Czytaj książkę: «The Elusive Consultant»

CHAPTER ONE

‘I HEAR Max is leaving us.’

‘Apparently so.’ With her usual smile still in place, Tessa paid for her meal and waited while Narelle, the canteen lady, swapped over the coffee-jugs.

‘The place won’t be the same without him—doctors like Max don’t come by every day. He saved my Bruce, you know.’

Tessa did know!

Not only had she been on duty the day Narelle’s husband had been wheeled into the department in full cardiac arrest, she was made to relive the moment in glorious Technicolor every morning when Narelle fussed over her like a broody hen, forcing food on her as some sort of bizarre reward and doing unmentionable things to Tessa’s calorie count. ‘Dead as a dodo he was, and just look at him now, and it’s all thanks to Max, and you, of course. I’d best go and put his eggs on. You go and sit down, love, and I’ll bring your meal over. So who’s going to be your brunch buddy now?’

Who indeed?

Sitting at her usual table by the window, Tessa stared at the glistening bay, curling her heavy chocolate curls idly around her fingers as she drank in the view she never tired of. The water so still and calm, it looked as smooth as glass, reflecting the sun high in the late morning sky. But as idyllic as it all looked, the postcard scene was marred by the sight of a red helicopter whirring in the distance, buzzing on the horizon like an angry bee. The water might look calm, but looks were deceptive and Tessa knew that only too well.

The dangers of the ocean were rammed home with alarming regularity at Peninsula Hospital. A bush hospital they might be, but what they ‘missed’ in stabbings and drug-related problems, they made up for tenfold with a never-ending stream of multi-traumas, courtesy of Mother Nature. Frowning slightly, Tessa screwed up her eyes, trying to pick up any obvious problems, anything that might indicate what the rescue helicopter was doing out at this time. Tessa knew their schedule almost as well as she knew the emergency department’s, and a training run at eleven-thirty wasn’t their usual practice. Hopefully, she’d asked for her eggs runny. If the emergency chopper was out on rescue, no doubt she’d be being summoned in the not-too-distant future!

Oh, well, she’d find out what it was all about soon enough, Tessa thought with a shrug, adding half a sachet of sweetener to her black coffee before gingerly taking a sip.

It tasted awful but, Tessa thought with a sigh as she forced herself to drink it, maybe she was being a bit harsh, blaming the coffee. After all, nothing was going to taste particularly sweet this morning with the bitter taste Tessa had in her mouth.

Max is leaving.

It was all she had heard all morning. A cruel game of Chinese whispers whizzing through the emergency department. Each version just a little bit different, a touch more exaggerated perhaps, but it all boiled down to the same thing.

Max really was going and he hadn’t even thought to tell her.

OK, they weren’t best friends, they didn’t ring each other every evening to gossip about the department and, apart from work dos and the endless breaks they whiled away together in the hospital canteen, their friendship didn’t equate to the outside world. They’d never shared a dinner or even so much as a coffee that hadn’t been made by Narelle.

But Tessa had always thought they were more than just colleagues. Nine times out of ten Max joined her for brunch and a gossip, invariably he would tap her on the shoulder if he needed help with a patient and they often whiled away the lulls in Emergency over a coffee and a chat. He knew every last one of her dating disasters, and in turn Tessa knew all about his fiancée Emily and her eternal quest to ‘fix a date.’ They were more than just colleagues and the fact Max had sat on the biggest piece of news since the turn of the century hurt.

Really hurt.

‘Why the miserable face?’

So deep was Tessa in her thoughts she hadn’t even heard Max approach, and by the time she looked up he was already pulling up a chair and sitting down, wearing his usual shorts and T-shirt, coupled with his trade-mark wide, easy smile.

Grateful for the excuse, Tessa replaced her cup in her saucer and grimaced. ‘Despite what the label says, this tastes nothing like sugar.’

‘You’re not on another diet?’ Max groaned. ‘If it’s that cabbage soup one, I’m really going to have to put my foot down. Every time you pulled out that Thermos I felt like ducking for cover, I couldn’t stand the smell.’

‘Me neither.’ Tess laughed. ‘And, no, it’s not the cabbage diet and it’s not the milkshake one either— this one involves real food and lots of it. Narelle’s cooking up a storm back there.’

‘So how was the course?’

‘Great.’ Tessa gave an enthusiastic nod. ‘I learnt heaps, which is just as well, Admin were very reluctant to fund it. You’d have thought I was asking them to pay me for a week by a pool in Queensland, not an advanced trauma course.’

‘That’s so like them,’ Max groaned. ‘You’d think the money came from their own wages sometimes.’

‘They only agreed in the end because I had my own accommodation lined up.’ Tessa grinned. ‘Hotel Hardy.’

‘How was it?’

‘Oh, the food was wonderful, the service amazing and the bedroom divine. There’s nothing quite like your old bedroom, is there?’

‘How’s your mum?’ Max asked, his laughter fading as he watched Tessa stiffen.

‘Oh, fine,’ Tessa said airily, then, feeling the weight of his stare still on her, she gave a little shrug. ‘She’s still living in la-la denial land.’

‘Thing’s haven’t got better, then?’ Max asked gently as Tessa shifted uncomfortably.

‘Dad’s back with her.’

‘His mistress?’ Max checked.

Tessa gave a low laugh. ‘Whatever you want to call her.’

‘Maybe he isn’t back with her this time, Tessa, maybe it’s all innocent. You might just be reading too much into things.’

‘No, I’m not.’ Her voice was sharp, her eyes defiant as she looked up. ‘I know I’m right, the same way I’ve always know since I was ten years old. The pattern’s been the same—later and later back from the office, more trips to Sydney than a flight attendant, and endless presents for Mum to quash his guilt. The front room looks like a funeral parlour there’s so many flowers in there. I don’t know how Mum can let him get away with it, and as for her...’ Tessa’s full mouth practically disappeared into her face as she sucked in her cheeks. ‘How could she do it? Leaving aside how many people she’s hurt over the years, how can she bear just to have a part of him?’

Max didn’t say anything, just watched as she leant back in her chair and nibbled at the skin around her thumbnail, her serious brown eyes finally coming back to meet his. ‘Mum just refuses to believe it, she just can’t see that it’s all happening again.’

For an age he didn’t answer, just stared at Tessa thoughtfully. ‘That’s her prerogative, Tessa,’ Max said slowly. ‘Maybe she knows exactly what’s going on and just chooses to ignore it. The truth hurts sometimes.

‘Anyway, enough about grown-up games, let’s get on to brighter things.’ He gave her the benefit of a very nice smile and Tessa gave a grateful sigh as Max sensibly moved the subject to safer ground. ‘I missed you while you were away.’

The grateful sigh caught in Tessa’s throat. Max saying he had missed her definitely wasn’t safer ground. Max saying he had missed her sent her imaginations soaring, and her heart fluttering, so for something to do Tessa’s thumb went up for a second nibble. ‘Don’t you mean you miss the way I do your bloods and generally clean up behind you?’ Tessa said, forcing a half-laugh, trying to keep the conversation light.

‘No, Tessa, I missed you.’

Wrong answer.

An imaginary gong sounded in Tessa’s head and she could almost hear the clock ticking as she struggled to come up with a witty reply, a quick bucket of water to douse the undercurrents that were sizzling across the table. What the hell was going on? Max never spoke like this, never leant across the table with puppy-dog eyes and nervous smiles. He’d only said that he’d missed her, Tessa frantically reasoned, but it wasn’t so much what he’d said but how he’d said it. Not once in their five-year history had there been any subtle connotations, any shifts in tempo, but all of a sudden here Max was telling her he’d missed her, with eyes that seemed to be directed to her very soul.

‘The chopper’s out,’ Tessa said in a flurry of nervousness, gesturing to the window and wishing she could rest her burning cheeks against the cool glass. ‘I can’t see anything going on, but it isn’t their usual time for a practice run.’

The tension that had built around them popped like an overblown balloon as Max turned his attention to the window. ‘It isn’t a practice, they just called for a doctor assist.’

Tessa heard the edge in his voice and found herself smiling. Max lived for call-outs, unlike Tessa whose blood ran cold each and every time she was summoned to the chopper. ‘So how come you’re not out with them?’

‘It’s Chris Burgess’s turn this week, lucky thing. I haven’t been out to a good rescue for ages.’

‘We were out there two weeks ago,’ Tessa pointed out. ‘I’ve still got the vertigo to prove it. I don’t know how you can get such a kick out of it.’

‘Tessa Hardy, you know you love it really,’ he teased, but Tessa shook her head adamantly.

‘Solid ground does it for me every time. I freeze inside when they ask for a nurse assist. It’s not the patients that worry me. I enjoy a good multi-trauma just as much as you, Max, and I love going out with the road ambulance, but helicopters...’ Tessa gave a small shudder. ‘If I never set foot in one again it will be too soon.’ Her gaze drifted back to the window. The helicopter was long since out of sight, the perfect scene uninterrupted now. ‘It’s hard to believe someone might be in trouble out there when it all looks so picture perfect.’

‘Isn’t it just?’

Something in his voice dragged Tessa’s attention away from the view, a distant pensive note that sounded so, so out of place with Max’s usual easygoing manner.

‘I guess things aren’t always as idyllic as they seem,’ he said slowly, the dark note to his voice so audible Tessa felt the hairs stand up on the back of her neck.

‘Are you all right, Max?’

For a second his eyes crinkled, but not in their usual sunny way as his face broke into a smile. Instead, deep, unfamiliar lines grooved the edges of his grey eyes as the beginning of a frown appeared. ‘It’s nothing,’ Max mumbled, fiddling with the salt shaker, which instantly hit her as strange. It was normally Tessa who fiddled, Tessa who played with her food, the sugar bowl, the teaspoons—anything she could get her hands on actually—while Max sat nonchalantly, a look of vague amusement on his carefree face.

‘If there’s a problem Max, you can talk to me,’ Tessa offered tentatively. ‘We’re friends.’

A look Tessa couldn’t quite interpret flashed in his eyes and she was quite sure, as she registered his Adam’s apple bob in his throat, that Max was working his way up to tell her something.

‘Here you are, Dr Slater, sunny side up, just as you like them.’ Like the channels changing on the television, instantly the vision shifted. The wistful moment disappeared and the larrikin was back as Max licked his lips, while Narelle busied herself arranging knives and forks.

Max always licked his lips when a plate was put in front of him, Tessa mused. He was the only person who enjoyed food as much as she did. They spent hours, literally hours, talking about recipes and restaurants and the lack of variety in the canteen’s machines at night. Mind you, unlike Tessa, Max didn’t suffer for his sins. Three bars of chocolate washed down with cola was his usual staple diet on a night shift and not a single globule of fat ended up on his tall wiry frame, whereas Tessa only had to watch him eat to suffer the consequences at the next weigh-in.

‘What’s this?’ Max’s fork stopped midway to his mouth as Narelle placed a steaming plate of bacon and eggs in front of Tessa.

‘My new diet.’ Tessa shrugged. ‘It’s low carbohydrate, or should I say no carbohydrate. Apparently loads of film stars are on it at the moment, the weight’s supposed to fall off you. And the best bit of it is that I can eat as much of this as I like.’

‘You’re not serious?’ Max stared incredulously at her heaving plate. ‘As much as you like?’

Tessa nodded. ‘The more the better. I had this for breakfast as well.’

Max peered at her plate more closely. ‘No toast to mop up the yolk?’

‘Definitely not.’

‘No mushrooms?’

‘No.’ Tessa shook her head seriously. ‘They’ve got carbohydrates.’

‘Fruit?’

Again Tessa shook her head. ‘It’s this and lots of it—no doubt I’ll be having this for dinner later. Apparently I can have cheese as well,’ she added with a slightly nauseous twinge to her voice.

‘Do you want me to ring Coronary Care now and book you a bed?’

‘You can talk,’ Tessa snapped indignantly. ‘Anyway, at least I’ll be thin as they’re strapping me to the cardiac monitor.’

‘How many times to I have to tell you, Tess? You’re fine just as you are.’

‘I don’t want to be fine,’ Tessa sighed. ‘I want to be thin and gorgeous and slip into tiny little tops and micro-skirts.’

‘Yes, please.’ Max winked. ‘To the skirts and tops I mean. OK, Tess, you’re not fine, you’re gorgeous and stunningly so—take it from a full-blooded male who knows a thing or three about women. So don’t you dare go rotting your health with yet another one of your fad diets.’

Thankfully he chose that moment to dive into his meal, which meant he wasn’t a witness to the huge blush that whooshed up Tessa’s cheeks as she fumbled with her knife and fork.

‘It can’t be good for you,’ he insisted.

‘It’s only for a couple of weeks, and for once it has nothing to do with vanity—it’s purely a financial thing.’ She watched as his forehead creased. ‘There was a letter waiting for me from the coroner’s court when I got back. I thought the inquest was going to be adjourned but it would seem that it’s going ahead at the original date.’ Despite the casual smile, Max heard the tremor in her voice. ‘And as neither of the two smart suits in my wardrobe will do up any more, it’s either this or a major splurge on my credit card.’

‘It will be all right, Tess.’ Brunch forgotten, Max put down his knife and fork and reached over the table, giving her a friendly pat on the arm. ‘You did nothing wrong that night.’

‘Let’s just hope the coroner agrees.’ A moment’s silence followed as Tessa wrestled with a sudden surge of tears in her eyes. ‘An eighteen-year-old died, Max, in my department, when I was on charge.’

‘I hate to state the obvious, Tess,’ Max ventured gently. ‘But that’s par for the course in this line of work.’

‘A coroner’s investigation isn’t the norm, though,’ Tessa responded quickly, the anxiety in her voice evident. ‘And endless interviews with the hospital’s solicitor are hardly part of my job description. If Matthew Benton’s death comes down to me I don’t think I can bear it.’

‘It won’t come down to you.’ Max’s calm voice broke in firmly. ‘Hell, Tess, the department was full to bursting and, yes, it was busy, but I’ve been over and over Matthew’s notes and everything that should have been done was done that night. Nothing was amiss, even though the place was busy, he still got all the right treatment.’

‘But did he get the best treatment?’ Her brown eyes jerked up to meet his, the question she had plagued herself with over and over coming out more forcefully than Tessa had intended. ‘I knew how stretched we were, I knew that it was getting dangerously busy. We had ambulances rolling up in pairs, a sick child in Resus, the waiting room bursting at the seams, and then we started to get in the patients from Matthew’s car crash.’

‘So you did the right thing,’ Max reasoned. ‘You realised that the place was getting too full, that the staff were being spread too thin, so you did something about it—you put the department on bypass.’

‘Ten minutes before the paramedics brought Matthew in. If I’d put the department on bypass earlier, if I’d told Ambulance Control sooner that we couldn’t accept any more patients, then they wouldn’t have come to us. They’d have taken him to another hospital that wasn’t so busy. Maybe there he’d have got better attention...’

‘And maybe he’d have died in the ambulance on the way.’

‘I know,’ Tessa said wearily, massaging her temples with her fingers, closing her eyes against the horrors of that night, but it didn’t work. They’d had this conversation numerous times, gone over and over the awful chain of events, but Max showed no impatience at the repetitive nature of the conversation. He, better than anyone, knew how much she needed to talk, needed to go over the jumble of events until hopefully they fell into some sort of order, and he waited patiently as Tessa sat with her eyes closed, struggling to hold it all together. ‘I know the outcome would probably have been the same whatever we’d done, I know all that. I’m just dreading it.’

‘Look, a day at the coroner’s court certainly isn’t one of the perks of the job,’ Max said with a dry smile, ‘but the further you go up the ladder the more it becomes a part of it. We’re accountable, Tessa, not just for our own decisions but for the actions of the staff under us, and like it or not, as unfair as it may seem, the buck stops here sometimes.’ His hand motioned the two of them and Tessa nodded glumly. ‘It isn’t a witch hunt, it’s about finding the cause of Matthew’s death, piecing together the chain of events and seeing if somewhere along the line something could have been done differently. At worst, the hospital might come in for some criticism.’ He watched as she flinched. ‘And if it does, we’ll deal with it,’ Max added gently. ‘We’ll learn from it and make damn sure that any mistakes that were made aren’t repeated. You know I’ll be there for you.’

‘I know,’ Tessa mumbled, daring to glimpse at the future when the coroner’s court was finally behind her. ‘We’ll have an extra-long lunch-break and dissect the court case over one of Narelle’s muffins.’

‘I meant that—I’ll come to the coroner’s court with you.’

Tessa looked up sharply. ‘But you weren’t even on duty when it happened.’

‘I know, but I figured you could use the moral support, so I’ve pencilled it in my diary. Dr Burgess will cover the department for me. I quite fancy a day out in the city.’

‘I don’t think there’ll be much time for sightseeing,’ Tessa pointed out with a slight edge to her voice.

‘I’m playing.’ Max smiled. ‘I just want to be there for you, I know how worked up you are about this.’

‘Y-you’re sure,’ Tessa stammered, stunned yet thrilled he would do that for her.

‘Of course I’m sure—we’re friends, aren’t we?’

‘You know we are.’ Tessa nodded gratefully then a teasing half-smile crept across her full mouth. ‘Let’s just hope it’s not adjourned, then.’ She watched as Max shuffled uncomfortably in his seat. ‘A few—actually, quite a few—little birds have been telling me that my friend Max has taken a position in London, an emergency consultant’s position, in fact, in a very busy, very respected children’s hospital. Of course, I told them they must be mistaken, I mean, surely my friend would have told me or at the very least hinted that a move was in the air, not just left me to find out on the hospital grapevine.’

‘You’ve been on a course,’ Max mumbled.

‘For five days,’ Tessa pointed out. ‘I hardly think all this was arranged while I was away on a trauma course.’

‘I just wanted to keep it under my hat until I knew I had the job.’

‘Fair enough,’ Tessa relented, but only for a second. ‘But you’ve never even given a hint that you’re fed up.’

‘I’m not.’

‘Then what on earth are you moving to the other side of the world for?’

‘Because it’s a great job—you know how much I love paediatric emergency.’

‘There’s a children’s hospital in Melbourne,’ Tessa retorted, ‘with a massive emergency department. If that was what you really wanted to do then I’m quite sure they’d have taken you on.’

‘I know,’ Max answered uncomfortably. ‘It was just too good an offer to turn down.’

‘Hmm.’ Tess stared across the table, her soft brown eyes still reproachful. ‘So some hospital in London urgently needed a doctor and thought, “Max Slater in Australia would be perfect for the job, let’s ring him now.” Come on, Max, your feelers must have at least been out. You must have applied for it.’

‘So?’

‘So, when did you start to get itchy feet and why didn’t you say anything? I know we’re not exactly bosom buddies, but I though we at least went a bit deeper than discussing Narelle’s latest creation. I thought you were really happy here.’

‘I am.’

‘So why are you going?’ Hearing a slightly needy note creep into her voice and realising she had probably gone too far, Tessa gave a small shrug and feigned a laugh. ‘Sorry, none of my business. I was just looking forward to your wedding—another excuse to go on a diet, if ever I needed one. And I’m peeved because no doubt you’ll whisk Emily off to Gretna Green and I’ll miss out on a great wedding party and my portion of the wedding cake.’

‘Emily’s not coming.’

The coffee that was on its way to Tessa’s lips stopped midway. Blinking a couple of times, she took a sip, before rather clumsily placing the cup back in its saucer. ‘Oh.’

‘It’s just me that’s leaving,’ Max added, and his eyes were avoiding Tessa’s.

Suddenly Tessa wished that she smoked. Not really, but it would be so nice now to have something to do with her hands, to create a tiny diversion while she flicked open a packet and lit up, a few seconds of grace to collect the rampaging thoughts that were stampeding through her brain.

Another ‘Oh’ was all Tessa could manage, though, coupled with a slightly dry smile as she imagined Narelle’s horror if she had dared to smoke in her beloved canteen.

‘We’ve put the wedding plans on hold.’ A smile tugged at the side of his mouth. ‘Aren’t you going to say “oh” again?’

‘Oh,’ Tessa squeaked, her mind working ten to the dozen.

‘Thing’s aren’t too great between Emily and I at the moment, but that’s just between you and me, so don’t go firing it around the hospital.’

‘I wouldn’t,’ Tessa said indignantly. ‘I only listen to the gossip, I never start it.’ They sat in silence again, but this time it certainly wasn’t comfortable. Endless questions bobbed on her tongue, but Tessa bit them back, knowing it was none of her business, knowing Max would tell her only what he wanted to.

‘London won’t know what’s hit them.’ It was a small attempt to break the strained atmosphere, a little joke to desperately lighten the mood that had suddenly taken a massive dive. ‘You’ll have to smarten up a bit.’

‘What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?’ Max replied indignantly, but he was at least smiling now they were on the familiar territory of his appalling dress sense.

‘Nothing.’ Tessa gave a cheeky wink. ‘For a walk along the beach, anyway.’

‘They’re smart shorts!’ Max protested.

‘They might be if you ironed them, and I can’t really imagine the consultants there wearing T-shirts and boat shoes.’ Tessa put up her hands in mock defence as Max opened his mouth to protest. ‘Just a mental picture I’ve got of London, Max—you know, doctors in smart suits, nurses with starched uniforms and caps.’

‘It’s the twenty-first century, Tess, that all went out with the ark.’

Tessa laughed. ‘I could be wrong, but you’re in a little bay-side town here Max, most of the patients know you already, the staff certainly do. We know that under that scruffy hair is a brilliant medical brain.’

‘Well, I’m not wearing a suit,’ Max shrugged defiantly. ‘For anyone.’

Tessa turned back to her coffee staring dreamily out of the window, images of London dancing through her mind—Piccadilly Circus, the Houses of Parliament, tree-lined streets she had seen only in televised weddings and funerals. So far away it might just as well be on another planet, and Max was actually going to be there, riding on the subway or the tube or whatever its name was, having short days and cold Christmases. Her mind danced around London as she sat there. She’d never had any desire to go, it had never even entered her head before. Despite being an eternal romantic, Tessa had her head screwed on firmly enough to realise it wasn’t all going to be rosy-cheeked children singing around Christmas trees and rolling English countryside littered with wildlife. And, no doubt, Max would grumble like crazy about the warm beer and the exchange rate, but London...

‘Maybe I should get some smart trousers,’ Max relented after a few moments’ silence, his mind obviously still on the conversation. ‘I guess I could buy a couple of shirts as well.’

‘A tie even?’ Tessa teased, and Max shuddered. ‘And while you’re at it, you might even get a haircut.’

‘You’re pushing it now,’ Max grumbled. ‘Still, I am going to have to start sorting things out, it’s only two weeks until I go.’

‘Are you excited?’

‘Yes and no.’ Max shrugged but didn’t give any more away.

‘It’s a big move, though,’ Tessa pushed, even though it was obvious that Max wanted to end the conversation. ‘You must at least be a bit nervous. Will you miss us all?’

‘It’s only for a year, Tess,’ he said, but the raw note of urgency to his voice had Tessa convinced he was assuring himself more than her. ‘Peninsula Hospital will still be here when I get back. I’m just taking a year out—things will stay the same, won’t they?’ His face was serious, his hand was back on her arm and Tessa swallowed the lump that had mysteriously appeared in her throat. ‘You’d do the same, wouldn’t you? I mean, if your dream job came up you’d grab it.’

For an age she stared at Max, but it became too hard. Too hard to look him in the eye and tell him she was OK with this. Dragging her eyes away, she drank in the view—the fisherman on the jetty, the endless beach that constantly beckoned her, the jagged rocks full of tiny pools, each one a Pandora’s box of treasures she’d gaze into and dream away the hours as she swirled her hands through the water.

Maybe London was glamorous and exciting, but it wasn’t home.

‘I’ve got my dream job, Max,’ she said softly, her eyes slowly moving back to him. ‘OK, it’s not the cutting edge of nursing, people aren’t going to look at my résumé and shake with excitement, but it’s all I want—Charge Nurse of the emergency department at Peninsula. Enough emergencies to keep the adrenaline flowing and plenty of stunning views to calm me down when it all gets too much. This is enough for me, Max. I thought it was for you as well.’

‘It is, it’s just...’ A long-fingered hand ran through his tousled hair and he let out a ragged sigh. ‘I need to talk to you, Tess.’

‘We are talking,’ Tessa said lightly, a forced smile taut on her strained face.

‘I mean away from here.’ He gestured to the room, his eyes never leaving her. ‘Away from the hospital.’

‘What about Emily?’ Tessa asked slowly.

‘She’s on call tonight.’

Another wrong answer. As the shutters came down on her eyes Max broke in quickly. ‘I don’t mean it like that, Tessa, I just really need to talk to you.’

‘No!’ Tessa said rather too forcefully. ‘It’s Emily you should be talking to about any problem you’re having with your relationship—she’s the one with your ring on her finger. And if it’s an impartial, feminine viewpoint you’re after, believe me, Max, you’re asking the wrong woman.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’

‘Well...’ Tessa’s eyes darted nervously, wishing she could take back the words she had just uttered and frantically searching her mind for a way to diffuse them. ‘I’m not exactly an authority on the perfect relationship. Look how many dating disasters I’ve endured in my time.’