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CHAPTER ONE
The first Friday in February

THE EVENING OF the first Friday in February had been marked out as ‘busy’ in Marie’s calendar for the last twelve years. As she looked around the table, stacked with food and wine, twelve people all talking at once, she could only hope that it would be booked for the next twelve years.

During her final year at medical school there had been one class that was special. A tight-knit group who had laughed together and shared the ups and downs of their studies. Since then they’d graduated and gone their separate ways, but one evening every year still belonged to them.

Sunita was passing her phone around so that everyone could see the pictures of her new baby. Will was just back from America, and Rae had stories to tell about Africa. Nate was having relationship problems, and was talking intently to David, who was nodding thoughtfully. When she got the chance, Marie would change seats and offer what support she could.

And Alex…

Marie didn’t like to admit it, but she looked forward to seeing him the most. He had been the golden boy of the class, managing to combine a carefree love of life and a wicked sense of fun with academic brilliance. He and Marie had struck up an especially close friendship and, in truth, if you were looking for anything long-term with Alex, then friendship was the way to go. He was seldom without a girlfriend, but those relationships never lasted very long.

Tonight he looked as if he had things on his mind. He’d flipped through Sunita’s photographs, grinning and saying all the right things, but when he’d passed the phone on he’d gone back to playing with his food and staring abstractedly into space.

Marie leaned over, feeling the softness of his cashmere sweater as she brushed her fingers against his arm to get his attention. ‘What’s going on, Alex?’

‘I’m…coasting at the moment. One hand on the driving wheel with the wind in my hair.’ He shrugged, smiling suddenly. Those long-lashed grey eyes were still the same, and so was his mop of dark hair, shorter now but still as thick.

The memory was as fresh as if it had been yesterday. Alex pulling up outside her student digs, the soft top of his car pulled back, saying he just wanted to feel the warm breeze on his face and would Marie like to keep him company? It was a world away from the worries that seemed to be lingering behind his smile now.

‘And you’re still moving mountains?’

Marie laughed. ‘I’m still shovelling, if that’s what you mean.’

‘Moving mountains one shovelful at a time. That’s your speciality.’

He made it sound like a good thing. Something that was fine and virtuous, and not just a fact of life. Her life, anyway.

Alex had never had to worry about money, and had received a generous allowance from his family. Marie had gone to medical school knowing that her family needed her help rather than the other way around. Hand to mouth, taking each day as it came. Mostly she’d had enough to eat and cover her rent, but sometimes it had been a struggle. She’d made it through, one shovelful at a time.

On the other side of the restaurant a waiter was bringing a cake, flaming with candles, to a table of six young women. He started to sing ‘Happy Birthday’ and the tune was taken up around all the tables. Alex was watching, singing quietly, and Marie wondered whether he had any wishes tonight.

The birthday girl stood up, leaning over the cake. And suddenly Alex was moving, ducking adroitly past a couple of waiters and making his way towards her. It wasn’t until Marie was on her feet that she saw what the matter was. The girl was waving her arm, which only fanned the flames licking at her sleeve.

Stop, drop and roll. She hadn’t done the first, and it looked as if she wasn’t going to do the second or the third either. Alex reached her just as she started to panic, grabbing her arm and deftly catching up a pitcher of water from the table.

Suddenly the restaurant was deathly quiet, the girl’s keening sobs the only sound. Alex had his arm tightly around her and he flashed Marie a glance, to check that she would stay with the other young women at the table, before hurrying their injured friend towards the ladies’ restroom.

‘Where are they going? We’ll go with her…’

One of the party rose from her seat and Marie motioned to her to sit down again. She knew Alex had this under control, and if he’d needed any help he would have left no one in any doubt about what he wanted them to do.

‘It’s okay, we’re doctors. The burn should be cooled straight away and that’s what my colleague has gone to do. It’s best that we stay here.’

Alex would be checking for signs of shock, and being surrounded by people wasn’t going to help.

‘But…is she going to be all right? She was on fire…’ Another of the friends spoke up.

Things could have been a lot worse. It had looked as if her blouse was cotton, not a man-made fabric, and the flames had spread relatively slowly. If Alex hadn’t acted so quickly precious minutes would have been lost…

‘The fire was extinguished very quickly. I’ll go and check on her.’

Marie turned towards her own table, where everyone was watchful but still in their seats, trusting that Marie or Alex would call them if they were needed. She beckoned to Sunita, who rose from her seat, weaving her way past the tables towards them, and asked her to stay with the group of friends.

A waiter was standing outside the restroom and let Marie through. Inside, Alex had sat the young woman by a basin and was gently supporting her arm under a stream of lukewarm water. He was smiling, his voice gentle and relaxed as he chatted to her quietly.

‘How many candles on that cake, Laura?’

‘Eighteen. It’s my eighteenth birthday tomorrow. I’m having a party.’ Laura turned the corners of her mouth down.

‘You’ll be fine. This is a first-degree burn, which is the least severe. It’s going to hurt for a little while, but it won’t leave a scar. You’re going to have a great birthday.’ He glanced up at Marie. ‘This is my friend, Marie. She’s a doctor too, so she can’t help poking her nose in and making sure I’m doing everything right.’

Alex shot her a delicious smile, the kind that reminded Marie of when they’d been young doctors together in A&E. Laura turned towards Marie, and Alex steadied her arm under the water.

‘He’s doing pretty well.’

‘Glad to hear it. What about you? How are you doing?’

‘I’m all right. Where is everyone? Are they eating my cake?’

‘They sent me to find out how you were. They’re not eating the cake.’

Alex had done a great job of keeping Laura calm if her main concern was cake.

‘That’s a relief,’ Alex broke in. ‘Laura’s promised me a slice. Not for another ten minutes, though. We need to keep cooling the burn. Then I think we’ll send you off home, with a list of instructions.’

‘Oh, you’re going to write a list of instructions?’ Marie grinned conspiratorially at Laura. ‘Watch out for those.’

Alex chuckled. ‘First on the list is to have a very happy birthday…’

Things might have been so different. Laura’s eighteenth birthday could have been spent in a burns unit, with a prognosis of skin grafts and a great deal of pain. But she was going home with her friends, a little wet from the pitcher of water that Alex had poured on her arm to extinguish the flames, and with a couple of miraculously minor burns. Whatever future she wanted for herself was still waiting for her.

Alex spent another half an hour making sure she was all right, and advising her on how to care for the burns. Sunita had persuaded Laura’s friends to come over and sit with her, and the cake was being divided into portions and wrapped. The low hum of chatter in the restaurant indicated that the incident was already largely forgotten, cleared away along with the debris from Laura’s table.

Alex had gone outside to see Laura and her friends into a taxi, and Marie saw him turn, leaning back against the railings that separated the pavement from the front of the restaurant, staring up at the scrap of sky that showed between the tops of the buildings. It appeared that his easy, relaxed air had been all for Laura’s sake.

Whatever the last year of medical school had thrown at them, Alex had always bounced back, but now he seemed brooding, almost heartbroken. There was definitely something wrong.

Maybe she could help. Maybe he’d stayed outside hoping she’d join him. It wouldn’t be the first time they’d confided in each other, and Marie had always wanted him to feel he could talk to her about anything.

She picked up Alex’s jacket from the back of his chair and slipped away from the table.

Alex had been looking forward to seeing Marie again. He’d wondered whether he should confide in her, and now that he’d sent Laura safely on her way the yearning to do so reasserted itself. He knew he wouldn’t, though. Marie normally understood everything, but she wouldn’t be able to understand how difficult the last few months had been. She’d struggled for everything she had, and it felt somehow wrong to confide his pain and dismay at finding he had much more than enough of everything.

‘Aren’t you cold?’

When he heard her voice it didn’t come as much of a surprise. Maybe that was what he was doing out here, shivering under the street lamps: waiting for Marie to come and find him.

‘Not really.’ He took his jacket from her, wrapping it around her shoulders. The pleasure he got from the gesture seemed way out of proportion to its true worth.

‘That was a bit like old times.’

She turned her gaze on him and suddenly it felt a lot like old times.

‘Yes. I’m glad Laura’s okay.’

‘She has you to thank for that. So, since we seem to be out here, and your jacket’s nice and warm…’ Marie gave him an impish smile. ‘You can tell me what the matter is.’

It was tempting. Alex had never been able to resist her eyes. Almost violet in the sunlight and deep blue in the shade. She wore her dark hair in a shining pixie cut, and Alex always thought of mischief and magic when he looked at her.

‘I’m fine…just tired. You remember tired?’ He smiled at her.

She chuckled. ‘Remember that time you came round to my place and I’d been up all night working on abstracts?’

‘I’ve never seen anyone actually fall asleep while they’re drinking coffee before. Particularly since I’d made it so strong…’

Marie had got a job writing abstracts for scientific papers, which had been more lucrative than waitressing and had fitted around their busy study schedule better. Working and studying at the same time had been a struggle for her, but Alex had learned early in their friendship that she never took help from anyone.

Suddenly he was back in that time when he’d first felt completely free. Marie’s two shabby rooms, right at the top of a multiple-occupancy house, had been as clean as one pair of hands could scrub them, and full of outrageous low-cost colour.

‘Funny thing about that…’ Marie gave him a knowing look. ‘When I woke up you were gone, but I sat down to review my abstracts and found they were all perfect. Not a spelling or grammar mistake in any of them.’

Alex had reckoned he’d got away with that. He’d tried to make Marie stand up but she’d slumped against him, still asleep, so he’d had to practically carry her into the bedroom. He’d taken off her cardigan and shoes and decided to stop there, covering her up with the brightly patterned quilt. He’d sometimes imagined their two bodies naked together under that quilt. But Marie was far too good a friend, too good a person, to contemplate having a throwaway romance with her.

Alex had glanced at the document that was open on her laptop, meaning to close it down. He’d seen a mistake in the text, and had sat down and worked through everything, correcting the slips that fatigue had forced upon her.

‘You must do your best work when you’re flying on autopilot.’ He tried to maintain a straight face.

‘I suppose I must. Apparently I also spell synthesise with a z.’

‘Really? There must be a study in there somewhere. How fatigue alters your spelling choices.’ Alex shrugged guiltily. ‘They’re both correct, according the dictionary.’

‘Yes, they are. Although I imagine that “ize” as a verb ending is considered either an anachronism or an American spelling these days.’ She smirked at him.

‘You can mock if you want. Just because I went to a school that prided itself on having been the same for the last few hundred years…’ Alex had hated school. It had been only slightly less snobby and suffocating than his parents’ home.

‘I’m not mocking; I thought it was very sweet of you.’ She took a step towards him. ‘Along with all those expensive textbooks you used to lend me. And dropping round to pick me up so I didn’t have to take the bus.’

‘Why bring that up all of a sudden? Just to let me know I’m not as tactful as I thought I was?’ Alex wondered if he was in for a lecture about how she could have managed perfectly well on her own.

Marie shook her head. ‘You were very tactful. I hardly even noticed what you were doing most of the time. And you were my friend and you helped me. That’s something that goes both ways.’

He knew that. But he couldn’t talk to Marie about this. ‘I’m fine. Really. And I appreciate your concern.’

‘Just as long as you know that I’m always here for you.’

She reached out, touching his arm, and Alex almost flinched. All his senses were crying out for comfort, and yet he just couldn’t bring himself to ask. Was this the way she’d felt, despite all her self-sufficiency?

‘I know. Thank you.’

He’d meant to give her a basic friendly hug, the kind he’d given her so many times before. But when he felt her body against his he couldn’t let her go. Marie seemed to be the one thing in his life that wasn’t tainted right now.

He leaned down to kiss her cheek. But she turned her head and his lips brushed hers. Before he could tear himself away her gaze met his, her eyes midnight-blue in the darkness.

What if…?

What if…?

What if he could turn his back on the vision of his parents’ unhappy marriage and sustain a relationship for more than a few months? What if he could trust himself to get involved with the one person he cared about the most, even knowing he might break her heart and his? And what if everything he’d sought to escape hadn’t just caught him again in its iron clutches?

They were all serious questions that needed to be asked and answered before he took the step of kissing her. But then he felt her lips touch his and he was lost. Or maybe this was exactly what it was like to find himself. Alex wasn’t sure.

She was soft and sweet, and when he kissed her again she responded. Maybe it lasted a moment and maybe an hour. All Alex knew was that it was impossible to attach a time frame to something that was complete and perfect.

Even the way she drew away from him was perfect. A little sigh of regret, her eyes masked by her eyelashes.

He’d always supposed that kissing Marie was the one thing he mustn’t do. The one thing he wouldn’t be able to come back from. But in a sudden moment of clarity he realised that kissing her had only made him more determined that he couldn’t do it. Marie wasn’t just another pretty face he could walk away from without looking back. She was his friend, and he wanted her for a lifetime, not just a few months.

‘Do you want to go back in?’ If it meant keeping her then he had to let her go.

She still wouldn’t look at him. ‘Yes…’

He felt her move in his arms and let her go. Marie looked up at him for a moment, and he almost forgot that this had been a very bad idea that had the power to spoil something that had been good for years. Then suddenly she was gone, back into the restaurant to take her seat at the table again.

Alex waited, knowing the group always swapped places between courses, so everyone got to speak to everyone else. When he went back inside there was a free seat for him at the other end of the table from Marie. Alex sat down without looking at her, and was immediately involved in the heated debate about football which was going on between Emily and Will.

She didn’t meet his gaze until the restaurant closed and a waitress pointedly fetched everyone’s coats. Then, suddenly, he found himself standing next to her. He automatically helped her on with her coat and Marie smiled up at him.

‘I’ll see you next year. Be well, Alex.’

‘Yes. Next year…’

He’d scarcely got the words out before she was gone. Marie had made her meaning clear. They were friends, and nothing was going to spoil that. Not fire, nor flood, nor even an amazing, heart-shaking kiss. By next year it would be forgotten, and he and Marie would continue the way they always had.

The thought that he wouldn’t see her again until next February seemed more heart-rending than any of the other challenges he’d faced in the last six months.