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“Look, I need to make it plain that
I don’t want anything from you.
Right off the bat, I want you to
know that,” Annie said.
Shane stopped scrunching his hat in his hands and looked at her. “You don’t want anything from me. I get that, but I’m fuzzy on the rest. Why are you here? How did you find me?”
Annie crossed her arms and looked at the floor. Why does this have to be so hard? she thought. I’m trying to do the right thing.
Shane looked down, too. Annie felt his discomfort. The man was six feet tall and as good-looking as the day was long, if a woman liked the blue-eyed cowboy type with a Texas drawl that made every word in the English language sound as soft as a cotton ball.
Oh, yes, he was as sweet and kind as she remembered. And she was about to drop a bomb in his life.
MILLS & BOON
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PATRICIA DAVIDS
Patricia Davids continues to work as a part-time nurse in the neonatal intensive care unit while writing full-time. She enjoys researching new stories, traveling to new locations and meeting fans along the way. She and her husband of thirty-two years live in Wichita, Kansas, along with the newest addition to the household, a stray cat named Spooky. Pat always enjoys hearing from her readers. You can contact her by mail at P.O. Box 16714 Wichita, Kansas 67216, or visit her on the Web at www.patriciadavids.com.
Military Daddy
Patricia Davids
So He said, “Come.” And when Peter had come down out of the boat, he walked on the water to go to Jesus. But when he saw that the wind was boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink he cried out, saying, “Lord, save me!”
—Matthew 14:29–30
This book is dedicated to Pam Hopkins. If you
don’t know how much your belief in my talent
meant to me all those years ago, let me tell you
now. It meant the world to me then and it still does.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Oh, and please continue to baby me
when I whine about how hard this is.
Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Epilogue
Dear Reader
Questions for Discussion
Chapter One
“Well? Are you going to tell him or not?”
Annie Delmar chose to ignore the question from her roommate, Crystal Mally. Instead she continued folding the freshly laundered clothes in the white plastic hamper on the foot of her twin bed. The smell of hot cotton vied with the dryer sheet’s mountain-floral scent.
Hoping to change the subject, Annie asked, “Are you going out with Jake again tonight?”
“Jake and I broke up,” Crystal said with an indifferent shrug as she continued to buff her bright red fingernail.
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
Annie carried a stack of knit tops to the chest of drawers in the corner. She didn’t want to talk about her current problem. It was too soon. It still didn’t seem real. Why had God done this to her?
No, it isn’t right to blame God. I did this to myself.
Crystal said, “Jake’s a loser, like all the guys I date, and don’t change the subject. Are you going to tell the guy?”
“I haven’t decided.” With a weary sigh, Annie closed the top drawer of the blue painted dresser and stood for a moment with her hands on the chipped and scratched surface.
Crystal plopped down on Annie’s bed and leaned back against the headboard. Her short bleached-blond hair framed a face that was pale and too thin. The lacy black top she wore was too tight and, as usual, she had splashed on too much of her cheap perfume. “I don’t think he needs to know. Besides, I thought you said he was being transferred overseas in a few months.”
“That’s what he told me.”
“So if you don’t tell him soon, how are you going to find him later?”
The door to the room swung inward as their housemother came in with a second hamper of laundry. “That’s a good question, Crystal. I’d like to hear your answer, Annie.”
Moving back to her bed, Annie began folding her jeans. “If he moves away and I don’t know where he went, then I can’t tell him anything, can I?”
She glanced at the woman who had taken her in when she had been at the lowest point of her life. Marge Lilly stood with the laundry basket balanced against her hip. On the far side of fifty and slightly plump, Marge managed to look both motherly and formidable at the same time. Her eyes seemed to see right through Annie, but she didn’t say anything. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Annie felt compelled to answer the unspoken censure.
“My lack of action would be an excuse to pretend the decision is out of my hands.”
“Is that true?”
“No,” she admitted with quiet resignation.
“So why not make a decision?” Marge asked gently.
Annie pressed a hand to her stomach to calm her queasiness. “Because I’m afraid I’ll make the wrong one.”
“And?” Marge prompted.
“And it’s easier to do nothing.”
“Doing nothing is a choice, Annie.”
“But not a good one. I need to make good choices.” Annie had tried to add conviction to her voice, but she’d failed miserably.
“You are in charge of your life, Annie. Just remember, God is always with you, and your friends are here to help.”
Annie nodded, but she still felt very much alone and frightened of what the future held.
“Shane, the captain wants to see you on the double.”
Corporal Shane Ross tapped the last nail into Jasper’s shoe before he dropped the horse’s leg, then straightened and looked over the animal’s back at his friend and fellow soldier, Private Avery Barnes. “Did he say why?”
“No, but he had that tone in his voice that he usually reserves for me.”
Shane grinned. Mentally running over his duties list, he couldn’t think of anything he had done wrong or missed. “I wonder what’s up.”
“It might have something to do with the pretty woman who came in looking for you. If she’s your sister, can I ask her out?”
“If I had a sister, I wouldn’t let you within fifty miles of her.”
“That’s not nice.”
“But it’s the truth.” Shane patted the horse’s rump and moved to put his tools on the bench at the rear of the farrier shed. He pulled off the heavy leather apron he used to protect his clothing and hung it on a peg. Lifting his coat from the next hook, he slipped it on.
The fire in the forge popped and hissed, adding a smoky aroma to the cold air inside the small stone building. The calendar might say it was the middle of April, but the chilly, damp wind outside made it feel more like winter than spring.
Avery stepped up to stroke Jasper’s forehead. “Now that your stint in this unit is almost over, will you be glad to get back to fixing helicopters instead of saddles and horseshoes?”
“I’ll admit I’m looking forward to spending a year in Germany, but I’ll miss the horses.”
“And me?”
“No. You, I won’t miss.” He would miss Avery and all the men in the unit, but he was more comfortable trading friendly jibes than revealing his true sentiments.
Avery fell into step beside Shane as the two of them left the farrier building. They paused at the edge of the road as three green-and-tan camouflage jeeps sped past. The Army base at Fort Riley, Kansas, bustled with constant activity. When the way was clear, they crossed the street.
The Commanding General’s Mounted Color Guard had its main office just south of the large, historic stone-and-timber stable that housed the unit’s horses and gear. At the door Avery smiled and said, “Your visitor is a real hottie. If you aren’t interested, could you get her phone number for me?”
Shane gave his buddy a friendly shove toward the stable. “Make sure the wagon wheels get greased today. Our first exhibition is a week from Saturday, and you know the captain wants everything in tip-top shape.”
Avery sketched a salute and sauntered away. Inside the tiny office building Shane pulled off his cap and tucked it under his arm, then knocked on the captain’s door. When he heard Captain Watson bid him enter, he opened it and stepped inside.
Captain Jeffery Watson was seated behind his large gray desk. The walls of the room were painted the same drab Army-issue color. An assortment of photographs and commendations in plain gold frames added the only touch of color. A faint frown marred the captain’s brow above his keen, dark eyes, and Shane wondered again what he had done wrong.
A woman sat in front of the captain’s desk, but she had her back to Shane. He couldn’t tell if she was pretty or not, but there was something familiar about her.
“Have a seat, Corporal Ross. I understand you know Miss Delmar.” He indicated with a wave of his hand the woman sitting quietly before him.
The name didn’t mean anything to Shane. She had her back to him, but he could see her dark hair was drawn into a tight braid that reached the center of her back. She was wearing a light gray jacket over a pair of faded jeans. Her shoulders were slightly hunched and she kept her head down.
Shane took a seat in the chair beside her. Glancing over, he saw her hands were clenched together so tightly in her lap that her knuckles stood out white. He leaned forward to get a glimpse of her bowed face. Recognition hit him like a mule kick to the stomach.
She was the woman from the nightclub. He had spent weeks trying to find her, without success. His satisfaction at seeing her again was quickly tempered with curiosity.
Captain Watson cleared his throat. “I’ll be in the stable. You are free to use my office for as long as you need, Miss Delmar. Corporal Ross will let me know when you are finished with this conversation.”
“Thank you, Captain.” Her soft voice held a definite edge of nervousness.
Captain Watson nodded, then left the room, closing the door behind him.
Shane unbuttoned his jacket. The room seemed hot and stuffy after the coolness of the farrier’s shed. He took a moment to study the profile of the woman he had searched for fruitlessly. Now, after almost three months, she was here. Why?
Whatever she wanted, she seemed to be having trouble finding the courage to speak. He decided to get the ball rolling. “Delmar is it? I might have had an easier time finding you if I had known your last name.”
Her head snapped up and she met his gaze. “Did you look for me?”
Her eyes were the same deep, luminous brown that he remembered. The same unhappiness he had seen before continued to lurk in their depths. He had the ridiculous urge to reach out and stroke her cheek.
“I went back to that club every night for two weeks hoping to find you again.”
She unclenched her hands, folded her arms across her chest and leaned back in the chair. “Two whole weeks. Wow! I’m flattered.”
Frowning at her sarcasm, he said, “You left first, remember?”
Her attitude of defiance faded. “I remember. Look, I made a mistake. A big, huge, gigantic mistake.”
“You don’t get to take all the blame. Nobody held a gun to my head.”
“All right, we made a huge mistake.”
Shane wasn’t proud of his behavior that night. “Just so you know, I’m not in the habit of picking up women in bars and taking them to motel rooms.”
A tiny smile curved her lips. “Corporal, I could tell. And just so you know, I used to pick up guys in bars all the time for the price of a drink and I’ve seen the inside of a cheap motel more than once.”
Annie Delmar watched the soldier’s eyes widen as the meaning of her words sank in. To his credit, he didn’t make any smart remarks. She had heard plenty of them in her time, but she never got used to the hurt.
This was so much harder than she had imagined. She wanted to sink through the floor. Maybe she should just leave. That would be the easiest thing to do.
She needed a drink.
No, I don’t. I want a sober life. I deserve a sober life. God, if You are listening, lend me Your strength. Help me do the right thing for once.
Drawing a deep breath, she launched into the speech she had worked on for the past week. There was a lot this man needed to understand. “I can tell by your expression that you get my drift. I used to live a very destructive lifestyle, but I’m in recovery now. I had been clean and sober for almost a year when I had a setback. That is no excuse. I made a choice to drink and to spend the night with you when I knew it was wrong.”
“What kind of setback?”
His concern wasn’t something that she’d expected. “You mean, what caused me to fall off the wagon? It doesn’t really matter, does it?”
“It must have.”
“Okay, maybe it did, but I’ve been sober since I left you at that motel. That’s what’s important. I’m getting the help I need and I’m getting my life back on track.”
There was a joke if she’d ever uttered one. Her life was closer to being derailed than on track, but she didn’t want this man to think she couldn’t handle herself. She would handle this and she would do it the right way, with God’s help and the help of others like herself in AA. Still, she found it hard to meet his frank gaze.
“That’s good,” he said at last. “I hope it wasn’t something that I said or did.”
She relaxed for the first time in days. “No. You and your buddies came along afterward. You were all so happy about something. You were all laughing.”
He had a nice laugh. She remembered that about him even if other parts of that evening were fuzzy.
He pulled his hat out from beneath his arm. She watched him fold and unfold the red ball cap that matched the T-shirt he wore under his army jacket. She had no clue what he was thinking.
“Our unit had just returned from riding in the inaugural parade in Washington, D.C., and our sergeant had just gotten engaged. She’d be mad if she knew we went out drinking to celebrate. I don’t mean to sound like a prude, but I don’t normally drink.”
“I could tell that, too.”
It had been his cheerful smile and his happy laughter that had drawn Annie to him that night. She had craved being a part of that happiness as much as she had craved the liquor.
She cleared her mind of the memory. “Look, I need to make it plain that I don’t want anything from you. I want you to know that. I don’t want anything from you. Do you get that?”
He stopped scrunching his hat and looked at her. “You don’t want anything from me. I get that, but I’m sort of hazy on all the rest. Amy, why are you here? How did you find me?”
“My name is Annie.”
“Annie. I’m sorry.”
She thought she was done feeling like this. Cheap and disposable. Crossing her arms again, she looked down at the floor. “Don’t be. The music was loud. We were…”
Why does this have to be so hard? I’m trying to do the right thing, Lord. Please help me.
Shane looked down and began folding his hat again. “I never was good with names. I forget my own sometimes.”
Annie saw his discomfort and took pity on him. The man was six feet tall and as good-looking as the day was long—if a woman liked the blue-eyed cowboy type with a Texas drawl that made every word in the English language sound as soft as a cotton ball. And he was embarrassed because he didn’t remember her name.
“It’s okay. It’s not like we had any intention of becoming best friends.”
Looking up, a slight grin pulled at the corner of his mouth. “My list of friends is pretty short. I’d be honored to add you.”
Oh, yes, he was as sweet and kind as she remembered—and she was about to drop a bomb on his life.
“As for finding you,” she continued, “that wasn’t hard. It’s a big Army base, but how many stables are there here?”
“One.”
“Right. I called and spoke to your captain yesterday and he told me when you would be here today.”
Annie glanced at her watch. She couldn’t stay much longer. It was time to get it over with.
This is my step number nine: I need to make amends for the harm I caused. I need to admit the truth.
Was she doing the right thing? She wasn’t sure she should burden this man with her news. Telling him wouldn’t change anything, but Marge believed that he had a right to know, and Annie believed in Marge’s wisdom. She had seen it in action time and time again.
Annie raised her head. She had come a long way in the last year even if she had slipped up one night. She could be proud of what she had accomplished since she’d turned her life over to God. Something good would come of this because it had to be part of His plan.
“Corporal Ross—”
“Call me Shane.”
“Okay, Shane, I’ll get to the point. I’m here because I’m pregnant.”
Chapter Two
Shane blinked once, not certain he had heard Annie correctly. He opened his mouth but closed it quickly without posing the question that dangled on the tip of his tongue.
“Aren’t you going to ask me if I’m sure it’s yours?” she demanded.
The mixture of defiance and pain in her voice made him glad he hadn’t spoken that thought aloud.
“I don’t think you would have gone to the trouble of finding me if you weren’t sure.”
Her attitude softened slightly but not completely. “That’s right.”
She shot to her feet, clutching the strap of her scuffed black vinyl purse. “Okay, then, I guess we’re done.”
He stood in surprise. “Whoa! You can’t just lay this on me and then scoot out the door.”
“Why not? I told you I didn’t want anything from you.”
“You’ve just told me I’m going to be a father. I need more than a minute to process that information.”
“Sorry, but one minute is all you get. Look, neither one of us wanted this. We were both looking for a good time, not for a family. My counselor convinced me that you deserve to know. Now you know. From here on out it is my problem and I’ll handle it as I see fit.”
“I’m not sure I agree with that. What are you going to do?”
“I’m going to leave here and get to my job before I’m late. Have a nice life.”
She stepped around him and headed for the doorway. Was she kidding? She had hit him with this brick and now she was going to split? As she started to pull open the door, he reached over her head and pushed it shut with a bang. “Wait just a minute!”
The look she sent him was twice as sharp as the nails he had put in Jasper’s shoe. “Take your hand off this door.”
“I will as soon as we settle a few things.”
She crossed her arms and glared at him. “Such as?”
“Do you plan to keep the baby?”
“None of your business.”
“I hope you aren’t considering an abortion.”
“That is also none of your business.”
“If it wasn’t any of my business, you wouldn’t be here. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do or what I’m supposed to say, but this isn’t just your problem.”
She drew a deep breath. “I have to decide what is best for me. You don’t get a say in that.”
It was plain she didn’t want his help or his interference. If she didn’t want him involved, wasn’t that her right? Past experience had certainly proven he wasn’t father material. Why should this woman think differently? She barely knew him and yet she had already made that decision. He pulled his hand away from the door frame. “Okay, you need to do what is best for you. I guess I can understand that.”
“Good.”
Shane stuffed his hands in his pockets and stepped away from her. “I’m sorry this happened. If there is anything you need…anything…let me know.”
“I won’t need anything, and you don’t need to worry that I’ll show up again looking for support for this kid. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry you had to find out like this. You seem like a nice guy.”
He quickly crossed the room to the desk. Picking up a pen and business card, he scribbled his cell number. Returning to her side, he handed it to her. “This is my number. Could you at least let me know what you plan to do? I really want to know.”
She hesitated, but took it from him. “I’ll think about it.”
Annie pulled open the door and walked out of the office with her heart pounding like a drum in her chest. Her hands felt ice-cold and her legs were barely able to hold her up. She prayed she could make it to her car without falling down. She was bad at confrontations.
Corporal Shane Ross had no idea how much it had cost her to maintain her mask of indifference. At least the dreaded meeting was over and she could stop worrying about it. Now it was time to look ahead and make a plan.
She managed to reach her car. A soldier stood on the other side of her beat-up peacock-blue hatchback, chatting through the rolled-down window with her roommate in the passenger seat. Crystal was laughing at something the man said. Annie glanced back. Shane stood just outside the building, watching her. His face wore a puzzled frown. Who could blame him?
The sudden clop-clop of hooves startled her as a soldier walked past, leading two brown horses with black manes and tails. She had heard a lot about Shane’s unit from him during their one evening together. At first she had thought he had been teasing about being in the cavalry, but it had soon become apparent that he and his friends really did ride horses in a modern army.
Shane had spoken with quiet pride about his participation in the inaugural parade in Washington, D.C. She could still see his shy smile and the sparkle in his blue eyes when he spoke about it. He hadn’t been the best-looking guy in the bar that night, but there had been something about him. In him she thought she had seen someone like herself. Someone without anyone.
Yeah, and look where that got me.
Opening the car door, she climbed in and slammed it shut. If only she could shut out her memories as easily.
Crystal leaned toward her. “How did it go?”
“I’ll tell you later.”
“Did you see those horses?”
“I saw them.” Annie tried twice to get the key in the ignition before it finally slid into place. Her hands wouldn’t stop shaking. Please, please let it start.
“Private Avery was just telling me that we can have a tour of the stable and even pet some of the horses.”
“We don’t have time. We’re going to be late as it is.”
“Come back someday when you can stay longer,” Avery suggested. “I’d be happy to give you a private tour.”
“I’d like that,” Crystal gushed.
The car’s temperamental engine turned over. Annie breathed a silent prayer of thanks, then backed out of the parking space.
“’Bye,” Crystal called, waving as they drove off.
“Roll up the window,” Annie snapped. “It’s freezing in here and you know my heater doesn’t work.”
Crystal did as she was told. “You didn’t have to be rude to Avery. He only wanted to let me see his horses.”
“It was just another pickup line.”
“It was not. Sometimes I think you don’t like men.”
“I don’t dislike them. It’s that I don’t trust them—and neither should you.” If Crystal couldn’t see that, Annie wasn’t going to waste her breath trying to convince her.
Shane turned away from the sight of Annie’s car disappearing down the street. He knew he’d never hear from her again. She had already decided he had no business being a father.
Avery came over to stand beside him. “What did the lady want?”
“I thought I told you to grease the wagon wheels.”
“Lee had already taken care of it. Obviously your friend didn’t bring you good news.”
“She told me I’m going to be a daddy and then she told me to get lost.”
“What?”
“Do I have a sign over my head that says Rotten Parent Material? Do I have Loser written on my forehead?” Shane began walking toward the farrier shed so quickly that Avery had to run to keep up.
“I don’t think you really want me to answer that.”
“You’re right, I don’t. Now, go away.”
It seemed that Avery couldn’t take a hint. He followed Shane inside the building and asked, “What are you going to do about your pregnant friend?”
Tossing his jacket aside, Shane slipped the strap of his leather apron over his head and tied it at his waist. “Annie Delmar wants nothing to do with me. In light of that fact, I’m going to respect her wishes.”
Moving back to Jasper’s side, Shane bent over and picked up the horse’s hind leg. “This shoe needs to be replaced, too. Hand me the clinch cutter and the pull-offs.”
Avery walked to the workbench at the back of the room and returned with the requested tools. Handing them to Shane, he said, “You can’t drop your responsibilities like a hot rock.”
“It’s not my call.”
“I beg to differ. It certainly is.”
“Not according to Annie.”
“You have the same rights that she does.”
Shane tilted his head to see his friend better. “What do you mean?”
“The law is plain on this. A father has the same rights that a mother does. Well, almost the same. You do have to prove that the child is yours.”
Jasper tried to pull his foot away and Shane let him put it down. Ordinarily the big gelding didn’t mind having his hooves worked on, but he seemed to sense Shane’s emotional turmoil. Patting the horse’s side to reassure him, Shane drew a calming breath.
He knew what it was like to be the child waiting for a father that never showed up. “The law doesn’t matter. I’m not going to fight Annie so I can force her to let me see my kid every other weekend—or less. That’s not what a family is.”
Avery said, “This doesn’t sound like you. You’ve always been Mr. Responsible.”
“I guess you don’t know me as well as you think.” Shane picked up Jasper’s hoof again and began straightening the tips of the last few nails holding the worn shoe in place.
Maybe never knowing this child would be better than loving him and then having to watch some other man step in and take him away. Only…this was his child. How could he pretend it didn’t matter? It might matter, but what choice did he have?
“When I start a family, I’ll be married and I’ll have a job that lets me come home every night. My kids are going to know who their daddy is.”
Crossing his arms over his chest, Avery said, “Your plan is good except for one small detail. You’ve already started your family.”
Struggling to keep his frustration and disappointment from showing, Shane said, “Look, I’m not even sure she’s keeping the baby.”
“If she plans to give it up for adoption, she’ll need your consent or it won’t be legal now that she’s admitted it’s your kid.”
“I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it.” Picking up the long-handled tool that looked like an oversize pair of curved pliers, Shane positioned the tips under the heel of the horseshoe and began carefully rocking it back and forth to pry out the nails without damaging Jasper’s hoof.
“I think you’re making a mistake, but it’s your life.”
“Thanks for noticing. Be sure and shut the door on your way out.”
He didn’t want to talk about it anymore. If he didn’t know how he felt about the situation, he sure couldn’t explain it to someone else. He needed time alone to think about what he should do, if anything. When Avery didn’t move and didn’t reply, Shane tugged the horseshoe loose, let go of the horse’s foot and straightened to face him.
“Even if I want to take some level of responsibility for this baby, Annie made it very plain that she doesn’t want that. I don’t even know where she lives or how to contact her to discuss it.”
“I don’t know where she lives, but I can tell you that she works at the Windward Hotel out on the interstate.”
Shane scowled. “How do you know that?”
“Her roommate, Miss Crystal Mally, works there with her. If I’d had a few more minutes, I would have had a phone number and a home address to go with that information. Crystal is a talkative girl, even if she isn’t exactly my type.”
“I didn’t know you had a type.”
“I don’t, really, but I do shy away from junkies.”
“Annie said she is in recovery. She mentioned having a counselor.”
“Annie may be clean, but I don’t think Crystal is there yet. Believe me, I know the signs. I hung out with a fast crowd before the Army got a hold of me.”
“Knowing where Annie works doesn’t change anything.” Shane walked over to the forge and thrust a metal bar into the coals.
“Maybe not, but at least you know how to find her when you’ve had a chance to think things over.”
He didn’t want to think things over. He wanted to rewind the morning and erase the part where a pretty woman with sad eyes had turned his life upside down.
Two days later, Shane rounded the corner of the snack-food aisle at the local Gas and Go and spied Annie paying for her purchase of a large soda. Confronted with the woman he hadn’t been able to get off his mind, he simply stared.
She wore a pair of faded jeans with butterflies embroidered in pink-and-white thread at her ankles. An equally faded jean jacket with threadbare cuffs covered a dark pink blouse. Her long braid hung down to the center of her back and swayed softly when she moved. Her silhouette showed only the slightest fullness at her midriff. A casual observer wouldn’t know she was pregnant, but he knew. She was carrying his child.
What he should do about it—if anything—had kept him awake most of the last couple nights.
She was searching in the depths of her purse for money to pay for her drink and she hadn’t seen him. Should he stay out of sight until she was gone or walk up to the counter as though it didn’t matter? It wasn’t in him to take the coward’s way out. He closed the distance between them in a few steps.
Darmowy fragment się skończył.
