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© Derechos de edición reservados.

Letrame Editorial.

www.Letrame.com

info@Letrame.com

© Christian Garavito

Diseño de edición: Letrame Editorial.

Fotografías: Giancarlo Fajardo

ISBN: 978-84-18512-70-4

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To Cristian, I’ve given it all, just as you said. I hope you like it.

To Gian, that thing we can’t explain makes us infinite.

To Ivo, we will dance.

To Juan, your love rocked my world, even if you can’t believe me, thank you.

To Camilo, you are definitely GODTOUCHED.

Thank you for your greatness.

About

this

book

About what is written in these pages

Not everything is true

Not everything is false

There are some things I felt in a moment

And some others that I never felt at all

And a few more

I’m still carrying around.

From my mother tongue

I wrote this book in English

because I have something to hide.

My heart speaks a different language than my mind.

So I tried to make it universal

Not as personal as Spanish

Even if I don’t relate to it that much.

In the end I don’t know what language I speak.

I am a fucking unicorn

I am a magical being that never existed

I am strange

And I’ve always had a dick in my head

Figuratively and relatively speaking

I guess in the end

all of this

is about dick

And ass

And sex

And being gay.

I

Juan is leaving

the

room

Winnie the Pooh

Honey,

Now that you are gone, I know I needed you the most

But in the long term you are just bad health

And this Winnie the Pooh relationship will only destroy us

Go and be the bee you are meant to be

Thanks for the sweet treats

They kept me warm in the winter

But summer is here and I’d rather be drinking iced tea.

The devil is out tonight

The devil is out tonight

The devil is a metaphor for what I am capable of

The devil lives tonight

Everybody’s screaming outside

A woman lost her dog and she calls it by its name

She won’t stop

I could even kill mine

The devil is out tonight

I can feel the fire

Inside.

Call me names

Call his name

I know he is inside me

But tonight he’s out!

Counting

One, two, three

Breathe.

Nothing will stop him

The devil is out tonight

I saw it on TV

On the cell phone

Even on my Instagram feed

He has such a hot body

But my body is full of lumps

The devil is out tonight making me feel sick

Let me rest tonight, please.

I just want to lose self-consciousness

Leave the devil outside tonight

While I stay in.

After hate

Have you ever felt all your body aching?

Like you had been beat up all night.

I hated it so much I just wanted pain

and today my bones hurt.

My chest aches.

The shock has passed and now I feel it.

The void, the shattered place you left.

Forgive me for being weak.

Forgive me, ‘cause I hate you,

because I love you, and I needed you.

I didn’t want you to leave

but I needed you to leave.

I hate and when I hate,

Everything I hold dear is in danger.

You should leave

and I should recover my strength.

I should stop hating ‘cause my body aches.

I can’t even move

I can’t anymore.

Ramona Scared

She looks at me, afraid.

She is scared and worried.

“Why?”, she asked herself.

“I am sorry, I really am”,

she says to herself

She can’t talk

She just looks at me with love

“Are you gonna be ok someday?”,

she asks herself

She rolls up into her body

trying to protect herself from me

It hurts and I hate it.

Juan

You talk in memes.

Oh, you do! You do!

You smell too much.

Oh, you do! You do!

But it’s not a bad smell.

It’s Lacoste Red.

Not even the real one.

You love the most

I can tell.

You are just 26.

And I am already late.

Why’d you leave?

Because I asked you to

That’s why.

Because you are homophobic

and gay at the same time.

Maybe because of that.

Maybe because my job here is done.

There’s nothing left to teach you

There has been enough fucking

Love is not an infinite source

You have to learn that the harsh way.

13 reasons to be apart

I miss you.

I miss you because I am afraid

I miss you because I settled for something that wasn’t great

I miss you because I am used to you

But not because I love you

Don’t get me wrong, I love you

But that’s not enough

It’s not.

We broke up because of this time

Because of me

Because of your time

I miss you but it’s fake

I miss you for all the wrong reasons and that’s not great

Blue routine

My body got used to feeling sad at 9 a.m.

It’s a blue routine.

My soul feels tired

Like heavy inside of me.

I am alone, only Ramona is here

I wonder if she is enough

Would it be worse if she weren’t here?

I am not sure

Sometimes I feel her like a burden

Like a lot of responsibility

But I am glad I can cuddle with her

Her furry being keeps me warm at night

But in the morning

I am sad again.

I wash the dishes

It distracts me from myself

and the hole in my chest

The hole in my chest

larger every day

Consuming me.

I can see happy people through the windows

A park

A view

A bunch of dogs.

But I am here inside

and it’s cold

All the time flows slowly

It’s a blue routine.

I sit down and wait for hours to pass

for a specific number.

Strangers

I’ve always resented the way people break up.

One day the most important and close person in your life becomes a stranger

Close your doors, change the lock

Take back the invitation

Erase any trace

Digital or analog

Clean the mess

Clean the space

This poem sucks

Not as much

As break ups.

Exes

I called but I couldn’t say what I felt

I hung up and started crying

I couldn’t tell the truth

At least not to you

I had to keep it inside

The pain

The mood swing

Because you are my ex

And I can’t trust you with this pain

You are not my friend.

Second call

You know

“flesh is weak”

It’s something Catholics taught me

It’s something I learned on my own

When you called I felt weaker

I wanted to touch you right there

And kiss you

Like we used to

Like I taught you

That second call

Found me unguarded

And your cries

Shattered me

Why did you call when I wanted to hear you?

Why did you call when I had to say no?

When I had to be strong

To be honest,

I want to make the same mistake again

I want to take the easy way

And be a part of this unhealthy game

Call me again

I might say yes.

We only came

back for the drugs

Now we are lost on this deserted island

Both castaways from the world

Trying to find a treasure long lost

We have to be honest in these final moments

We only came back for the drugs

I felt too much and you let it go

Even when you and I

We both know

It doesn’t exist anymore

So here we are again watching it die before our eyes

Knowing we should have left this deserted island

Long ago.

First love

What can you do with basic language?

Not knowing what I say

There are no words to describe pain

But don’t worry

It’s fake.

It will pass and you’ll be ok

I don’t want to be

The first love of anyone else

Ever again.

Error 45

There’s an error

You are not here

You were supposed to be

Let’s debug it.

Let’s change the universe

And the laws of time

Let’s go back

And find the source

of this human mistake

That my mind can’t compute

That my heart can’t compile.

How stupid are you?

How stupid are you?

That’s the question I ask myself everyday

Let’s scale and measure it, I say

Do you need a book to tell you? I ask again

Or maybe a song or a movie to know what’s next?

I point to my reflection in the mirror frowning my face