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Dedication

For Carol, Freda and Jane

also make a mess in:

The Clumsies Make a Mess

The Clumsies Make a Mess of the Seaside

The Clumsies Make a Mess of the Big Show

Contents

Cover

Title Page

Dedication

Nervous Exhaustion

Welcome to the Zoo

Raspberry Recovery Part 1

Raspberry Recovery Part 2

Copyright

About the Publisher

Nervous Exhaustion

It was a Tuesday morning and everyone in the office was feeling cheerful. Howard was humming a tune and reading a magazine. Purvis and Mickey Thompson were playing a game and eating crisps. And Ortrud the very small elephant was frolicking, knocking things over.

‘LOOK OUT,

HOWARD,’

shouted Purvis, as Ortrud crashed into the coat-stand.

‘Oof,’ said Howard, as the coat-stand narrowly missed him.

‘That was close,’ said Mickey Thompson.

‘It’s ever so nice when Mr Bullerton’s away, isn’t it, Howard?’

‘Yes,’ said Howard. ‘Ever so.’

‘How long do you think he’ll be gone?’ asked Purvis.

‘Who can tell?’ said Howard. ‘I heard he’s been told by his doctor to have a long rest. He’s suffering from Nervous Exhaustion.’

Purvis gasped and Mickey Thompson dropped his bag of crisps. ‘Quite,’ said Howard.

‘Are you sure?’ asked Purvis.

‘I have it on good authority,’ said Howard.

‘Gosh,’ said Mickey Thompson. ‘Nervous Exhaustion, eh?’

‘Bit of a shock, isn’t it?’ said Howard, flicking through his magazine.

‘Yes,’ chorused the mice.

‘I wouldn’t have thought it, would you?’ said Howard.

‘No,’ chorused the mice.

Howard resumed his humming and the mice exchanged glances. Mickey Thompson r^aised an eyebrow at Purvis, and Purvis shrugged. Mickey Thompson prodded Purvis, and Purvis coughed.

‘Er, Howard?’ said Purvis.

‘Mmm?’ said Howard.

‘What’s Nervous Exhaustion

‘Hazard a wild guess,’ said Howard.

‘Feeling nervous?’ hazarded Purvis.

‘And?’ said Howard.

‘Exhausted,’ said Purvis.

‘Exactly,’ said Howard.

Mickey Thompson selected a crisp and ate it, worriedly.

‘So what you’re saying,’ he said, ‘is he’s spooked and pooped.’

‘If you must,’ said Howard.

‘Poop

poopedy

pooped,’

said Mickey Thompson, loudly, and Ortrud started trumpeting.

‘Enough,’ said Howard.

‘But it isn’t like him,’ said Purvis. ‘Mr Bullerton’s normally so… so…’

‘Bossy,’ said Mickey Thompson.

‘Yes,’ said Howard, ‘and…’

‘Shouty,’ said Purvis.

‘Yes,’ said Howard, ‘and…’

‘S t o m p y,’said Mickey Thompson.

‘Yes,’ said Howard, ‘and…’

‘Angry,’ said Purvis.

Howard thumped the magazine down on the desk.

‘And,’ he said.

‘And what, Howard?’ asked Purvis.

‘And now I can’t remember what I wanted to say,’ said Howard.

‘He’s getting forgetful,’ muttered Mickey Thompson, to Purvis.

‘What?’ said Howard.

‘It’s a symptom,’ said Mickey Thompson.

‘What is?’ said Howard.

‘Forgetfulness,’ said Mickey Thompson, cheerfully. ‘You’re growing elderly.’

‘WHAT!’ shouted Howard.

‘We were discussing Mr Bullerton,’ explained Purvis.

‘I know we were,’ said Howard. ‘I am well aware of that, thank you very much, and I am NOT forgetful.’

‘Of course not, Howard,’ said Purvis.

‘I’m a young man in the prime of life,’ said Howard.

‘Yes, Howard,’ said Purvis, rummaging for tea bags. ‘But what do you think caused it? The Nervous Exhaustion, I mean.’

‘I don’t know,’ said Howard, ‘but I expect I shall get the blame, as usual.’

‘Maybe we should make him a get well card,’ suggested Mickey Thompson.

‘Maybe we shouldn’t,’ said Howard. ‘I’ve been given strict instructions to leave him alone, in peace and quiet.’

Purvis handed Howard a cup of tea, and Howard brightened.

‘And I’ll tell you what,’ he continued. ‘While Mr Bullerton’s away, I intend to enjoy some peace and quiet of my own.’

‘TRUMPET!’

trumpeted Ortrud, crashing into a rubber plant.

‘Tut,’ said Howard, as the rubber plant narrowly missed him. ‘What’s wrong with Ortrud? Why’s she hurtling?’

‘I’m not sure,’ said Purvis.

‘Why are you hurtling, Ortrud?’

Ortrud tooted , and hurtled faster.

‘LOOK OUT, HOW– Whoops, too late,’ said Mickey Thompson, as Ortrud smashed into a cupboard, and the cupboard landed on Howard.

‘Harrumph,’ said Howard, extricating himself. ‘What this elephant needs is fresh air and exercise.’

‘Shall I open the window?’ offered Purvis.

‘That won’t be nearly airy enough for this situation,’ said Howard, taking a gulp of tea. ‘I think we’d better take the day off and go out somewhere.’

‘HURRAY!’ cheered Mickey Thompson, bouncing.

‘Where shall we go?’ said Purvis, hopping. ‘Where? Where?’

‘Where do you fancy?’ said Howard.

‘Seaside?’ suggested Purvis.

‘Too salty,’ said Howard.

‘Countryside?’ suggested Purvis.

‘Too muddy,’ said Howard.

‘A woodland walk?’ suggested Purvis.

‘Too woody,’ said Howard.

‘Ooh. Ooh,’ said Mickey Thompson, waving his hand in the air.

‘Yes, Mickey Thompson?’ said Howard.

‘CRISP FACTORY,’ shouted Mickey Thompson.

‘Too… What do you mean, crisp factory?’ said Howard.

‘They conduct guided tours, and provide free samples. It says so, here,’ said Mickey Thompson, j a b b i n g the back of his crisp packet.

‘No,’ said Howard.

‘But, Howard,’ said Mickey Thompson.

‘No crisp factories,’ said Howard.

Mickey Thompson sighed, and ate another crisp, dejectedly.

‘I wonder what Ortrud would like to do,’ said Purvis. Everyone looked at Ortrud, as she started on another circuit of the room.

‘It’s difficult to tell,’ said Howard.

‘If only we could speak elephant,’ said Mickey Thompson.

‘THAT’S IT!’shouted Purvis, leaping up. ‘I’VE GOT IT!’

He shot under the desk and shot back out again clutching a green leaflet, decorated all over with pictures of happy-looking animals. ‘This is where we should go,’ he said, flapping it.

‘The !’

‘T O O T !’

trumpeted Ortrud.

‘HURRAY!’ cheered Mickey Thompson.

‘Too many animals,’ said Howard.

The mice gasped, and Ortrud skidded to a halt.

‘But you like animals, Howard,’ said Purvis.

‘Yes, Howard,’ said Mickey Thompson. ‘Animals are lovely.’ He batted his eyelashes at Howard, energetically.

‘One can go off a thing, you know,’ said Howard.

‘But, Howard,’ said Purvis, looking a little upset.

‘Oh, go on then,’ said Howard. ‘The it is.’

‘TOOT!’

trumpeted Ortrud,

‘HURRAY!’ cheered Mickey Thompson.

‘There’ll be other elephants there, you see,’ explained Purvis. ‘I was thinking it might be good for Ortrud to meet them.’

‘It certainly can’t do any harm,’ agreed Howard.

‘Off we go, then,’ said Mickey Thompson, rushing towards the door.

‘Wait!’ said Purvis.

‘What?’ said Mickey Thompson.

‘We need to prepare,’ said Purvis.

‘Eh?’ said Mickey Thompson.

‘For the outing,’ said Purvis.

‘He’s right,’ said Howard, putting

‘There’s no sense in rushing these things. How long do we need?’

‘Around fifteen minutes should do it,’ said Purvis. ‘Certainly no more than twenty.’

‘Perfect,’ said Howard. ‘We’ll set off in twenty minutes.’

So everyone BUSTLED about preparing for the outing.

to keep him going, he said. Mickey Thompson put on a pith helmet and ate some more crisps. Purvis found a rucksack and zipped the leaflet into it. And Ortrud completed seven circuits of the room, C R A S H E D into a chair and flomped down in the middle of the floor, panting heavily.

‘Oh dear,’ said Purvis.

‘Nervous Exhaustion’ said Mickey Thompson, sounding knowledgeable.

‘I wouldn’t be at all surprised,’ said Howard.

‘Ortrud, hup!’ coaxed Mickey Thompson. ‘Hup!’

‘She won’t budge,’ said Purvis.

‘Can you carry her, Howard?’

‘If I must,’ sighed Howard, hoisting her up. Ortud trumpeted, complainingly, and went floppy.

‘She’s heavy,’ puffed Howard.

‘We’ll stop from time to time, for rests,’ said Purvis.

‘And conspicuous,’ grumbled Howard.

‘I don’t want to attract attention.’

‘Why’s that then?’ asked Mickey Thompson.

‘Because strictly speaking I should be working hard at my desk,’ said Howard, ‘not visiting s.’

‘I see,’ said Purvis.

Mickey Thompson pointed at Howard’s mac, t _a n _g l ^e d in the coat-stand.

‘That old mac,’ he said. ‘We can use it.’

‘My smart mac,’ corrected Howard. ‘How?’

‘As a disguise,’ said Mickey Thompson. ‘If we drape it over Ortrud, it’ll look like you’re just carrying a bundle of any old something or other. No one will pay any attention at all.’

‘A trumpeting, elephant-shaped bundle of any old something or other,’ grumbled Howard, as he helped the mice drape the mac over Ortrud.

‘There,’ said Purvis.

‘That looks almost completely inconspicuous.’

‘Tremendous,’ said Howard, heading towards the door.

‘Now let’s get going.’

‘Wait!’ said Purvis.

‘What?’ said Howard.

‘Take your jacket off,’ said Purvis.

‘Certainly not,’ said Howard. ‘I’ve already given up my mac, and it’s starting to rain.’

‘I know,’ said Purvis.

‘Well, then,’ said Howard.

‘But listen,’ said Purvis. ‘Just imagine.’

‘What am I supposed to be imagining?’ said Howard.

‘Just imagine,’ said Purvis, dramatically, ‘someone comes into this room.’

‘Your point being?’ said Howard.

‘You’re supposed to be here, but you’ve GONE, ’ said Purvis. ‘To the ! Word gets back to Mr Bullerton, on his sick-bed, and it tips him over the edge, and he takes a turn for the worse and YOU are in BIG TROUBLE.’

‘Hmm,’ said Howard.

‘How would they know about the ?’ asked Mickey Thompson.

‘It doesn’t matter about the as such,’ said Purvis. ‘The point is, he’s not here.’

‘You said they knew about the ,’ said Mickey Thompson, and there was a small scuffle.

‘Stop that,’ said Howard.

‘So anyway,’ continued Purvis, ‘if we hang your jacket on the back of your chair, people will assume you’re still somewhere here in the building.’