When things weren’t getting any better, my sister Nina sat me down and said, ‘You lost Dad five years ago and you dealt with that – and that’s the hardest thing any young girl can deal with. So who the hell is an ex-boyfriend in comparison to Dad?’ I thought, ‘Oh my god, she’s right! If I can get through losing Dad – a man who loved me unconditionally and who I assumed would always be around – I can get through losing a guy I’ve spent two or three years with.’ It made me realise that I was stronger than I knew. That although I might think, ‘I can’t cope with this’, I can. I’ve got through 34 years of both my best and my worst days and I’m still standing.
I had to channel those thoughts again when things kicked off in the press in exactly the same way after I called off my engagement to Liam Richards in 2013. Actually, that time was worse because they now had two ‘failed engagements’ to pin on me. Liam and I were together for three and a bit years, but split because we were both working so hard we rarely saw each other during the last year. The headlines screamed: ‘She has the career, she has this and that, but she can’t find love!’ Or ‘What’s wrong with Gemma? Why can’t she hold on to a man?’ All the time I was thinking, ‘But I ended it! Maybe I didn’t want to settle for something that wasn’t right?’ Mum said, ‘You’re getting stressed about something you have no control over. Will them saying this about you matter in five years? No. So why waste five minutes on it then?’ That five years-five minutes rule is one I’ve carried with me throughout my life.
Working things out
I still assumed that to be fit the aim was to see numbers drop off the scales. That if I exercised like a demon, I’d look as slim as I did when I was heartbroken, but actually feel great too, rather than wanting to crawl into a hole and cry. But lo-and-behold that didn’t happen. No matter how many miles I sweated away on the treadmill or half-hearted dumbbell curls I did, I was still a 5ft 9in woman with muscly legs and broad shoulders. Who’d have thought it, huh? The saddest thing was that I hated my body for it. I was still convinced that to look good, and to look fit, I needed to be smaller – somehow less than I was now. It never occurred to me not to want to get smaller.
Everything changed for me when I started exercising with personal trainer Olly Foster in 2014 at the Ultimate Performance gym in Mayfair when I was working in London. Olly said to me, ‘If you could look like anyone, who would it be?’ and I said right away, ‘Kylie Minogue. She’s tiny and petite. She looks great.’ He looked me straight in the eye and said, ‘You are NEVER going to look like Kylie Minogue. NEVER. You probably looked like Kylie Minogue when you were 12 years old. Let’s be realistic.’ My jaw dropped. How could he say that?! I was incredibly offended. It was this man’s job to make me look like Kylie Minogue.
But then I looked around that gym – at all the women weight-lifting and loving it – and realised they weren’t using their bodies to look a specific way, they were using them to improve their health, posture, stamina and mental outlook. To improve everything. They were putting looks aside and prioritising how they felt. All different shapes and sizes, all mucking in, grunting and sweating and looking like total badasses! Then it hit me: of course I’m never going to look like Kylie Minogue. It’s ridiculous! And nor should I want to, because I’m simply not built that way.
‘Oh my God…,’ I said, and sat down, kind of stunned, as Olly started working out a programme for me. It’s like someone telling you, ‘The entire way you see yourself is messed up’ and realising they’re right. Olly said, ‘You’ve got really strong legs, maybe we could up the weight and you could use them more’, and again I was speechless. Instead of saying, ‘Let’s try to slim down your thighs’, he wanted me to make them more muscly?! Hell yes he did. He understood that my ‘thunder thighs’ could be a good thing. A great thing even. That my body could work in my favour. That instead of trying to be incredibly thin, having drainpipe legs and a pancake bum, I could have strong legs that would carry me further and faster, below a curvy bum. I realised that before now, I’d not only not been using my body to its best advantage, I’d been actively working against it, punishing it for looking the way it did, trying to bully it into being smaller, weighing less, being less. While all the time, all these women in the gym were doing the total opposite.
Think about that for a moment: think about how much you punish your body – treating it badly, hating on it – for not looking like something or someone else. You will look your absolute best – not my best or Kylie’s best – when you accept what you cannot change and start working with your body, not against it. I learned an incredibly important lesson that day – I shouldn’t want to get fit to look a certain way, but to feel a certain way. Looking good means nothing if you don’t feel good.
Good things come to women who weight(lift)
Repeat after me: ‘weight training will not make me look like a man!’ You won’t become ‘too big’ by lifting weights. Women have nowhere near the amount of testosterone they’d need to ‘bulk up’ to the point that they look masculine. All weight training will do is make you leaner and fitter so you’ll still look and feel like a woman, but a warrior woman who can carry all her own bags, thanks very much.
Here are just a few of the benefits of resistance training for women:
1) It burns more fat. Yes, it’s true that while you’re actually performing the exercise you’re burning fewer calories weight-lifting than you would doing two hours on the cross-trainer (no, thank you). However, you’re actually increasing your metabolic rate, which means you’ll be burning more calories for longer afterwards.
2) You can eat more. Your muscles will get denser and bigger, so you’ll need to eat more to maintain them. Or, looking at it the other way, you can handle a lot more calories. Result.
3) You’ll get stronger bones. The pressure weight training puts on your bones encourages your body to invest in making them stronger and sturdier. This counteracts the natural propensity for women’s bone density to decrease from their 30s onwards.
4) Your immune system will thank you. People who lift tend to have better eating habits and better quality of sleep, lower stress levels and improved circulation, all of which makes you healthier, period.
5) You’ll feel like a combination of Xena, Jet and She-Ra.
Please remember that the photos you see of me working out in the gym are taken when my muscles are swollen with blood to help me lift the weights. That’s why people look pumped during workouts: their muscles are literally ‘pumped up’. Bodybuilders and fitness models go out of their way to look bigger and more defined on shoots or at shows, enhancing their muscles (and even making their veins ‘pop’) through a careful diet, dehydration and fake tan. People can see those images and think, ‘I’ll look like that all the time if I do weights, even just at the shops!’ You absolutely won’t. You’ll just look toned. Lifting weights won’t make you ‘butch’ or ‘manly’; it’ll make you more confident, energetic, stronger, leaner, fitter and happier.
Struggling, sweating and swearing
I started training with Olly properly in 2014 and, because I was now training with direction, the changes I went through – both physical and mental – were pretty much immediate. It’s not just the natural high that comes from exercising, but eating right also has a huge impact on your mood and body and therefore behaviour. Once you start something good, your body craves it and you feel better for having taken action. I had not only found one of the best personal trainers around, but a great boyfriend too! Olly and I were together for around two years and I’m happy to say we’re still mates to this day.
I started posting videos and pictures of my workouts on Instagram and saw how I was able to connect with people in a positive way. Lots of people were into the fact that I was working out to feel good first, and look good second. For that reason I’ve made it my mission to always be open and honest, both about how I feel and how I look.
Then the trolls arrived. The keyboard warriors who spend all day sitting alone in their parents’ basement venting about others because they’ve got nothing else going on. Lads message me and say, ‘You’ve gone too far, you look like a man’ and I’ll reply and say, ‘Well, lift heavier and maybe you will too!’ Yes, that kind of stuff makes me angry, but I’ll take a moment and choose to react differently – I actually try to take those comments as compliments now. I mean, at the end of the day, they’re still looking, aren’t they? If they weren’t interested, jealous or annoyed they wouldn’t be doing it. No one else’s opinion should have the power to make you happy or not. You can’t control other people’s actions, but you can control how you react to them. You can either wallow or brush it off.
My plan from the start has always been to just be me. We all look different, we all have crap days and we all slip up: welcome to the club – there’s seven billion of us in it. I want to show that if I can do this, you can too. Commit to looking after yourself, get to know your own body, take social media with a pinch of salt, be honest about your intentions, ignore the naysayers and people who don’t want to support you, and cut yourself some goddamn slack.
Evil Steve
The Ultimate Body Plan
While my training now had more focus and my aims had changed (no more Kylie hang-ups!), when the summer of 2017 rolled around, I knew I wanted to give myself a new challenge. Olly and I had split up totally amicably in 2016 and I was training back home at the Manchester branch of Ultimate Performance. I was still hosting my radio show, but had just left Emmerdale where I’d played Carly Hope for around two years. I absolutely loved the job and the people there, but wanted to change things up. But while I was still hitting the gym, I’d got into a bit of a training rut. So I signed up to the gym’s 12-week training plan that promised to transform both your body and your mindset, and started working with personal trainer, Steve Chambers. He soon became known as Evil Steve!
I didn’t have a holiday booked or want to get in shape for a specific event, I just wanted to challenge myself. I was seriously curious to see what my body and mind were capable of. Plus, I respond well to stricter routines. It’s when you’re left to your own devices that you half-heartedly do some weights before heading home and eating three bags of crisps.
This plan is 100% focused on feeling great rather than on vanity. You’re far more likely to stick with something if you’re doing it for sustainable long-term results (to feel great) than to hit a certain number on the scales (like some faddy diets promise) because, if you don’t reach that goal you’ll feel like crap. More often than not, even if you do reach it you still feel rubbish because you’re not dealing with the cause of your feelings, both mental and physical – bad diet, poor sleep, stress, low self-esteem, lack of energy etc. You’re just dealing with what you think is a symptom (weight). You’ll then keep punishing your body because you won’t know how to feel better, constantly moving the goalposts: ‘I’m now a size 8, but I still feel exhausted, run-down, stressed and unhappy. Maybe I’ll feel better at a size 6.’ No, you won’t. This plan offers a total lifestyle overhaul with no unrealistic expectations to falter under. In feeling stronger and more positive, you’ll be in the best position to take on everything – with looking great a happy side effect.
The plan meant I had to start cooking and prepping meals in advance, which you will too. People can feel daunted by this, but you can make time for it. If you’re serious about change, you’ll get up 15 minutes earlier to make your breakfast, or put aside a couple of hours on a Sunday to prep your food for the next few days like I do. Once you get into the routine of it, it becomes second nature. Also, I find it extremely motivating to remember that I’m eating to fuel my muscles, to feel great for the rest of the day. Cutting out rubbish that makes you feel sluggish isn’t a chore when you can really feel the results.
So, on day one of the plan, I put my leggings and crop top on and looked in the mirror. I took the top photo opposite (taking progress photos is part of the programme; see here) and thought, ‘Right, this is how you look now. You’ve had 32 years on these feet, these legs, looking how you do, feeling how you do. Now it’s just 12 weeks to see where it can go and what you can do!’ I really psyched myself up for it, getting into the mindset of an athlete before a fight.
The transformation
The first week of the 12-week programme was horrendous. Horrific. The worst. I felt sick, I was shaking and dripping with sweat. ‘God, I can’t do this,’ I thought. ‘I want to quit. I want to die.’
But I didn’t quit. I didn’t die.
What I did do was lose fat, which proved I’d had it to lose in the first place. My body was responding immediately to working out, and after 3 weeks I’d lost 1.5% of my body fat. But it was actually more the mental changes that struck me first. I started feeling proud of myself – knowing I’d sweated, had had a good session and burned loads of calories. Something changed in my body language – my shoulders went down and my chin up and I even walked with more confidence. Plus, I started sleeping better. I already found myself waking up, checking my phone and seeing it was ten minutes before my alarm was due to go off. I wasn’t waking feeling sluggish, exhausted or bloated as I’d had a good meal the night before.
Three weeks in, I noticed more definition in my arms. When I sat down my stomach and thighs stayed tight. My entire body was getting leaner and I felt much more energetic. Friends and family also started seeing changes, which is always a huge motivator.
Depending on your fitness levels to start with, your results at this stage will probably be even more dramatic than mine were. If you stick to the plan 100% it’ll be a shock to the system and you’ll shed weight and body fat. However, be warned – you may still be craving the sweet stuff. They say it takes between two to three weeks to cleanse your palette. Keep going! Push through. Your body is essentially detoxing so your skin may actually break out as it gets rid of all the toxins – but then, once they’re out and if you keep at it, at around this point your skin will really start to glow!
Before I started the Ultimate Body Plan
After 12 weeks I’d lost 13lbs and 5% of my body fat.
These changes will spur you on. Your body wants to get better, it wants to get healthier, so as soon as you start nourishing it and treating it well, it’ll respond, like it’s saying ‘thank you’.
Week five was a strange one for me because I actually put some weight back on, hitting around 11 stone – fine for someone of my height with broad shoulders. So don’t panic if you put on weight! People can read that I weigh 11 stone and freak out, but I was losing a lot of body fat while gaining muscle mass. So many factors affect women’s weight – everything from eating more salt, where you are in your menstrual cycle, and even the weather! (As we tend to drink more water when it’s hot.) I felt great, was leaner, my clothes fit better and I was as healthy as I’d ever been. Instead of losing weight, I was aiming to beat my personal bests every week. If I could lift one more rep on a Tuesday than I did on a Monday, I knew I was progressing. I felt amazing, while looking completely different to what was considered ‘perfect’ in the public eye, or what was considered beautiful by most people. Yes, some magazines think I should be a size 8, but I’m simply not built that way. I’m a size 10–12, but I can squat 90kg.
About midway through the 12-week programme I was asked to be a contestant on Strictly Come Dancing, the biggest show on national telly. I told Becca, my agent, that I didn’t think it was the right time and I’d like her to turn it down. I was happy with my life the way it was. I loved working on the radio show, I was training hard and I had time for friends and family. For the first time in a long time, there was no press intrusion in my life. I wasn’t in the public eye as much and I was really enjoying that.
During week seven I went on holiday with some mates and didn’t put a sarong on to walk from the pool to the bar as I felt 100% comfortable in my bikini now. I also had no desire to binge just because I was on holiday – I didn’t want to throw away all my hard work. So I took a skipping rope with me, downloaded some HIIT workouts onto my phone before I left, did lots of swimming and went on big walks along the beach. I ate healthy meals and had some treats, but was surprised by how much I didn’t want to eat crap, drink loads and sit on my butt all day – not because I felt I had to keep to the plan, but because doing all this had made me feel so good.
It’s a strange process actually – realising that you feel incredible. Noticing that you’re waking up feeling energetic and determined rather than uncomfortable and tired. I find working out very therapeutic; whether you’re doing HIIT or weights, your head goes somewhere else. Some of my best ideas come to me when I’m exercising. You have space and time to yourself – often the only time of day you get that.
At the end of the 12 weeks I took my final set of progress photos and actually got quite teary. The results were shocking – in a good way. I still looked very feminine, but a lot leaner, a lot less body fat. My skin was way clearer. My hair had grown faster and thicker and so had my nails. Even my eyes looked brighter. While my weight had fluctuated on the plan, overall I had lost 13lbs and 5% of my body fat. I felt amazing and was so proud of myself. I’d put my body through so much with fad diets and gruelling gym punishments, and I’d put myself through so much mentally trying to get over men and dealing with guilt and regrets, that I’d really neglected my body. I felt this intense gratitude that I was able to nourish it and look after it and heal it, so to speak.
Strictly come laughing
I think I must be the only contestant in the history of Strictly Come Dancing to put on weight during the show. But how did I end up waltzing on the sparkliest dancefloor on TV after turning it down? It was all down to Oprah. No, really.
After I’d finished the 12-week plan, I went on Jason Vale’s Juice Retreat in Portugal. I go every year to detox, unwind and re-set. Each guest is given a book in their room when they check in and that year I was given Oprah Winfrey’s biography. I picked it up and the first page that opened had a single quote on it, from a song by Lee Ann Womack. Of all things, it was about choosing to dance if you have the chance.
Now, I’m a big believer in signs, chance and circumstance and all that, but even if I wasn’t, there was no denying that was a bit weird. I showed my mum, who’d come with me, and she simply said, ‘Get Becca on the phone’, so I rang and said, ‘Let’s do it.’ I knew Strictly was a huge opportunity and I also knew I was in a far better headspace to deal with being back on primetime telly again. I was more confident, self-assured and mature. I felt like I could handle it. Thank you, 12-week programme!
But that didn’t mean I wasn’t nervous as hell. I’d never danced properly before in my life! Actually, I tell a lie. I went to a local dance school when I was six or seven years old for a few months before swapping it for karate. That was the sum total of my dancing experience. It also didn’t help that when my name was announced I’d get tweets saying, ‘Ha! You’re too big to dance’ or ‘Can’t wait to see you try to dance in heels’. In the back of my head I was thinking, ‘My mum used to call me a baby elephant… and I am rubbish in heels. What have I done?’ (My friends actually got me a bracelet with a baby elephant on before the live shows and I’ve not taken it off since.)
I was very lucky in the partner I had, Aljaž Škorjanec. It was never a case of learning the dance and him going, ‘Right – off you go!’ I’d tell him I didn’t feel elegant and he’d say, ‘Well, you’re an actress, aren’t you? Act that you are.’ Before each dance, he’d remind me how well I’d done in training saying, ‘You’ve got one minute thirty seconds to prove everyone who says you’re too big to dance or too muscly to be in a ballgown wrong!’ We must have done, because we got to the final! During week 4 though, I tripped up the stairs as we were walking off and I think you can hear me say, ‘Oh shit!’ on the telly. I was like, ‘I can’t even walk up the frigging stairs in heels!’
Aljaž is not only an incredible dancer, but one of the funniest people I’ve ever met and I was having such a good time I let my diet slide, putting on nearly a stone. Everyone was like, ‘You’re dancing every day – how can you put weight on?’ But the dancing was nothing compared to the intensity of the training I was used to and I was still getting up at 4.30am every day for the radio show, so I simply didn’t prioritise food. I could have, had I really tried, but I wanted some time off, so if Aljaž and I fancied jacket potatoes with cheese, we’d have them! Whereas normally I’d think I can’t really eat like I was every single day, because I was having such a laugh – and because I knew what I needed to do coming out the other end of it – it didn’t bother me.
When I went back to the gym when the show was finished, I had my measurements taken. My body fat had increased, but my muscle mass had stayed the same. Evil Steve, my trainer said, ‘It’s fine, you just need to get back on track with your diet and carry on with your training,’ and two and a half weeks later, my body was back to how it had been. Once you start training and keep at it, your body responds amazingly quickly to changes in environment. I knew mentally and physically what I had to do to get back on track, so I had no fear in letting myself relax for a bit. I can’t be lean 24/7, 12 months of the year. I’ve got Christmasses, birthdays and all sorts I want to celebrate. I want to live! With this plan, I can. The muscle memory of someone who trains is incredible. Your body is so clever. All it wants to do is heal.
Taking chances
Strictly didn’t just teach me to dance, break me out of my shell again and re-ignite my fondness for jacket potatoes – it also introduced me to Gorka Marquez, the man I’m now in a relationship with. One of the professional dancers on the show, Gorka and I started hanging out behind the scenes, having coffees and a laugh together. Gradually we realised we liked each other. A lot.
He’s the first boyfriend I’ve had who truly makes me feel attractive in just a T-shirt. I’ve got the odd stretch mark and some cellulite on the top of my legs, like every woman, and he tells me every single day how beautiful he thinks I am. The first thing he says in the morning is, ‘Good morning. I love you. How did you sleep?’ I know there’s time for that to stop – I’m aware we’ve not been together that long – but I’ve never had that before. And it brings this ease with it; the fact I can walk around without breathing in and I don’t need to wrap a towel around me when I have just my knickers on.
We work out together – which I think has helped us to get so close. There’s something incredibly supportive about someone having your back in that way, being on the same journey, wanting you to succeed and being proud of you. I talked to him about my insecurities when we had a joint PT session once. I was saying to Evil Steve, ‘My cellulite’s quite bad at the moment,’ and Gorka jumped in and said, ‘Gemma! You’re a woman! You have hormones. Jesus!’ It’s true. Our hormones do all sorts of things to our bodies and our moods – that’s our nature – but it’s easy to forget that in our quest to be ‘perfect’.
I post things about my life with Gorka on social media because I like the fact that other women can see I’m with someone who loves me despite me wearing no make-up in the gym and despite me not always looking pristine – it’s real. Actually, wait. You know what? Just writing that made me realise that the word ‘despite’ is wrong! We’re not good together despite all that, but because of it. Because we’re open and honest and just ourselves.
Also, for the first time in my life, I am allowing myself to be vulnerable enough to be looked after by someone. Because I’ve always been totally independent it’s a big deal for me to let a guy do anything – I can change a tyre, thank you very much, and I don’t need you to pull a suitcase for me! I’ve struggled letting people in and showing my feelings – even down to batting off compliments as they make me uncomfortable. But letting go a little is something I’m finally allowing myself to do. It’s frightening at first because I always think the minute you let someone take care of you, it’s harder to recover from if anything goes wrong. I think subconsciously this comes from losing my dad. I was always scared that if I allowed someone to get too close and to break down my barriers, it’d be harder to deal with if they then weren’t around any more. But if you constantly put barriers up, you’re always going to miss out. You’re never going to give yourself the chance to experience something truly amazing. So I’m letting my guard down a bit. Plus, letting someone else pull my suitcase gives me a spare hand to hold my giant duty-free Toblerone. Winning!
By improving my self-esteem I now have a much stronger belief in my ability to cope if things go wrong. I really believe that this 12-week plan will change how people view themselves. It’s given me the confidence to know my own self-worth. The physical and mental changes that happen when you do this plan truly will change your perspective on everything. You’re lifting weights, you’re owning it and looking after your body. Suddenly you find yourself thinking, ‘I’m not going to let anybody walk over me any more. I deserve good things and good people around me’.
And, because you’re doing it for yourself, you’ll find you attract like-minded supportive people. People who are also secure within themselves so don’t drag you down. When you feel that way, you stop comparing yourself to others. Training will help you to discover what makes you happy personally and will give you the courage and mental and physical strength to go after it.
12 weeks to a whole new you
If you’re reading this book, you’re clearly up for making changes. For bettering yourself. For feeling the best you can be. Congratulations and hurray! That is the biggest step on this road to getting the body you love and discovering a leaner, fitter you. I feel so excited at sharing what has undoubtedly completely changed my life. It’s so simple really: eat well, train well and your body and mind will thank you for it.
Whether you want a new challenge or are struggling with low self-esteem, please throw your all into this plan and I promise you’ll see results that will alter how you look and feel forever. You do not have to settle for feeling sluggish, lethargic, bloated, unhealthy, overweight, insecure or bored. Feeling out of breath walking up a couple of flights of stairs isn’t normal. Feeling puffed out while chasing after your kids for two minutes isn’t fun. Struggling to get out of bed every single morning isn’t okay. You can change those things!
Please don’t do this in order to look good for someone else, for a one-off event, or to try to live up to some crappy notion of what you ‘should’ be. Do this to feel happier, healthier and more confident within yourself. I always think the universe doesn’t give you what you want, it gives you what you need. You picked up this book for a reason, so give it your best shot.
You’ll need to learn how to prep your food and not get annoyed about it – make the time, it’ll be worth it (see here). Soon it’ll just become part of your day. The other day I made myself some chicken and rice with lots of spices, put it in a Tupperware for my long train journey the next day and then, when I was on the train and the trolley packed with sweets, biscuits and sandwiches went past, I ate my pre-prepared meal instead – saving both money and that horrible bloated ‘eugh’ feeling that inevitably comes with eating processed foods.
This isn’t about making life hard – these recipes are delicious, healthy and filling. Plus, you don’t miss what you don’t want!
Your body is unique. It’s got you this far. Why not thank it by focusing on it for a while. Start playing for keeps rather than for instant gratification. Sometimes I still think to myself, ‘My legs could be a bit slimmer, my waist, bum and hips could be a bit more J Lo. I’m quite straight up and down…’ But then I catch myself, give myself a metaphorical slap, and think, ‘You’re 34 years old, you’re half your mum, half your dad, and you’ve got good strong legs that have carried you everywhere you’ve ever been! Get over yourself.’
Make a commitment to change how you live for the next 12 weeks. Yes, it’ll take some sacrifices. But is it really so awful to give up boozing and eating junk for just 12 weeks if it will utterly alter your life? 12 weeks! That’s it!