely off her. “My sister’s ex-husband.”

“Cheryl’s husband?” He frowned. “What’s going on?”

She pressed her back against the door, afraid of the house and its cavernous interior with so many hiding places. “He was in prison and he got out and I heard something on the roof and then he climbed down the side of the building and then you came and I don’t know if he’s still here or…”

Something flickered in his eyes, but he offered no comforting words. Not as he would have ten years ago. “Lock yourself in the bathroom while I check things out.” He opened the powder room door, old instincts apparently directing him to the right place without a second thought. “I’ll be back in a minute.”

She grabbed his arm before he could get away. “Be careful. He’s a cop.”

Sean stopped, surprise flickering on his face. “A cop?”

She nodded. “He’ll kill you.”

“No chance.” He disengaged her grip and guided her into the room, then pulled the door shut. “Lock it.”

His footsteps didn’t take him away until she’d engaged the lock with an audible click.

And then, all she could do was wait.

KIM LEANED AGAINST the door, trying to catch her breath. Her chest was so tight, her hands cold, her forehead hot.

Sean. He was here. At her house. Alive.

And Jimmy was here. At her house. And he wanted her dead.

She groaned and slid down the door to the floor. Her hands were shaking so badly she dropped them to the tiles and let her head flop back against the wood.

What was Sean doing in town? She never would have agreed to come back if she’d known he was around. Even for her sister, she couldn’t have done it. Cheryl had begged her to return to Maine when they’d found out about their dad’s accident because Cheryl was still trapped in hiding and couldn’t come home. For her sister, Kim could endure anything.

Except Sean.

And Jimmy again.

She had no strength left to cope with either of them, not even for Cheryl. She was exhausted, so unbearably tired.

A knock on the door sent her leaping to her feet. Kim smashed herself up against the opposite wall. Was it Sean, or had Jimmy killed Sean? What if Jimmy had come back to finish her off at a leisurely pace?

“It’s me. Open up.”

She nearly collapsed with relief at Sean’s voice. “Is it safe?”

“Yeah.”

Kim inched toward the door and flicked the lock, but the doorknob turned before she could open it. Sean stuck his head into the room, his dark eyebrows knitting when he saw her. She had no doubt that he’d be able to see through her facade and know that she was terrified. For an instant, his face softened and she thought he was going to give her the reassurance she craved, but then his expression hardened. “Come on out. We need to talk.”

An agonizing need to have his arms around her again jolted her into moving toward him, but he turned away before she could reach him.

Nothing. No comfort. No special look. No touch of support, even though he had to know how much she needed it. Regret made her energy sag. Had she done that to him? Changed him from a sweet, doting guy into someone who wouldn’t even touch her arm in comfort? She couldn’t ask. Couldn’t apologize. Where would she start after a decade of silence? Should she try?

He held the door for her and stepped back when she reached him, his eyes cold and distant. Pushing her away. He didn’t want to hear about their past. She could read it in the tight set to his mouth, the way he held his arm so she couldn’t brush against it.

They were strangers now.

Strangers who had to discuss the man who’d almost killed her once and wouldn’t let her escape next time.

Chapter Two

Sean grabbed a soda from the fridge, pulled out a chair with his foot and sat down at the kitchen table. “Talk.”

Talk. God, there were so many things to discuss. And nothing to say.

Nothing except for Jimmy.

Kim sat down across from Sean and tried not to think about how much she wanted him to hold her. Just for a minute, so she could feel secure and loved and warm. Which was stupid. That was the reason she hadn’t wanted to come back. Falling into the trap of the familiar and the safe already, just like her mom had warned her.

A lump came to her throat at the thought of Joyce Collins, as it always did.

Sean fixed his gaze on her. “Jimmy Ramsey. A cop who wants to kill you. Tell me.”

Right. She could focus. She could think. With Sean sitting across from her, his gun on his hip, she wasn’t scared.

For the first time in eighteen months, she wasn’t afraid.

Exhausted to the point of numbness. Freaking out to be sitting across from the man she’d been thirty minutes from marrying. Saddened by the chasm between them and the fact that she’d caused it. But not fearing for her life. It was a start.

“Jimmy is…or was…a cop in L.A. Cheryl met him when he was working at one of the events I brought her to.” What a night that had been. Cheryl had been so excited at the chance to meet a Hollywood star, yet from the moment she’d seen Jimmy, she’d cared about nothing else. “He’s incredibly good-looking, and she was hooked immediately.”

He pulled out a notepad and jotted something down. “Keep going.”

His index finger on his left hand was crooked now, as if it had been broken and healed wrong. What had his life been like in the ten years since she’d left?

“Kim.” His voice was devoid of warmth or familiarity. He was nothing but a cop to her anymore.

As it should be. As she’d wanted. So why did she feel as though a black cloak had suddenly been wrapped around her soul? “Jimmy pursued Cheryl hard, and they were married two months after they met.”

“Two months? That’s not like Cheryl.”

“He was manipulating her, but I couldn’t talk her out of it.” How she’d tried. “It nearly ruined our relationship.” After more than six years of estrangement between her and Cheryl, she’d been too afraid to risk their tentative new friendship by lobbying against the marriage. “So I backed off.” What an awful, horrible mistake that had been.

“And then?” His eyes were intent on hers, but they were devoid of emotion. Empty of warmth. She didn’t recognize them.

She sighed. “Then Jimmy started beating Cheryl up.”

“Damn.”

Exactly how she’d felt the first time she’d seen the bruises on Cheryl’s arm. “After he put her in the emergency room, I talked her into leaving him. The women’s shelter slipped her out of the hospital before he even knew what happened.”

His pen was motionless, suspended above the paper with the stillness of death. Oh, nice analogy. How about the stillness of a snowman on a subzero day? That was much cheerier. No death analogies needed.

“And then he came after you?”

Kim shrugged, but she couldn’t stop the shiver that raced through her body. “He thought he could convince me to tell him where she’d gone.” Plus, he’d been pissed. Really, really pissed.

He set the pen down and leaned forward, his voice no longer quite as detached and clinical as before. “How did he try to persuade you?”

It took two deep breaths and supreme effort to block the image from her mind before she could answer. “A knife.”

He cursed, then shoved back his chair and yanked her to her feet. “Let me see the scars.” His eyes were no longer empty of emotion. They were hot and angry, and something buried deep inside her quivered in recognition of his passion.

She tried to pull away. “Forget it. It’s over.”

“I have to know what I’m dealing with.” But he released her arm. “If he was on your roof, it’s not over.”

Oh, God. Right. It wasn’t over. “So you do think…you think he was here?” Her voice sounded so weak and pathetic she hated herself. Why couldn’t Sean tell her that it had been some four-legged creature and that she’d been a paranoid fool? She lifted her chin and cleared her throat. She would not be Jimmy’s victim anymore. “Did you find tracks?”

Sean hesitated. “It could have been an animal. There are indications of a bear around the house and on the deck near the grill.”

“But you’re not sure?” Why couldn’t he be certain? Why couldn’t he say Jimmy had never been near the house? Dammit. Even a bear with rabies would be better than Jimmy.

“No, I’m not sure.” He cracked his jaw, the pop loud in the silent house. He still hadn’t regained his aloofness, his fingers twitching restlessly by his sides. “So do you have scars or not?”

She shrugged and didn’t answer. Her scars were her own private hell, thank you very much.

He slammed his fist into a cabinet as he turned away, leaving a raw dent in the wood from the high-school class ring he still wore on his finger. He rested his hands on the counter and dropped his head. She could see his shoulders rise and fall with his breath. Guess he figured out the answer to his question on his own. Bully for him.

After a long moment, he turned toward her. His face was reserved again, though he was struggling to contain the emotion rumbling in his eyes. “You didn’t tell him where Cheryl was, did you?” His tone assumed the answer she gave him.

“No. I didn’t.”

He nodded and she thought she saw a flash of respect cross his features. “Did he try to kill you?”

She swallowed. “Yes.” It was when she knew he was going to kill her that she realized she would never be like her mother and accept death as the easy answer. It was sort of difficult to get excited about finding the will to live, given the circumstances at the time, but a part of her was grateful that she’d discovered her strength.

A muscle ticked in his neck, but the rest of him was immobile. “Prison?”

“I testified against him. I put him away.”

Sean swore again and she shoved her trembling hands under her legs. How much did she not want to relive this nightmare? But she had to. She had to make sure that Sean understood the threat. Not Sean specifically, but the police in general. Because Sean wasn’t hers anymore. She’d made sure of that when she left. Apparently, she’d done a damn good job of it, too. Wasn’t she talented? Hah. She didn’t feel so good about her long-ago actions right now. All the more reason to get out of town and back to L.A. as soon as possible. “He got out on bail right away, and for the twelve months before the trial, he followed me around. Called me. Sent me e-mails. Befriended the guards in my building.”

Her mouth was too dry to swallow and she took Sean’s soda and drank from it. “His strategy was to scare me. Make me wonder when he would come back to kill me. It gave him power to know I was looking over my shoulder. To realize I was afraid to answer the phone at night or walk to my car after work.” She flexed her hands, making fists. “He got only six months in jail because of all the cops who testified as character witnesses. When they led him out of the courtroom, he looked right at me and mouthed the words ‘I will come for you.’” She raised her gaze to Sean. “He got out on parole yesterday.”

Deep terror settled in her bones and she knew Sean saw it by the anger vibrating in his eyes. Anger on her behalf? A tremble of something alive sparked inside her, but he averted his face and gazed out at the dark lake. “Where can you go tonight?”

Go? “What are you talking about?”

“If he’s back, you can’t stay here.” He gestured around the house. “Look at all these windows and doors. No alarm. You won’t be safe.”

She glanced at the windows and a cold chill settled in her belly at the thought that Jimmy could be sitting a few yards away, watching her while he hid in the darkness. “Where am I supposed to go?”

“A hotel? A friend’s?” As if he didn’t care. Anywhere that would take her off his worry list.

And suddenly, she felt outrage roil up inside of her. She’d been quaking in fear for the past eighteen months. She’d given up the life she loved and traveled across the country to escape Jimmy, braving the memories of her childhood home, and now he was going to steal this last bit of independence from her by making her move into a hotel? Dammit! It was enough!

She smacked her palms on the table and glared at Sean. “I’m not running away again. I’m tired of changing my life because I’m so afraid. He’s been manipulating me for months and I’ve had it!” She sat straighter now, empowered by Sean’s presence and the fact that he’d found no signs of attempted forced entry or human footprints. “He probably wasn’t even here, or if he was, he had no intention of hurting me. He’s trying to twist my mind again and I’m sick of it!”

“Fine. Be sick of it. But you’re not staying here. Not until you get an alarm.” He frowned. “What about Max’s place? Why don’t you stay there?”

Stay at her dad’s house? Something twisted inside her. Something that felt like grief but was actually hate. She could tell the difference and it was hatred she felt for her father. “You didn’t hear about my dad?”

The lines around his mouth tightened. “I know about Max. I’ve been to see him in the hospital five times. I thought you could stay with Helen and the kids.”

“Stay with his wife? Are you kidding?” No way. No way. No way. Kim might have never met Helen, but she despised her. When Helen had married Kim’s dad three weeks after Joyce was buried, Helen lost the right to a fair trial. Guilty by association.

Disgust and betrayal snapped in Sean’s face. “You haven’t changed, have you? Destroyed everything ten years ago and you’re still doing it.”

What? He was blaming her? “I didn’t destroy anything. Max did.” The man didn’t even deserve to be called her father anymore. Max was impersonal and fitting.

Sean’s upper lip curled in disdain. “Max did nothing wrong.” Then he narrowed his eyes. “No one at the hospital mentioned you were in town. You haven’t even been to see him, have you?” The accusation was deep in his voice and she flinched.

Guilt flared up and she threw it back on him. “I just got here a couple days ago, so back off.” The excuse sounded weak, even to her. But what was she supposed to do? Admit how guilty she felt that she hadn’t rushed over there to get answers for Cheryl? So what if Kim didn’t want to see her dad? She had planned to check with the doctors without going to the hospital, but they wouldn’t give out information over the phone, even though she’d grown up here and should fall under the category of “trusted local.” She hadn’t been able to bring herself to meet with the doctors in person. What if Helen and her kids were at the hospital? What if Max woke up while Kim was in his room? What if she simply couldn’t handle the memories?

Dammit. She had to get over it. Go over to the hospital. Talk to the doctors. Cheryl deserved information.

“So you haven’t visited him.” He leaned back and shook his head in disgust. “What’s wrong with you? Your family used to be so close and now you won’t go see your own dad while he’s in a coma?”

Naked anguish wrenched in her chest. Okay, that wasn’t simple hatred. Definitely some emotional baggage in there. Crud. Being back in town was ripping through her defenses. “Don’t judge me.” Yeah, so what if she’d always been the first to hug her parents and used to drag Sean to Sunday dinner with the family every weekend? That was long gone now.

“Don’t judge you? You, the woman who took off on me without so much as a note. The woman who didn’t come back for her own mother’s funeral. You don’t even care that your dad’s in a coma. What the hell have you become?”

Emotions bubbled and raged inside her and she knew she would explode. Too much to cope with. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She refused to care enough to explode. This wasn’t her life anymore. After a moment, she opened her eyes. “I think you should leave now.” She strengthened her trembling voice by giving Sean a hard stare.

“I agree.” He shoved back his chair and stood. “Lock your doors.” His jaw flexed and a tendon bulged in his neck. “I’ll make sure there’s a drive-by every hour, but I doubt he’ll come back tonight.”

“Fine.” She followed him to the door. “Assign someone else to this case.”

“Believe me, I’m going to try.”