Czytaj książkę: «Hell to Heaven»
Table of Contents
Title Page
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Glossary
About the Author
Books the Kylie Chan
Copyright
About the Publisher
The Turtle raises its head above the water and watches the glittering coloured lights beneath the blazing stars of the Northern Heavens, wondering why it is there.
The Serpent chokes on the polluted water, drifting to the bottom amid the mud and oil, listening to the many engines moving overhead.
They cry. There is no answer.
CHAPTER 1
I was in my office, trying to ensure a fair allocation of funds from the increased Northern Heavens tax revenue, when the intercom on my desk buzzed.
‘There is someone here for you, ma’am,’ Yi Hao said. ‘She’s very upset and says she needs to see you right now.’
‘Who?’
‘Zara. She says she knows you.’
‘Send her in.’
Yi Hao opened the door and escorted a young Chinese woman in, then left, closing the door behind her. The woman was about twenty-five, with long, snow-white hair and matching brows and lashes, incongruous against her golden skin.
‘Sit, Zara,’ I said, gesturing towards one of the visitors’ chairs. ‘What’s the problem?’
Zara opened her mouth to talk, but didn’t make it very far, instead collapsing into great racking sobs. I went around the desk and put my hands on her shoulders to comfort her, and she leaned into me, still weeping. I pulled a tissue from the box on my desk and handed it to her, and she blew her nose loudly.
The rest of the stones are accusing her of being complicit in Lady Rhonda’s destruction, the stone in my ring said. After what happened to Gold, and the activities of Demon Prince Six, we even suspect our own of treachery. It is a sad situation. The Tiger’s Retainers have been interrogating her, that is why she is distraught.
I sat in the other visitors’ chair and put my arms around her, and she clutched me.
‘Let it out,’ I said. ‘I can wait.’
She continued to yank tissues out of the box, and eventually ran out of steam.
‘My stone told me what you’re going through,’ I said. ‘It must be very tough. You can stay here as long as you like, Zara, we can look after you.’
‘I am a possession of the Emperor of the West, I must return,’ Zara said in a soft Putonghua accent.
‘If you want to stay here, I can ask him to release you. All I have to do is say the word.’
She looked up at me, her eyes red and her face full of hope. ‘If you could shelter me until this blows over, please, I would appreciate it.’
‘Done,’ I said, then to the stone: ‘Tell the Tiger.’
‘Ma’am,’ the stone said.
Good, take her for a while, see if you can get anything out of the stupid bitch, the Tiger said. We need to find the real Rhonda! My wife is out there somewhere and that stone doesn’t know anything, she’s fucking useless.
You made sure yourself that she was the real Rhonda, I reminded the Tiger via the stone.
No! the Tiger said. Not possible!
Tell the Tiger what Kwan Yin said to me, I said to the stone.
… The Lady said that Rhonda was a victim of her heritage, same as Lady Emma is, Lord Bai, the stone said. That wasn’t a demon copy of your lovely lady. It was really her. Please, sir, talk to Kwan Yin.
Fuck, the Tiger said, and went quiet.
I turned back to Zara. ‘I have the word of Kwan Yin that it was the real Lady Rhonda that was destroyed by the Elixir of Immortality,’ I said. ‘I didn’t realise anyone was giving you trouble about this, Zara; if I had known I would have told them.’
Zara let out a huge, shivering sigh. ‘I thank you, my Lady. You have saved my honour.’
‘Will you stay here with us?’
She glanced up at me. ‘May I switch off for a while in a corner somewhere?’
I nodded. ‘If that is what you wish.’
Zara addressed the stone in my ring. ‘Jade Building Block, will you tell the others what Kwan Yin said?’
‘I already have; it should be filtering back to you through the network already,’ the stone said.
She dropped her head. ‘I have been disconnected from the network for the last three days.’
The stone was silent for a moment, then: ‘Reconnect, dear one, hear what they have to say.’
Zara concentrated for a moment and her face cleared, then she collapsed weeping again.
The stone in my ring took human form and stood behind her, his hand on her shoulder. ‘Come to the armoury with me, Zara. The section for the Celestial Weapons is completely soundproofed and just what you need.’
She nodded and rose, then bowed her head to me. ‘Thank you, Lady Emma, my honour is yours.’ She went out with the stone, who nodded to me as he closed the door behind them.
I turned back to my computer just as a body landed on the floor with an almighty thump. I jumped up and peered over the desk, then relaxed; it was Leo, prone on the floor. He floated into the air, came upright, then sat in the chair across from me and collapsed over my desk.
‘Keep trying, you’ll have it soon,’ I said.
‘That’s what Meredith keeps saying,’ he said, his voice muffled by the desk. He pulled himself upright. ‘I thought I’d have it first time! I’ve spent enough goddamn time in here gossiping with you — I should have the image straight in my head.’
I waved one hand at him and turned back to the computer. ‘Just make less of a noise when you hit the floor, okay? I’m trying to get some work done here.’
‘Humph,’ he said, and disappeared with a rush of air that rustled my papers.
‘And less of a tornado when you leave,’ I said.
I’m working on it, he said.
Without the stone, I couldn’t respond. I pressed the intercom button for Yi Hao.
‘Yes, ma’am?’
‘Pass on my congratulations to Lord Leo, please, he just learned telepathy.’
‘Oh, ma’am, that is good news. I will do it right away.’
Really? You heard me?
I pressed the button again.
‘Ma’am?’
‘Please tell Leo: Yes. And tell him that I don’t have my stone on me right now, so I can’t talk back to him.’
Can’t talk back to me, eh? Let me have a think about all the things I could say to you while I have you like this.
‘Bastard,’ I said under my breath as I returned to my work.
I heard that.
Later that day, Leo dropped me off for my lunch meeting at the Mandarin Hotel with the planet Venus, the Jade Emperor’s emissary. He pulled up across the road from the Landmark in Central, blatantly illegally using the Pedder Street informal lay-by outside the Pedder Building. I hopped out and walked up to the corner to cross the road, pulling my scruffy silk jacket closer around me; the late winter wind off the harbour was cold. Every shopfront in this area housed a famous designer label and the window displays struggled to outdo each other in artistic extravagance. Some of them didn’t even show the products on sale; instead they focused on the ‘lifestyle’ they represented. Leo had been hounding me to go shopping with him along this strip to replace what he called my ‘gruesome’ wardrobe, but I’d managed to avoid it.
I entered the Landmark and took the escalators up to the pedestrian overpass across Queen’s Road into Alexandra House, an unremarkable office building with a plain, tiled lobby full of people like me who were just passing through. I walked across another enclosed pedestrian bridge over Ice House Street to the Prince’s Building, which was all shiny white tiles, glittering glass and jewellery shops displaying gemstones the size of pigeon eggs. Stern-looking Sikh security guards armed with sawn-off shotguns stood at the doors.
I passed a couple of tailor’s shops and took another pedestrian overpass to the Mandarin Hotel. A huge crystal chandelier adorned the staircase that swept from the ground-floor lobby up to the second floor. The Mandarin’s coffee shop had been on the ground floor, with large windows looking out onto the street and providing a fascinating view of life in Central — the immaculately dressed tai-tais on their way to their daily salon visit, the couriers riding their heavy Chinese-made bicycles with full-sized gas bottles in the front basket, usually wearing nothing but a pair of filthy shorts and a grimy towel around their necks. Recently, however, the coffee shop had been moved up to the mezzanine floor and renamed something that sounded more upmarket — and was therefore unpronounceable. The cheesecake was the same though, which was why I’d arranged to meet Venus there.
Theoretically I had precedence over him as First Heavenly General (Acting), but it was politically sensible to arrive there first and do him the honour of waiting for him. The waiter guided me to a table next to the window overlooking the street, and went through the tedious rigmarole of spreading my napkin, offering me the over-priced bottled water of the day, filling my huge balloon wine glass with chilled water from a silver-plated jug, and handing me a menu that was mostly blank paper in an expensive leather folder. Finally he established that I was there to meet someone and left me to wait for Venus.
Venus arrived five minutes later, accompanied by a pair of Retainers who had taken the form of burly Chinese bodyguards. He was in the form of a mid-thirties Chinese, slim and elegant, wearing a tailored grey silk suit, his long hair held in a traditional topknot and flowing to his waist. The waiter escorted him to my table, did the napkin and water thing, then hurried back to the entrance to take the bodyguards to another table nearby. A couple of diners noticed the bodyguards and took surreptitious photos of us with their mobile phones, probably hoping to catch a minor celebrity meeting with his foreign mistress to sell to a gossip magazine. Unfortunately for them, all they would get would be movement-blurred images no matter how still they held the phone.
Venus toasted me with his glass of water: ‘Lady Emma.’ It was a polite alternative to the traditional salute in a modern setting. I nodded and toasted him back, then we checked the menus. The options hadn’t changed much since we were last there so I just folded it and waited for him.
‘Lord Leo wasn’t able to join us?’
‘I asked him to come along, but he said he had some errands to attend to at the bank,’ I said. ‘He’s still establishing his identity, and the bank is giving him trouble about the new accounts.’
‘He doesn’t need to worry about these Earthly issues any more,’ Venus said. ‘Why hasn’t he taken up residence on the Celestial where he belongs?’
‘He says he belongs here with us, his family,’ I said.
Venus nodded his understanding. ‘He is unusual in his swift return to what he was doing before he was Raised. Do you think it has something to do with his Western heritage? Most Chinese are well aware of what lies in store for them should they attain Immortality. Westerners, however, seem to have little idea.’
‘That may have something to do with it,’ I said. ‘What did Meredith do?’
‘I have only recently made Master Liu’s acquaintance, I’m afraid. You should probably ask her. I’d venture a guess that she was assisted by her husband.’
I nodded; that made sense.
‘Leo must start to take his place among us, Lady Emma. He should be at your side when you are undertaking your official duties in the Northern Heavens. He is the Retainer of the First Heavenly General now, not a simple human bodyguard.’
‘Try telling him that,’ I said. ‘And good luck.’
The waiter approached us, ready to take our order, and I opened the menu and pointed. ‘Vegetarian pasta.’
‘Hainan chicken,’ Venus said, and I choked with laughter. He looked at me. ‘What?’
‘Very good,’ the waiter said, and took our menus. ‘Wine?’
‘No, thank you,’ we said together, and the waiter nodded and left.
‘What’s so funny about Hainan chicken?’ Venus said.
‘Do you know what steak frites is?’
‘It’s a restaurant in New York.’
‘No, the dish itself.’
Venus nodded. ‘Steak and chips. Horrible Western meal.’
‘Well, Western restaurants all over the world do steak and chips, from the most down-market greasy-spoon diner to the top five-star hotel restaurant. It’s everywhere, they just make it with less or more expensive ingredients and trimmings.’
‘And this has to do with Hainan chicken how?’ Venus said, then his face cleared. ‘It’s the same, isn’t it. You can go get Hainan chicken from one of those chain cafeterias, or from a noodle shop in Tsim Sha Tsui, or from a top-class hotel like this. It’s the same dish, just with different trimmings.’
‘And everybody orders it!’
‘Well, it’s good,’ Venus said.
‘Not when the chicken’s so underdone that the bones are red,’ I grumbled quietly.
‘Chicken is best underdone, it is tough when overcooked,’ Venus protested. ‘You are with a Celestial, you have no health risk!’ He realised he had been speaking too loudly and dropped his voice, his face alight with mirth. ‘The best chicken is done so that the meat is just cooked and the bones are still raw. It is a shame that in the last ten years or so they have become concerned about things like bird flu and have started cooking the chicken all the way through. Terrible waste.’
Our dishes arrived; mine was a monstrous plate of ribbon pasta with a thick creamy cheese sauce and large pieces of broccoli, carrot and mushroom. Venus’s Hainan chicken was presented on an elegant platter, with one dish holding the gently boiled and cut-up chicken; three small sauce bowls; a bowl of rice that had been steamed in chicken stock; and a bowl of the stock as a soup.
He gestured dismissively towards the meat. ‘See? Overdone. Cooked all the way through. At least they have chilled the skin so that it has become jelly — white chicken.’
‘You do realise that if they roasted the chicken, the skin would become crisp and juicy?’ I said.
‘I have had Western chicken before,’ Venus said. ‘It is good, but different. This,’ he waved his chopsticks over his food, ‘is the way chicken should be done.’
We ate in silence for a while, the waiters occasionally topping up our water glasses. Venus raised his head, his face blank, then returned to his chicken.
‘They’re checking on me,’ he said. ‘I am never left to my own devices for even two seconds.’
‘I know the feeling!’
‘At least you’re not telepathic,’ he said with humour.
‘No, so when they contact me with an emergency, I have to call them back on my mobile, or wake up this goddamn cranky stone.’
‘I resemble that remark,’ the stone said.
‘Isn’t the correct term “resent that remark”?’ Venus said.
‘It’s a lame Western joke,’ the stone said. ‘Emma uses it all the time.’
‘So my Western lameness is rubbing off on you,’ I said. ‘Compounding your Eastern lameness, making you even more lame.’
‘I have never heard anybody speak to a Building Block like that before,’ Venus said with wonder. ‘Or a Heavenly General, for that matter.’
‘Get used to it,’ the stone grumbled. ‘She’s so blunt sometimes I wince.’
‘That’s you rubbing off on me,’ I said.
‘Conceded,’ the stone said.
Venus shook his head over his rice.
We didn’t get down to business until the coffee and cheesecake, but Venus was such a charming companion that I didn’t mind the wait.
‘Generally the news is good,’ he said. ‘The residents of the Northern Heavens have made their feelings known about your solution to the energy problem; you have gained a great deal of political mileage with this one.’
‘It had nothing to do with me,’ I said. ‘It’s the Xuan Wu’s children who have made it happen.’
‘Regardless, you are the one who brought them together,’ Venus said.
‘I’ve established a small team of Celestials to search all the nearby oceans for any other children of the Xuan Wu who may have been enslaved by Six,’ I said. ‘We found one turtle and three snakes. I hope we find them all; but they themselves say that when their father is back, he’ll be able to find them quickly.’
‘That is good news. Any reports on the locations of the other two demons in that group?’
‘I have people in Thailand working together with the Phoenix’s people to search for the Death Mother,’ I said. ‘It appears that both she and the Geek have gone to ground.’
‘The Geek is somewhere in Shenzhen, correct?’
‘Yes.’
‘I don’t know which is worse: the urban jungle of Shenzhen, or the tropical jungle of Thailand.’
‘Exactly.’
‘Anything else major happening that I need to know about?’
‘Not really. Simone is settling nicely into her new school. Leo is learning very quickly; only yesterday he started using telepathy.’
‘Really?’ Venus’s face went slack for a moment, then he snapped back and grinned. ‘He told me he’d come have lunch with us next time, but only if I’m buying and I wear something … to quote him … “really cute”.’
‘Stone, tell Leo that he is such a man-whore,’ I said.
Venus’s eyes went wide.
Oh snap, Leo said. Can you do me a favour and come up to the bank when you’re done there and scare the living daylights out of these assholes for me? I need backup!
Venus obviously heard it too. ‘He did not just ask you to go rescue him?’ he said.
I shrugged. ‘Apparently I do “angry gweipoh” extremely well.’
‘What is that? Angry “foreign grandmother”?’
‘You don’t see them as much any more, but back before the Handover they were everywhere.’
‘The Handover?’
‘Hong Kong to China, in ’97. Anyway, imagine this. You have a wealthy English lady, probably from an old, titled family, who’s always had everything her own way. Back in England, tradesmen came to her house at the snap of her fingers, she paid them very well for the finest-quality work, and was treated like a princess by everybody. She comes here and the quality of the work is slapdash, tradesmen turn up at eleven at night, customer service is sloppy everywhere, and nobody treats her like a princess. After a couple of years of this, she gets angry with the whole thing. The minute anything isn’t exactly as she wants it she throws a huge tantrum to get things moving. Well, that’s what Leo wants me to do for him over at the bank.’
‘Sounds like some of the local women as well,’ Venus said wryly.
‘Yeah, I saw that YouTube of the woman throwing a tantrum at the airport too,’ I said.
We were interrupted by a woman loudly arguing with the waiter about the items on her bill, and shared a smile.
I finished my coffee, caught a waiter’s eye and drew a circle in the air to indicate that I wanted the bill. He nodded and turned away to retrieve it.
‘Nothing else exciting happening?’ I said. ‘Sounds like things are reasonably under control for a change.’
‘The Demon King still tries us, but for some reason his attempts lately have been half-hearted,’ Venus said. ‘Oh! Er Lang.’
I sagged over the table, picked up my fork and drew circles in the remains of my cheesecake with it. ‘Tell me the worst.’
‘He has once again petitioned the Celestial to have you removed from your post, citing lack of competence.’
I shrugged. ‘Situation normal then.’
‘Don’t be concerned, Emma, the Celestial supports your efforts. The recent rejuvenation of the Northern Heavens is a demonstration of your suitability for the role. Remember, if the Kingdom flourishes, it indicates that the sovereign is worthy.’
‘Martin and Yue Gui should be running the place in name as well as reality,’ I said. ‘They do all the work and I’m the one getting the credit; it’s wrong.’
‘That is the way it should be. You are the supreme ruler, and they manage the day-to-day affairs for you. The generals have been freed from the more tedious administrative tasks and can concentrate on defending the Heavens, which is probably why the Demon King has slowed his efforts. It is an excellent result all around.’
‘I’d just like to know which demon it was that gave Yue Gui to me in the first place,’ I said. ‘It could have been Six, hoping to plant a spy, or another demon trying to undermine Six’s efforts by telling us about the nest under Golden Arcade.’
‘I’d say most likely it was either the Death Mother or the Geek, using one of Six’s stone-implanted Shen as a spy and at the same time undermining Six’s own empire. You can ask them yourself when you catch them.’
The waiter brought the bill and I pulled out my wallet to pay.
Venus knew better than to give me grief about the bill. ‘My turn to pay next time.’
I nodded. ‘Remind me before we order so I can get something extremely expensive.’
‘I will,’ he said. After the waiter had left he turned around to his bodyguards and nodded. ‘We’re done.’
One of the bodyguards rose and came to us. He stood fidgeting for a moment, then said, ‘Lady Emma, ma’am, I have heard very much about you from Lord Venus. May I ask you a question?’
‘Sure, go ahead,’ I said.
The waiter came with the folder containing the receipt and my credit card, and I nodded and removed them.
‘Do you give private tuition, ma’am?’ the bodyguard said. ‘My skills are weak with sword, polearm and spear. My broadsword is terrible, and I completely fail at chain staff —’
‘You exaggerate; your martial arts skills are the match of anyone,’ Venus said amiably.
The waiter stared at us.
‘Would you teach me, ma’am?’ the bodyguard said. ‘Could I come down to the Academy and learn from you?’
‘There are plenty of instructors at the Academy who are better than me,’ I said. ‘Venus has my secretary’s number; just give her a call and she’ll arrange something for you.’
The bodyguard fell to one knee and then rose again, to the bemused stares of nearby diners. ‘I would appreciate it if you could spare some of your own time, ma’am.’
‘Let me see what I can work out,’ I said. ‘I really am too busy to take on private students.’
The bodyguard nodded, grinning broadly. ‘Thank you, ma’am!’
‘Did you just ask this gweipoh for private tuition in martial arts?’ the waiter asked the bodyguard in Cantonese.
‘Yes,’ the bodyguard said. ‘She is the best!’
‘I’m not the best, and you know it,’ I said. ‘There are many, many better than me.’
‘Have you been in any famous movies, ma’am?’ the waiter said.
‘Not a single one,’ I said. ‘I’m just a teacher. Nothing special.’
‘A foreign woman who teaches martial arts is something special,’ the waiter said with humour. He bowed to me. ‘My name is Jimmy, ask for me next time you come.’
‘I’ll be sure to,’ I lied.
I rose and Venus did as well, and we shook hands. ‘Lovely to catch up with you, Venus. I’ll have my people arrange something next month; sooner if something major turns up.’
Venus bowed slightly to me. ‘My pleasure, ma’am. You’d better hurry and go rescue poor Leo.’
I picked up my bag. ‘Poor little Leo. Scared of the big bad bank.’
CHAPTER 2
I took the escalators from the enormous open area under the bank building up two storeys to the general banking hall. Leo was parked in his wheelchair next to one of the flat, square leather waiting seats, holding a stack of papers in his lap.
I sat on the chair facing him. ‘What’s it all about?’
‘They say I can’t open an account without proof of residence.’ He waved his documents. ‘These are all in your name. I have nothing that shows that I live here.’
‘Stone, can you do something about this?’ I said.
‘Let me talk to Lok about it,’ the stone said.
‘I forgot how annoying the racism here can be,’ Leo said irritably. ‘The teller took one look at me and frowned. Then, when I started talking to her, she actually turned away.’
‘It might be the speech impediment too, mate, it makes you a bit hard to understand the first time.’
‘Bah. Do you have any idea how much concentration it takes to get rid of that?’
‘Enough that it’s not worth it and people will have to learn to deal.’
‘Pain in the ass.’
‘I have some documents for you; I’ve put them into Emma’s bag,’ the stone said.
I opened my tote and pulled out some freshly printed and folded papers: electricity, gas and phone bills for one of the apartments at the Old Folly, all in Leo’s name and backdated six months. I scrunched the documents a few times to make them appear older, then handed them to Leo. ‘Here you go.’
He flipped through them and nodded. ‘Okay, let’s try this.’
He turned in the wheelchair and rejoined the queue to speak to the tellers. I stood beside him. A few people openly stared at him as we waited, but we ignored them. Finally we reached the end of the queue and a light indicated a free teller. Leo wheeled himself to the window, which was too high for him to comfortably see over. He raised himself on his arms to speak to the teller.
‘Can we talk to someone about opening an account?’
She stared at him, uncomprehending, then glanced at me.
‘You do speak English?’ he said.
She continued to look blank.
‘I want to open an account,’ Leo said more slowly and clearly, trying to work around his speech impediment.
The teller spoke to me, ignoring Leo. ‘What account type you want to open?’
‘My friend wants to open a savings account,’ I said.
The teller pushed some forms across the counter to me. ‘Ask friend to fill in forms.’ She leaned back and waited for us to leave.
Leo raised the documents he was holding and put them on the counter. ‘I’ve already filled them in. The account is for me.’
The teller took the forms and skimmed through them, then looked at me. ‘He needs proof of Hong Kong residence.’
‘I’m right here,’ Leo growled, frustrated.
I gestured towards Leo. ‘Talk to him then. Like he said, he’s right here.’
The teller stared at me.
‘This is for me,’ Leo repeated. ‘I have all the documents and I want to open an account.’
The teller jumped up from her chair and quickly walked away.
‘What the hell!’ Leo said.
‘No, it’s fine. She’s rushed off to get help.’
‘Why didn’t she say something?’
‘It’s considered politer to rush off and do it for you, rather than dither around telling you that they’re going to do it,’ I said. ‘They’re used to being chastised for wasting time.’
Leo rested his hands on the arms of the chair. ‘Well, that’s stupid.’
The teller came back with a young man in a suit. He leaned over the counter to speak to me. ‘You want to open a new account?’
‘No, I do,’ Leo said.
The young man appeared to see Leo for the first time. ‘Wait here, please,’ he said and walked away.
Leo thumped the arm of his wheelchair.
The teller retook her seat and pressed the button to indicate that she was free. A local man came over and leaned around us to talk to her in Cantonese, so we were forced to move to one side.
‘Let’s just go to the other bank next door,’ Leo said, and wheeled himself around to leave.
The young man opened a door near us and nodded. ‘Please, come this way.’
Leo hesitated, then shrugged and wheeled himself through the door, with me following. The young man led us to a small, glass-walled meeting room with a tiny round table. He sat and pulled out a pen, then gestured for us to sit.
‘So sorry. Yes, we have all the documents here. Do you have your ID and proof of residence? Rent notice, electricity, phone bill …’
‘Here,’ Leo said, and passed his passport, Hong Kong ID card and the new documents across the table.
The young man flipped through the documents, checking them against the forms that Leo had filled in, and nodded. ‘Thank you, sir, this is all in order. How much were you looking to deposit to start the account?’
Leo opened his mouth to answer but I tapped his hand. Tell him to say a million dollars, I said to the stone.
‘Uh … one point three million dollars,’ Leo said. Geez, let’s make it something more believable than just a round mill, he added silently to me. Besides, if you’re gonna foot the bill, I’d better make it worthwhile, eh?
‘One point three million Hong Kong dollars?’ the young man said, his eyebrows raised.
Leo grinned evilly. ‘No, American dollars. Will I have to convert it?’
The young man looked down at the papers, then up at Leo. ‘We can provide you with a Premier account for that, sir. With a platinum credit card, priority service and special offers. If you have two million, we can provide you with private banking, which has a range of extended services.’
‘No, Premier is fine,’ Leo said.
‘Normally I would move you to the Premier Banking office floor,’ the young man said, ‘but in this case it would probably suit you better to do it here, and I can show you through when we’re done. Is that suitable?’
Leo relaxed. ‘Quite suitable.’
The young man nodded. ‘We will give you a multiple currency account, but you will need to deposit one million Hong Kong. The rest you can keep as US.’
Leo waved one hand airily. ‘No, convert it all to Hong Kong dollars, I live here now. Let’s go ahead.’
The young man nodded, took a business card holder out of his breast pocket, rose and held out a card to Leo with both hands. ‘Leave it with me for a moment, sir, and I will return shortly with the account information for you, and show you where your Premier Banking service centre is.’
‘Fine,’ Leo said, and the young man went out.
‘Money talks,’ I said.
‘He’s googling you,’ the stone said with humour. ‘He couldn’t find “Leo Alexander” so he’s now looking for … oh, this is funny.’
‘What?’ Leo said.
‘He thinks you’re Mike Tyson,’ the stone said. ‘He’s looking up photos of Mike Tyson.’
‘Humph,’ Leo said. ‘I am ten times uglier than that mother.’
‘Hear, hear,’ I said.
‘Emma didn’t do Ugly Gweipoh, she did Rich Bitch instead,’ the stone said, disappointed. ‘I like Ugly Gweipoh better.’
‘Ugly Gweipoh tends to involve burning bridges,’ I said, ‘and Leo did the Rich Bitch, not me! If we did Ugly Gweipoh we would be branded as trouble, and Leo would have problems getting his money out to buy his expensive loafers.’
‘You fill my shoes with sand again and I’ll never forgive you!’ Leo said. ‘Those were Armani!’
‘You filled my shoes with sand first,’ I said.
‘Shoes from K-Mart in Australia do not count,’ Leo said.
I raised one foot. ‘Yes, they do.’
He buried his face in his hand. ‘I give up.’
‘I thought you liked to avoid stereotyping,’ I said.
‘Stereotyping is one thing. Dressing like a street sleeper when you have a fund of several hundred million dollars —’ He stopped as the young man returned.
The bank employee looked from Leo to me, then sat at the table with a glossy folder containing all of Leo’s account information. He passed me a business card. ‘Maybe I could interest you in some private banking as well, ma’am? If you have several hundred million dollars, we can help you to manage those funds and ensure that they grow for you.’
I took his card with a nod. ‘Thank you, but I already have a private banking advisor here.’
The young man shook his head and flipped open the folder to explain the account details to Leo.
Michael stood on my right in Training Room Four, watching as I raised my left hand and summoned demon essence to fill it. ‘That’s it. Demon essence.’
Michael raised his left hand and chi glowed around it. He grimaced and the chi disappeared. He dropped his head in concentration and the chi reappeared around his hand, this time a deep purple, almost black.
‘That’s interesting. Can you do black?’ I said.
Michael concentrated again and the chi became a light blue. He shook his head. ‘Nope.’
‘Okay,’ I said. I released the Murasame from my right hand and it floated above the floor; the sword was fussy about being dropped. ‘Take my hand.’
Michael took my right hand in his left and used the connection to observe my demon essence. He gasped. ‘Damn, Emma.’
‘I know,’ I said. ‘I need to spend some time on the Celestial Plane.’
‘Soon!’ Michael said. ‘How do you control that?’
‘I have no idea. Seen enough?’
Michael nodded and released my hand, then raised his own again and dropped his head, concentrating. The dark blue chi reappeared and he shook his head. ‘I don’t think I can do it.’
‘Of course you can’t. You’re my son, and I’m too yang to produce anything like that,’ the Tiger said from where he’d appeared on the other side of the room.
‘Tell Lok to freaking inform me before letting this bastard into the Academy,’ I said to the stone in my ring.
‘That is no way to greet an old friend,’ the Tiger said. He approached us, hands out. ‘Peace. Michael, I need to talk to you.’
Michael turned away. ‘I have nothing to say to you.’ He bowed slightly to me. ‘It’s kind of a relief that I can’t do it, Emma. I’ll see you later — I’m having dinner at your place tonight.’
I nodded to him. ‘I just wish I wasn’t able to do it either.’
‘Look, it’s about your mother,’ the Tiger said. ‘Can we put this aside? We both loved her, and I need your help to find out why she died.’
Michael rounded on the Tiger. ‘It’s obvious why she died. You killed her!’ He swept one hand through the air. ‘Or one of the other wives killed her in a fit of jealousy. Either way, she’s gone and you’re responsible.’ He spun to leave.
‘I know I’m responsible,’ the Tiger said. ‘And Emma is a clue as to what happened. I need you to help me find out what made your mother different.’
Michael ignored him, opening the door to exit.
‘Emma, I need you too,’ the Tiger said. ‘Come to the lab and donate some DNA. We need to find out what killed Rhonda so it doesn’t happen to anyone again.’
‘I’m a demon,’ I said. ‘That’s what would kill me.’
‘You’re not listening to me, either of you!’ the Tiger shouted, and Michael stopped halfway through the door. ‘Michael, what killed her could kill you!’ He pointed at me. ‘And you! I want to save your fucking lives here, humans. For fuck’s sake, let me!’ He dropped his voice. ‘I want to ensure that no Celestial Worthy is ever destroyed again by taking the Elixir. They should gain Immortality, not die! Hell, boy, you’ll probably achieve Immortality by yourself. But if you ever want that fucking Elixir, you’d better be damn sure that it won’t blow you up.’
Michael dropped his head. ‘Like it did my mother.’
‘I loved her,’ the Tiger said, his voice full of anguish. ‘She was my world. And now she’s gone, nothing means anything to me. The only thing keeping me going is the thought that I can stop this from happening to you.’
‘Let me think about it,’ Michael said without looking up. He walked out, softly closing the door behind him.
‘Emma?’ the Tiger said.
‘I’ll think about it too,’ I said. ‘I can only travel to the Celestial Plane as a serpent. I’m contaminated by the demon essence …’
‘We might be able to remove the demon from you if we study your DNA,’ the Tiger said.
‘Maybe. Either way, let me think about it. I’m scheduled to spend some time on the Plane next week, visiting the Northern Heavens for an update on how things are going and some hearings. I might stop in at the West to help you out.’
‘I can always send some scientists down here to take some samples if you don’t want to come to the West,’ he said. ‘Your choice. I just want to make sure that when Ah Wu comes back, he can fulfil his promise to you.’ He waved a hand after Michael. ‘This kid will be my Number One one day, and the finest I’ve ever had. But to get there, he’s gonna need Immortality, and we need to be sure that the Elixir won’t kill him.’ He disappeared.
I retrieved the Murasame from where it was floating in the air and put it back into its black scabbard. What the Tiger didn’t know was my memories of being imprisoned in a hospital-type lab being infused with demon essence had affected me; I’d suffered nightmares ever since. The idea of being the willing subject of lab experiments was something I found hard even to consider.
When I got back to my office there was an email waiting for me that made me sigh.
To: Emma Donahoe
<emmad@newwudang.com.hk>
From: Evarocks <eva95@zqphoenix.com.id>
Hi Emma,
I haven’t heard from Simone in ages, is she okay? Me and Sylvie kinda miss going around with her. I emailed her a couple of days ago and she didn’t reply.
If she doesn’t want to be friends any more, could you tell her it’s okay, I understand, but just to tell me and I’ll stop contacting her to do stuff?
Thanx
Eva
I stared at the screen for a moment, then replied.
To: Evarocks <eva95@zqphoenix.com.id>
From: Emma Donahoe
<emmad@newwudang.com.hk>
Bcc: Simone Chen
<darkchaos4682@gmail.com>
Hi Eva,
I think it’s mainly that she’s so busy with school at the moment — because of the change of schools mid-year she’s flat out catching up with the rest of her class. I’m sure that when things settle down she’ll be back in contact with you.
Emma
I quickly composed another email:
To: Simone Chen darkchaos4682@gmail.com
From: Emma Donahoe
<emmad@newwudang.com.hk>
I bcc’d the message to you so you could see, but she doesn’t know I sent it on to you.
I remember when you were five years old and didn’t have a single friend in the world. How things have changed.
E
I would get the Silent Treatment when she got home from the shops later, but it would be worth it.
CHAPTER 3
About four that afternoon, Simone contacted me telepathically. Emma, I’m going to call you on your mobile. Can you play along, please?
My mobile rang and I answered it. ‘Yes?’
Simone sounded incredibly giggly and silly. ‘Emma, can you come pick me up at Festie? I’m here with my friends and we’re done.’
‘What? Why?’
I wanna be normal for a change, Emma, can you just do this for me? I want them to see me getting picked up like a normal kid.
‘Just come and get me, please, Emma,’ she whined.
‘I suppose. I’ll meet you at the lay-by.’
‘You’ll have to come to the car park, the lay-by’s closed for some stupid roadworks or something.’ I heard her friends giggling in the background, and one of them said something. ‘Can you meet us under the P and S?’ Simone added. ‘Right down the bottom, close to the doors, please, we have a lot of stuff. Oh, and can you give Sarah a lift home too?’
I sighed with feeling. ‘I suppose.’
‘Thanks, Emma!’ she said, and hung up. Thanks, really, Emma, she added silently. I wouldn’t ask if you had a class, and I won’t ask again, okay?
‘Tell her she can ask as much as she likes if it makes her feel good about being normal,’ I said to the stone.
Simone’s voice was giddy in my head. You’re the GREATEST, Emma!
‘You won’t be the greatest when she gets your email,’ the stone said.
I rose and collected my bag.
‘Not sending Leo?’ the stone said.
‘Nah, he’s with Meredith. It’ll do me good to get out of the office, even if it is to go through the tunnel.’
It took half an hour to wend my way through the Cross-Harbour Tunnel traffic and reach the top of Kowloon City and the massive shopping mall of Festival Walk. The mall didn’t look much from the outside, a regular two-storey rectangular monolith, but inside it plunged to six storeys below ground level. I entered the spiralling ramp down to the car park, travelling a long time before I reached the boom gate. I pushed my credit card into the slot and wound my way to the bottom floor, another three levels down. The car park was deserted this far down during the day, and I pulled up next to the lobby at the bottom of the escalators below the supermarket.
Simone wasn’t there so I pulled out my phone to call her. There was no signal so I left the car and went towards the escalator lobby. As I opened the door to enter, my hand was grabbed from behind and I was swung away from the door. I didn’t really register who had attacked me; I just knew they were human not demon: three Chinese men, all of them menacingly close. The one holding my wrist was grinning at me.
I didn’t mess around; I moved as quickly as I could and took them down. I pushed just above the heart of the man holding my wrist and his knees buckled, his eyes went blank and he collapsed. I used a simple throat block to make the second feel unable to breathe for a few seconds, and used that time to hit the third under the ear on a pressure point that put him straight to sleep. I returned to the second and shoved him in the solar plexus, knocking him unconscious as well.
I was bending to check their unmoving bodies for ID when I heard panting and running. I looked up, preparing to defend myself again, and saw the Nemesis, Peter Tong. He was wearing a designer polo shirt and a pair of slacks hitched under his bulging stomach. His face was swollen with exertion and one flailing arm held a small pistol. I moved into a long defensive stance, ready to take him down before he could shoot me.
He stopped, bent over his knees to pant for a while, then stood again. ‘What happened?’
‘Put the gun down,’ I said.
He waved the gun again and I ducked as he pointed it at my head. ‘No! I’m here to defend you!’
I moved close to him, put my foot between his feet, bent my knee into him and pushed him onto his back, taking the gun at the same time. He smelt of cooking oil and expensive aftershave.
‘You idiot, you could have killed me,’ I said. I checked the magazine; it was empty. ‘You run around with an empty gun? What are you doing?’
Simone and her friend Sarah came down the escalators and hurried to us.
‘Oh, Emma, were you attacked?’ Sarah said, waving her arms theatrically. ‘What a stroke of luck that Peter was here to save you!’
‘Wait a minute,’ I said, and looked from the Nemesis, still gasping on the ground, to Sarah. ‘How much did he pay you to do this, Sarah?’
‘Oh, you know about it? Three thousand dollars,’ Sarah said. She went to Peter and held out her hand. ‘Come on, pay up.’
‘What happened?’ Simone said. She studied the goons on the ground. ‘These aren’t … These are ordinary …’ She was silent for a moment, thinking. ‘You were mugged by three men, Emma?’
‘Yeah, and Peter came rushing with his dinky cowboy gun to rescue me,’ I said.
‘Wait, he paid Sarah?’ Simone took her friend by the shoulder. ‘He paid you to set Emma up?’
‘Nobody was going to get hurt. It was just a little demonstration to show Emma how much she needs a man in her life to defend her,’ Peter said. He clumsily pulled himself to his feet. ‘What if these men had attacked you and I hadn’t been here to scare them off?’
‘You scared them off?’ Simone said with scorn.
‘Look! They all fainted with fear when they saw me!’ Peter said.
I passed the gun to Simone and she held it as if it were something contaminated. I moved into a serpent-style stance: legs spread, and palms flat and facing down like the head of a snake. I jabbed a few times at the Nemesis’s eyes, making him reel back with shock, then lightly hit him with the tips of my fingers, not enough to hurt him but enough to make him feel it. I struck his chin, throat, shoulders, chest, and then made a flurry of strikes at his stomach, not hard enough to do damage. I changed to monkey style and swept low, taking his feet out from under him, and catching him just as he was about to hit the ground. I lowered him to the floor so that he didn’t hurt himself, and stepped back.
‘I took them down myself,’ I said. ‘I’m a master of seventeen different styles of Kung Fu.’
Sarah stared at me, then turned to Simone. ‘Do you do martial arts too?’
Simone hesitated, then raised her chin. ‘Yes.’
‘Why?’
‘It’s fun,’ Simone said.
Sarah turned back to Peter. ‘I did what you asked me to. Where’s my money?’
Peter pulled himself back to his feet, then hunched over, grimacing with pain. ‘I’m horribly injured! You beat me! I need an ambulance — and a lawyer!’
‘You’re a good thirty centimetres taller than me,’ I said. ‘Nobody’s going to believe that I hurt you, particularly when there isn’t a mark on you.’
He raised his shirt, revealing his white, glutinous abdomen. ‘I’m covered in bruises!’
‘No, you’re not. Get over yourself.’ I turned away from him. ‘I think you need to find a lift home, Sarah. Or was this loser going to drive you as well as pay you blood money?’
‘My driver’s on the way to pick me up anyway,’ Sarah said with a toss of her head. ‘I don’t need to call my stepmother for a lift. My real mother can’t drive, she doesn’t need to. We have a driver; we don’t drive ourselves around like domestic helpers.’ She turned to Simone. ‘Next time I think I’ll go shopping with someone interesting, not some freak who does martial arts.’
She swung her bags as she turned to go up the escalators, then turned back to Peter. ‘I know who you are, loser, and you owe me. If you don’t pay up soon, I’ll get my boyfriend and some of his friends to spray-paint your store in Central. The inside.’ She swept away.
‘Well, thank you very much,’ Simone said, grabbing her bags and storming towards the car. She turned back to yell at me. ‘Just go and ruin my life one friend at a time, Emma, why don’t you!’
I pointed at the unconscious goons on the ground. ‘How much did you pay them?’ I asked Peter.
He pulled down his polo shirt to cover his stomach, his face red. ‘I never paid anybody! I protected you from these … these … thugs!’
I moved into a serpent stance again. ‘How about protecting yourself from me?’
He opened and closed his mouth a few times, then ran away into the escalator lobby, his arms flailing.
I returned to the car. Simone was sitting in the back, leaning against the door and weeping. I reached into my bag, pulled out a packet of tissues and handed it to her. She took it without looking at me.
I switched on the ignition and drove up towards the surface.
Do you want me to recall that email? the stone said.
No.
Your call, I suppose.
Yes.
We drove home in silence.
Later, at home, Simone came into the office and sat across the desk from me. ‘You are such a cow,’ she said.
I didn’t look away from the screen. ‘Thank you.’
She sighed and put her head in her hands. ‘Sarah is the least snotty of the snotty bitches in my grade.’
‘No, she isn’t, Simone, you are.’
She was silent for a moment, then swept back her honey-coloured hair and sat back in her chair. ‘I just want to be a normal kid. Is that so hard?’
‘I desperately want to be a normal human. Not a demon. Not a snake. Just a woman. Sometimes we have to deal with what we’re given.’
‘Thanks for pointing out all the horrible things that have happened to you because of me.’
‘I think it’s more because of your father,’ I said mildly. ‘Particularly the snake thing.’
‘When he comes back, our lives are gonna be twenty times weirder again, aren’t they?’
‘Probably.’
‘I really don’t want a weird life, Emma. Sometimes, I don’t want him back; I just want to have a normal life here without him.’
I turned to face her. ‘When he was living with your mother, she wouldn’t let him do anything Celestial in front of her. That’s one of the reasons we’re in this predicament in the first place —’
‘You can’t blame Mummy for this!’ she protested.
‘I’m not blaming her. I’ve heard a lot about your mother, Simone, and she was a wonderful, strong, smart woman who put up with an awful lot of bullshit from your dad and his assorted cronies before she put her foot down and told him she’d had enough. She wanted a normal life too. He did his best to give her that, and he did incredibly well. Jade’s told me stories about how your mother sacrificed so much — her career, her travel, everything — and he made the sacrifice too of not taking True Form, of not travelling to the Plane nearly as much, and of staying here with you.’
‘They should have known it would end in disaster,’ Simone said, her voice small. ‘Daddy should have known. Celestials can see the future. He should never have promised Mummy not to take True Form, that was so stupid.’
‘He can’t see the future when those he loves are involved. He’s said that.’
She glanced at me. ‘Really? He didn’t know whether we’d live or die?’
‘He said he could see the possibilities, and they were all nasty. The other Celestials wouldn’t tell him. The minute your mother was murdered, he knew things were heading downhill fast and did the best he could to salvage the situation.’
‘I wonder how things would be if Mummy was still alive,’ she said. ‘She could have taken me to the Plane … Daddy would be at full strength … we would be a family.’
‘I’ve said that myself more than once.’
She dropped her head. ‘Oh, sorry, Emma.’
‘Nothing to be sorry about. But when your father comes back — and he will come back, Simone — you’ll have your family again.’
‘And the weirdness will get twenty times worse.’
‘You missed my point. He’s quite capable of being normal and having a mundane family life if that’s what’s required of him. He did it for your mother, he can do it for you. Well, as normal as is possible in this crazy town.’
She brightened but didn’t reply.
‘There won’t be the low-energy issue, and you won’t be a tiny child who can’t travel to the Plane,’ I went on. ‘It’ll all work out.’
‘Maybe,’ she said. ‘But in the meantime, I have to go back to school tomorrow and be labelled a martial arts freak because I told Sarah the truth.’
‘You know what, Simone? I think every other girl — and boy — there will think you’re the coolest kid ever ’cause you can do the arts, and they’ll ask you for demonstrations. Then, by the end of the week, they’ll have forgotten all about it.’
‘I will not give demonstrations.’
‘I don’t either.’
She smiled. ‘That was a pretty convincing demonstration you gave the Nemesis.’
‘Did you see his tummy?’
She laughed, and it was wonderful to hear. ‘It was like vanilla pudding, oh my God, so flabby!’
I dropped my voice to a low purr. ‘Sexy.’
She laughed even harder.
‘Don’t cut off your friendship with Eva and Sylvie just because they’re Shen, Simone. If you do that, you’re no better than Sarah. They can be ordinary kids, just like you, and you can go shopping with them just like ordinary girls. They like you.’
She paused, thoughtful. ‘I guess you’re right.’
The entrance to the Palace of the Dark Heavens was a huge gate at the end of a long, tree-lined avenue. The road widened there to form a circle so people could be dropped off; and in the circle’s centre was a round pavilion, about four metres across, for those who arrived directly.
When Simone and I landed there was a sedan chair waiting for us next to the pavilion, a couple of tame demons standing unmoving and patient between the carry bars. Two officials in black robes were there too, and two black, heavy-set Chinese horses stood behind the sedan chair, saddled and bridled but not tethered to anything.
The officials bowed low, saluting at the same time. One stepped forward and spoke. ‘Regent of the Dark Northern Heavens, Lady Emma, Dark Lady, First Heavenly General, Serpent Who Wears the Stone of the World. Princess Simone, Only Human Child of the Xuan Wu, Wielder of the Seven Stars. We welcome you to your palace and trust you will be comfortable during your stay. It is our desire to fulfil your every wish. The hearths are warm and the servants ready to do your bidding. Please allow us to guide you to your home in the Northern Heavens.’
I bowed my serpent head to them both individually. ‘True Lord Xu, Religious Master of Ten Thousand Magical Arts and Giver of Supernatural Aid; True Lord Yu, Religious Master of Meritorious Magnificence, Original Lord of the Transmission of the Salvific Miracle, I am honoured by your welcome and greet you most cordially.’
‘I honour your welcome, my Lords,’ Simone said, and saluted. ‘All appears to be in good order, in alignment with the forces of the Celestial and pleasing to the spirit.’
Lord Xu gestured towards the sedan chair. ‘My Ladies, if it pleases you, I have arranged this transportation to your abode in the Heavens, guarded and guided by ourselves to ensure that you reach your destination in safety and comfort.’
We nodded again and I replied, ‘This transportation is most suitable for our needs and we are pleased to take it to our palace.’
The officials bowed to us again, and we walked — or in my case slithered with as much dignity as I could muster — to the sedan chair. I coiled up in my ‘senior’ place on the seat facing forward and Simone sat facing the back. The curtains over the windows closed by themselves and there was a lurch upwards as the demons lifted the chair. There was barely room for Simone’s knees to clear the seat on my side. She leaned back and closed her eyes. The jingling bits and creaking of leather indicated that the officials had mounted their horses. The sedan chair lurched again and began its horrible swaying progression towards the palace entrance.
‘You had it exactly right,’ the stone said. ‘Well done.’
‘It’s a freaking script,’ I said softly. ‘It’s all acting.’
‘It is an important ceremony that emphasises and enhances your rule over the Northern Heavens and attunes the energy flowing in the palace to your own,’ the stone said. ‘The whole thing is vital to the health of your rule and the Heavens themselves.’
‘That is the biggest load of bull I have ever heard,’ Simone said without opening her eyes.
‘How does the Tiger put up with all this?’ I said.
‘The Tiger revels in it,’ the stone said. ‘Michael’s told you about the Harvest Festival, hasn’t he?’
‘Yeah, he says it’s like the German Oktoberfest,’ Simone said. ‘Just a huge excuse to get drunk.’
‘The Tiger performs many rituals during the three days of the festival to ensure the safety and wellbeing of his family,’ the stone said. ‘Michael would be aware of that if he were further up the hierarchy of sons. For those lower down, it’s just a big party.’
‘It’s kind of disturbing the way they wear cloth patches to indicate their relationship to the Tiger so no incest takes place,’ Simone said. She opened her eyes and grabbed the side of the sedan chair as it lurched particularly violently; one of the carriers had stumbled slightly. ‘I mean, what if they met each other outside the palace and got it on? It’s so wrong.’
The stone hesitated slightly, then said, ‘Is this something that concerns you, Simone?’
She leaned back again, her expression stiff. ‘Maybe.’
‘The tradition of “calling” is a way of avoiding this. Mortals do it to mimic Celestials.’
Simone looked interested. ‘Really? I thought it was just about using the title to show respect.’
‘It’s more than just establishing the pecking order in the family,’ the stone said. ‘It’s a way of confirming exactly how closely you’re related. Junior members of the family greet senior members by “calling” them — Poh Poh, Yeh Yeh, Wai Poh for the grandmother on the mother’s side. They establish themselves immediately so everybody present, from other branches of the family too, can straightaway see where they sit in the family network.’
‘Jade told me a story about that,’ Simone said. ‘When my mother’s parents first came to visit us in Hong Kong, I went up to my grandmother and “called” her — Poh Poh probably; I don’t remember it myself. I was used to “calling” everybody in my family, but it confused them. She just stood there and said “What?”’
‘And you were standing there waiting for the “good girl” response that kids always get when they “call” their grandparents,’ I said with amusement. ‘Culture shock both ways just in the first few words.’
‘So it’s actually a way of establishing links?’ Simone said. ‘I never thought of it that way. I thought of it — like you said — as the “pecking order” in the family.’ She grinned. ‘Human families have it easy. What about your sister’s son who’s a couple of hundred years older than you and also a tree? What do you call him?’
‘Jerk-off,’ I said quietly.
Simone nodded with mock solemnity. ‘Very well, Lady Emma, when I next “call” my nephew, I will greet him as “Jerk-off”.’
I stretched out on the cushioned seat. ‘You won’t have to; I’ll probably already have done it.’
The chair lurched again and I nearly slid off the silk cushions onto the floor. I coiled up again, tightening my grip on the silk. ‘Dammit, I hate these things!’
‘I’m not surprised Daddy bought the car,’ Simone said.
The sedan chair stopped suddenly and I landed on my back on the floor in an undignified heap. I raised my tail to give me the leverage to crawl back onto the cushion but it was too late. The curtains flipped open and there we were: Simone sitting like the princess she was, and me in a three-metre-long tangle at her feet.
The officials had dismounted and stood on either side of the door to escort us out. I flipped so that I was the right way up, shook my head, and slithered out of the chair and onto the pavers in front of the palace.
Yue Gui, Simone’s big sister, and Martin, her big brother, waited for us in the forecourt of the palace. They were dressed in Tang-style silk robes: Martin in black and silver; Yue Gui in pink and gold. They bowed and saluted us. Simone and I stood opposite them and bowed back.
‘Welcome, She Zheng Zhi, Gong Zhu, Regent and Princess,’ Yue Gui said.
‘We thank you, Gong Zhu and Wang Chu, Prince and Princess,’ I said.
‘Jie Jie, Ge Ge,’ Simone said, ‘calling’ her relatives.
‘Mei Mei,’ Yue Gui and Martin both responded with pleasure.
Simone’s shoulders slumped slightly. ‘Can we stop with the formal protocol BS now?’
Martin gave her a quick, friendly hug, then smiled down at her with his hands on her shoulders. ‘Yes, we’re done. Come inside and have some lunch.’
I held back. ‘Is Sang Shen here?’
‘No,’ Yue Gui said, amused by my dislike of her son. ‘He’s still under house arrest at home, serving his sentence.’
The four of us sat at the round, six-seater table with a couple of demon servants to attend us. We were in Martin’s apartments in the palace: a courtyard house attached to the rest of the complex by a breezeway. It was on the western side of the complex, towards the centre, next to the main apartment occupied by Xuan Wu when he was present. The informal dining room had a pleasant aspect over a small garden next to the high internal defensive wall for Xuan Wu’s residence.
‘I could provide you with a variety of different foods, Emma,’ Martin said. ‘It doesn’t have to be alive. Snakes eat dead food too. I’ve seen you eat waffles. Why don’t you just try it?’
‘Just give up, Ge Ge,’ Simone said, sounding bored.
‘My serpent form doesn’t need to eat,’ I said for the millionth time. ‘You should know this yourself, Martin, we reptiles …’ My voice trailed off.
‘Yes. We reptiles,’ Martin said, jumping on the point. He gestured towards Yue Gui. ‘We are all reptiles together. Even Simone has a reptilian form. Do not be ashamed of it! And by the Heavens, Emma, do me the honour of accepting my hospitality while you are in this form!’
‘Well, I don’t need to eat for days on end as serpent,’ I said. ‘The food I eat as a human keeps it satisfied. If I’m going to start eating as a snake, then I’ll try things at home and let you know.’
‘This should be your home,’ Yue Gui said. ‘When the Dark Lord returns, I’m sure it will be.’
‘Is it his home?’ I said.
They were silent at that.
I continued. ‘No, Wudangshan is his home. This is one of his offices. And for me it will be too. For you, this is home. Both of you. And you should be named as rulers together.’
‘That would interfere with the alignment of the Heavens and would not be accepted,’ Martin said stiffly. He relaxed. ‘Father will return, and he will retake his place on the throne of the Northern Heavens.’
‘Do you have any idea how long it’s going to take him to come back?’ Simone said.
Martin and Yue Gui shared a look.
‘You do!’ Simone said.
‘You know they aren’t allowed to tell us mortals the future, Simone,’ I said, miserable.
‘Actually, nobody knows,’ Martin said. ‘Father is too elemental, too powerful and too aligned with the forces of nature to be predicted. He is so much a part of the fabric of the universe that he cannot be seen in divination. It is like trying to predict the course of the Earth around the Sun — the Cosmos just says “It will happen, leave it alone.”’
‘Both of us have caught glimpses of him though,’ Yue Gui said, and Martin nodded agreement.
‘You have?’ Simone said, visibly brightening. ‘You’ve seen Daddy?’ She jiggled slightly with excitement. ‘Did he say anything?’
‘We have caught glimpses,’ Yue Gui said with sympathy. ‘His Turtle and his Serpent are at opposite ends of the world. They cry. They seem to be searching for one another — and for you.’
‘And for you,’ I said.
‘We are reptiles,’ Yue Gui said. ‘We lay our eggs and leave them. That is the Way.’
The demons cleared the dishes, and Martin poured more tea all around. I flicked my tongue above it to test the temperature, then carefully lowered my snout into the bowl to drink without tipping it over.
‘See? Told you you’d get there in the end,’ Simone said, waving her own teacup. ‘It just took practice.’
‘And if you used a larger bowl you wouldn’t have any issue with it at all,’ Martin said.
I pulled my dripping snout out of the tea bowl, then wiped it on a napkin laid on the table for me. ‘I’m not drinking out of a dog’s bowl, thank you very much.’
‘Dragon bowl!’ Martin said.
‘You are argumentative today, Ming Gui,’ I said sternly. ‘You need to take some time and meditate on your faults; you are lacking in filial piety towards your senior. You should be more modest and obedient.’
Simone nearly spat out her tea, and Martin’s mouth flopped open with delight.
Yue Gui toasted me with her teacup. ‘I could not have said it better myself, ma’am; you are quite correct in your clarification of Ming Gui’s faults. He should write a ten-page, seven-legged essay outlining his shortcomings and his plan for reparation.’
‘Be careful,’ Martin said with good humour. ‘I may just do that, and make all of you read it.’
Simone shook her hands over the table. ‘No, that’s really not necessary!’ She brightened. ‘But you can write an essay for me on the reproductive variety in different species of annelids.’
‘Worms?’
‘Worms.’
‘Wait, the whole phylum? That’s a hell of a lot of worms! Their reproductive variety is astounding — did you choose this topic yourself?’
Simone nodded. ‘I like worms.’ She sagged slightly. ‘But you’re right, it’s a huge topic.’
‘When’s it due?’ Martin said.
‘Two weeks from tomorrow.’
He put his hand out over the table. ‘Sounds like fun. I’ll help you. Deal?’
She shook his hand. ‘Deal. You like biology too?’
He shrugged. ‘Most interesting field of science there is. Some Celestial biology makes Earthly biology look very tame in comparison.’ He turned to me. ‘Now that we’re finished, I think it’s time to move to general matters at hand. There aren’t many cases for you to hear; I’ll provide you with a list in the morning.’
‘Is Sang Shen still going on about me living in the wrong part of the palace?’ I said.
‘No,’ Yue Gui said. ‘I talked to him and offered him a compromise.’
‘Which is?’
Martin cut in. ‘Emma, if we move the fittings from the Serpent Concubine Pavilion into the Pavilion of Dark Celestial Bliss, will you move there?’
‘That’s what I’ve been asking for! It would solve the whole problem, but they said the fittings couldn’t be moved without disrupting the fung shui of Dark Bliss. The pavilion was designed to be occupied by a human not a snake.’
‘We have a fung shui master who says it can be done with some alterations to the layout to counteract the excessive yang of a snake presence. It will mean making the northern part of the pavilion larger, adding a water feature of some sort and choosing more turtle motifs in the decoration.’
‘Sounds very nice,’ I said. ‘How much will it cost?’
He hesitated. ‘Ten jin of Celestial jade.’
‘Ten jin?’ I said, horrified.
‘That’s, like, ten ounces, isn’t it?’ Simone said. ‘About a million dollars? That’s a bit over the top.’
‘No,’ I said. ‘It’s ten kilos. A hundred and sixty ounces. Ten cattys!’
‘That’s … what … sixteen mill?’ Simone said. ‘To add one room and a water feature? That’s ridiculous.’
‘We could have the whole goddamn pavilion knocked down and rebuilt for that,’ I said.
‘It’s made of aged Celestial teak and ebony from the plantations on the southern shores of the Northern Heavens — the trees from there take five hundred years to grow,’ Martin said. ‘The fittings are Earthly black and white jade trimmed with pure silver. The multicoloured floor tiles are semi-precious stones — topaz, garnet and tourmaline — and it will be hard to find stones that large again.’
I rested my head on the table. ‘I’ll just stay in the concubine quarters. It’s only Sang Shen who’s making a fuss about me moving.’ I raised my head. ‘Look, tell him that I’ll be happy to move into the Empress’s quarters, but he has to pay the ten jin to have it altered.’
Yue Gui nodded. ‘Good idea. I will tell him.’ She smiled slightly.
‘You really love tormenting him, don’t you, Jie Jie,’ Simone said.
Yue Gui shrugged. ‘He is in my custody to serve a sentence. And serve a sentence he will.’
‘Speaking of living quarters, there is one other matter, and then we have nothing else until tomorrow,’ Martin said. He pulled himself upright and spoke more formally. ‘Lady Emma, now that the Northern Heavens have been restored and are no longer a frigid wasteland, it would be most fitting to harmonious Celestial alignment if your family — your parents — were to be living in these Heavens rather than those in the West. This is where they belong as your family, and it is your filial duty to serve them closely. This is best achieved by them moving here.’
I stared at him, shocked. My parents had been living in the West for ten years and now he wanted them to move to a completely new — and strange — place?
‘I can’t see Nanna and Pop wanting to do that,’ Simone said mildly. ‘They’ve made a lot of friends in the West over the last ten years, Martin. I really think they’re more comfortable in the West.’
Martin opened his mouth to argue but I cut him off. ‘I will take the matter under advisement and discuss it with my parents.’
He nodded. ‘Very good, ma’am.’
CHAPTER 4
That evening Simone and I spread out on some beanbags in the Serpent Concubine Pavilion and watched a DVD together, she in her pyjamas and me stretched out next to her in serpent form. When the movie finished, she switched off the DVD and spread her arms. ‘Hug, Emma.’
I slithered next her and she held me close, my head resting on her shoulder.
‘I worry I’m gonna squeeze you and hurt you,’ she said. ‘You’re kinda soft and squishy under the scales.’
‘I think my ribs are pretty springy, and you’ve never hurt me yet,’ I said. I wished I could smile, but opening my mouth made my fangs slide down, which wasn’t a good look.
She kissed the end of my nose. ‘I’m going to bed. See you at breakfast.’
‘Night, Simone.’
She disappeared; she would travel invisible to the apartment she’d commandeered so that nobody would see her in her pyjamas. There were no human-suitable beds in my quarters.
I slithered into my own bedroom, which had a recessed floor area filled with beanbags, and a couple of infra-red heat lamps above to provide heat without light. My quarters were generally kept at a warmer temperature than was comfortable for humans but very pleasant by reptile standards. I put my head next to the edge of the sleeping recess and the stone from my ring, now in the filigree crown on my head, reached out a long green tendril and lifted itself and the crown onto the recess ledge. It grabbed a paper seal from the stack there, reached towards me and stuck the seal onto the top of my head between my eyes.
I stretched out under the ray lamps and performed a mild meditation cycle, moving my serpent chi through the length of my body. The serpent’s chi was different from both human and demon essence; darker and brighter at the same time, and colder because of my cold-bloodedness.
The stone moved around the edge of the recess so it was closer to my head.
‘You’ll be asleep yourself; you won’t know if the seal slips,’ I said drowsily.
‘You’re too casual about the consequences of losing that seal,’ the stone said.
I began to drift off, my vision blurring. ‘I’m more comfortable as a snake anyway; I doubt I’ll lose the form.’
‘I’ll make sure you don’t,’ the stone said, but I barely heard it.
The next morning I joined Simone in her apartment while she ate breakfast. She was already in her school uniform, and she checked the art deco mantle clock on the rosewood side table as she scooped up her cereal.
‘You still have time,’ I said.
She nodded, but finished quickly and bounced up. ‘I have swimming training after school so I’ll be late back.’
‘Stay down there. Monica and Leo can look after you,’ I said.
She hesitated, then shrugged. ‘Okay. I’ll come back on the weekend.’
‘How’s the swimming going?’
‘I’m second best on the team,’ she said proudly. ‘We have a meet in two weeks.’
‘Book me in,’ I said.
‘Already did.’ She came around the table, put her hand on the back of my neck and kissed the top of my head. ‘See you on the weekend, Emma.’
‘I’ll call you later,’ I said.
After she’d gone, I took myself over to the palace’s administrative centre. The Serpent Concubine Pavilion was on the western side of the palace complex, with only the servants’ quarters and the support areas — the laundry and kitchens — further north of it. There had only ever been one Serpent Concubine in the entire history of the palace, and nobody would say much about her. John had never bothered to have the Serpent Pavilion returned to a human-style dwelling, and nobody had spoken much about his reasons for that either. The servants wouldn’t even tell me whether the Serpent Concubine had died or had left him; they all suggested that I contact the Archivist for the full story.
The palace was divided into two rectangular areas: the residential section took up the northern half; the administrative section, the southern half. A four-metre internal wall with a single gate separated them, entirely blocking off one side from the other. Tradition called for the Emperor and his most senior advisors — and consorts — to be carried around the complex in sedan chairs, but John had never bothered with that, preferring to walk through the complex so he could check the status of the different areas as he passed. He was a very early — by a few hundred years — practitioner of ‘management by walking around’. In more recent times, apparently, he’d taken to riding a motorbike around the complex, occasionally doing outrageous jumps over some of the decorative semicircular bridges in the gardens. The resulting skid marks on the pristine white marble had caused the domestic demons much grief.
John’s welcome in the various sections of the palace would have been very different from mine. As my three-metre-long snake form slithered through the gardens, the demons either froze with terror or skittered away. I’d gone through all the support sections the first time I’d visited the palace, greeting the demons and trying to allay their fears, but to no avail. Maybe their reaction had something to do with the Serpent Concubine; they might have had bad experiences with snakes in the past. Or maybe it was just that I brought back nasty memories of the Snake Mothers in Hell. Then again, maybe it was just because I was a snake.
I reached the wall that divided the residential and administrative areas. The gate building was set on top of three terraces, each bordered with black marble balustrades. The building itself was around ten metres to a side, built of gunmetal-coloured stone with a traditional upward-curving, black-tiled roof. It had thick hardwood doors on both sides reinforced with metre-wide black metal studs. I slithered up the three flights of stairs and found the reception area empty, except for four humanoid demon guards at the gate’s two doors. They stood to attention as I passed and thumped their chests with their fists, but their expressions weren’t happy.
The administrative section of the palace was much more open and formal. The main buildings sat on three-tiered terraces in the centre of the rectangular area, while smaller buildings — for the support staff — flanked the sides. At the far end of the dividing wall was another gatehouse: the main entry into the palace. The long avenue up to the palace was visible through the gate’s open doors.
A group of officials were waiting for me with a sedan chair, all of them on one knee. I nodded to them and swiftly slithered around them to avoid the chair. They jumped up and followed me, then stopped and saluted again when Martin appeared on the top balcony of the central administrative building. He waved to me and came down the steps.
‘Rise,’ he said to the officials as he came closer, and they all rose and bowed again. He waved them away. ‘I will guide Lady Emma to the hearings.’
I accompanied him up the stairs.
‘The petitions should only take a couple of days,’ he said. ‘Since the energy has returned to the North, the residents have had much less to complain about and the petitions have dried up.’
‘That’s wonderful news,’ I said.
We entered the Pavilion of Dark Justice together, and all those present fell to one knee. The pavilion was rectangular and made of gunmetal-coloured polished stone with a black roof, same as the other buildings. The doors to the hearing room opened in front of us; inside, officials sat behind desks and gathered the information required for the day’s proceedings. The petitioners would wait their turn in luxuriously appointed waiting rooms along the sides of the pavilion, with demon servants shuttling backwards and forwards to tend to their needs.
Lily, one of the court administrators, rose from her desk and walked to the doorway. ‘All salute Regent General Da Na Huo and Tai Zi Ming Gui, the Bright One.’
The staff fell to one knee and saluted us.
‘Rise,’ I said. ‘Return to your duties.’
They returned to what they’d been doing without any fuss.
‘They finally got it,’ I said with relief.
‘Well, some of them have worked for more traditional Shen,’ Martin said as we entered the hearing room and climbed the dais to the throne. ‘An order like that could be a trick to see if they were truly showing respect.’
‘Sounds stupid to me,’ I grumbled under my breath as I pulled myself up onto the black silk cushions. ‘Okay, what have we got?’
Lily approached with a document printed from one of the computers in the office. ‘Not many changes to the list I emailed you last week. Three disputes on the ownership of demon servants, as in the email. One new case, not previously mentioned: about the parentage of a particularly fine colt that was born over at the House of Ling only yesterday —’
‘The mare dropped?’ I cut in. ‘I must go have a look.’
‘It’s palomino, Emma,’ Martin said.
I hissed with amusement. ‘Somebody’s stallion’s been sneaking around! No way could that mating produce a palomino.’
Lily winced. ‘There is some suggestion that the colt was fathered by a horse demon.’
‘Do we have horse demons here?’ I said.
Both of them nodded.
‘You have a list, right?’ I said.
Lily nodded again. ‘On my desk, ma’am. There are three or four possible fathers.’
‘The owner of the mare is petitioning … for what?’ I said. ‘We just do a DNA test, establish the father, slap a fine on the owner of the demon stallion for failing to control the animal, end of story.’
‘The owner of the mare is petitioning that the owner of the stallion be reprimanded for not controlling his demons. She says the mare has been ruined by carrying a demon foal and she wants a very large sum in compensation.’
‘I see. When’s the hearing on that?’
‘It’s one of the last — I knew you’d want to see the files first,’ Lily said. ‘You must order the DNA test and then decide on how much to fine the owner of the stallion.’
‘It’s possible the owner of the sire may claim the colt as well,’ Martin said.
‘As soon as you provide me with all the details, and we establish the colt’s parentage, we’ll take it from there,’ I said. ‘What else?’
‘One other petition delivered just yesterday — Sang Shen —’
I hissed with frustration. ‘Sometimes I almost wish he had been executed!’
‘Sang Shen has raised the price of the leaves from his mulberry tree exponentially,’ Lily said. ‘The Blue Dragon has requested a mediation to discuss renegotiating the contract for provision of the leaves.’
‘He’s a tree, they’re his leaves, he can set the price. Tell the Dragon to get lost,’ I said.
‘He’s charging ten times the weight of the leaves in Celestial Jade.’
That stopped me. ‘That’s insane!’
‘The worst part is that the Dragon is prepared to pay something close to this, but he wants to squeal about it first.’
‘This is a bad precedent. Other leaf suppliers will raise their prices to match Sang Shen’s, and the rise in costs will drive up the price of silk,’ I said, lowering my head to think. I looked up at them. ‘Ensure that this is a completely closed court; this is an extremely private matter between Sang Shen and the Blue Dragon. Nobody must know that the Dragon’s silkworms eat the leaves from Sang Shen’s tree.’
‘I think part of this lawsuit is Sang Shen trying to make it known that he is the provider of the leaves,’ Martin said.
‘That sounds like him,’ I said. ‘He vowed to the Dragon that he wouldn’t reveal himself as the source of the leaves, but he’s been dropping heavy hints in the public domain ever since. He’s followed the letter of the agreement but definitely not the spirit.’
‘You could reprimand him for that and order him to fix the price of his leaves,’ Lily said.
‘That would not be fair to either of them. I must hear this in secret, and emerge with a judgement that’s fair to both of them.’
‘What if neither of them agrees with your decision?’ Martin said.
‘If both of them are upset about the decision, then I think I’ve succeeded in mediating it fairly,’ I said.
Three days later, on the evening before the final day of hearings, I was settling down to sleep when a demon servant crept into my quarters and hesitated beside the door.
‘Don’t be afraid,’ I said gently. ‘Tell me.’
‘The Lord of the East, the Blue Dragon Qing Long, is here and requests audience, madam,’ the demon said, its voice barely above a whisper.
‘Show him into the formal salon,’ I said. After the demon had gone I tapped the stone with my nose. ‘Hop back on — the Dragon wants to talk to me.’
The stone grumbled quietly as it floated its setting onto the top of my head. I twisted my head a couple of times to make sure the crown fitted comfortably, then I slithered to the salon. The audience chamber was the place where the Emperor and his concubine would formally meet and discuss any issues arising from the management of the household. I couldn’t imagine John ever using it — he wasn’t a fan of formality — and so wasn’t surprised that the furniture, which was probably at least a thousand years old, appeared as new. I slid up onto the black and silver silk cushions of the throne, which was two metres long and intricately carved with serpents.
The Dragon was escorted in by the demon; he fell to one knee in front of me, saluting. ‘This humble servant greets his master,’ he said, then rose again.
I bowed my head. ‘You are welcome, my Lord. Please, sit and drink tea with me.’
A stool that looked very much like a piano stool was brought for the Dragon, and a small table with tea was placed in front of him. The demons were so quiet and smooth in their movements it was as if the furniture arrived by itself.
I stretched out on the soft cushions, enjoying the sensation on my serpent belly. ‘What can I do for you?’
The Dragon raised his teacup. ‘Finest Celestial tea I’ve had in a long while, ma’am.’ He sat slightly straighter. ‘I know you don’t like wasting time on formal protocol, so I’ll get straight to the point. I hear that you are living in this pavilion designed for a concubine rather than in the Empress’s Pavilion as is fitting.’
‘The architect estimates a cost of ten jin of jade to make the necessary alterations to the Dark Bliss Pavilion. I’m just as comfortable staying here, so we won’t be making the changes,’ I said.
He nodded, unsurprised. ‘That is a great deal of money, ma’am. But if you extended the Pavilion of Dark Bliss, the fung shui aspects would be perfectly aligned. As well as that, you would have more room for your clothes, your make-up, all your feminine necessities —’
I cut him off. ‘Snakes don’t need clothes or make-up. Where is this going?’
‘One day you will be able to take human form here, ma’am, I’m sure of it. If you were to extend Dark Bliss as they have suggested, it would not only improve the harmonious resonance of the building, it would provide you with more space for all your needs.’
‘I fail to see where this is heading, Dragon.’
‘I would hate to see a beautiful lady such as yourself unable to make herself as attractive as she possibly can for the return of her lover. I would like to help.’
‘You want to help? How?’
‘How about I pay for the additions to the pavilion? It would be my pleasure, ma’am. I know that the Northern coffers have been drained by the recent difficulties, while the East remains strong. Let me do this thing for you.’
I hesitated a moment, studying him, then said, ‘And what do you want in return?’
‘Well, I will have more of a budget for the renovation if I do not have to pay such ridiculously exorbitant prices for the leaves for my silk factories.’
I stared at him, stunned.
He shrugged and smiled slightly. ‘You are a beautiful woman, Lady Emma. It is such a shame that you do not have the space to allow you to enhance your appearance to the utmost — for your Lord, of course. With the space for proper baths and personal care staff here, you would always look your best. I can provide you with clothing assistants, make-up artists and hair designers. You will want for nothing.’
I opened my mouth then closed it again.
‘So, would you like me to pay for the alterations?’ the Dragon said, his face full of hope.
‘I tell you what,’ I said, ‘I will take your offer into consideration when I am hearing the case tomorrow.’
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